


A Change is Gonna Come

by DeepLittleSOB



Series: Lizzy-verse [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Deception, F/M, Hunters & Hunting, Parenthood, Resurrection, Returning Home, Reunions, Sex, True Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 21:38:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 114,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3584991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepLittleSOB/pseuds/DeepLittleSOB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's head is cracked, Lizzy and Dean are now parents for the first time, and Castiel gives Sam and Lizzy the one and only gift they could ever want before the Leviathan are able to take him down in a mess of vengeance and black goo.</p><p>Lou is back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Return

**Author's Note:**

> This is the seventeenth story in my series.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own or have the rights to anything of the Supernatural universe. I'm just playing in their sandbox.

_**This is my take on the episode 'Hello, Cruel World'.** _

* * *

"I'm going to find some way to redeem myself to you," Castiel says specifically to Dean after shockingly waking up on the floor once he put Purgatory's residents back. He shouldn't have survived but he's sure glad he did. "I'm just happy I could at least redeem myself with Elizabeth."

"What do you mean?" Dean questions, not seeing what the angel did for his wife that was so worthy of redemption.

"Where is she?" Castiel says, eyes roaming the room.

"L's back at Bobby's house…"

"Not Elizabeth," Castiel clarifies. "Lou. Where is she?"

Dean and Bobby simply stare at the angel with sheer confusion.

"You just sent her ass back into Purgatory," Bobby answers.

"No, I didn't," Castiel says, breaking free of the hold Dean and Bobby still had on his arms. "I kept trying to explain to Elizabeth that I had a plan."

"What plan?" Dean asks with anger as he's failing to understand anything the angel is blabbering about.

Just then they hear some movement in the corner of the room followed by a hushed gasp. All three stare at the overturned metal table blocking their view of whatever made that noise.

"To return her sister to her," Castiel says, peering at the direction the sound came from. "I am giving Louise back to her."

"You mean…" Bobby starts but pauses. When it all clicks he rushes over to the table and pulls it away from the wall with one hard yank, revealing the curled up, small form of a dirty and disheveled woman shaking while pressing herself into the corner. The trapped like a rat stance combined with the dirt-stained and tattered appearance makes it hard to tell but Bobby knows this person too well to question it. "Lou!?"

When she hears the voice she looks up at the man standing over her. Her eyes widen with total shock as her body shakes violently. "Bobby!?" she shouts when she sees him. She starts to breathe hard with the sudden change. The confusion pummels her mind into a very baffled and nonworking place for a second.

"H-holy… Shit," Dean says with shock, stepping towards the frightened woman slowly. She looks like a cornered wild animal, the way she moves to a crouch with her back against the wall, her eyes darting about as she looks for ways out and possible weapons.

When her sights fall on Dean as he gets closer her fear disappears. Instead her face drops in anger, her body tenses, and her fangs descend.

" _You_ ," she growls out when she see the man that devastated her best friend. For her she's still four years out of the world and Dean just left Lizzy high and dry, crushing her best friend, the woman that was to be her mate after she turned.

"Lou, relax," Dean starts to say, hands out in surrender, but that's all he can speak before the woman lunges for him.

She dives through the air and tackles him, fury ruling her senses. Dean falls onto his back on the floor, hitting his head and dazing him for a second. Lou pins him down lightning fast and prepares to bite him when Bobby tries to pull her off. She shoves him away and turns back to attack Dean again, the man just barely able to hold her off with his hands around her neck.

"Lou! Stop!"

"I'll kill you!" she screams through her fangs, clawing at the bastard that hurt her friend.

"Don't! Lou!" Dean shouts again, still wresting her away from his neck. "You don't understand!"

"Die!"

And then as quickly as she dove for him she collapses on top of him, her body lifelessly heaped across his with Castiel standing behind her.

"You should secure her," he suggests, dropping his hand after touching her head. "She won't be out for very long. I suggest you tape her mouth so she doesn't turn anyone or feed."

Dean pushes Lou's body off of himself and stands up. He and Bobby stare down at her with total confusion.

"I owed her," Castiel explains quietly, looking upon the mess that has become Louise Becker. "Elizabeth still hurts so much with the loss of her sister that… I owed her this much. After everything."

"But she's still a vamp," Bobby says, ignoring his fatherly love for the girl on the floor to get everything straight in the very confusing moment. Right now he'd give anything to pick her up, hug her, make it all better if he can.

"Not for long," Castiel tells him as he pulls a hand from his trench coat. He gives Bobby a vile of blood. "Coming back into this world has purified her, made her new and as if she's never fed before. You can cure her now."

"That's the vamp that turned her?" Dean nods to the blood.

Castiel thinks for a second. "I have been with Elizabeth throughout her life. I was there right after Lou was killed, the pain Elizabeth felt at her death calling out to me. I have held onto this with high hopes that I could help her sister since that day."

Bobby looks down at the unconscious woman on the floor. He hasn't seen that girl in four years. He's cried more than he cares to admit over her loss and what it's done to Lizzy is just horrible. Yet here she is, lying on the floor. They can have Lou in their lives again after all this time. Nodding his head, Bobby bites the inside of his cheek to stop from crying with sheer thankfulness.

"You need to get her somewhere safe for the turn," Castiel suggests. "And I think you need to be careful how you tell Elizabeth of this."

"And we gotta catch Lou up on everything so she doesn't try to rip my throat out again," Dean says, knowing how much has changed since Lou was gone. The girl practically killed him with her anger over Dean's dumping Lizzy… four years ago. Who knows what she'll do when she finds out that they're now married parents.

"And we gotta find Sam," Bobby brings up, knowing how much this will mess with the already fragile man.

"Alright, well, one thing at a time," Dean thinks aloud. "Let's get you out of here, Cass. Come on." Dean goes to pick Lou up but gets shoves in the back instead. "Cass? What the hell?" Dean questions once he turns back to look at the angel.

"You need to run! Now!" he panics out of nowhere. "I… I can't hold them back!" Cass doubles over and starts to struggle.

"Hold who back!?" Dean asks.

"They held on inside me. Dean, they're so strong."

"Who the hell…?"

"Leviathan!" he shouts back. "I can't fight them. Run!"

"Go get Sam!" Dean shouts to Bobby as he picks Lou up in a rush. He lifts her in his arms and turns to flee but Castiel's voice stops him.

"Too late."

"Cass?" Dean looks at him with worry, the tone of voice not at all like Castiel.

"Cass is…" Castiel shrugs and smiles. "He's gone. He's dead."

Castiel's body shoves Bobby and the man hits his head on the wall. He tumbles to the floor and groans.

"We run the show now," Castiel's eyes peer at Dean manically, his eyes crazed and not at all like the angel they're riding.

Swallowing hard as he tightens his hold on Lou's unconscious body, Dean takes a step back and realizes he's not getting away this time.

"Oh, this is going to be so much fun," Castiel's voice laughs out, the tone evil, dark, and chill inducing, leaving Dean lost as to what to do to get everyone out of there alive.

"Bobby?" Dean calls out just as the man stirs, sitting up to watch what's happening.

Castiel's stance wavers a little as black liquid starts to drip from his hairline, ears, and mouth.

"Your vessel's gonna explode, ain't it?" Dean questions, holding Lou tighter with his need to protect her in the moment. He finds himself suddenly ready to die for this woman that just second ago wanted to kill him. "Wouldn't do anything too strenuous. In fact, I'd call it a day, head on home, huh?"

"We'll be back. For you," Castiel's voice warns as it starts walking out of the room. With no other recourse they let him go. Never go up against an unknown rival with no weapons. They know better.

"Well, this is a new one," Bobby comments, not knowing what to do in the moment.

"Grab my keys in my coat pocket," Dean says, assembling his thoughts enough to make some sort of plan. Bobby runs to him and takes his car keys out. "Let's get her in the car first before she wakes up and goes Pattinson on me again. Then we gotta find Sam."

"What about Cass?"

Dean shakes his head as he starts moving out of the room. "If we have time."

* * *

"You're not real," Sam struggles out as Lucifer strangles him against the brick wall, his air cut off.

"Right, you think this fruit-bat fever dream is reality?" Lucifer taunts right back. "You come back, I'm sorry, with no soul like some peppy American Psycho, 'til Saint Dean glues you back together again by buying you some magic amnesia?" He laughs at the thought. "You're real. I'm very real. Everything between is what we call set dressing."

"No," Sam panics with the idea.

"You're still in my cell. You're my bunkmate, buddy. You're my little bitch, in every sense of the term."

This can't be happening. No. No, he got out. He had to have.

"Sam," Lucifer taunts with a smile. "Sam…"

"Sam!" Lucifer's voice turns into Dean's and when he blinks it isn't his torture master in front of him but his brother. "You hearing me?"

Dean slaps a hand down onto Sam's chest, looking to ground the hallucinating man any way possible.

"Whoa! Look at me," Dean says when Sam flinches at his attempts to get him back. "Hey. Alright, we got to button this up." Sam nods at him in agreement once he comes back. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Yeah, yeah… ok," Sam nods as he catches his breath. He's back to reality. He's back with his family in the real world… right?

"I think he went this way!" Bobby points to a busted open side door and runs.

"Come on," Dean says, grabbing Sam's upper arm and pulling him.

The three hunters run out of the building and into the back where the public water supply is. They get there just in time to see Castiel's form walking unsteadily into the large lake, disappearing into the water. The pond water swirls around where the angel disappears and a burst of black travels outward, dissipating into the water.

"Damn it," Dean laments when the water grows still and Cass never resurfaces.

"You said it," Bobby agrees with the display. "They all know this can't be good. Those... whatever you call 'ems..."

"Leviathan," Dean says.

"Right. If they're in the pipes, they got themselves a highway to anywhere.

"Awesome," Dean gripes as he looks to the water's edge when something catches his eye.

"Shit," Sam says sadly as he watches Dean pull a soaked trench coat from the water.

They all stare at the item, the signature of what once was their good friend and ally in this fucked up world, and come to realize one thing.

"Okay… so he's gone," Dean sums up in an attempt to accept the death of a good friend while really just trivializing it. This is too big to process right now so he decides not to.

"Yeah. Rest in peace, if that's in the cards," Bobby comments.

"Dumb son of a bitch," Dean says with difficulty as he roughly folds up the coat, unwilling to leave it behind.

"We tried, Dean," Sam reminds him, knowing they did their best.

"Yeah, lots of good it did."

"Well, he was friends with us, wasn't he?" Bobby points out. "Can't get much dumber than that. Come on, those things will be coming up for air soon and we got some other things to get to."

* * *

The car ride is silent as Dean drives them back to Bobby's place. As soon as the Impala came back into sight Dean and Bobby both remembered the huge challenge they still have in front of them.

Lou's in the trunk. Sam doesn't know anything about it yet.

As Bobby and Dean silently communicate to each other in the front seat, looking for the other to start the conversation, Sam takes notice quickly enough.

"Ok, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Dean questions through the rearview mirror.

"Something's up," Sam tells them with certainly. "Look, I know I freaked out back there but I'm ok right now. It comes and goes…"

"It's not that," Bobby blurts out as he points to a sign for a motel up ahead. Dean reads his mind and puts his blinker on.

"Then what?" Sam asks, just brow lowering as they pull into the Lewis and Clark Motel. "And why the hell are we stopping?"

"We have something to deal with first," Dean simply says as he pulls into a spot next to the office. He pulls out his wallet and hands it to Bobby. "Get us a room?"

Without a word he takes the wallet and gets out.

"Dean, what the fuck is happening?" Sam tries again. "We're, what, two hours from Bobby's? Let's just get back."

"Something happened, Sam," Dean starts with caution. "Before Cass, uh, exploded or imploded… or whatever he did… well, he did something."

Sam just stares at him looking for answers.

"He said he owed L and he owed you…"

Before he can finish explaining there's a loud thump from the trunk. Sam flinches but doesn't act as though he heard it past that.

"You heard that," Dean lets him know that he isn't going crazy this time. "No scrambled eggs this time. That was real."

"What did you put in the trunk!?" Sam asks loudly, so lost with the sounds of thumps he's hearing from the back. "What did you pu…." He then catches a muffled voice try to scream and even with it being obstructed and taxed he knows that voice. He dreams of that voice every damn night to this day. That voice is everything he's missed, he's prayed for, and he's desperately needed for so long now.

The expression on Sam's face makes Dean realize he's figure it out.

"Sam!" Dean says, trying to stop him as his brother gets out of the car in a full blown panic. He follows quickly. "Sam, wait!"

"Open the trunk!" Sam demands in a booming voice while pointing to the boot of the car as he marches towards it.

"I can't…"

"Dean!  _Open it_!" Sam shouts even louder.

"I can't!" Dean shouts back, standing in front of the trunk and blocking the way. "Sam, she's not right! I can't just let her out when she's like this!"

"Like what!?"

"A vamp," Dean answers quickly, knowing he had to know it already. "She's still a vampire but we're gonna fix it, ok? Calm down, man. I need you to focus here."

They both just stare at each other, Sam pausing with sheer disbelief and bafflement.

"Is it really her?" Sam questions with a vulnerable sounding, little boy voice, the thought of that trunk containing the person he lost years ago scaring him by giving him hope, the kind of hope he hasn't felt maybe his whole life. Any time he's felt anything akin to hope he's been let down so thoroughly.

"Yeah, Sam. It's her," Dean admits and has to stand his ground when Sam comes closer.

"Get her out of there," Sam says with a suddenly pleading voice, just desperate to see for his own eyes now.

"She's still all vamped up," Dean lays down the truth one more time while shaking his head no. "But we're gonna fix that. So… head in the game."

"We'd need the blood of the vamp that turned her for that."

Dean reaches into his pocket and holds out the small vile Castiel gave him.

"Is that…?" Sam shakily asks and Dean nods. Sam takes a few breaths of overwhelmed shock. He runs his hands through his hair as Dean's good news hits him. "But she's fed…"

"And Cass took care of that too."

"How?"

"Beats the hell outta me but he did it."

"I… I, uh… we can help her?  _Really_  help her?"

"That's why we're here, Sammy."

He huffs and starts to lose it with that that means. "Don't fuck with me…"

"I would never fuck with you on this one, little brother. Never," Dean promises completely. "I wouldn't."

"She's back?"

"Yeah," Dean says, smiling with what this means for his brother. "We're gonna get her human again. Sam, Lou's here and it's gonna actually be ok for once. No bullshit."

Sam sighs with relief and tries to hold it together. She's back. His Lou, the one person that means the fucking world and more to him, the one person he just could not get past at all, that he couldn't find a way to live without happily… she's here again.

Bobby runs out of the office with a room key in hand. "Last one on the end," he points and they all move. They get back into the car and head that way, Dean backing the Impala into the space directly in front of their door.

"Here," Dean says to Sam as he hands over the keys. "You get her inside and Bobby and I'll get the cure ready. Don't untie her yet. She's still a vamp and might be hungry. And she still fucking  _hates_  me."

Sam would have laughed at this if he wasn't so anxious to see her. He shoves the back door of the car open and runs to the trunk. He nearly drops the keys as he tries to get it open but he manages all the same.

As the trunk door squeals open he gets his first glimpse at her.

Lou's hair is matted and dark with dirt, mud, and blood. Her clothing is tattered at best and her form is thinner and more muscular than ever. The rope is tied so tightly around her waist and arms that her skin is getting raw from struggling. She looks like a feral child found after years in the woods alone but without a doubt that's Lou.

"Lou?" Sam says, the name for once not hurting when he says it.

After blinking with the dawn sunlight she focuses. Locking eyes with the man above her she freezes. She blinks several more times, thinking this has to all be a dream or something.

"M-mm?" she asks, the tape muffling his name as she says it.

"Oh God," Sam laments with her condition but looks past it. It's his Lou. That's all that matters. "I gotcha. I gotcha, Lou." He reaches quickly into the trunk and pulls her out, one arm under her knees and the other around her back. He pulls her close while moving her gently and heads into the motel room Bobby opened for them as he leaves Bobby and Dean to make the antidote. "It's gonna be ok, I promise. You're with us now."

His heart pounds a little faster when Lou easily tucks her head under his chin with clear exhaustion, her body melting into his hold as if no time has passed.

She's home.

* * *

"Ok, we're good," Dean says, pouring the putrid looking liquid into a cup from the kitchenette in the motel room. "It'll be a little rough going, Lou… and this tastes like total shit but it works. I would know."

When Dean turns towards Lou sitting in one of the chairs at the small wooden table she just glares at him. Four years to build upon her hatred for him seems to have really made things much worse in her head.

"Lou, hon," Bobby says to her, taking a knee in front of her as Dean hands over the cup, staying away for now. "We're gonna take the tape off but you best behave if we're gonna do that. You're probably hungry but you fight it, you hear me?"

Lou nods her head in agreement.

"This won't be a cakewalk but you're gonna be fine," Sam assures her, sitting in the chair right next to her and facing her. "We're gonna get you human again. Just get through this and you'll be fine."

She just stares at him at this, unsure of what to think about that. She's been a vampire for years now and she's grown comfortable in that state of being. But she remembers being human, the warmth of it and the lack of blood thirst. The emotions such as love and hope and compassion… but she's used to being a bloodthirsty monster…

"Ready?" Sam asks and she nods again despite the conflict in her head. He peels back the tape as gingerly as he can, not at all wanting to hurt her.

As the tape is halfway off Lou closes her eyes. The smell of him. It's been so long since she's fed on  _human blood_  that he smells so exceptionally good, so damn delicious, that she can't stop her fangs from descending. She remembers him, who he is and what he means to her, but when that thirst takes over she loses it.

Lou gnashes her teeth at Sam's hand, pushing out of her seat to bite him.

"No, no, no! Lou! Lou!" Sam yells but she falls towards him with her arms still tied behind her back. When she leans onto him with all her weight, her fangs sharp and just an inch away from his neck, Bobby and Dean grab at her.

"Lou! Hon, knock it off!" Bobby directs to her as he and Dean get her on the floor. She struggles back, growling up at them from on her back and Sam nearly crumbles at the sight of her like this.

_You're gonna have to watch her die all over again, buddy._

It's the worst timing for Lucifer to start up again, his taunting speaking his worst nightmare.

"Sam! Let's go!" Dean shouts to his brother to get him back to reality when he catches him fading. "Get the stuff!"

_You ready to lop her head off? Watch her blood pool under her body as her head rolls the other way? Think you can do that? Think you can see that happen all over again? Ha, not a chance…_

Sam shakes his head and pushes past it. Lou is far more important than hallucinations. He grabs the cup on the table and stands between Dean and Bobby.

"Grab her jaw," Sam says, steading his voice and taking control. He wants his Lou back and damn it he's going to get her back.

As Bobby presses her forehead down onto the carpet Dean yanks the tape the rest of the way off quickly before he grabs under her chin and forces her mouth open.

"Lou, relax," Sam says to her, kneeling low over her. "You drink this and it's over. Calm down."

She eyes him oddly, the fire and need to feed in her still but her movements lessen slightly with his reassurance.

Sam carefully pours the antidote into her mouth, going slow and making sure she actually swallow it as he does. She gets most of it down and they let go of her head once done.

Lou coughs and sputters a bit but her struggling stops. She lays back for a second, looking up at the ceiling as she lets the liquid run through her system before her body wretches once. With a single gag she twitches while on her back.

"She's gonna blow," Dean says with experience as he runs for the trash can by the door. He rushes back to Lou and puts it on the floor next to her before helping her sit up quickly. He gets her head over the trash can just as she starts to throw up pitch black liquid into it. "Alright, you're good," Dean says to her encouragingly while gathering her matted hair behind her head and rubbing her back, feeling for her as she goes through this transformation. He remembers it all too well. "Almost there, Lou. You got this. Hang on."

Sam stands back and watches helplessly with anxiety, glad that Dean had the clear mind to watch over her right now as his own head is spinning.

When there's nothing left to vomit in her system Lou falls back onto the floor, going still.

"Lou!" Sam panics a little but Dean holds up a hand.

"Give her a second," Dean says, walking calmly to the bathroom. "It worked but you just gotta let it run its course."

Bobby claps Sam on the back, telling him it's all ok silently. Sam just keeps his eyes on her, worried even if he knows she's fine.

Dean comes back into the room with a wet washcloth and sits next to her on the floor. The whole being a father thing has really changed him and seeing someone in need of help like this made him flip the dad switch without thinking. He lifts Lou's head just slightly and starts to wipe the black death from her mouth and the dirt from her face. She's an absolute disaster, looking like she's been through a war with her current state.

Without warning Lou inhales deeply once, her eyes blinking as she coughs harshly.

"There she is," Dean says encouragingly, lifting her up a little more and turning her so that she can cough up the last of the cure and the inner evil still in her throat. "I gotcha. You're just fine now, Lou. You did good."

She violently coughs a few more times, clutching hard to Dean's forearm around her chest as he holds her up. She starts to take deep breaths as she feels someone sit onto the floor in front of her.

"Lou?" Sam's voice says warmly as she can feel large hands on her face, pushing her matted hair out of her view. When she looks up from the floor the first thing she sees is Sam's hazel and emotion-filled eyes looking right at her. God damn did she miss that right there. His eyes. She could tell his exact thoughts with just one look at those eyes and right now when she sees him there she's unsure of what's reality.

"Please tell me I'm really here and this isn't some fucked up dream," she asks of him, saying her first words to him while shaking with the overwhelming everything. She can feel someone cutting her arms free behind her.

"You're here," Sam promises her, holding her face in his hands. He smiles at her with sheer happiness. "Lou, you're here."

"Giant?" she questions, still having a hard time accepting that it's over, the ordeal and the fear and the constant alert horror is done. She's safe for the first time in longer than she can remember and she knows she is because Sam's there.

"Yeah?"

The second her arms are free she lunges for him, this time not to attack. She wraps her arms around Sam's neck and climbs onto him desperately, her body against his in a second as she clutches with painfully tight strength and collapses into sobs.

"Sam," she just cries out his name, her face buried in his shoulder as he wraps her up in his arms, a form of relief he's never experienced washing over his entire being as he feels her, hears her voice say his name… he has her back.

"I missed you… so much," Sam says to her, two trails of tears rolling down his cheeks as they get tangled up on the dingy floor of the motel room.

"Sam," she repeats, the one word all she has left in her vocabulary at this point. Sam. She lost him she thought. Every day she thought about him, the too few memories of him keeping her going and never letting her give up in that horrible land she was locked away in with no hope of ever getting out. This makes no sense but she's out. She got out.

And she found him again.

* * *

 


	2. Break It Down

* * *

The three men sit there and wait as Lou pounds down an entire water bottle in one go. They say nothing, knowing what a shock everything has to be, and they're at quite a loss as to where to even begin.

"Ahh," Lou sighs with love when the bottle is empty. "Clean water. Holy shit is that amazing. Uh." She looks at the three hunters and now that her mind is cleared enough she has to know, "Where's Lizzy?" She stares at Bobby, needing to know any and everything about her best friend and where she is.

"She's safe, back at Bobby's place," Dean tells her automatically, not having thought twice about answering a question about his wife.

"How the fuck would  _you_  know that?" Lou asks, not understanding why Dean would ever be in the know about her best friend.

"I, uh…" Dean tries to come up with an answer that won't get him killed but he can't.

"We'll get you to her soon, Lou. You just need to take a minute before we get back to her," Sam assures her as he gets up and grabs a second water bottle from the mini-fridge.

"No," Lou denies with sheer impatience. "I need to see her…"

"And do what? Walk right through Bobby's front door and say 'honey, I'm home' like she hasn't thought you were dead for four years?" Dean suggests. "You'll freak her right the fuck out."

"And what the hell do you care about if I freak her out?" Lou questions. "Last I checked there's nothing I could do to compare with what you've done…"

"Things have changed, Lou," Bobby cuts in with a very warning tone. "You've been gone a  _very_  long time."

"Yeah, but some things don't change," Lou says while glaring at Dean. "Some  _people_  don't fucking change."

"You'd be surprised," Dean says mostly to himself, looking down at the silver band that's been on his right hands for years. People do actually change as he's pretty much the best example of living proof. His wife has done nothing but change him for the much better since they met.

"Is she ok?" Lou questions the room. "What has she been doing?"

"She's good," Sam tells her, sitting down next to her on the bed and handing over a second water bottle. "Lizzy's really good. And happy."

"Yeah?" Lou says with surprise.

"Yeah, hon. She's good," Bobby confirms.

"What's happening with her?" she questions, unscrewing the cap of her second water bottle and takes a huge swig.

"Whoa, take it easier this time," Sam warns her, knowing too much water all at once could just cause problems. "Slow down."

She stops drinking like Sam requests, wiping her mouth crudely with the back of her hand, and looks back to Bobby. "Well?"

"Well… she's… she's married for starters," Bobby gets it over with. "'Bout two years now."

" _Married_!?" Lou asks, nearly choking on the word. "What!?"

"She is," Sam smiles at Lou. "And she's very happy."

"Holy shit," Lou awes, not having seen that coming. "Fuck. I never figured… I mean I, I hoped she'd get out and get a real life…"

"She hasn't exactly," Dean says painfully and does it quietly, feeling the hatred Lou has for him and how much it's about to get worse.

"What do you mean she hasn't exactly? She got married," Lou rebuts, not getting it.

"But when you marry a hunter it's kinda hard to ditch the life," Dean says with a huffed laugh, feeling highly uncomfortable all of a sudden. He looks down at his hand and spins the silver ring on it out of anxiety. Lou's gonna hate him for this one.

"A hunter? Seriously?" Lou asks with sheer disappointment. "I had hoped that my dying would at least get her to straighten out and ditch it all. But she goes off and gets hitched to a fucking hunter? Why the hell would she…?"

Lou pauses, watching Dean's movements closely. He won't look at her. And not only that but he's fiddling with the ring on his right ring finger out of sheer… guilt? It clicks.

"No fucking way would she be that fucking stupid," Lou says and gets Dean to look up at her. " _You_? She married  _you_?"

"I'm not the person you remember…"

"Bullshit!" Lou calls him out. "You ditched her! You chose random ass over her when she loved you so much that… I, I can't believe she'd be this fucking dumb!"

"Lou, you don't know everything!" Dean tries to get her to listen. "Lizzy's not dumb. I am. Me, not her. I know I'm the dumb one for leaving her back then, but now… we're good. I've apologized until I was blue in the damn face and now we're really good." Dean pauses and smiles, suddenly wanting to get back home as quickly as possible. "I would never do anything to hurt L. I wouldn't. Without her I know I'm nothing so you really don't have to worry about us. Just give me a chance here, Lou. That's all I'm asking. I'll prove it if you give me the chance to."

"Already did that once."

"Then do it again."

Sitting quietly, staring daggers into the man that just told her he married her best friend, she needs time to accept this.

"You'll see," Sam assures her. "Trust me. Lizzy and Dean are not something you need to worry about. They've been through a lot and somehow came out the other side stronger than before. It's annoying." Sam laughs a little at the truth of this.

"I'll second that," Bobby adds in for support. "I damn near lose the whiskey in my stomach once a day with those two living in my house."

"Your house?" Lou laughs. "You taking in all the strays now?"

"Something like that," he laughs at the idea. It's close enough to the truth.

"So when can we leave?" Lou asks the room. "Bobby's is way better than here and I wanna see Lizard."

"Give it a day," Sam suggests. "You can stop, readjust to the world… maybe take a shower and eat something real."

"I can do that at Bobby's…"

"How about we fill you in on everything that just happened first," Bobby cuts in. "These past four years ain't been… sunny. We've all been awful busy. There's a lot you need to know."

"I doubt you could tell me anything more shocking than Lizzy marrying Douche Bag over here," she jerks a thumb at Dean and he bites his tongue. She needs the time to see it. He'll prove to her that he's a better person than he was when she last knew him.

Sam just sighs. "Trust me, there's a ton…"

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"So… you went to Hell?" Lou starts to sum everything up that took over two hours of conversation to clear up for her while pointing at Dean. He nods yes and she can see how they weren't joking. A lot happened in four years. "Which is why you ditched out on Lizard. You wanted to protect her from that?"

"Absolutely," Dean emphatically answers, glad she at least has the reason behind his disappearing act back then.

"But you came back when that dick angel pulled your ass outta the fire?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Dean agrees.

"And he's also the angel that's been watching over Lizzy her whole life? Helping make her who she is?"

"Yes," Sam answers.

"Shit. That is so fucked."

"We know," Bobby shares her sentiment as he looks back on his past few years. Never as a hunter did he see all that he's been through coming but hey, that's his life. It's seriously messed up but it's his.

"Oh, and… my fucking  _dad_  is also Lizzy's biological dad… so we're half-sisters. Which is why they moved next door to us when we were kids, so dad could see her and be a part of her life. We've been blood related all along…. Fuck me, man," Lou shakes her head. "Wait… if Lizzy has some kind of link to this angel jackass then do I too?"

"Don't think so," Bobby tells her right away. "You only have half the Nephilim DNA in you that she does. You should be angel-link free we think. And you were with him for days on end. I think you'd know by now if you did."

"Good. That guy wasn't exactly someone I'd invite to my birthday party," Lou grumbles, sipping her third water since they sat down. "Ok, so… then… the Apocalypse happened? Sam took on Lucifer and dove into his Cage and was there for, like, a year?"

"Year and a half, yeah," Sam nods. Lou shares a look of utter sympathy.

"And I thought I had it bad," she remarks, knowing his fate had to have been so much worse.

"I'm back though, so it's ok…"

"But your brain is cracked," Lou reminds him. "That's not good at all, Giant. I mean… how do we even begin to fix that?"

"We?" Sam says with surprise to her, the 'we' such a big statement to make.

"You think I'm ditching you guys anytime soon!?" she asks loudly. "You gotta be kidding me. And we gotta find a way to help you, Sam. Seriously."

"Well look at that. We agree on something," Dean points out, getting Lou to look at him without complete hate for the first time.

"Oh God, what a mess," Lou tells them. "I can't believe all this happened while I was gone."

"It's been a rough run," Bobby comments.

"But, one thing I don't get," Lou starts up. "You guys had a serious destiny. I mean, you both started and stopped the damn Apocalypse. You had a fate… but if Lizzy was a prophesized person too… it can't be to protect Dean like they said. So what's her part in this?"

They all shut up pretty quickly at that.

"Oh, so it's good," Lou sarcastically bites, already getting the feeling that they're about to spill something bad.

"That was a cover," Dean explains. "It was all a lie, the whole protecting me bullshit."

"Well then, what was it?"

And again it grows silent.

"Come on, guys," Lou gets annoyed. "She's got an angel on her ass, or at least she used to, so she's gotta be important."

"She is," Dean nods and sighs as he sucks it up. "She's supposed to bring about the Second Coming."

Lou stares at him a beat, eyes narrowed onto him. "One more time? I'm still adjusting to the real world."

"The Second Coming. God on Earth part two," Dean says easily, having adjusted to the idea. "You might know the first time this happened… Jerusalem, North Star, three dudes on camels throwing a baby shower…."

"How is she supposed to do that?" Lou asks, confusion hitting her hard.

"There are parts of the Bible that are not quite right and then there are parts completely missing," Sam jumps in. "One of the missing parts is how exactly God will come to Earth the second time around. Supposedly he's going to take a vessel…"

"Lizard's God's vessel!?" she asks with total fright.

"No, no… she's not the one taking on God. Her son is supposed to," Dean just blurts it out and gets it over with.

Once more Lou is just staring at him as she sits there. Her face goes blank with the news.

"Her  _son_?" Lou wonders to make sure she heard correctly. "Lizzy… she has a son?"

"His name's Samuel Robert Winchester," Dean says to her, taking his phone out of his back pocket and lighting up the lock screen. He hands it over to her. "He was born on February twenty-first. He was a month early but he was one healthy little badass from the jump."

Lou stares down at the picture on the phone. It's of Lizzy in profile, her face lit up with a bright smile as she leans over the baby seat in front of her, a small newborn looking up at her with bright blue-green eyes, a tuft of dark hair, and an upturned little nose. She looks incredibly happy.

"He's already up nearly a pound from when he was born so he's about seven pounds now," Dean tells her. "He's, ah… he's awesome." He smiles wide with the pride he has in him over this kid. "He barely cries. He actually made a face something like a smile the other day… thought L was gonna flip. He eats like a horse... and he's just… ah, he's great."

Lou bites her bottom lip. When the screen goes black after a minute she lights it right back up, not ready to stop looking at her best friend… her  _sister_ … and her  _nephew_  she knew nothing about until right now. They both look so happy.

When Lou looks back up to Dean, the man that has clearly made her Lizzy happy while she's been gone, she's out of words. She never, not in four years or four billion years, would have ever thought this is how life was carrying on without her.

"I'm not so bad," Dean promises. "And we're really happy… aside from the world around us."

Lou just nods and looks back at the picture.

"Wait… so, um, does that mean that Samuel…"

"Sammy," Sam corrects for her.

She smiles a little at that but it drops quickly. "Does that mean Sammy's God's vessel?"

"Yeah," Dean answers her. "That's his own destiny, kinda like Sam and me."

"Over my dead fucking body," Lou says harshly and her fire isn't lost on any of them. She peers back down at the picture on the phone, unable to stop looking. She's never met the boy, fuck, she just found out about his existence at all, but she'll do anything to help him. That's not a question. "No one's coming for him. Dean, no one or thing will take him away from us. Not if I'm around."

Dean huffs a thankful laugh. "Sam said the same damn thing. Guess we got the Sammy Squad complete now."

"Oh yeah…" Bobby rolls his eyes. "We got quite the motley crew going."

"Beats anything else I've seen," Sam says to them all, sure that this group is much strong now with Lou there.

"Thanks, Lou. Seriously, thank you," Dean says to Lou for her conviction already while using a phrase he is not really accustomed to using very often. "We need all the people we can get to change his future."

"He's my nephew," Lou shrugs in answer as she hands the phone back, thinking it should be obvious.

"You might hate me for now but I gotta say it's good to have you back, Lou," Dean speaks up. "It's been… hard, without you. Very hard. You've had some good people missing the crap outta you up here."

She's surprised by his words. Lou looks at him with shock. "It's just good to be outta there. It was…" She stops herself and sighs. "It's over. And I couldn't be more thankful for that."

"How are you feeling?" Sam questions, hoping the return from Purgatory compounded by the transformation isn't wreaking havoc on her.

"Like I got hit by a fucking Mack truck," she answers easily enough, sitting in the middle of one of the beds, her legs Indian-style not unlike her sister's would be.

"Are you hungry?" Sam wonders, looking to give her every form of comfort he can afford for her right now.

"Actually, yeah… I'm…"

She stops short when she hears the sound of the door to the adjacent room open and slam shut. She's off the bed in a flash, grabbing Dean's gun from where he placed it on the nightstand and aiming at the shared wall. He eyes dart around, looking for the threat that she assumes is coming.

"Lou," Bobby calmly says to her, standing up. She sharply turns and aims the handgun at him. "Hey! No, no. Lou… it's just me. Gimme the gun."

She just breathes unsteadily while her hands shake. The TV turns on in the other room and once more she aims the gun at the wall, finger on the trigger.

"Lou," Sam tries this time, walking to her slowly as she looks her in the eyes. "Hand me the gun."

Shaking her head no, she refuses.

"Come on. You think I would ever put you in any kind of danger?" Sam says with a slight smile, his hand reaching out towards her. "You know I wouldn't. You're safe here."

Her hands stop shaking with his words.

"Put the gun away."

Lou drops her hands and sighs. She closes her eyes with the confusion. She's so used to the high alert and survival minute to minute. Returning to her former world is not a simple task.

"You alright?" Sam pries on, stepping right up to her with his still going concern, calmly taking Dean's Colt out of her grip.

Lou surprises him when she doesn't answer and instead walks right into him, her arms around his middle as she just looks for something real and safe. Since she came to on the floor of this motel room the only time she's felt right was when she hugged him. She needs more of that with the jumbled up mess of everything going on in her head.

"You're safe now, Lou," Sam reminds her again, a hand to the back of her head as she presses her cheek to his chest. He closes his eyes and takes a second to enjoy the feeling of being complete, like he's actually whole for the first time in a very, very long time. "I've got you. You're safe."

* * *

"You sure you're ok here alone with her?" Dean question his brother as he drops a bag full of weaponry and protective items to leave there on one of the beds.

"I think I got this," Sam near laughs at the question.

"I don't know, Sam," Bobby chimes in. "She's not exactly her old self right now."

"And I wouldn't expect her to be," Sam says easily, pulling takeout containers from the white plastic bag they're in and placing them on the table. He got a little bit of everything from the small dinner down the street as he didn't know what she'd want. Eating food hasn't happened for her in a long time so he wanted her to have whatever she felt like.

"Just keep an eye on her, a close one," Bobby suggests through a warning tone. "I'm worried about her coming back like this. It can't be easy."

"I'm worried about her too. Believe me," Sam responds with as he looks over the eight takeout boxes. Ok, maybe he went too far. He then turn his attention full onto the two other men in the room as the shower in the bathroom continues to run after twenty minutes already. "But I can handle this." The small smile he tries to hide isn't lost on either of them.

"We know you can," Dean says with a small nod, heading for the table and opening the nearest box.

"Hey!" Sam calls out to stop him.

"This have onions on it?" Dean questions.

"I, uh…"

"Lou hates onions," Dean proclaims without knowing if that's true or not. He closes the box and picks it up, Impala keys in the other hand. "I'll just take care of this one for you."

"Gee, thanks," Sam sarcastically returns as Dean heads for the door.

"No problem. Call us if you need us," Dean responds over his shoulder as he leaves, ready to get back home as quickly as possible.

"Seriously, something goes wrong you give us a ring," Bobby reinforces. "And I suggest you give Dean a heads up before you two get back tomorrow. Don't just pop in."

"I would never do that to Lizzy," Sam promises. "Get his ass home before he starts weeping or something."

"Never thought I'd see the day that kid would rather be home with a baby than out on the road with his Baby," Bobby laughs a bit and grabs the motel door. "See ya', Sam."

"Bye Bobby," Sam responds and Bobby closes the door as Sam opens the weapons pack Dean just brought him.

Dean's worried as all hell about leaving Lou so soon. His fatherly instincts are screaming for him to stay and take care of that lost kid but Sam will have to do. He trusts Sam completely.

"Hope he's ready to handle her," Dean says as Bobby gets into the passenger side of the Impala, Dean turning the key and roaring the engine to life. "She seems a little… primal… right now."

"Yeah, she's about as normal as the rest of us," Bobby jokes, giving Dean a look to let him know he shouldn't throw stones when he lives in a house made of glass. "Sam will be just fine."

"Yeah…" Dean trails off, hoping Bobby's right. Lou's a mess and a trigger happy one at that.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"You really think Lou's gonna try and hurt him?" Bobby asks, a smirk on his face.

"Not intentionally," Dean says easily. "But what if someone coughs next door? She might try and chop his balls off…"

"Let me put it this way… Sam can handle Lou, even right now. Even if she pulls a gun on him again, you know this."

"Ok," Dean nods but never puts the car in drive.

"We gonna phone home or you just gonna sit here, ET?" Bobby asks, looking at Dean with impatience. "There's nothing left for us to do here. Let's go see how Mom and Sammy are doing."

A slight smile flashes across Dean's face as he puts the car in drive immediately. Suddenly he couldn't get out of there fast enough.

"Plus, we gotta figure out how to tell Liz about everything that just happened," Bobby points out. "It's a lot to take."

"I say we drop the Cass bomb tonight when we get back," Dean says, logically thinking things through. "She can process that one until we hear from Sam tomorrow. When I know they're close I'll tell her Lou's back."

"That's smart," Bobby commends. "We tell her too soon and she'll hotwire a junker and peel outta there so fast we'll never catch up to her."

"Exactly."

Bobby nods. "Sounds good to me."

* * *

 


	3. To Build a Home

* * *

It's the small things that people take completely for granted that are the true luxuries in life.

Hot water is one of them.

After the longest shower she's ever taken in her life, one with three rounds of shampoo and a stolen razor, Lou steps out of the ugly, pink tub and grabs a towel. It's scratchy but fuck that. This whole motel room is like Trump Towers to her right now. She sighs with sheer happiness as she dries off, the sanctuary of being in the real world hitting her hard along with smooth, girly skin for the first time in far too long… and the smell of soap, even manly scented soap, over sweat and dirt.

And then she looks around the room and realizes that she has no clothes. The pile of soiled items she took off to take a shower are so dirty and tattered that she can't bare putting them on again. Four years in the same clothing… never again will she wear that outfit or anything like it.

So she pulls the motel-grade robe hanging on the wall hook and slips it on, figuring she can borrow something from the men in the other room. Yeah right. Then again one of Sam's shirts would probably make a good dress on her….

Sam. Now she's just dying to get back out there and see him again. She hasn't been able to peel her eyes off the man from the second she saw him. He's just as she remembered, just as she pictured every damn day in her hellish prison, but older, bigger, and with much longer hair. That doesn't change the fact that he still makes her feel the same way. Sure, it's a little awkward since they've been away from each other for so long, but she still feels that spark when he looks at her a certain way or when he says her name like it's almost too precious to say aloud. He's changed, he's tired and worn and certainly rougher around the edges, but it's still him. No matter how terrible it's been, Sam's managed to remain Sam.

She opens the door of the bathroom to find him rummaging through a duffle bag by the main door.

"Hey," Lou smiles at him as she shakes her long blond hair out.

"Hey," Sam warmly smiles, seeing her for the first time now that Purgatory is washed away from her skin and hair. There she is. That's Lou, grime free and just as he would see her in his dreams.

"What are you doing?" she questions.

"Keeping you safe like I said I would," Sam answers as he pops open a large canister of salt and lines the doorway with it.

She simply smiles at him with his protective nature, walking over to help. When she bends down to grab some weapons to strategically place around the room he stops her, lightly grabbing her forearm. "You don't have to…"

Out of habit Lou snatches her arm back, her eyes wide on him as she takes a stance of attack.

"Whoa!" Sam says, not having seen this coming. He holds his hands out to her, showing he meant her no harm at all. "Relax. It's me."

She stares at him for a second more before she slackens her stance. "Shit." She closes her eyes with her clearly shown insanity, her arms dropping to her sides heavily. "I'm sorry."

"Are you ok?"

"Not at all." She says it with shaky concern for herself. That reaction was not something she wanted to show him. Her face blushes red with it.

"You want to tell me about it?" Sam asks her cautiously, her face angles down to the carpeting.

"No," Lou tells him.

"Could help," he points out, knowing she's a sharer when it comes to him normally. Of course that's the Lou of before. With all she's seen she could easily be different now.

"No, I can't. Not yet…"

"Yeah, it's fine. You've been through a lot. You talk when you're ready."

"Thank you," Lou says within a sigh of relief, happy to not delve into all that just yet.

"I got this," he waves her off. "Take a load off."

"Not sure I know how to do that anymore," she jokes right back, having been a nonstop machine for years. She sighs with the idea of resting. She wants to but the fear of being unprepared, of being vulnerable… not at all appealing.

"You trust me?" Sam asks with a calm grin, seeing the inner turmoil happening in her brain.

She smiles in return. "Of course."

"Then sit down, relax," he repeats. "I'll be done in a minute and then nothing is getting in here."

She nods at him and moves to the bed, sitting down on it Indian-style right in the middle and looking around her. She isn't used to rooms anymore. It's confining in the small space, almost claustrophobic, but if she's going to be living in this world again then she needs to get used to it.

"Where's Bobby and Dean?"

"You mean Bobby and Douche Bag?" Sam challenges with a light look and she glares at him. "I'm kidding. They headed back home."

"They left without us!?" she asks with shock, angry that she isn't with them and heading towards Lizzy.

"Dean wanted to get back to his family," Sam reminds her of that. "Plus he wanted to give Lizzy a heads up about you before we get there tomorrow. That way she won't try to kill you when she sees you for the first time."

"Guess that makes sense," Lou returns sadly.

"I know you want to get to her and I completely understand, trust me," Sam assures her as he caps the salt and puts it away. "But she needs to be eased into this. Lizzy's been through a lot lately. Too much. Even if this is a good thing we need to not drop it on her like a nuke if possible."

"I just miss her so much," Lou says, closing her eyes and picturing the image of her and Sammy on Dean's phone. It was so beautiful and so unexpectedly wonderful to see. She needs to see that in person.

"I know. But you're stuck with me for the night. That isn't so bad, right?"

When she looks over to him standing there, his face hopeful and just so happy as he locks eyes with her she realizes he's right.

"There are worse fates," Lou agrees with him.

Sam gets lost in the fact that he's looking right at Lou,  _Lou_ , and this isn't a trick of Lucifer's.

_Or is it?_

He stiffens up when he hears that voice. He closes his eyes and tries to will it away.

"Sam?" Lou calls over to him. He opens his eyes to look at her but his heart stops when he gets a good look.

"Mm, she looks good, Sammy," Lucifer says to him as he stands behind Lou at the edge of the bed she's sitting on. "You gotta admit, she's hotter than you remember now that all that shit is cleaned off of her and she doesn't look like a street urchin."

Sam clenches his jaw and stares down his hallucination with fury.

"Sam? You're freaking me out," Lou says to him when the anger reaches his eyes. "What's happening?"

"Tell her, Sam," Lucifer suggests as he sits on the bed behind her. "Tell her how cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs you are. I dare you." He winks.

"Get away from her," Sam growls out, feeding into the image he deep down knows isn't real.

"Who are you talking to?" she asks, eyes wide on him with worry after she looks behind herself and sees no one there.

In his head Sam watches as Lucifer grabs Lou by the forehead and tilts her head back. "You just got her back?" Lucifer laughs out the question and with one quick movement slices her throat open with a straight razor. He neck bleeds profusely as she gurgles and struggles. "And now she's gone again."

"No!" Sam shouts with horror, Lucifer laughing maniacally in his ears.

"Sam!"

He doesn't hear her voice at first, just sees her lying on the bed, bleed out in front of him as he watches.

" _Giant_!"

"What!?" Sam jumps and shakes his head, hearing her this time. Lou is standing in front of him, unharmed and blood free as she grabs his arms and shakes him.

"What the fuck is happening in there!?" Lou questions him, concern all over her face as she presses her hand to his forehead.

"Lou?"

"Yeah… Sam, are you with me right now?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Well you weren't a second ago," she angrily informs him, fright coating her voice. "It's like you couldn't hear me or see me… was that the Cage?"

He just nods as he breathes in deeply, trying to slow his heart rate.

"Jesus Christ," Lou says with shock.

"It's alright," Sam tried to shake it off and end her worrying. "It's not so bad."

"Honey… it  _is_  so bad! You're fucked up." Lou looks up at him and her face alone tells him to be honest with her. "Don't lie. This is not good."

"Putting it lightly," Sam responds, pressing his palms into his eyes.

"Oh, Sam," she says with complete sympathy as she pushes his hair out of his face and he drops his hands away. "I guess neither of our roads have been too easy, huh?"

As she studies his face over, reading the pain and years old anguish that he tries so hard to hide from her, he closes his eyes for the briefest of seconds with the feel of her hands on him. That warmth, that same warmth he felt deep in his chest when Lizzy stayed with him after Bobby shunned him for letting Lucifer out and when Dean used to tell him he was proud of a perfect grade on a project when younger and when his nephew was born and he held him for the first time… it's there again.

"Seems a little better now though," Sam says to her, itching to speak his mind but certainly not wanting to speak so seriously about how he's feeling about her that he scares her. "Now that you're here… it feels a lot less scary."

"How are you still that sweet after all this?" Lou asks, melting instantly with his words.

There's just so much he needs to say, to discuss, to explain still… but it's gone with the way her bright blue eyes stare up at him. He just needs her so much and in so many different ways that physically wins out in the battle when all the words he wants to say get blocked up in his overtaxed mind. Plus, he's a Winchester. Showing is always much easier than speaking.

Sam ducks down and presses his lips to hers, the much shorter woman responding instantly. It's sheer second-nature and since Lou's been running on hunter training and pure instinct for four years nonstop this was easy to fall into. Just one, simple, pure kiss.

"I really missed you," Sam confesses, his mouth still so close to hers.

Lou freezes for a moment, not used to being this close to someone or thing unless she was under attack and fighting off a monster in her daily Purgatory routine. It makes her slightly nervous, her heart pounding a bit with his closeness, but at the same time she's craving this closeness. It's been a long time since she's had positive, loving, and trusting contact with another. Human touch is a powerful thing.

Lou grabs his face quite unceremoniously and pulls him in hard, kissing him again but with more seriousness behind it.

When Sam brings his hands to her back she jumps when he touches her. It's slight but enough to alarm him and make him pull his hands back from her.

"What's wrong?" he asks against her lips.

"Your hands…." She sighs a little and doesn't explain any further.

"I don't understand," Sam admits, placing his hands lightly on her back again out of need to comfort her.

" _Stop_." Lou tenses up right away and shoves his arms away from her, her hands locked hard around his wrists while she takes a step back from him. "Don't… please, don't do that."

He can't help but look at her with wide and very confused eyes with her reaction to him. This is the first time she's ever shied away from him or looked at him with fear. It hurts deep to see that from her.

"I'm s… sorry," she tells him while her breathing gets erratic.

"Lou… what… I don't get it," Sam tells her, his voice clearly devastated by her reaction to him. "I wouldn't have done anything if I knew you couldn't…."

"I know that," she tries to reassure him.

"But you hugged me earlier."

"Yeah,  _I_  hugged  _you_ ," she says, her grip on his wrists still hard as she looks at the floor and explains. "I… Sam, the past few years… Fuck." She pauses to get her mind in one place. "Purgatory is… basic and cruel and, and…" She shakes her head. "I don't know how to, to react well to…  _that_. Anymore."

Sam nods his head to show his support even if he's highly confused.

"I know I said I don't want to talk about it, and I don't, but just know that… touching and other people, or things really, has not been something positive for a very long time." She swallows her fears and sorrow when she finally looks back up at him. "I swear this has nothing to do with you."

"You're giving me the 'it's not you, it's me' speech," Sam smiles slightly, just looking to lessen her internal struggle.

She smiles but she does it sadly. "It's true though. I am… fucked up…"

"Then you've just joined the club," Sam tells her. "Which one of us  _isn't_  fucked up? Maybe you and I take the trophy home for this one at the moment but trust me, none of us are good. We're all messes."

Lou lets go of him finally to rub her face with frustration. "God, remember back when we were on the road, calling each other whenever we could find the time?"

"Vaguely," Sam jests slightly.

"Back then… fuck, Sam. I would have given anything to be near you and, and just… just have you touch me. No matter how long it had been," she talks, closing her eyes and recalling it all. "I could always remember just how you felt. How your hands felt. Your skin… and I wanted it, needed it…." She then opens her eyes and looks at him with light sorrow. "And now… I finally have you right here, and I can't handle it. How fucking damaged am I?"

"You're not damaged…" Sam says, reaching for her and stopping himself, dropping his hands to the side with a sigh. "You're not. You'll figure this out."

"Will I?" Lou questions his sheer confidence level in her.

"Definitely."

"Why do you assume that so easily?"

"Because you love sex," Sam huffs a laugh at her, one she returns. "I remember you very, very clearly getting my pants off when I had no intentions of doing so and back then I was not one to let that happen. And you pulled that off more than once. To have sex you have to touch and you can't live without sex."

"I have for a while now," Lou comments with a cocked eyebrow.

"And you haven't been yourself in a while now," Sam points out. "But you're back to you, the real you, and the Lou I know is a fucking freak."

She takes a step back with Sam's oddly playful banter. "A freak?"

"Don't act like you don't know that you are."

"So you finally get the girl back and you insult her right off the bat?" Lou says with a slight smirk.

"Eh, it's fine," Sam smiles at her, waving a hand through the air to brush it off.

"Oh, it's just fine, is it? That you call me a freak?" she pushes right back.

"Yeah, it is."

"And why is crapping on me ok?"

"Because I'm not serious," Sam grins back. "And you really are a freak."

"Ok… maybe," Lou acquiesces.

"See? Plus, you already know I love you and that I'm just screwing with you. No need to get offended."

Looking up at him, body and mind both frozen, Lou doesn't move a muscle. "What did you just say to me?"

Sam peers at her funny, unsure of what was so wrong about his words, but then remembers that in all the years he's been praying for this to happen, for her to come back to him, that he never actually told her he loved her. He's known it for so long, said it in his dreams to her every damn night for four years, that it feels like he's already said to her. It came out without thinking and it was so damn easy to say that he never thought twice about it… until she started looking at him like she currently is.

"I… I'm… shit, I'm sorry," Sam apologizes despite not being sorry at all. His hands fiddle at his sides with fear and discomfort before running through his hair with anxiety. "I didn't think. I just… I mean, I've known I've, like, I guess, loved you since before…and everything… and I, I never said it… before you… you…." He sighs with embarrassment and takes a second to collect himself. "I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have. I… suck."

The embarrassed laugh he lets out after his stuttering explanation makes Lou's heart melt more. As old and manly as he is… Sam's still downright adorable.

While she's staring up at him, Sam doesn't know what to think. She's just looking at him, her eyes giving nothing of what's happening in her head away.

"You just gonna make me stand here feeling awkward as hell after that… or, or are you gonna say something?" Sam asks, his heart pounding in his chest so hard she must be able to hear it even without her vamp abilities. "You don't have to… say  _it_ , back. Like, you don't  _need_  to or anything. I threw that at you at the worst time…"

Yanking his head down to her with both hands, Lou presses her mouth to his so hard it almost hurts. Her readjustment to this world is still so new but all she knows is going with nature and how she feels inside. She's trusted that inner gut of hers for so long and she's still alive so it hasn't steered her wrong quite yet.

Sam kisses her back with relief that she isn't denying him. That was stupid of him to just blurt out such a huge revelation like that. So stupid.

Through habit Sam reaches out for her again but when his hands are just about to land on her hips he recalls her reaction to that just seconds ago.

"Hold on," Sam stops her by stepping back a bit and ending the kiss short, as much as he didn't want to.

"What?" Lou asks with a hurt look, wondering what she did wrong.

"Just because I said that doesn't mean we have to do anything," Sam lets her know gently, not wanting her to feel rejected. "That wasn't a way to get you in bed. It was just the truth that I didn't even mean to let out."

"But I want to…"

"Can you, though?" he challenges her. "I touched you a second ago and you freaked out. This isn't a good idea. You need time, Lou. You need to readjust to this world and clearly whatever happened to you wasn't good."

"It wasn't," she quickly confirms for him, her time in Purgatory nothing she wants to ever remember.

"So it's fine. And it's not a big deal. I can wait for you… clearly." The warmth of his smile just reduces her to a girly puddle on the inside.

Lou nods and looks at her bare feet on the dingy carpet below. He makes a good point. She can't even calm down enough for Sam, a person she trusts with her life and more, to touch her yet. But she wants him and she understands exactly how he's feeling towards her.

"I feel the same way… just so you know," Lou says, taking a deep breath after that confession.

Sam just looks at her as she draws lines into the carpet with her big toe, her arms in the puffy gray robe wrapped around her middle. A small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

"I just never have said that to someone before. It kinda scares the absolute shit outta me."

"What scares you about that?" Sam asks her, taking a half step closer to her as they finally both speak about what they've kept to themselves for over four years. "I mean, I've had nothing but time to realize I blew it with you by being a total coward back then. Saying it now that you're actually here doesn't scare me so much."

Lifting her sights all the way up to his hazel eyes a foot and then some above her she loosens up a bit emotionally. If she can't say those three words to someone that truly deserves to hear them by this point then she's a terrible person. Or a wimp. Maybe both.

"It scares me that… I l-love you, too." She smiles nervously, a little awkward still. "I've honestly never felt this before, for someone, and saying it… holy fucking scary. But I know that's what it is. Lizzy used to tell me you know it when you find it and it sounds like she knows."

"Shame we were such chicken shits before everything went down."

"No fucking kidding," Lou smiles and rolls her eyes. She starts to see that this is all acceptable, bordering ok even. Sam loves her. He does, he would never lie to her about that. That idea alone makes it much easier being in this confining room with a man she hasn't been around in so damn long. Suddenly it's close to comfortable. Home-y even.

Sam holds his hand out palm up as he offers it to her. Clearly touch is a problem right now unless she's controlling it so he gives her an in. Lou slowly and cautiously drops her hand into his, Sam waiting to weave his fingers within hers until she initiates it. He can see the drop of her shoulders as she relaxes a bit.

"You know, in the Cage… there's really no way to explain all that. There aren't words…" Sam says, recalling this as the way Dean once described Hell to him. It was perfect. "Hope is gone, light doesn't exist… neither does love or happiness or even just neutral, empty nothing. It's only Hell and pain… and the only thing that stopped me from losing every bit of fight left in me was you."

"Me!?" Lou questions with shock.

"Of course! You're the toughest fucking person I know!" Sam tells her with a hint of a smile. "You love fiercely. You fight for everything and you do it with pure strength, just like Lizzy. You've gotten through so much in your life and you've taken everything and made yourself stronger with it. I know that no matter what I saw down there, no matter what Lucifer did to me… you could handle it. So I handled it because you'd want me to. I mean, some days I could hear you telling me to sack up or that I was  _fucking_  better than it all. You have no idea how much you helped me down there."

"Holy shit," Lou whispers out and covers a hand over her mouth with overwhelmed surprise, her grip on his hand tightening.

"What?"

"I think I  _do_  know," Lou tells him. "You kept me going this whole time too. Just you and knowing what you would do in my situation… that you'd never give up and that you'd expect me to do the same. I could hear you in the back of my mind, telling me I was still fine, I could live that one more day and get through it. I knew my Giant would be nothing short of disappointed in me if I let that place win so I never,  _never_  let it beat my ass. You're one of the two reasons I was able to make it for as long as I did. You and Lizzy. You were constantly in my head."

"Wow," Sam says with pure surprise that they both used each other in their own personal hells. "What are the chances?"

"Pretty good if this thing between us is real I guess," Lou figures. "Look, love is not something I'm comfortable with or ready for or can easily say… but all I know is how much I missed you." Her eyes water over and she blinks furiously to get rid of them, hating to cry more than anything. "It hurt, it physically hurt to not be around you, to have lost my chance with you. I felt constant regret that I never went after this harder and instead made it just an I-wanna-fuck-your-brains-out-when-I-see-you kinda situation. I'm sorry I never owned up to the reality of it and told you." She squeezes his hand with how much she's feeling for him. "After everything… I know I… love you… and I don't want to be without you or away from you. Ever again. I lost you before and I'm not fucking dealing with that twice. It sucks too much."

"Done," Sam promises easily enough.

"Done?" she questions with surprise.

"Yeah," Sam promises. "You wanna be with me then… done."

"Just like that?" Lou asks with levity. "You're done? You're sticking with the insane mess that I am right now?"

"You want to stick with my broken dome too, don't you?"

He says it with light fun but Lou looks back at him with something very serious and quite shockingly open before choosing her words very carefully. "I want the fair chance to know what it is to be honest with you for once. I hid from you before. I saw what a Winchester did to my best friend. And I know you aren't Dean, oh do I, but you… scared the fucking shit out of me."

Sam huffs a laugh over the idea that he, the four years younger version of himself that was still so young and a lot more innocent, could have scared her.

"I was afraid that I'd tell you the truth and you'd not feel the same or not have the time for me. I was afraid that if you knew how much I felt for you that you'd run away."

"Why would I ever do that?" he has to ask with total confusion.

"Because you are  _Sam fucking Winchester_ ," she reminds him. "You've been hunting your whole life, you're reputation precedes you to every hunter out there. Just meeting you was… insane. But to think that I had let myself fall for the wandering the Earth, hardened do-gooder was frightening. You had a mission to kill that fucking asshole demon that took your mother and Jessica and you were always so determined and… I just figured what the hell kinda time did you have for some stupid blonde chick that hit on you mercilessly and talked you into bed right when we first met?" Her face flashed pink with embarrassment. "I only assumed you'd gotten the impression that I was just some easy girl… which wouldn't have been far off back then."

"I never thought that of you," Sam tells her truthfully.

"I'm sure you didn't," Lou laughs with sarcasm.

"No, really, I didn't," he swears to her. "Well, I guess I made the right assumption in thinking that you were a little bit of a slut back then…"

"Jackass," Lou name calls and slugs him in the arm, a trait he can see that Lizzy and Lou both share.

The strength of the hit isn't lost on him, finding her stronger than ever after her time away, but he doesn't mention it. Instead he just smiles at her.

"And I think you are definitely elevating me to a place I don't belong, but I never thought you were a terrible person or just some girl. Lou… I never sleep around. Like hardly _ever_. You have to know that being with you the weekend we met was seriously not my usual thing."

"I had gotten the feeling." She smiles at him lightly, knowing what a project it was to get him to loosen up a bit. It just made her want him more. "I just… uh, you were so cute and sweet… and just so innocent. I couldn't help but want you. And I still feel that way. I still feel like right now is exactly like back then. You're still so sweet and cute… I mean, look at you." She gestures with her hand to all of him. "You're still… you're Sam. My Sam. Just older and wiser and… with much longer hair."

Sam grins at her with that, laughing while his stomach flips, knowing exactly what she's talking about.

And when Lou looks up at him she can't stop herself. She reaches up and cups his jaw with both hands before pulling him down to her. She kisses sweetly, remembering when they were younger and realizing that whatever they felt back then is still there. Through all their combined years of terror and life changing hardships their connection is somehow still there.

"I still want you just as much as I did back then."

"As soon as you're ready," Sam promises her, pressing a kiss to her forehead before backing away.

Lou pulls his arms to get him to stop. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" Sam asks.

"Be the too gentlemanly Sam of yesteryear. I've seen you when no one else is around and it's just us. You're not always that sweet so knock it off."

Sam huffs a laugh. "That's fair. But you're not ready…"

"Get on the bed."

Sam stops short and looks at her with shock at the sudden shift he can feel from her. "Lou, come on…"

"Sam… get on the bed." Her tone is tough and unwilling to accept no as an answer. When her determination kicks in there are glimpses of Purgatory Lou seeping through. She needs what she needs and she does what she has to in order to get it. She's lived by that rule and she survived the place longer than most did. It worked for her.

He opens his mouth to protest again but something in her eyes stops him from doing that. She isn't fucking around all of a sudden and the face she's wearing is not one he's seen from her before.

When she raises her eyebrows in impatience he starts to cautiously move, his eyes never leaving her with suspicion. Once he reaches the bed farthest from the door he lowers down, sitting on the foot of it with his hands clasped together, waiting for that other shoe to drop.

"Get on and lay down," Lou says, nudging her head to the top of the bed as she unties the knot in the belt of her robe.

"Lou, I just think that you should…."

"Don't," Lou shakes her head, denying his good man senses as she lets the robe fall down her shoulders and pool on the floor at her feet.

He can't help but look her over once she's completely undressed and what he sees shocks him to his core. She's been through the wringer and then some. Lou's stronger than she's ever been, the muscle mass on her clear and defined. Her body, the one that used to be relatively mark-free with the light hunting load Bobby kept her on is now marred with more scars than he's ever physically had in his life. The one running from the bottom of her ribs to her hip down her side concerns him the most, it looking raised with how bad the wound must have been. And the jagged line across her upper right chest, the former gash on her thigh, the dark and damaged skin on her lower left stomach…

"Sam," Lou calls him out of his staring to shoot his sights up to her eyes. She knows he's just more than surprised by her appearance being so different and so ugly now but before she loses her nerve she wants him to focus on  _her_  and what she still is, not what her body has become. "Lay down."

Shooting her a look of concern and sympathy real quick, Sam pushes back on the mattress as she asked. At this point, seeing the proof of her ordeal, he'd do anything she asked of him. He just wants to be there for her, help her when he can. Clearly she's not the same Lou as she was before.

"Take everything off," Lou asks, her eyes roaming his form as she nervously takes a deep breath or two. She wants him so badly it hurts but the thought of  _being_  with another… not since her old clan got separated has she been with someone intimately and now it's something she struggles with figuring out.

But this is Sam. This isn't just anyone and this isn't just frivolous need and primal instinct taking over. He loves her. Love. She needs to get past her fears so that this thing between them can be what it should be and she certainly doesn't want to wait any longer than she's already been forced to to truly  _remember_  Sam.

"Don't get mad for me asking one more time," Sam starts, sitting on the bed and looking at her with hesitation. "Are you sure this is a good idea? Lou, I promise it's ok and I can be patient."

"I appreciate that," she tells him, her anxiousness getting the best of her. "But I know what I want. Get going."

Sam isn't going to win this one. His better judgment says not to do this but how can he stop now? She's there, naked and despite her fears and scars she's being as open with him as she can be. And… he missed her so damn much.

Lou relaxes a bit when Sam pulls his shirt over his head. He's going with it.

Laying back, his head on one of the pillows, Sam reaches for his jeans and opens them up as Lou silently observes him. She has to keep that animalistic thing that she's become at bay when he lowers his pants and boxer briefs and kicks them to the floor. She never forgot what a perfect body Sam always had but now, four years older and truly no longer a kid in any sense at all, he's amazing. Perfection might not cover it. The man is unreal with the long lines of hard muscle and Greek God like stature… and her mouth waters suddenly as she looks him over.

Yes, her mouth waters. Her fangs don't descend like she's used to when carnally triggered and she has to think miracles can actually happen at a time like this. She won't worry about draining Sam out of pure base need. She can just focus on being with him.

Once fully undressed, Sam lies there on his back looking at her and waiting. Her twitchy disposition has had him remain cautious around her this whole time and that's not changing now, even as she eyes him like a piece of meat. The lust and fear get mixed up in her blue eyes and his heart pounds with anxiety, not sure what to expect from her.

Standing at his feet once she walks to him, Lou locking eyes with Sam, she reaches out and drops her hand on his ankle, closing her eyes as she does. She steadies herself and reminds herself that this is Sam, the man she's been in love with for so long. This is not some monster from Purgatory. She's more than safe. This is good. This is ok.

Her hand slides up his calf, feeling the defined lines of even his leg, and she kneels slowly onto the bed between his feet. She exhales hard and once more looks into his eyes, seeing his concern for her.

"It's ok," she promises him. "Just give me a minute."

Sam nods and lets her go on.

Her hands, one to each of his knees now, continue up, reacquainting with his form and his skin. She lightly touches up his thighs, his hips, his sides, and stops at his chest. She lets out a hushed sigh as she relaxes.

"You grew up, Sam," she smiles slightly at him, her face softening slowly but surely. And he sure did grow up. He looks fantastic.

“I like to think I matured,” he grins right back, joking to keep her at ease.

“Whatever it is, I like it,” she jests right back. 

She then breathes in deep before moving closer to him, swinging her legs over his one at a time until she’s straddling his hips.  Once there, eyes closed and hands pressed to his firm chest, she again breathes deep and looks down at him.  His arms are still by his sides but they’re close to her.  Close enough that it would take a fraction of a second for him to lift them up and grab at her. 

“Can you…” she pauses and contemplates if he’ll take this the right way.  “I’m sorry about this, seriously, but… can you hold onto the headboard or something?”

He gives her a questioning face, one with a little surprise in it.

“And promise me you won’t let go?”

And then it clicks.  She can keep an eye on his hands and the control he would have over her that way.  Know he can’t just grab her will alleviate her anxiety a bit.  Sam reaches over his head and wraps his fingers around the top of the lowest wooden slat.

“I’m really sorry about… this,” she nods to his hands.  “I can’t, I mean… I have issues now…”

“Lou, stop,” Sam says easily to her, not wanting the woman to feel so guilty for needing certain things to play out in certain ways right now.  “I’m ok.  This is just fine.  Hell, it’s better than fine.  I never thought I’d ever see you again, never mind have you like this.  Whatever you need, you have it.”

A slow smile spreads across her face with his assurance. 

With that she leans down over him, her lips seeking out his instantly.  Lou’s fingers slide up his chest and snake around to the sides of his neck as she allows herself to get lost in something.  For four years she’s had to be alert at all times, even when sleeping.  She’s had to be aware of the world around her as it was cruel and vicious, especially when you least expect it. 

But right now, her skin warm against his as she starts to remember what affection and love feels like… she’s letting go.  It’s going to be a long, hard process of ridding herself of Purgatory, if she actually can rid herself completely of the place that is, but she’s thinking this is the greatest start to that she could find.

As the awkwardness fades away Sam’s finding himself needing her more than he has ever before.  His tongue slides across hers once and he can feel deep in him that love he’s always had for her growing steadily.  He held it back as much as he could, not needing to fall into the depression he would if he allowed himself to feel her loss fully.  He doesn’t need to do that anymore.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Lou says between kisses.  Her lips get harsher, attacking him now, needing every ounce of him she can get.  The heat builds steadily as she remembers how damn much she used to love this right here.  Sex was a missing component in her life for the most part back there.  It was a luxury and one that she very rarely could afford.

But sex with Sam?  That’s just become the ultimate luxury right when suddenly her life can afford luxuries again.

Sam would love to tell her he missed her too since he did.  He really, _really_ did.  But he can’t seem to pull his lips away from hers long enough to say it.  She feels too good.  The warmth of her smaller body, even if it’s hardened and damaged, is unmistakable.  Her voice as it sighs with relaxing contentment, even as she battles anxiety and issues with trust and touch, is perfectly her.  Getting this back… he must not have been that terrible of a person after all.  He at least earned himself this.

Lou’s hands glide up Sam’s arms over his head, her heart still pounding to be this close to someone.  She can feel his muscles working to keep a tight grip on the headboard just as she asked.  God, even his arms are perfect.  She can’t believe how damn good he looks now.  She’s a scarred and grizzled mess.  He’s damn near a picture of perfection.  Lucky for her he seems to know how to look past the massive difference.

Without thinking twice Lou reaches down between the two of them.  While grasping her hand around one of his on the headboard she uses the other to firmly wrap around his manhood.  She pauses, licking her lips with her still slight anxiety and looks to Sam for his approval.

Sam simply nods at her, eager to feel her.  Quickly Lou lifts her hips and lowers down onto him very slowly.  She’s been celibate for over a year and he’s a sizable man.  She exhales hard, relishing how he fills her right up just like she used to fantasize about when they were apart.

“Oh, fuck,” Lou sighs out when she lowers completely onto him and breathes hard a few times.  “Now I remember.”

“Remember what?” Sam asks, his face already coated with pleasure.  The feel of her surrounding him again, her warmth and the sense of belonging she gives him, making him struggle to keep it together.

“Why I always liked you so much.”

When he looks up into her wide blue eyes Sam sees something shift in her.  Not only has her expression fully relaxed into a happy and enjoying place but she’s looking at him with that man-eater stare she gave him every chance she got in the past.  Even her posture is lowered in relief, her hand gripping tight over his and her other now around his opposite bicep, nails already digging into his skin with pleasure.  She’s damn near the old Lou.

“Oh, yes,” Lou hums with sheer enjoyment as she rocks her hips slowly one time, eliciting a deep groan of agreement from Sam.  “This is what I waited four years for.”

“You’re feeling better about this,” Sam comments with her words, seeing already how back to her old self she is. 

“Just needed the reminder,” Lou tells him as she begins moving seriously, her hips rocking fast immediately with how good it all is.  “So worth waiting for.  Oh, shit.”

And this is where Sam starts to think he might have died.  Maybe it was is brain finally giving up with the hallucinations and the shit it’s been through... or maybe Cass killed him back at that warehouse.  Either way he figured he’d never see this moment again until he died and was hopefully lucky enough to take the elevator up instead of down. 

But here she is, her moans already sinfully loud as she rides him like no time has passed at all.  Her long blonde hair falls around her, framing her form as she moves and he can’t help but think she’s never looked better despite the war she’s endured. 

“Oh God, Sam,” Lou sighs out, leaning down to kiss him.  As her lips move perfectly in sync with his she grows more comfortable by the second.  She’s recalling all her trust and complete faith in the man beneath her and it makes her want more of him.  As she kisses him she pries one of his hands off the headboard, grabbing it and placing it on her hip to let him know it’s ok, she’s ok.

“Lou?” Sam questions, just to be sure.

“Touch me,” she requests in response, wanting his hands on her just to recall how wonderful and safe they always made her feel.

Immediately Sam’s hands come to her back, pulling her in close until her entire body is pressed against his.  His mouth moves hungrily now, seeing that she’s come to accept him again.  His hands sliding up her back until his fingers tangle into her hair, he keeps her near as his tongue twists with hers.

With impatience Lou wiggles her hips just a bit.  The way Sam’s holding her tightly doesn’t give her much ability to move and she needs more.  Now.

Feet planted into the mattress, Sam gives her what she silently asks for.  He pushes up into her, keeping his pace regulated despite how badly he wants to give up and truly tear into her. 

And Lou can tell he’s doing just that.  He’s holding himself back.  With all she’s seen and survived Lou is no China doll.  She can handle a whole lot and if memory serves Sam can dish it out.

Lou grabs hard onto the sides of Sam’s neck and looks at him with burning need.  “Take me,” she says to him, clearly no longer wishy-washy on the subject in the least.  “Fuck me good, Sam.”

And there it is.  That all important green light glows brightly for him.  Sam doesn’t stop to think.  He moves quickly, flipping them over until he’s kneeling over her, her legs wrapped around him.

Like a man desperate and possessed, Sam starts to thrust into her hard.  The back of her head is pressed into the headboard as she clings to him with her hands flat against his back.  He’s breaking in the moment, his resolve to keep things easy as she adjusts to her old world just simply gone with her request, and he grips the headboard with a hand once more for better leverage, clamping his other hand down onto her hip as he moves at a bruising pace.

“Fuck… Lou,” Sam groans out as he ducks down and kisses her again, wanting to feel her in every possible way.

As Sam slams into her over and over Lou can’t stop the volume of her voice from elevating even more.  She forgot how well they fit together, how well they worked together as she always used to joke.  She didn’t forget the exceptional connection they seemed to have in bed, no way, but the recollection of the sheer intensity seems to have faded just a bit.

But she sure remembers now.

The painfulness of the new world she’s having to reenter, the awkwardness of having to rediscover what it is to be human at all, the strange and uncomfortable idea that she has to completely reacquaint with everyone she formerly knew… it’s gone in this moment.  As Sam takes her, making sure she knows loud and clear just how much he needs and wants her and who exactly she belongs with, everything else fades away.  It’s just the two of them, it’s the simplicity of being together like this all over again that’s truly making her adjustment leap forward in progress.

“Ah, fuck me!” Lou nearly demands, her entire body on fire with everything she’s feeling.  “Sam… make me… oh, fuck!”

She can’t even get the words out right when he uses _the move_ , her favorite move he’s got in his arsenal.  This whole experience has given her reminders of him, of them, of sex and touch and humanity… but this reminder, that something can actually feel this damn good, is her favorite reminder yet.

His hips grinding into hers, Sam knows he’s got her now when she’s practically yelling his name out into the air of their motel room.  Lou’s always responded best to external stimulation, something Sam was sure to pick up on early on with his study-oriented brain.  He makes sure he hits her just right with every thrust until he sees her eyes roll back with utter enjoyment.

“Oh my fucking God!” Lou responds, her body tensing quickly.  “Fuck, Sam!  Yes!  Sam!”

When he feels her tighten around him it’s over. 

“Lou,” Sam pants into her ear, leaning down and pulling her closer to himself with an arm under her back.  “God, Lou.”

“Uh, oh fucking shit,” Lou calls out as she clings to him with all her strength, her voice muffled a bit with her mouth pressed against his neck.  “Sam, Sam, oh God damn.”  Her whole body curls into him as the waves of sheer beautiful bliss make their way through her.  Nothing has felt nearly as good as that in so long that she’s forgotten something like that could exist.

Panting hard, Sam doesn’t let her go at all, not even when it’s over.  After that he doesn’t have it in him to part.  He never wants to not be this close to her ever again. 

“Oh God fucking damn it, I missed you,” Lou tells him with thankful relief as he rolls them onto their sides and brings both arms tightly around her.  She’s completely blanketed by him and she’s not freaking out.  Instead she’s feeling nothing short of protected and loved, not paranoid and confined.  She feels safe. 

“You have no idea,” Sam responds easily, a hand to the back of her head as he tucks her under his chin.  Legs tangled and bodies flush together Sam couldn’t be more content anywhere else on the planet.  He can feel deep in his chest something thawing almost, releasing and giving him a warmth that he’s been missing for years.  “You don’t know how much I’ve needed you.”

Lying there silently, letting the highly needed moment settle in now that it’s over, Sam and Lou cling to each other.  Neither can pry themselves away.  It just feels too good to finally be where they belong that they can’t let it end.

The terrible ordeal of whatever the past fucked up four years was is finally over. 

“I love you,” Sam easily says, the words practically spilling out of his mouth when everything overwhelms him.

And Lou just smiles as she tucks her head further into his neck, smelling and feeling Sam for the first time in so long.  Her chest fills with that warm, beautiful feeling of safety and belonging and she just sighs with pure contentment. 

She’s home.

* * *

 


	4. Louie and Her Lizard

* * *

As he pushes the door to Bobby's open Dean can only think of one thing after the full day away.

His Sammy.

It's super lame and with everything that's currently happening he should be multi-focused but from the second the tires hit the gravel driveway he's been practically itching to see his little boy again. It's only been a bit less than a day but it doesn't matter. He missed his son so damn much.

"L?" Dean calls out into the house, hoping she's out of her dazed and destroyed state by now. When he left her to help Cass put Purgatory back she wasn't really in a good state mentally. It killed him to leave her like that but he had no choice.

"Dean?" she responds and within seconds she's walking into the kitchen, Sammy in her arms with a head on her shoulder looking about ready to pass out.

"Hey," Dean says with a warm grin to see them. He drops his duffel and marches right for her.

"What happened?" she asks with sheer concern but Dean ignores the question as he reaches for Sammy.

"How's my dude doing?" he questions, taking the infant from her and holding Sammy across his forearm on his little back. Tucked in and cozy against his chest, Sammy immediately goes still, looking up at his father with a sleepy look. "You look tired, Sammy Boy. Been working hard on that eating and pooping workload you got going on, haven't you?"

" _Dean_ ," Lizzy says his name with impatience as Bobby walks into the kitchen with his own duffel, closing the door behind him and making it clear no one else is following him. "Where the hell is Sam? Where's Cass?  _What's going on_?"

With a glance Bobby makes it clear that he's done with this one. It's one in the afternoon but he's cooked. "You kids talk. I'm gonna catch some Z's."

He trudges his tired form up the stairs and away from Lizzy. Right now he's glad he can dump this one on Dean. The guy married her so he can handle it.

As Lizzy looks expectantly at Dean he ignores her a little more as he sighs. It's good to be home and he just wants to enjoy it for a moment before he starts to tell her everything and ruins any semblance of calm and happy.

"Damn, kiddo. I swear you're bigger now than when I left," Dean huffs a small laugh while thinking it's true. Sammy has grown so fast it's shocking to see.

"Are you gonna talk to me, or…?" She's lost as to why he's not answering her.

"I am, I swear," he says, watching closely as Sammy drifts off in his hold. "I just wanted to see him first."

"Shit," Lizzy complains, her face dropping with depressive worry, her hands playing with one of her sweatshirt sleeves.

"What?" Dean wonders what her let down is about.

"It's bad."

He looks up at her with surprise that she'd pick up on that so quickly.

"It's not all bad…"

"But it isn't good," Lizzy is sure. "You're trying to get in some good time before you start talking and it all goes to shit."

She read him like a book. Dean returns his focus to his son. "I hate when she does that." He smirks as Sammy's eye flutter closed and Dean decides to go sit down for this one.

Following Dean into the living room Lizzy takes a seat in Bobby's chair across from him once he settles onto the couch, never putting Sammy down.

"Baby, please… what happened?" Lizzy tries again. "I felt something big and I had hoped it was the souls returning to Purgatory…"

"It was," Dean nods, looking solely at her now that Sammy's out. "We got there in time, did the spell, and the souls are back to where they belong."

Lizzy gets quiet. She knows what that means.

And Dean can see the sadness that comes with her assumption. She thinks Lou is back in Purgatory. For now, having decided not to tell her about Lou until tomorrow and until after she's had time to process Castiel's death, he lets her believe it.

"At least that's over," Lizzy finally speaks after some silence. "And the world won't have a monster explosion of epic proportions."

"That was what's most important," Dean reminds her.

Peering down at the old, worn Oriental rug under her feet she sighs. That glimmer of hope that she'd see her sister again that she tried to ignore and not get her hopes up about is now crushed and gone. It hurts.

"So where's Sam?" she asks after swallowing down that disappointment.

"He stuck around," Dean says vaguely, not exactly sure what to tell her. He had a hard time coming up with a lie she's believe.

"What? Why!?" Lizzy questions. "His head is busted. He shouldn't be alone."

"He's not alone," Dean assures her.

"He's with Cass!?" she shocks out with hope.

"No… uh," Dean pauses and he doesn't even have to say it for Lizzy to get it.

"He's dead isn't he? Cass didn't make it?" She's known, deep in her heart somewhere, that he was gone. She couldn't feel him, no matter how hard she tried to seek him out after she felt the souls returning. He was nowhere to be found. He's gone.

"No, baby," Dean breaks the news with one very sympathetic look. "Cass didn't make it."

Her face immediately wrinkles up as she nods. "You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"You saw it happen?"

"Yeah," Dean tells her. "He's gone, L." It's so hard to actually say that. So hard. Castiel was one of his only and closest friends and even with the massive mistakes and dishonest dealings his loss hurts like not much else does.

"Oh," Lizzy groans within her instant sobbing. "No. Oh, Cassie… you idiot." She presses her hands to her face as she finally, after everything she's been through this past year, crumbles under the weight of it all. "Why did he have to be so fucking stupid?"

Dean doesn't answer her, just watches the complete sorrow overwhelm her.

"He didn't listen to us," she keeps crying. "Why didn't he listen to us? He should have trusted his family…"

It's then that Dean gets up. He isn't willing to let her just sit there alone and cry. It breaks his heart too much to witness that. So instead he slowly settles Sammy into his carrier by the kitchen doorway and places it on the couch so he can see him. Dean then walks over to his wife and pulls her up to her feet.

Without needing the invite Lizzy steps right into him and hugs him hard, her arms shaking horribly. She puts all her weight against him when the effort to support herself grows to be too much.

"Everyone I love dies," Lizzy says through her sorrow. "We needed him. Cass was supposed to keep Sammy safe. Our boy was gonna be ok with him around. What do we do now?"

"We push forward." It's a simple answer to a not so simple question but it will have to do.

"Dean… why did he do this?" Lizzy cries as her hands grasp at his canvas coat. "We told him not to. Why wouldn't he trust us after all this time?"

"Because he screwed up," Dean puts it plainly. "You screw up big enough and you don't walk away from it."

She doesn't say anything to that. Instead she stays there for a moment, her husband's arms pulling her close but not making the loss any better. Sure, Castiel deceived her and she tried to cut him out of their lives. She then trusted him again and he let her down once me. He lied, he connived, he worked with the enemy… but he was still her Cass. He was still the only constant she had left. He's the only one that made it this far, that got to see her have a family of her own when the rest of hers didn't survive. He was one of the last members left in their clan and he was hers. Lizzy always felt safer when Castiel was out there in the universe, even when he was a terrible God.

But her security blanket has finally been taken from her. Before she knew Castiel was her guardian Lizzy felt an odd sense of safety in the world. She was never afraid of being in it, not even when she started hunting, and she knew that once she discovered Castiel's existence that it had just been him all along. It's gone now. And this world for her and her family, especially her very vulnerable son, is much more frightening now.

Almost too frightening to comprehend in the moment.

* * *

"I forgot how fucking awesome food is," Lou says with a mouthful of fried chicken as she stabs into the seasoned chicken breast in the Styrofoam container in front of her. She groans with love as she cuts free another piece while sitting Indian-style in just a robe on the disheveled bed she and Sam just thoroughly messed up.

"Slow down," Sam huffs as he watches her shove another large bite in, his back against the headboard as he eats out of his own container in his lap and observes her. The way she eats is like that of a ravenous animal. She fists the plastic utensils and uses hard, rough movements to cut and devour her food. He's once more seriously worried about her. "I'm not about to do the Heimlich maneuver on your ass so take it easy."

"Sam! I haven't eaten food in four fucking years!" she says, picking up a scrap of chicken with her bare hand and popping it into her mouth. "This is amazing."

"Could you just try some manners then?" he asks of her as he nudges her with his bare foot as he's only wearing his boxer briefs and a t-shirt. "Can't take you anywhere if you act like that."

She pauses mid-chew and looks at him. He makes a good point. She licks her thumb and forefinger clean before saying with a mouthful, "Yeah, uh. Sorry." Her cheeks flush pink with embarrassment.

"Don't be," he brushes it off. "I know you've clearly been through it. And it'll take time to adjust."

"No shit," Lou says. Just before Sam told her to take her pick out of all the different meals he got from the dinner down the street a car alarm went off and she grabbed a knife and nearly went after it.

"You're gonna be ok," Sam encourages. "It'll take time but… we'll get you back into the human race soon enough."

"I'm not longer a member?"

"Yeah, not just yet," he smiles in return.

"You know, I forgot how much of a jackass you could be now and then."

Sam just continues to smile and keeps eating. "Hey, uh… I just wanna make sure that you, you know, don't regret what, what we just did or anything. Do… do you?"

Lou looks at him like he's purely insane.

"Save the sex joke you have waiting in the wings because I'm serious," Sam tells her, wanting a real answer instead of some sex-fueled come on. How is it that she and Dean do not get along at all again?

"Why would I regret that?" Lou honestly wants to know.

"Because you just got back, just became human again… and the first damn thing we did was jump into bed."

"Don't know if you noticed… but that's what I wanted."

"At the time," Sam points out. "But… what about now?"

Lou smiles at him, dropping her utensils to stare at him. "Sam, I don't regret a second of what we just did."

"Good," Sam grins and picks at his food with his fork.

"In the long run it might've helped me."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah," Lou confirms, cutting a more civilized bite of chicken this time. "I was able to let you touch me. I haven't been touched in a good way in… years." She sighs with the realization.

"Well I'm glad you know you can trust me then."

"I'll always trust you, Sam," she makes sure he knows that. "And I'll always let you get me naked and fuck me stupid too… just so you know."

Sam laughs again. She always made him laugh. Even when life was total shit she could say one thing and get his spirits to lighten.

"Actually, since I'm held up here until tomorrow per Winchester ruling… I was hoping to pass the time in a similar way."

Looking at her with surprise, Sam loosens a bit. She's his Lou still. Rough around the edges as she may be she's still her somehow.

"And several times… if possible. I mean you do owe me since you won't let me see my best friend tonight."

"I owe you!?" Sam asks incredulously even though he knows she's not serious.

"Absolutely," she grins at him, picking up her dinner and placing it on the nightstand before crawling over to him. "And round two starts now."

She takes his food from him and places it on the opposite nightstand before climbing into his lap. She sits on his legs, straddling him, and puts her arms around his neck.

"You don't want to eat a full meal first?" Sam asks with a little shock. She seemed starving before. "Aren't you hungry?"

"I'm very hungry," Lou answers honestly as she leans in and kisses him seriously, moving slowly to enjoy the fact that they're alone. Without parting lips she tells him, "I'm just not hungry for food."

With a grin of sheer contented excitement Sam weaves his fingers quickly into her hair and pulls her in, kissing her with every ounce of want and burning desire he's had for her all along.

Screw food. Dinner can wait.

Lou feels the pride in herself for getting him so easily back into this particular frame of mind and strips off his shirt quickly. She pulls him in close as she kisses him again, her arms around his neck. This time around, her head clearer than the last time, she takes notice of the leather cord he's wearing. She plays with it in her fingers for a moment before pulling away from the kiss and looking down at what's hanging there out of curiosity.

"You're a jewelry guy now?" she asks him, surprised. He never was one before. Watches, sure. He loves his watches but they're completely functional. He never really wore much else.

"No," Sam answers honestly as he grabs the necklace and holds up the very thing that's strung on it. "I just had to make sure I didn't lose this."

"Holy fuck," Lou lets out when she steals it from him, looking the silver ring over in her hands. "That's my ring. Why do you have my fucking ring?"

"Lizzy told me to hang onto it," he admits. "When Dean was gone… right after you… I had lost my shit for a while. I had taken Dean's necklace before I had to put him in the ground since I'd given it to him when we were kids and it'd remind me…" He clear his throat and keeps going. "And Lizzy wanted to give me something of yours. She couldn't bury it with you so… I took it. And I wore it on Dean's necklace for a while but when he came back I handed it back over. I got used to the ring being there so… here it is."

Lou smiles sadly as she looks over the dented and worn ring as it hangs there against his skin. Her mother gave her that ring. "Do what you believe is right."

"I've tried to live by that ever since I've had it," Sam admits. "Granted what I though was right got skewed here and there…"

"Doesn't matter," Lou looks into his eyes as she turns the ring in her fingers. "You did what you thought was right to do. That was the point."

Sam nods slightly, happy to hear that she can see he never meant any of the harm he actually has caused in his life. He then reaches up to take it off.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Lou asks him and grabs his hands to stop him.

"This is yours," he says with confusion.

"Still is," Lou says with a small smile. "But… you can keep it there. If you're used to it, I mean."

Surprised, Sam just looks at her for a second before lowering his hands again.

"Plus, even if you have it… it'll still be close by, right?" she says with a hopeful and vulnerable tone, admitting to him that she's not going anywhere and hopefully he feels the same way through the statement.

Sam doesn't answer with anything verbal at first. He just leans forward into her, his hands on her hips as he kisses her with sheer want and love for who she is. Tough, strong, biting… that's his Lou and the whole world knows it as soon as they meet her. But they don't see the person she is under it. Lou is the sweetest, most caring, and most honest person in reality and only Sam gets to see that in her. He gets to experience that.

"It'll always be close by," he promises her, kissing her again as he plans on once more showing Lou how much he appreciates and loves her through actions instead of words. After all… he's just doing what he believes is the right thing to do in the moment.

* * *

When Dean decides it's time to call it a night he drops his now empty glass into the sink. He spent the second half of the day sitting silently with his wife as they both process the loss of yet another friend while he slowly drank a solid, full bottle of whiskey. It's been days since he's gotten himself this drunk, a new record for the hunter since he started taking his drinking to professional levels at a far too young age. Sammy's arrival has really made him want to cut down.

But not today.

Now, with drunkenness and sorrow taking him down, Dean trudges his tired and sagging form up the stairs. He's exhausted like he's never been before. So much has happened in such a short timeframe and now he just wants to sleep for days and forget it all.

Or maybe he'll just sleep until Sammy's hungry again and wakes them up. He'll settle for a few hours if he can get it.

When he gets to the nursery he walks in with a few quiet steps, leaving the door open so he can see inside the darkened room. Lizzy's lying in bed on her side, having fallen asleep there after Sammy's last meal time. The tiny boy is fast asleep himself while on his back next to her. Lizzy keeps a hand on his arm, needing to know he's safe at all times even while completely out now that Castiel is gone. Dean realizes how much this whole thing is affecting her with just this action alone.

Without trying to wake either of them Dean steps out of this boots and makes his way slowly onto the mattress, choosing to lay on his side facing Lizzy.

He fails when Lizzy's eyes pop open and look right at him.

"It's just me," he says quietly.

Lizzy pushes out a breath when she knows she's safe. "Hot Shot."

"Go back to sleep," Dean tells her, knowing she needs it after the emotionally draining day she's had and will have tomorrow. He reaches over to her and runs a hand down her cheek, physically showing her it's ok to. He's there. What could possibly happen to either of them as long as he's around?

"I can't believe he's gone," she whispers out, eyes watering in the dim light coming through the door.

"I know."

"But we still have you," Lizzy rambles in her exhaustion as she closes her eyes and lets her head drop back onto the pillow. "We'll always have you."

"Always," he tries to assure her as she easily falls back under since she doesn't have to worry so much.

He has concerns about tomorrow and how she'll be able to handle Lou's return but in the long run he's ready for this. He's actually excited to give his wife some seriously needed good news for once. It's been rare that he's been able to do that.

He then looks down at Sammy, unmoving and passed right out. This kid can sleep through anything he's come to find.

At least if his son has to lose the guardian angel he had on his shoulder he's gaining a new family member. If the way Lou looked at that picture of Lizzy and Sammy on his phone indicates anything she's going to adore her nephew. They need more people to rely on and Lou is not someone to be questioned.

Yeah, tomorrow is going to be a better day. It won't be about death this time and thank fucking God, or whatever. They needed something good to happen so badly.

* * *

"Finally!" Lou complains when Sam returns to the motel room two hours after he left. She gets up off the bed she'd been on while watching TV to catch herself up and marches right for him. "That took forever!"

"I apologize, your highness," Sam returns with surprise as she takes the several plastic bags from him and riffles through immediately.

"Shut up," Lou lightly says in return as she pulls items out of the bags. Shampoo and conditioner, toothbrush, and clothing that'll fit her including panties and a bra. He's brave.

"Hey, the nearest store with everything was a half hour away," Sam explains himself to her as he drops the box of donuts on the table and takes off his jacket. "And I hate going to Walmart."

"None of the shirts have Tweetie Bird on them then, do they?" she questions him with a smile.

"Nope. Just Minnie Mouse," Sam dryly jokes back. "Go shower and we can leave when you're done."

"Hell yeah," Lou cheer to herself, ready to get out of dodge and see Lizzy. She grabs everything she needs and runs for the bathroom. She shuts the door and the water starts up.

Looking at the TV as he drops onto the nearest bed, Sam sees she's been watching CNN and catching up on the world. He knows the ride home will be filed with questions about everything, she has to have plenty after all, and hopefully he can answer them. He himself was out for a year and a half.

Sam laughs to himself at the thought. What a fucked up pair they make.

_Yeah, you two were made for each other… weren't you Sammy?_

He slams his eyes shut and tries to get the voice to go away. The past day was a good one and Lucifer being in his head is not something he needs right now.

_Come on, Sam. Admit it. Something's going to go wrong here._

"No it's not," Sam whispers to himself, keeping his own personal happiness going. He hasn't been happy in so long and he's not letting the devil take it from him.

_She could slip in the shower right now. She could get hit by a car next week. Or, what if I come and get her, make you watch her die like I did in the pit a million times… and all that misery and loneliness would come right back. Man, that sounds like fun, doesn't it?_

"Sam!?" Lou's voice cuts into Sam's thoughts and when he opens his eyes he can see her standing in the open bathroom doorway.

"What? Did I forget something?" Sam asks, shaking off Satan for the moment.

"Ah, yeah," Lou laughs a little and Sam realizes then that she's completely naked. "You forgot to strip. You coming or what?"

She smiles and turns around before he watches her backside disappearing behind the shower curtain.

Sam nods to himself as he realizes the voice of his tormentor is gone. "Guess that's one way to beat the devil." He gets up quickly and starts shamelessly shedding clothing as he makes his way into the bathroom. And yes, he trips over his own foot when he can't quite get his jeans off through his excitement.

* * *

Around noon Dean's phone beeps. He checks it quickly, keeping the screen away from Lizzy as she cleans the kitchen and he sits at the table with the rest of his sandwich, and sees that Sam and Lou are about fifteen minutes out.

Time to come clean.

"L," Dean calls over to her by the sink and she turns to look at him. "Come sit with me for a second."

"Lemme just finish," she says in a tired voice, just looking to continue with her current distraction.

"We don't have time," Dean vaguely answers back. "Sit down. I need to talk to you."

"No."

The simple reply surprises him as she keeps cleaning with her back once more to him and not looking at him.

"L, Sam'll be here any second. Just sit down…"

"If I sit down then you're gonna tell me something shitty," Lizzy logics as she scrubs the big cast iron pan of Bobby's. "If I keep cleaning I can pretend that nothing else is about to fall on my head. So… no."

"What if I told you this was a good thing?" Dean tries a little harder.

"Then why are you using the serious voice?"

Dean sighs with annoyance. Sam and Lou are going to show up soon and Sammy's actually sleeping instead of crying to be fed so now's the only time they have.

"Baby," Dean calls to her with a warm tone and she huffs with annoyance before dropping her work and turning to look at him with an angry face. "I wouldn't lie to you. This is good. Sit."

Tapping her foot a few times before moving, eventually Lizzy gives in and sits across from him. She folds her hands onto the table top and stares at him. "Go ahead."

Dean licks his lips as he assembles his brain. He's gotta ease her into this but he really doesn't know how to do that. "Before Cass…." He stops there. His death is far too fresh to actually say it. "He, uh, he wanted to make sure you knew how sorry he was. For everything."

"I'm sure he was real sorry," she say in a down tone that's bordering sarcastic.

"He was," Dean replies honestly, having seen the look in the angel's eyes firsthand as he apologized. "And he decided to prove it to you. He gave you something…"

"After everything he did he thought a fucking present could make up for it all?" Lizzy grows angry with the idea. "Like a shitty, absent parent or something? Take the kid out for ice cream and they'll forget you didn't pick them up after school? This is bullshit…"

"You don't know what he gave you yet," Dean says in a calm manner despite her growing ire.

Lizzy just peers at him with confusion. "Nothing could make up for what he did."

"I don't think that's true," he says with confidence. "I think what he did for you will make a huge dent in everything."

"Ok, I'll bite," Lizzy says, slapping her hands down on the table top and sighing. "What is this perfect gift that Cass could give me to make up for the lying, the killing, the arrogance, the disappointment… and the leaving me, and us?"

"Lou," Dean tells her, his voice quieter than before, almost afraid to tell her.

And then the silence hits. Lizzy just looks at him with odd confusion. "Excuse you?"

"You already knew that Cass had all of Purgatory's souls in him," Dean dives right into explaining, knowing she heard him right. "Lou was one of them. We opened that portal to put them all back and he did… except for the Leviathan that hung on, of course… and Lou. He left her here. That had been his plan all along."

Lizzy barely moves, only letting her eyes drift down to her hands as her brain moves a mile a minute. She blinks a few times but Dean's pretty sure she's not even breathing right now. After a few full minutes Lizzy's eyes snap up to him. "But she's a vampire…"

"And Cass gave us the blood of the vamp that turned her," Dean says to her easily enough. "When she returned it was like a reset button, like she never fed. We cured her. She's human again."

And she starts to breathe once more, her intakes unsteady and ragged immediately.

"No… if Lou…" she starts to ramble as the panic hits. "And Cass couldn't, he, he said he… couldn't… fuck. No..."

"Damn it," Dean complains when the panic attack hits hard. He gets up quickly and walks to her side of the table, crouching down by her side and pulling her hand to press into his chest. "Don't do this, L. Come on, breathe."

As she gasps and tries her hardest to do just that Bobby hears the noises in the kitchen and comes in.

"What's happening?"

"Panic attack," Dean answers simply as Lizzy struggles to get it together. "In and out, L. You know how this goes."

"You told her I take it," Bobby comments and Dean just nods.

And Sammy picks a hell of a time to start crying.

"Shit… Sammy…" Lizzy tries to breathe out as her head reels with confusion, questions, and panic.

"I got the little guy," Bobby assures them and leaves, willing to handle his grandson in order to let Lizzy get used to the idea of Lou's return. She's going to need a lot of time and leeway on this one and honestly, any chance he can get to be with that little boy he's just fine with.

"You ok?" Dean asks as she calms down after another few minutes of coaching from him once Bobby and Sammy are gone.

"Where… is she?" Lizzy asks through her harsh yet steadying breathing.

"She stayed behind with Sam for the night," Dean tells her. "Lou's in a weird place right now. She needed some time to be in our world again and I needed to come back to you and Sammy."

"I could have… seen her… yesterday?" Lizzy asks with pain, thinking she's missing a full day with her sister because Dean and Sam decided that for her.

"No," Dean answers. "You needed to find out about Cass and Lou needed a minute to try and be human again. She's been a vampire for four years. She needed time to adjust a little."

"Oh God. Oh my God," Lizzy starts to accept what she's being told as she runs her hands over her head and starts to lose it. "Jesus Christ, she's alive!? She's here!?"

"Yeah," Dean nods with a slight smile, far too excited for her in the moment. "She's back and Sam's close. A couple minutes and she'll be here."

Looking at him with an expression he can't quite read Lizzy starts to cry right then and there. "I really get her back?"

Dean just nods and Lizzy drops a hand over her eyes and sobs with thankfulness.

"Oh my God," she barely gets out as she turns and leans her weight onto him, having needed her husband far more than she's ever expected to over the past few weeks. With her hormones going nuts still and everything that's happened it's been a roller coaster with her but no matter how irrational she might get or angry or how many times she's cried, he's been there. Right there. Her rock has never let her down.

With her head on his shoulder and her hands still covering her face she lets it all out. The frustration of what she's been through, the pain of losing her sister so early, and the feeling of always being alone… it starts to go away. She's not alone anymore. She has her Lou again. She has her other half.

And as she sits there she can hear a car coming up the gravel driveway of Bobby's house. Her heart leaps right up her throat when she hears it, knowing what that means.

Practically plowing Dean over with the sound, Lizzy jumps to her feet and runs to the side door. She yanks it open with far too much anxiety.

Lizzy spies the old, beat up and obviously stolen Ford as it makes its way towards her. She can see Sam clearly through the side window when he parks directly in front of her and before the car even stop moving the passenger door is being kicked open with force.

As Lizzy watches the short, blond haired woman get out of the car she can't breathe. Her hair is insanely long but it's the same bright, beautiful hue she remembers clearly. That's her, without a doubt. She'd know even the back of her sister's head any day.

It feels like slow motion as Lou turns around and faces her, her eyes searching out the house and quickly seeing Lizzy standing there. Their eyes locking onto one another for the first time in four horrific years and instantly they can both feel that jump of sheer thankful excitement to see each other again. It's like someone pressed the pause button.

"Lizard!" Lou shouts out completely involuntarily when her brain catches up to what her eyes are registering, her sister standing at the top of the steps with a look of sheer shock in her face, and she starts to sprint around the Impala.

Lizzy is too shocked to move at first and when she actually is able to convince her feet to walk, they barely take her down the couple steps in front of the door.

"Louie?" Lizzy says in her elevated, choked up tone just as the smaller woman reaches her and plows right into her, hugging her so hard her chest compresses, aching a bit. "Holy shit, Louie!?"

"Lizzy," Lou says and foregoes the whole no crying thing. She couldn't stop herself if she tried as she starts to remember how comforting it is to hug her best friend.

"Oh God," Lizzy sobs as she turns her head into her long lost sister, the bright blond color surrounding her vision as she does. "Louie. I missed you so much…"

"I missed you too," Lou cries right back. "Fuck, I missed you. Oh my God, so much…"

"Lou, Jesus. I thought I'd never see you again," Lizzy continues to ramble when she doesn't know what else to say. "It was so bad without you. It sucked so bad," she spills out as her knees start to buckle under the emotional toll. She drops onto the ground, her legs tucked under her, and takes Lou with her as she sobs uncontrollably. They tangle up in a seated/kneeling heap, unwilling to let go of each other even for a second. "I needed you so much. Everything has been so hard."

"I'm sorry," Lou apologizes through her sniffling. "I would never leave you if I had a choice, you know that. Fuck, I wish I never left you…."

"I'm so sorry, Louie," Lizzy's guilt pours out of her. "Shit, I'm so,  _so_  sorry…."

"Why are you sorry?" Lou asks with total bewilderment.

"I got you killed!" she nearly screams in return. "This is all my fault. I did this to you!"

"No you didn't," Lou says, pulling away to look at her. The pain in her face hurts even Lou just by seeing it.

"I did and I'm so sorry…"

"Lizard, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I pissed off that vamp…"

"You didn't know she was a vampire." Lou puts her hands on Lizzy's face, framing it and making her truly listen. "You had no idea. How can it be your fault if you didn't have a clue?"

"But I…"

"Shut the fuck up," Lou says harshly as she moves in and hugs Lizzy around the neck as hard as she can. "Shut up. You gotta be kidding me. Have you been blaming yourself this whole time!?"

When Lizzy doesn't answer Lou understands that she has.

"You need to drop that shit right now," Lou tells her, her voice raising with frustration. "Life is so fucking short. Don't do that to yourself! Especially when I never blamed you for any of this!"

They sit like that, Lizzy sobbing her eyes out as Lou does her best to compose herself when she remembers they have an audience. She's showing far too much weakness right now, something that's been off limits for so long.

But Dean and Sam say nothing. They've both been in this situation… more than once. They can understand it completely. When Dean looks over to Sam, remembering the pain and joy of getting his little brother back after he'd been Cage-bound, Sam has the exact same face of sympathy and understanding from when Dean came back to him from his own Hell trip.

"I missed you so fucking much," Lizzy says again, still crying with her thankfulness to be able to hug her sister again. "So much. Every fucking day."

"I know," Lou tells her, taking over her usual older-sister position she's always had and pulling Lizzy's head into her chest. When they started hunting Lou was always the more practical, safe person. "Trust me, I know." She runs her hand through Lizzy's unruly hair, clearly not having had a very good couple of days. She hasn't showered.

"What the hell!?" they hear a grumpy voice call out and everyone looks to the doorway. "Why's the door open? I swear you kids are still friggin' kids…"

Bobby walks to the doorway but understands when he sees Lizzy and Lou wrapped around each other on the gravel of his side yard.

"Oh, well, never mind I guess," he smiles, all too happy to see those two girls together. "I can forgive it this once."

As he stands there Lou looks up but she doesn't focus at Bobby. She's zoned in right on the tiny little person Bobby has resting on his shoulder. She can only see the back of his fuzzy, warm pajamas and the fine, dark hair on his head but it doesn't matter. Her chest feels like it could easily explode when she first sees him.

"Holy shit," Lou whisper while taking in the so damn small form in Bobby's hold, it being all curled up against his chest like it's the most comfortable place to be, and then looks back at Lizzy. "Fuck, Lizard. You're a fucking  _mom_."

"Yeah," Lizzy huff a laugh while sitting up and wiping tears from her face. "Still totally crazy to me too."

Lou laughs at this one and hugs her again, one more time to show how excited she is for her best friend. "I can't believe you had a kid."

"Neither can I," Lizzy admits, her own surprise over everything still not at all worn off. "But, Louie, oh my God… he's amazing. He's so sweet and he's just adorable. Lou, he's perfect." Of course her eyes water over again with the mention of her wonderful boy. She just loves him so much that it still makes her cry sometimes, her emotional stability still off.

Lou just kisses Lizzy's cheek with how damn happy she is and head-over-heels she seems to be with her son and lets go of her for the first time since she and Sam arrived. Normally she wouldn't separate from her friend this easily but this is different. Lou stands up and makes her way up the steps, ready to properly meet the little addition to the small family they've somehow found themselves with.

When she stands next to Bobby she peeks down at the tiny, resting face of Sammy. His cheek pressed to his grandfather's shoulder, the baby looks around him as he calmly takes everything in. When his brighter than bright blue-green eyes lock right onto hers she can feel her heart just melt.

Lou makes a sound akin to a choked out sob as she presses a hand to her mouth, overwhelmed already. That's Lizzy's boy, her son… that's her own nephew. Her heart feels lighter than it has in years and just so full she doesn't know what to do.

"He's a good lookin' kid, ain't he?" Bobby brags a little as Lou very lightly touches Sammy's back, almost afraid to with how fragile he looks.

"Holy shit," Lou says with a loss of words, her hand rubbing the child's back. She's instantly fascinated with him and it's true love at very first sight.

With a hand extended her way Dean helps Lizzy off the ground. She stands tall and watches Lou as she properly meets her son. This is all Lizzy has dreamed about, having Lou back and having her be there for Sammy. She's going to be wonderful for him, maybe even spoil the shit out of him here and there, but this…

"This is all I ever wanted for him," Lizzy tells her husband as she watches Bobby shift around Sammy and get ready to hand him over to his aunt. Her son has an aunt now, someone else to look over him and help raise him right and safely so. "Please tell me this is seriously happening," she asks of her husband. "I can't handle if this isn't real." She wipes her eyes and prays this is

"Relax. It's real," Dean smiles at her, kissing her temple to assure it's real.

Lizzy just shakes her head, not sure what to think anymore while Lou very hesitantly holds Sammy, cradling his small form in her arms with sheer wonder in her eyes.

She takes him all in; every feature and expression he attempts to make, his smaller than anything she's seen fingers as they stretch out and reach for her, and his sharp features that she recognizes instantly.

"Well shit," Lou says after a minute of studying and peers over at Lizzy with slight disappointment. "He looks like Dean."

"Yeah, he got lucky," Lizzy says to her, rebutting the letdown she can hear in Lou's voice. She's proud of how damn much her son already looks like his dad.

"I was hoping he'd look like his aunt a little but oh well," Lou smirks a touch and Lizzy's eye grow wide.

"You know!?" Lizzy asks, not having been aware that the boys spilled the beans about their blood link.

Lou smiles at her. "I know everything. They filled me in. My dad was a little slut, huh?"

"Yeah, well, so was my mom apparently," Lizzy jokes right back, having accepted the misstep in her mother's life long ago. It wasn't her or Lou's father's fault. Angel influence can be a real son of a bitch. She blames neither of them. Only Heaven.

"Man, he's a Winchester through and through," Lou states while studying Sammy over some more, hardly able to look away from him. "I mean the eyes, the lips, the overall face are Dean's no fucking doubt. So are the big ears…"

"Hey, easy," Dean bites back, a hand coming to one of his ears self-consciously.

"But that nose?" Lou keeps going, looking over at Sam with a huge smile. "That is definitely Sam."

"Hey, had to get myself in there somewhere, right?" Sam grins wide with her instant recognition of Sammy's features and where they came from.

"And hopefully those eyes stay kinda blue so I can stake my own claim," she says while looking back down at Sammy. "I want in." And then she realizes she got him just in time to see his face start to scrunch up and his nose flare. "Oh, no, no, no." She can tell what's about to happen. Sammy starts to cry. "Aw, come on, sweetie. I just got here."

"It's fine," Lizzy says, walking up the steps to Lou. "He's just hungry. It's about that time."

"Oh, ok," Lou says with a forced smile, ready to hand him back as much as she doesn't want to.

"Louie, you know… I made a few bottles so you can feed him. If you want." Lizzy smiles hesitantly at Lou, not sure how she feels about that. The woman just got back, just became human again and just had to reacquaint herself with all she used to know. She doesn't want to push Lou too much.

With slight fear in her face, Lou opens her mouth to answer negatively but pauses.

"Louie, it's fine," Lizzy grins, wiping her eyes once more as they seem to not want to stop spilling over. "It's really fine. I want you to feed him for me if you want to. He needs to get to know his auntie, right?" Lizzy falls into sobs at the very idea. "You're his auntie. Fuck, Louie."

Lou looks back down at Sammy, her own eyes glazing as she blinks rapidly to stop it. "I so want to do that." She looks back at her friend and sister with something still shocked. "Oh God… you're a mom," Lou states once more when she can't get over it. With a free arm she once more hugs Lizzy, mindful not to squish Sammy between them. "Damn it, Lizard. I missed you… fuck." She laughs when she doesn't know what else to do.

"Please… whatever the word is for missing someone so much it's past missing them, then that's me." Lizzy sighs and feels complete, feels real and whole and absolutely alive for the first time in four years.

Sometimes even a Winchester finds a really, truly wonderful moment in life. Lizzy has somehow managed to find two in the past few weeks. She going to have to remind herself not to get too comfortable with that.

* * *

 


	5. Catching Up

* * *

"Louie, let me put him in his crib," Lizzy offers for the third time now that Sammy's been fed, changed, and rocked back to sleep by his aunt. "He's probably gonna sleep for at least the next two hours."

"I hope he does," Lou smiles as she brushes her index finger over the resting baby's cheek. "I don't think I could put him down just yet even if I tried."

"Then you're just like Lizzy," Sam cuts in, sitting back on the couch next to Lou in the living room. "She didn't stray out of the same room as him for the first few days straight."

Dean eyes them over, Sam and Lou in the living room just an inch apart from each other and Sam almost always looking her way. He's kept an arm resting across the top of the couch behind her the hour they've been there and Sam's been smiling. And not that fake, forced smile he puts on when he thinks he has to. It's a real one. This is the first time Dean can honestly say he has hope that he won't have to worry so much about his little brother anymore. Dean isn't the only one looking after and caring for Sam. He has Lou again and the way that Lou keeps shifting her sights between Sammy and Sam constantly he knows. He's seen that look on both of their faces all over his own every time he's looked in the mirror since meeting Lizzy.

"Can you blame me?" Lizzy asks from Bobby's chair. "With the way he came into this shitty world I wasn't about to let him out of my sight!"

Lou's eyes snap up and onto Lizzy. "What's wrong with the way he was born?"

Lizzy pauses a beat. "They didn't explain that?"

Lou shakes her head no, her face riddled with worry.

"Oh," Lizzy nods, not really wanting the responsibility of explaining the terrible truth of it all. "Well, it wasn't so normal…"

"Lizard, what happened?" Lou sternly asks when she can hear the hesitation. When Lizzy had to rehash bad new she always tried to ease into it and sugar coat it. Lou doesn't want that. She never did.

"I was stabbed," Lizzy throws it out there and Lou's eyes couldn't physically get any wider than they are. "It was a demon. I was taken and tied up… and Dean got there but…" Lizzy eyes Bobby briefly, the guilt in his face clear as day, before she keeps going. "A demon got to me anyways. Stabbed me in the stomach."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Lou breathes out with horror at what she's hearing. Sam's arm instinctually comes around her shoulders when he can see the distress all over her. He pulls her into his side and she stiffens quickly with fear before she leans into him while staring at Lizzy.

"Dean took care of the demon and he and Bobby got me to the hospital from there," Lizzy keeps going. She looks down at Sammy and smiles slightly. "He was ok. Sammy only got nicked on the leg. He got insanely lucky."

"So did you, clearly," Lou says with exasperation. "Thankfully."

"Well…" Lizzy starts and thinks twice for a second about saying the rest. She looks to Dean, unsure of what to spill, and from his spot standing against the doorway to the kitchen he just nods. No secrets. Lou should know and considering what Castiel had done to her it might be good for Lou to hear the more positive side of Cass. Lizzy looks back to her sister and tells the truth. "I  _didn't_  get so lucky. I took most of the damage when I was stabbed. After they got Sammy out safely the surgeons couldn't stop the bleeding. I eventually slipped into a coma and the doctors said it was a matter of hours… but Castiel helped me."

"Castiel!?" Lou asks. "The dick angel that sucked me out of Purgatory and shoved me in him with the rest of the pieces of shit that lived there?"

"You're only here because of him," Lizzy rebuts, sticking up for the angel that she knows she'll never full look at with hate or fear, even after all he's done. She misses him instead and has to fight back the sorrow of just mentioning her dead guardian. "Despite what you think… Cass is a good one. He  _was_ … a good one." She bows her head as the wave of sadness crashes over her.

"Cass may seem like a dick but he wasn't," Dean explains for her, pushing off the doorway to walks towards Lizzy. "He's made some bad choices but he did it with good intentions."

"He let out the Leviathan!" Lou harshly whispers, not wanting to wake Sammy. "I still don't think you guys understand what that means."

"But he stopped the restarting of the Apocalypse," Dean points out. "He saved a lot of people and he just wanted to derail Sammy's future destiny. He did it for Sammy."

This makes Lou shut up.

"He was a good friend, Louie," Lizzy struggles out, missing the angel so much. "Without him… I wouldn't have Dean here and out of Hell. Sam would be Cage-bound still. I wouldn't have my son. I wouldn't be alive and… I sure as hell wouldn't have you right now."

"Then he can't be that bad, huh?" Lou says, her way of giving in and apologizing. She still wouldn't trust him as far as she could throw him but the way these two react to the mention of the angel makes her realize he was truly important.

"He wasn't," Dean confirms with certainty, sitting on the arm of the chair as Lizzy places a hand on his knee, both hurting deeply.

"So what… Castiel just poof and healed you right up?" Lou questions, thinking it must have been nice having an angel on her shoulder. She would have killed for that in Purgatory.

"As much as he could," Lizzy says, glancing down at her hand on Dean's knee. She hasn't let herself think about this one detail of her ordeal since Dean told her in the hospital and the doctor talked over everything with her. She just couldn't.

"What do you mean?" Lou asks and gets silence from Lizzy. "Lizard, what does that mean? What's wrong?"

"The doctors had to…" She shakes her head. "I can't have any more kids. I had to have a hysterectomy to attempt to stop the bleeding and… ha, I, uh… Sammy's it for me."

Lou's brow furrows as she tries to cope with the news. She knows her sister like no other and this turn in her life is a very harsh blow. She knows it. Lizzy is too warm, too loving and accepting that the idea that this sweet little boy in Lou's arms will be her only child seems just so wrong.

"But Sammy is here," Bobby wisely reminds the group as he stays off to the side of the room. "He's alive and healthy as a horse. Really, in the end, that's what matters."

"Damn straight, gramps," Dean smiles at Bobby for his insight.

Lizzy picks up her sights and looks at her little boy. "And I couldn't live without him."

"Oh shit," Lou says, sniffling in once and sighing. "If this is what it's gonna be like catching up little by little then fuck… I'm not ready for that. Did anything  _good_  happen while I was gone?"

Sam takes just a few seconds to think. "Dean was a woman," he says easily.

"And you were a fucking kid, dude!" Dean comes back quickly.

"Yours was better," Sam smirks.

"You were a midget."

"You had double D's!"

"Fuck you…"

"You looked like a Barbie doll!"

"That's rich coming from the guy who was wearing footie pajamas not too long ago!"

"Did that shit seriously happen?" Lou questions, leaning forward and asking Lizzy for the truth as she's seriously out of the loop and stunned by the idea of such transformations. The brothers continue to argue over them.

"Yeah," Lizzy nods as if it's normal that it all happened. "I took pictures of both. I'll show you later."

"What the hell is your life?" Lou asks jestingly, thinking shit really went haywire after she died.

Lizzy takes the question differently, looking around the room. Her husband and brother-in-law bickering, her adoptive father rolling his eyes, her smiling sister back in her life and her sweet little boy in her arms….

"It's good," Lizzy tells her best friend with the biggest smile she has. "Louie… it's really, really good."

* * *

"Uh, how do you do anything besides look at him?" Lou asks her sister as she stands over Sammy's crib, watching him peacefully sleep after she fed him once more, changed a poopy diaper for him, and put him down for another nap.

"And here I was thinking I was the kid-person around here," Lizzy smirks as she takes a seat on the bed that has become her and Dean's once Sammy was born.

"You are," Lou agrees easily, turning to look at Lizzy. "I only like him." She nods at Sammy and grins.

"Well that's good then, you being his aunt and all," Lizzy returns with, already starting to feel like Lou was never gone.

Lou laughs and takes a seat on the rocking chair facing her, sitting back and sighing. "Fuck, man. I missed so damn much."

"I don't give a fuck about that," Lizzy tells her without missing a beat. "Louie, you're here. You're actually here." She smiles with the very thought. "I'm not talking to empty air right now. I'm actually talking to  _you_  and…." Lizzy doesn't finish that statement, too tired of crying to let it happen again.

"Thank God I'm here!" Lou relieves. "Not sure how much longer I could have survived that shit hole."

"Purgatory?" Lizzy asks and Lou answers with a nod. "What was it like?"

Lou looks at the floor, not prepared for that conversation. "It wasn't good and, honestly… I'm not ready to talk about all that."

Lizzy nods. "Ok, that's ok. But… you know, when Dean got back… from Hell… he didn't want to talk either. I understood, I mean, why rehash that shit…"

"Amen."

"But he let it eat at him and it started to ruin him."

"I'm sure Hell was worse than what I saw," Lou comments.

"Doesn't matter which is worse. The point is, don't let that shit eat at you. Don't. If it starts to then find someone to talk to. You know I wouldn't judge or make you feel weird."

"I know," Lou smiles lightly. "I know you would be there. I just… I don't want to…"

"Well, when you're ready, people are here for you."

Lou's mouth twitches with relief, a half grin on her lips.

"Especially Sam," Lizzy says with a little spark in her voice, already having noticed how they were when near each other through the half a day they've been there. Sam's eyes never really strayed from her through the day so far and he observed her with nothing but total care.

"Here we go," Lou cringes and rolls her eyes.

"What!? You knew I was gonna ask…"

"I just got here though…"

"And you just spent the night with him alone after Sam's been lost without you for years," Lizzy points out. "I have seen Sam constantly since you died. He's been a mess. All he's ever wanted was you back. He keeps quiet about it, never letting it show too much, but he can't lie to me. I know him too damn well and that guy loves you."

"I know," Lou says like it's normal.

"Oh, do you?" Lizzy asks her with raised eyebrows.

"Yep," Lou answers casually.

They stare at each other for a few moments, waiting to see who breaks first.

"Spill it before I kick your ass!" Lizzy bursts out with when she can't keep her ever-going curiosity at bay. She then makes a face of regret while peeking in on Sammy. The boy is still asleep and Lizzy now knows the baby could sleep through a demon attack like it was nothing. "What happened?"

"He told me," Lou says, the unstoppable smile already on her lips. "We talked a lot last night _, a lot_ , and he kinda said it by accident."

"By accident?"

"It slipped out while we were talking. And after he said it he got all flustered and fucking cute about it. His face was red and everything," Lou laughs quietly as she replays it in her head. "And it scared the shit outta me."

"Why!?" Lizzy wonders with shock. "You've loved him forever, dumb-dumb…"

"How would you know?" Lou asks with annoyance.

"Are you fucking serious?" Lizzy returns with, her voice lacking in patience. "I still know you better than I even know Dean. I've always known, dumb ass. Why the fuck would you be scared about him feeling the same way? Sam's awesome. You should be so damn lucky…"

"Ok, ok," Lou stops her there. "Fine. So… I've… had a thing for Sam for a long time. But, shit… I've never been… in  _love_ … before. It's fucking weird. And really scary."

"It's not scary if Sam feels the same."

"It is when the guy you fall for risks his fucking life every day," Lou points out. "And has one foot already in the nuthouse."

"So you know about that?" Lizzy's voice drops.

"I  _saw_  about it," Lou says. "He's gone into his own head a few times in the past day."

"Shit," Lizzy laments hard with the news.

"Once when we were talking to each other last night and once more this morning right before we took a shower…"

" _We_!?" Lizzy catches a very specific word she chooses to use.

Lou looks at her with disappointment for her not having seen it coming.

"You already hit that!?" Lizzy questions even though she shouldn't be surprised. Lou the man-eater was back after all and her favorite meal was within arm's reach.

"What are you, new?" Lou questions sarcastically. "Of course I hit that! That man is so fucking hot it hurts to look at him! Lizard, I've been gone for four years and in that time Sam has become a fucking  _man_. Just look at him! My God, what have you been feeding him?"

"Salad, mostly," Lizzy jokes right back. "Jesus, you're still a huge slut."

"Until last night I hadn't had sex in over a year so you can suck it," Lou quickly defends herself. "And I was alone with Sam. Everyone that knows me should know that when that happens someone's about to either get pregnant or die from exhaustion. And since we're both alive I stopped at a pharmacy and got Plan B on the way so you can relax. I know you were gonna ask."

"Hey, Sammy wasn't exactly planned," Lizzy excuses herself with a shrug.

"And as much as I love him I'm not ready for one of my own!"

Lizzy nods. "You haven't changed at all," she lets her friend know.

"I have," Lou says very seriously suddenly. "Just not in that way I guess."

"I'd say," Lizzy smiles and sighs, missing what Lou tried to say. "I'm just happy Sam got laid for once. He needed it."

Lou laughs at that, knowing how good Sam is. He's never one to jump into anything with a woman ever.

"Mm, he did," Lou agrees. "But so did I."

"Just as you remembered?" Lizzy questions with a smirk, remembering how much Lou used to brag about that man's skills.

"Mm, better," Lou nods easily, her night catching up with Sam several times just what she needed to ease her back into the world. "Fucking Winchesters, man."

This is where Lizzy lets out a disbelieving laugh, shaking her head.

"What?" Lou questions her.

"This is ridiculous," Lizzy laughs.

Lou just stares at her. "And what's so ridiculous?"

"We're sisters… and we're with brothers. What is our life? It's fucking stupid."

"It is pretty lame, isn't it?" Lou grumps, knowing it's true. And cliché. And completely unbelievable in every way.

"So fucking lame," Lizzy laughs harder. "It's like some bad novel written by a cut rate author sold exclusively in drug stores or something."

"Besides sad and lonely housewives, who the hell would read that?" Lou laughs with disbelief.

"Actually, uh…" Lizzy starts to explain how their lives actually have been read about in Chuck Shirley's books but thinks better of it. Explaining that would just suck and be probably that one step too far for Lou's return. She's had enough for one day. "Yeah, it's not exactly page turning."

Lou giggles with her. "Then again, our lives haven't been anywhere near normal since we were twenty. Why start now?"

"Eh, fuck it, right?" Lizzy gives into the lameness of it all. "We deserve some seriously hot men with all we've been through."

"And we got ourselves that, didn't we?" Lou lifts an eyebrow knowing.

"Damn straight," Lizzy answers, leaning forward with her fist extended. "Nice work."

"Same to you." Lou gives her a fist bump, keeping the lame going, and laughs again. "Ah, yeah. They may be super fucked up but those two are beautiful examples of the human form, I'll give them that."

Nodding in agreement, Lizzy starts to miss her time alone with her husband. Sammy hasn't really given them a moment or a schedule that allows for that on top of her health. She has been feeling awful good lately though. She could probably have sex again. She has missed it far too much and now that Dean's been showing how amazing he is as a father he's been turning her on far more than ever….

"Oh God, stop it!" Lou scolds her quickly and pulls her from her thoughts.

"Stop what?"

"Stop picturing Dean naked," Lou says with annoyance.

"Stop assuming you know what I'm thinking about then," Lizzy fights right back like a sister would.

"Deny that you weren't picturing fucking Dean," Lou challenges and Lizzy just gives her a slick smile. "So fucking obvious. You need to get that in check."

"Or I need to get laid," Lizzy laughs. "It's been a while. I was too big to do very much the last month of pregnancy and Sammy is an exhausting little human being now that he's here. Our schedule with him sucks."

"And you're sleeping in the same room as him. That doesn't help."

"Yeah, no mom and dad dirty time with him in the room."

"That's just fucking weird."

"Oh, I know."

Lou sits and looks around while thinking. "But, uh… you guys are good, huh?"

Lizzy looks at Lou with surprise. "Dean and me?"

"Yeah. Like, you're ok? Together? You're happy with him?"

She grins immediately. "Dean is not the person you remember."

"So he's told me."

"And he was honest. Dean isn't what he was years ago. He's different. He's… the absolute love of my life. Only rivaled by Sammy of course." She grins something love-struck.

Lou just nods with this.

"Give it time. You'll see it," Lizzy says with absolute certainty. "You'll see us together here. You'll see him with Sammy. You'll see it all and you'll love him too. I know you won't be able to stay mad or see him as anything but the good person he is."

Lou nods again and takes a breath. "I kinda saw a little of it already."

"Yeah?" Lizzy questions with a proud smile.

"Yeah, I mean, that vamp cure is no easy thing," Lou explains. "It was… rough. But Dean was there. He was right there the whole time. He even talked me through it and fucking held my hair for me when I puked my guts out." She laughs a little with the irony. The man she's hated for so long was the one that helped her the most during the worst part of her return. "I should probably apologize to him for being so mean at first. Clearly he's redeemed himself with you so I should probably get over it too, right?"

"You have no idea how happy that would make me," Lizzy answers. "Sam too. There's no way you can be any part of Sam's life without being good with Dean. You have to know that."

"Yeah, I know that," Lou concedes, having seen the upset she caused Sam every time she's referred to Dean as a douche bag or asshole or any other name she gave him before she went to Purgatory. Before she was justified. Now… not so much.

"Louie," Lizzy says the woman's name and gets her to look her straight in the eye. "I love you. And no matter what it's been like without you or what you saw… I don't care. We're both older and seriously broken by so much… but fuck that. I think we're actually gonna be ok. You and me… right?"

Lou smiles wide with her ramblings. Lizzy does that when overwhelmed. She never could get her thoughts out in an organized way when seriously overwhelmed. Luckily she usually holds it together better than that but the return of her sister has toppled any form of composure she'd managed recently.

"Lizard, I'm never leaving you again," Lou says with a little laugh. "And I'm never leave your fucking son. You're  _son_. Holy shit is that weird… but I dare anyone to try and tear me away. They'll be dead before they hit the ground."

The fact that Dean's said this very thing before doesn't get lost on Lizzy. At some point Lou has to see how alike they are. She has to understand that they are just too similar to not be family.

"Hey," Dean greets just as he comes into the room a few steps, right on time.

"Hey, daddy," Lizzy grins wide to see him.

"He go down?" he nods to the crib, his voice hopeful.

"Yeah," Lizzy answers, knowing she's disappointing him. "We kinda Boggarted him, sorry."

"Eh, it's fine," Dean answers back as he walks to the edge of the crib and looks in. His boy is knocked out as usual. "He needed to get to know his aunt anyways. I'll catch him when he wakes up again."

"I'll even let you change him," Lizzy laughs a little.

"Works for me," he says back without an ounce of sarcasm. He really wouldn't mind at all.

The short silence hits the room as Dean looks into the crib and takes in the child's state. He smiles something purely loving and shockingly gentle and that isn't lost on Lou. She actually hones in on Dean in the moment, watching his expression flip through a range of things as he looks at Sammy. Adoration, kindness, excitement, love… it's all right there.

Dean then turns around and takes a second to throw a glance at Lizzy, checking on her. She grins back so he's good. As long as she's ok, she's happy, Dean will always be good.

"Hey, ah," Dean starts as he turns to Lou, reaching a hand into his jeans pocket. He pulls out a single key on a key ring and tosses it to her. "It's been a while that we took her out since it's gotten kinda busy around here. She needs a new carburetor but Bobby dug one out of an old junker in the back for me. I was gonna do the work sometime this week but I figured now… you'd wanna do it."

With the key in her hand, the heavy metal with the Mustang imprinted onto it, Lou sighs with sheer relief. She forgot completely about the thing, assuming Lizzy would have left it somewhere, maybe sold it as she had no idea what she was doing with it. And she didn't know Dean was around still. If she'd known he was she'd never have worried about the car.

"Oh my God," Lou smirks with excitement. "Uh, my car." She smiles with love as she presses the key against her chest and closes her eyes.

"She's out back," Dean lets her know. "Left her in the garage. The new carburetor is on the work bench. Bobby should have everything you need…"

"Let's go!" Lou lights up and stands quickly, walking to the door. She can feel that no one is following her so she turns around and looks at Dean. "The hell… you coming or what?"

With a face of shock Dean takes a moment before he can answer. "Uh… yeah. Sure. If you want me to."

Lou nods once with a grin and heads out the door, nearly bouncing on her feet. The second she's gone Dean looks down at his wife still sitting on the bed with wide, confused eyes.

Lizzy huffs a laugh. "Hey, she's trying." She shrugs. "Get out there and impress her with the new Dean that you are, baby. I'll call you when Sammy's up again."

Dean, a still shocked face in place, walks out of the room to get his coat.

* * *

"Go ahead," Lou shouts as she looks over the exposed engine of her beloved car. Dean, listening with the driver's side door open, turns the key and fires her up.

The sound alone makes Lou close her eyes for a moment. It's perfection. Over the years Dean's kept a close eye on her car, clearly. It's running like a dream still, just like she remembers from before she left the Earth. Car love transcends even a personal hatred.

"How's it looking?" Dean calls over, head popped out the side of the car.

Lou opens her eyes and looks over the new carburetor. She listens closely, carefully, and hears no audible leaks.

"Sounds damn good," Lou says right back, closing up the hood. She looks at Dean through the windshield and grins. "And looks pretty fucking good too."

"Awesome," Dean says in return, proud that she's happy with the state of her car.

"And now's the fun part."

He nods and gets out of the driver's side, keeping the door open and gesturing for her to get in. She nearly skips over and drops into the seat happily. She settles there for a second, feeling the vibrations of the purring engine through the leather seat. Grasping the brown leather wheel in her fists she sighs and feels fully at home, completely comfortable for the first time since she got back. This beautiful piece of her life brings her so much joy it shouldn't be possible.

"Have fun," Dean says with a very knowing smirk as he shuts the door for her and steps back. He puts his hands in his pockets and gets ready for her to drive off. She doesn't. "The hell you waiting for? Take her out!"

"I'm waiting for you to get your ass in passenger seat," Lou says as if it should have been obvious.

"Seriously?" Dean asks, shocked by the invite.

"Dean… get in the fucking car," Lou says, not ready to have a debate while she's itching to put her car in drive.

Not looking to cause issue, Dean marches right around the car and gets in, settling into the passenger seat easily enough. He's grown to love this car. Granted, he's always had respect for the exceptional machine as any car lover would… but it's more than that. He's worked on her, kept her going, cared about her much like his Baby. He definitely has love for this one too in its own way.

He's still unsure about all this, knowing Lou's stand against him. The entire time they worked on the car it was silent aside from discussions about what they were doing and how they wanted to go about it. They never spoke about anything outside of the Mustang.

"Where to?" Dean asks and looks over to her.

Lou hadn't really thought about that until now. She was just going to go aimlessly into the day and see what happened. But with the question she can't help but get an idea.

"You'll see," she smirks and puts the car in drive.

* * *

 


	6. Apologies and Beer

* * *

"So… lemme get this straight," Lou starts as she gets out of the car and stands up, locking the door behind her. She looks over the roof of her Mustang at Dean. "Since I've been gone my Patriots went to the Super Bowl  _twice_ … and then lost  _twice_  to that twelve year old looking, mouth breathing dickbag Eli Manning?"

"Bingo," Dean tells her, smiling despite knowing how pissed she's about to get.

"What the fuck!?" Lou rages. "Was Brady hurt again?"

"Nope. But even the underdog gets real lucky every now and then."

" _Twice_!? No fucking way. The only way this shit makes sense is if in 2018 Eli gets torn to shreds and dragged to Hell by a couple Doberman's on acid."

To this Dean actually laughs. She makes a good point. How the hell the younger Manning bested Tom Brady two times is awful suspicious. "Maybe we should look into it."

"How is that even possible otherwise?" She puts her hands on her hips with confusion.

"I don't know, but what I do know is that a beer and a burger is gonna make it a lot less painful," Dean grins as he points to and begins walking towards the dive bar Lou drove them to just an hour outside Sioux Falls.

"Yeah, well, if memory serves you're a big burger and beer kinda guy," Lou joke with him, knowing for fact that she's right.

"Hell yeah," Dean responds emphatically and opens the door for her.

"Thanks," Lou says shyly, not having seen the gentlemanly gesture coming.

"Any time," he says right back.

They pick a high top table by the bar and settle in, looking over the paper menus already on the table waiting for customers.

"Anything you want… my treat," Lou says with confidence.

"Awesome." Dean then thinks about that for a second. "Wait… how the hell would you have any cash on you?"

"I don't," Lou laughs. "I was hoping you wouldn't catch on until the bill came."

"Nice try," Dean tells her with a light attitude, not minding covering the bill when time comes.

When the server comes closer she steps right up to their table. "Hi there. Welcome to Tap 41. I'm Amanda."

"Hey there, Amanda," Dean smiles at her, excited for his impromptu lunch.

"What can I get you two to drink?"

"I'm gonna have a beer," Dean says, now even more excited.

"Ok… what kind of beer?"

"Oh, uh…" Dean glances to the bar and sees an entire row of taps. Yikes. "Why don't I let you surprise me. Nothing with fruit in it though. Don't ever fruit the beer."

"Done."

"What's the best IPA you have?" Lou questions Amanda.

"I'd say Green Flash. It's a Cali IPA so super hoppy but still actually drinkable."

"Done. Thanks."

When Amanda leaves them Dean's phone starts to ring. He pulls out his cell and sees that Lizzy is calling him. He instantly smiles.

"Hey, momma," Dean says easily, Lou watching him closely as he converses with Lizzy. "I know, I'm sorry. Lou and I went for a drive to see if the carburetor's good…. Yep, purring like a kitten…. I know, I know. I'll do double duty tonight. Just make some bottles and I'll feed him twice and let you sleep…. It's a damn good deal. You better take it before I regret it…." Dean laughs and Lou relaxes a little bit more about him. "Yeah, he's a good kid. We got lucky…. Oh, uh, can you let Sam know where we are. He's probably wondering…. No, we're eating a late lunch right now…. Ok, I can do that…. No, I want to do that. You want the chicken parm, right? Shocking…. Just text me what everyone else wants…. Love you, too… Watch it, smart mouth."

Dean ends the call and pockets his phone while grinning ear to ear.

"Lizard wondering where we are?" Lou asks.

"Yeah. I told her to let me know when Sammy was up. He's up," he huffs a laugh.

"I didn't mean to take you away from him…"

"Don't worry about it," Dean brushes the thought off. "It's been way too long since I got out for a damn burger so it's fine…"

"So a burger is it?" Amanda asks, having heard him while walking over with two pints in hand.

"Absolutely," Dean grins with excitement as a beer is place in front of him. He gets irrationally excited for that. "I'm going with the bacon burger, extra bacon. And, ah, you know what? Why don't you pop some onion rings on there."

"Going all out," Amanda laughs and writes the order down. "What's the occasion?"

"It's his first outing since his son was born," Lou answer for him, still too excited about little Sammy not to mention him.

"Aww," Amanda coos and gives him a sappy look. "Well, congratulations."

"Thanks," Dean actually grins with pride instead of roll his eyes like Lou assumed he would. "Yeah, haven't had a solid burger in a few weeks now but it's been worth it."

"That's so sweet."

"Yeah, uh," Dean says as his hand itches while it inches towards his pocket and his phone. He pauses, having a moment of recognition about how lame he's about to be but goes for it anyways. "He's only a little over two weeks but he's awesome. Total lady killer. Here." He hold out his phone and shows the server a picture of his boy. It was one he took when Lizzy put him in his onsie that says 'My daddy can kick your daddy's ass.' He's got an expression something akin to a grin… even if they know it's not one since he's not quite there yet.

"Oh, look at him!" Amanda takes the phone from Dean and his smile couldn't be brighter if he tried.

And once more Lou observes him. She's been carefully observing the people and situations around her for four years straight now so it comes as second nature at this point. He's so… different. The Dean before would have kicked her under the table for making such a sappy moment happen. The old Dean would have brushed off the typical chick antics when looking at pictures of a baby or used it to hit on the server. But not this Dean sitting in front of her. He's showing a fucking waitress pictures of his fucking kid with zero ulterior motives. He just wanted to brag. This is just unreal.

"Well, this is one lucky little boy," Amanda gets a little flirty. "He looks just like his daddy."

"Yeah," Dean laughs it all off as he takes his phone back from her. "You should tell my wife that. She's still a little pissed that he doesn't look at all like her."

"I'm sure she's just fine with it," Amanda winks at Lou, assuming she's the wife he's speaking of. "And what will you have, hon?"

"Chicken nachos," Lou says with brightness, ignoring the assumption altogether. Whatever. She just wants her real food.

"Sure thing. Be right back."

Amanda leaves them and Dean just gives her a look. "Nachos? All the burgers on that menu and you get nachos?"

"Hey, don't knock these particular nachos until you've tried them, dude," Lou rebuts his disappointment in her. "They're awesome. And fuck off… I haven't had food, like real human food, in years. I'll get what I want."

"Ok, ok," he laughs quietly at her and takes a sip of his beer, a real craft beer instead of the cheap piss water he downs daily. "Damn it, this is awesome."

Lou quickly picks up her pint, sipping it and letting the beautiful flavor wash over her tongue. "Oh God… alcohol."

"You must have missed that."

"Uh, you have no idea."

Dean shrugs. "I might."

He just looks at her and she realizes what he's saying.

"Right… your time in Hell. You probably know exactly what I mean."

"I have an idea, I'll say that much," Dean nods, his face growing sullen.

"But shit, look at you now," Lou lightens it all up for him. "You're a married man with a kid. You're damn close to a normal human being."

"As close as I'll ever come," he admits and clinks his glass with hers, downing a decent amount in his next sip.

Lou gulps down more of her beer and then thinks over everything. "So… uh," she starts and then pauses. She doesn't know how to get this out.

"Were you gonna finish that or…?" Dean smirks at her.

"Well, I kinda suck at admitting I'm wrong and shit so… shut up a second." Lou sighs and Dean places his forearms on the table with clasped hands and waits for her. "So, you know how I've kinda, like…  _hated_  you for a long time?"

"Is hate a strong enough word?" Dean tries to joke but it falls flat for Lou.

"Not at all," she answers right back. "But I didn't know everything. All I saw was my best friend in pain. I saw a woman that was always so bold and badder than any fucking dude hunter out there become this shrunken, sad, and just completely crushed  _thing_." She shakes her head as she recalls those days and that version of Lizzy. "It made me hate you because I thought you were ditching her to just keep being the Dean Winchester you made a reputation for yourself on."

"Hey, I used to be kind of a dick before I met L," Dean shrugs. "I thought I was just having fun back when I was younger… and, sadly, I was sure I was being awesome personified. I was wrong. I know that now."

"But you didn't deserve the hate I had for you because I listened to gossipy hunters," Lou admits. "I harbored that hate, blamed you for everything Lizzy went through for that year, even ignored Sam every damn time he's stick up for you without telling the truth because it wasn't his place to… and all along you were just doing what you thought was right for her sake. Every time Lizzy cried over losing you I got angrier and I never let it go. I never could handle when people would upset or hurt Lizzy because she was just so open to others and let them affect her way more than she should have. I let the hate keep growing and that was wrong of me in the end."

"I can't blame you," Dean tells her. "If you'd fucked with Sam like that I would have wanted to end you too."

"Glad you understand that," Lou nods, happy that he can see her side so easily after all this time. "I just wish you'd been honest. Dean, shit… you gave your life and your eternity for your brother. Not only did you try to help Lizzy get past you the only way you could see how in that shitty situation… if it weren't for you I wouldn't have Sam right now. I would have lost him completely and… I can't really imagine life like that, with no Sam."

Dean nods and sees all that she's come to terms with in just a short twenty-four hours. He has to commend her on that, being able to let so much she held onto tightly for so long just go. He certainly doesn't possess that ability himself.

"I love my best friend… hell, my  _sister_. And I love your brother more than I can really, properly explain. And Dean, oh my God, I love that little boy of yours so,  _so_  much already." Lou smile with just the thought of Sammy. "I need to let the old shit go. I need to get the fuck over it because this… this whole situation we're in won't work if I don't."

He's blown away already by her. "I understand why you've felt that way. I do. I get that I was an ass to all outward appearances and, seriously, it wasn't the most truthful way to deal with everything. I get it and, if it helps… I don't hate you." He gives her a slight, light grin and he watches as her shoulders drop.

"I don't hate you either," Lou confirms for him. "I just… I might be kinda harsh now and then, out of habit. Just bear with me. Five years of despising someone is a damn long time."

"As long as you don't kill me in my sleep, then fine with me." Dean laughs and takes down a solid gulp of beer.

"And I'm sorry… about the whole wanting to kill you… when I was a vamp…" Lou makes a face of sheer regret.

"You didn't so I can let it slide this time," Dean tells her. "Just don't do it again."

"You gonna ditch Lizzy every again?" Lou eyes him with an arched brow.

He holds up his left hand, silver band on his ring finger. "I don't think I have a choice."

"Then we're good. I won't do it again," Lou promises with a grin.

Dean huffs a quiet laugh and looks at his beer in front of him. "Despite what you might think… I'm glad you're back."

"Now that you know I'm not gunning for you, you mean?"

"No," Dean says, looking at her seriously. "I mean, yeah… it's good to know you're not about to shiv me at any moment but… L needs you. It's good to see her happy without your death hanging over her head for the first time in a long ass time. And Sam…" Dean pauses and really looks at her. "He needed a break to come his way. It's been… Lou, he's needed you. Like,  _needed_  you."

"He sure did," Lou says, a mischievous grin on her face as she takes a sip of beer.

Dean shake his head at her, knowing she's speaking merely physically. "You're worse than I ever was, you know that right?"

"Oh fuck you," Lou denies the statement. "You were the manwhore of all manwhores."

"And you were just a whore," Dean points out. "And trust me, no one, and I mean  _no one_ , has ever gotten Sam's pants off faster than you."

"Ok… but doesn't that just mean I'm awesome?" Lou tries again.

Dean thinks about it quickly. "Yes… and it means you're worse than I ever was."

"Ok then. Challenge… quickest you ever got into a chick's pants?" Lou asks, giving him a look that says be honest. She already knows she has him beat so why not make it fun?

Leaning back in his bar chair, eyes wide, Dean ponders the question. "Uh… ok…." He then snaps his fingers when it dawns on him. "Bartender in Ohio, uh, Christine? Kristin? I don't know, something like that… ten minutes flat. In my car in the parking lot."

"Not bad." Lou nods with impressed shock. "I still win but not bad…"

"Bullshit," Dean calls her out instantly.

Lou grins with too much pride. "Three lone words and I was in the back room of a bar getting nailed into a wall by the hottest Texan I've ever seen while on the road. So… less than one minute."

"Bullshit!"

"I swear it," Lou raises her right hand and promises.

"What the hell did you say to him!?"

Lou shrugs innocently.

"No, no, no," Dean instantly denies her sudden tight-lipped ways. "You claim something this huge you better be able to back it up. Spill."

Lou bites her bottom lip and grins. "Fine. All I did was walk up to him, smile wide, and when I pulled him down to me I leaned into his ear and said, 'Fuck me. Now.'"

His back hits the chair backing in an instant. "You just…  _said_  that? To some stranger?"

Lou nods, grin wide and unstoppable.

"Jesus, are you crazy?" he nearly scolds with sudden anger. "You could've gotten yourself killed."

"He wasn't gonna kill me, Dean," Lou scoffs. "He might have been strong… and tall… but I had a gun. It was fine."

"And it was Texas! Everyone has a gun in Texas!"

"But they don't know how to use one quite like me." Her confidence is backed by her skills with firearms and Dean knows this.

He just looks at her for a second before busting out a laugh at the idea. This little, petite woman just walking up to a wall of a man and telling him to fuck her. Insane.

"You're fucking nuts… in a respectable way, but nuts," Dean says to her. "And I think this comparison is unfair."

"How so!?" Lou asks, wanting to keep her win.

"As a guy, I could never just walk up to a chick at a bar and say that!" Dean rebuts. "Doesn't work that way!"

"On some of us… it would," Lou assures him.

"You're saying that if, when you were younger, I walked up to you at a bar and said fuck me… you would've?" He eyes her with sheer disbelief.

Lou glances over his form, remembering her younger years and if a hot guy like Dean had done just as he said when she was, oh, say… twenty-two…

"Absolutely," Lou confirms for him. "Would've had your pants around your ankles before you could blink." Huge, bugged out eyes look back at her and she bursts out laughing. "Come on, Dean. You own mirrors."

"I know, I just… I wasn't ready for the honesty."

"But don't worry," Lou keeps on messing with him. "I'm not a home wrecker. And I prefer tall men."

"And I'm not tall?"

"Not freakishly, no," she laughs some more.

"Ah, so you have a fetish for freakish," Dean sums up. "I understand the thing for Sam now."

Lou hum and smiles slickly while thinking about the man. "Yeah."

"Ok, gross. Stop," Dean complains. "Stop doing that with me right here."

"What? Your brother is fucking hot," Lou points out. "Am I supposed to ignore that?"

"When around me… yeah. Ignore it. Always," he says with emphasis. "And ah, you know… I know you were seriously worried about me at first… with Lizzy and all… but I think it's my turn now."

"You're worried." It's a statement instead of a question.

"Yeah, I am. I'm really worried," he explains. "Sam is… well, for lack of a better term, fucked completely up. His head is shattered and he's not right. Now isn't the time for his heart to get smashed right along with his brain."

"You think I could ever do that to him?" Lou questions, hurt that Dean would think that way.

"I don't know. I don't know you like he does, or L does. What I do know is that my brother can't afford anything else to go to shit on him right now. He's a little fragile at the moment so unless you plan to long haul this with him, to really hang on through the good and the seriously bad and really ugly … don't do this."

"Dean… shit, I'm not gonna leave Sam high and dry," Lou says, ready to laugh at the idea.

"You better not," Dean says, his protective side coming on strong. "If shit doesn't work out then there's no running away and forgetting about it for him. You're Lizzy's sister and she married me. Sam will always be around."

Lou starts to laugh very unexpectedly and it makes Dean a little angry.

"You're gonna laugh about that?" he calls her out.

"Dean, I will never hurt your brother," Lou tells him. "The idea of that alone seems so… ridiculous."

"We just talked about how you're a damn whore…"

"And so were you once upon a time, before you met Lizard," Lou quickly counters. "You're not the only one that can turn things around with the right person."

Seeing how right she is with that point, he shuts up.

"Sam and Lizzy are the only reasons I survived Purgatory," Lou starts to explain. "I'm not going into it but, that place… I lasted four years. I'm shocked. I shouldn't have made it but I had Lizzy in my head telling me to suck it up and do what we always do… whatever we have to do to survive was always the name of the game. We lived by that for so long before I went there that it was ingrained in me by then, thank God. And Sam?" Lou smiles, remembering how much his memory got her to push on. "I never gave up because of him. I knew Sam would never, ever give up in that situation. He would fight tooth and nail until he was the last man standing and  _that's_  why I'm here now.  _That's_  why I made it through."

She realizes now that she's been looking down at her hands this whole time. When she looks up she sees an expression on Dean's face she's never once seen before. It's one of trust and understanding. It's one of faith in her possibly.

"You look at Lizzy and see the same thing I do in Sam, don't you?" Lou questions him. "Because if you're gonna tell me that Lizzy didn't get you through as much of Hell as she could, even without being there, then I know you're a liar. I won't sit here and pretend I know Hell, but I do know something seriously horrible. Without Sam I wouldn't be here. And I hope you get what I'm saying because…" She takes a deep breath. "I love your brother. And it still feels weird and so fucking scary to say that but it's true. It makes me freaked out but when I see you and Lizard now, with Sammy even…" She pauses, blinking rapidly and looking around the bar. She composes herself with a sigh and looks back to Dean. "I gotta stop being afraid of it. I gotta let it be and find a way to be a one guy kinda gal and figure out how to be comfortable with love like that I guess because… I refuse to live my life another day without him in it. I need Sam and I want what you have."

Speechless Dean sits there, watching Lou chug down the rest of her beer and sit back. She sighs loudly.

"Maybe I shoulda told Sam all that first?" Lou says with realization.

"Probably," Dean smiles at her. "But it's ok. And I get you. L scared the fuck outta me when I met her. I never wanted what she gave me but then again… once I had it I couldn't let it go. If you feel half of what you just said about Sam then I trust you."

Lou smiles with the idea.

"And, you know, I'm starting to think we have a shitload more in common than either of us ever thought," Dean tells her, taking down more of his beer.

"No shit," Lou sighs again, realizing how damn similar she and Dean really are. From an obsession for their beloved classic cars to their fear of real love and what that means for them… she and Dean truly are far too alike.

"How is it we're not friends again?" Dean jests a little.

"You broke my friend's heart," Lou says lightly, not looking to start that whole conversation up again.

"Right… dick move," Dean smirks at her.

Right then Amanda comes back, food in hand. "Here you go," she says and puts everything onto the table. Once done she smiles at them both. "How are we doing over here?"

Dean glances at the woman that he was sure despised him and now realizes that between them things might actually be ok. "Awesome, Amanda. Thanks."

* * *

"About damn time," Sam smiles wide when he hears the side door open, not actually caring if Lou and Dean spent a solid amount of the day just the two of them. As he stands in the kitchen, Sammy with his head on his shoulder as he holds him, he watches the two come in with plenty of grocery bags crinkling in their arms. "Thought for sure one of you killed and buried the other or something."

"No such luck," Lou jokes to Sam and gets a seriously affectionate smile in return. He looks far too happy to see her. She's not used to this so she focuses on the bags of food she has in her hands, putting things away.

"Don't be such a drama queen," Dean bitches as he pushes past Lou quickly and puts the many bags on the counter before turning to his brother. "How's he doing?"

"Fine as usual," Sam says, looking down at his nephew as he's quiet… which is his default unless hungry. He squirms a little in Sam's arms, also his usual default status

"You just feed him?"

"Yeah… sorry," Sam makes a little bit of a remorseful face as he continues to pat the baby's back just strong enough. "I waited but he was howling like a maniac so I gave in."

"Never stand between Dean or Dean Junior when it comes to food, huh?" Lou questions without looking over at them.

"Nail on the head," Sam laughs a little at her truthful comment.

"Where's L?" Dean questions when he doesn't see his wife anywhere.

"In the shower. I gave her a break."

Dean nods, knowing she probably kissed his feet for the offer. "Hey, buddy," he lights right up when he gets a look at his son's face, his cheek mushed against Sam's flannel shirt. Dean runs a gentle hand over the baby's head, just so excited to see him again. Then something dawns on him. "Dude, you might wanna cover up that shirt if you want it to be puke free. He just ate."

"Nah. I'm fine," Sam brushes off as Dean grabs a white burp cloth from the kitchen table anyways. "I've had much worse than a little baby spit up on me."

"Trust me, don't underestimate him. Baby puke smells awful. Here…"

Just as Dean prepares to put the cloth under Sammy's head the little boy lets go of a huge burp… and a good amount of spit up with it.

"Aw, come on, Sammy," Dean complains instantly as he's already wiping down the white liquid on Sammy's face and Sam's shoulder. "Dude, you gotta learn to hold your breast milk better."

"I'm just impressed by the size of that friggin' burp," Sam laughs at that, not having heard one of that size from the tiny infant just yet. "That was huge. He's your kid for sure."

"Certainly ain't the milkman's," Dean says flatly as he tosses aside the dirty cloth. "Want me to take him so you can change?"

"Yeah, probably a good idea," Sam answers as he catches a whiff of his soiled shirt. "And you were right. Uh, that's terrible."

"Alright, Sammy," Dean says, grinning without stopping as he takes the small child from Sam's hold. He pulls him in close, his back laying on the length of his forearm, and the infant instantly gets comfortable. He hasn't had his own son all day and he's far too happy to find the chance now. "Nice belch. I'm impressed." Dean lightly high-fives the baby's outstretched hand.

"What the hell, man?" Sam says with only slight annoyance as he picks up the burp cloth and tries to wipe more of the spit up off.

"What's your problem?"

"Why is he always sitting still for you?" Sam asks. "He was moving around like crazy with me. He always does."

"He just knows who not to piss off," Dean smirks and looks down at Sammy, his bright blue-green eyes on his father as he talks. "Right? You already know who steers this ship, don't you?"

"Yeah, Lizzy," Sam laughs to himself as he unbuttons his flannel.

Lou giggles in the corner where she is, sorting out the groceries and getting ready to make dinner as she and Dean discussed in the car ride home. She turns around just in time to catch Sam opening his shirt so she pauses for a moment, letting herself enjoy the view.

"Please, I just let her  _think_  she's in charge." Dean says it but even he doesn't truly believe it.

"Whatever gets you through the night, chief," Sam returns with while shrugging out of his button-down. He catches Lou's expression just then, her eyes looking him over once left in a t-shirt. He grins like an idiot.

"The hell you doing over there?" Dean asks Lou when he looks over at her. "Thought you were making dinner."

Lou just stares daggers at him. "Don't be a dick. I'm on it."

"Looks to me like you're just eyeing over the goods instead of cooking," Dean points accusingly at her. "You promised chicken parm so you better come through."

"Don't threaten me, douche bag," Lou rebuts as she turns back to the ingredients on the counter, smiling all the while instead of scowling like she normally would with a comment like that from Dean. Yeah, the afternoon was good for them.

"Don't take away my dinner and I won't," Dean comments, a similar grin on his face too.

"How are you even hungry!?" Lou questions with shock. "We ate like an hour ago!"

"Yeah… and now I need to eat again," Dean says to her easily. "Mind over matter, Lou. Mind over matter."

Sam just shakes his head at his brother's gluttony. He shouldn't be surprised by that anymore, right?

"Hey," Sam says to Lou as he walks over to her. He wraps his arms around her middle and bends down to hug her as she faces the counter.

Lou tenses up at first. She's been touch-free all day and the change is jarring at first, especially when she didn't see it coming. Attacks from behind were always the most deadly and frightening in Purgatory.

"You ok?" Sam pauses when he can feel her freeze up.

But when he checks on her, using his quiet, low tone directly in her ear, Lou lets out a long breath and relaxes.

"I'm ok," Lou nods, her hands closing over his as she calms. "Sorry. Just didn't know you were gonna do that."

"Didn't mean to scare you," Sam apologizes.

"It's fine," Lou forces a smile while seriously worrying about herself.

"You know, you just got back to this world… you don't have to make dinner," Sam says to her warmly, craning his neck to get a look at her face.

"I know," Lou nods and keeps her fake smile in place. "I know, I just… Lizzy loves chicken parm and Dean was gonna pick it up for her on the way home but I figured fuck it, I'm here now. I'll just make it for her instead."

Sam smiles wide. "You're a lot nicer than you pretend to be, you know that?"

"Fuck off," Lou says and shoves him away while he laughs at her. "And you don't get any now."

"What!?"

"You don't get dinner after insulting the chef."

"I was just joking," Sam says, trying to rebound as he kisses her cheek.

"Nice try… but you already fucked up," Lou says, holding her stance.

"So lame," Sam laments as he back away from her, letting her do her thing.

"What's all this?" Lizzy asks as she come into the kitchen with wet hair, looking over all the food covering the counter.

"Lou's making dinner because she's awesome," Dean answers, his voice elevated and silly as he looks down at Sammy in his arms, the boy's fascination with him running as he looks up at him.

"No, Louie, stop it," Lizzy says as she rushes to the counter to stop her sister. "You don't have to cook."

"I wanted to," Lou shrugs it off.

"No, seriously," Lizzy says, stealing the package of chicken from her hands. "Just relax or something. You don't have to make dinner for us."

" _I wanted to_ ," Lou repeats more forcefully and snatches the package back. "You guys have been taking care of me from the second I got back. Let me do something for you."

"But you don't have to…."

"Yes I do!" Lou shouts out of nowhere when her frustrations kick into high gear. The room pauses and peers at her with wide eyes. She's used to an entire group looking to her for answers so she easily explains herself. "I'm used to taking care of others. I'm  _comfortable_  taking care of others." She looks solely at Lizzy. "Don't tell me what to do, Lizzy. I'm helping in the only way I know how right now. Let me do what I gotta do."

With that she heads right back into her dinner, opening the packages of chicken and feeling a hell of a lot better when she has work to do. She's always had tasks to do, things she can make happen in order to keep her group together. This is where she's comfortable these days.

Lizzy on the other hand is a little shell shocked. She didn't see that coming, and by the looks on Dean and Sam's face neither did they.

After a moment of quiet Lizzy speaks up. "Can I help you?"

"You don't have to. I got this." Lou doesn't look at her once while responding.

"What if I want to?" Lizzy tries again. "Dean's kinda stolen you for most of the day. I wouldn't mind helping."

Lou pauses then and looks at her friend. She knows Lizzy wasn't trying to step on her toes or be too damn much and the remorse in her eyes is killing her. Lou sighs. "You got your IPod?"

"Is that even a real question?" Lizzy responds while pulling the iPod out of her sweatshirt pocket.

"If you play some Petty I'll let you help."

Lizzy grins wide. "You haven't heard Petty in years, have you?"

"I missed him," Lou says nostalgically.

"Done and done," Lizzy responds as she selects Full Moon Fever from her albums list and pops the IPod into the dock she keeps in the kitchen. "And soon I have a shitload of new stuff for you to listen to. I mean, there's not a lot of good stuff out there right now but I know you'll love some of it."

As she settles into the kitchen with Lou, Dean and Sam relax and make the silent decision to leave them to it. Sam grabs two beers and they head for the living room with Sammy.

Immediately the first chords of Free Fallin' start and Lou just pauses and closes her eyes. Tom Petty. She dreamed of his music while in Purgatory. She has no idea what it is about this man and his music that makes her happy, calm, and just feel wonderful when she hears it but it's her favorite and that will never change.

_She's a good girl, loves her mama. Loves Jesus and America too._

Swallowing hard and exhaling with difficulty, Lou grips the side of the countertop hard. Music. Yes, she listened to it in the car on her and Dean's impromptu trip for lunch but damn it, music is her love. It's her life. She never knew the extreme amount of which she missed it until right now. Four years and she never heard a single note.

"Hey… sweetie," Lizzy says calmly as the song plays on and she sees the shape Lou is in. "You alright?"

Lizzy stands next to her friend, the friend that never cracks or lets anything get to her, with her hand on Lou's shoulder. She realizes Lou's shaking.

"Louie?"

Without looking up to her, Lou turns and covers her face with her hands, her back to Lizzy.

Lou hates crying, Lizzy will never forget that. And even now, even after everything, she hides herself away when showing this kind of emotion.

Lizzy's heart breaks to see how something so damn simple as music can make Lou lose it like this. She's been through far too much.

"Louie," Lizzy says, her voice coming out soft and warm as she wraps her arms around her sister, holding her tight despite her once more stiffening posture when she gets embraces from behind her. This time she melts quickly into it, knowing it's her sister, her best friend. There is no one in the world, not outside of Purgatory, that she could possibly trust more than Lizzy. So instead of hide away this time Lou does something she never lets herself do.

She completely trusts.

Lou turns sharply to face Lizzy and grabs her hard, holding her as close as she can as she nearly strangles the taller woman. In an instant she's sobbing, her entire body overtaken by shaking and struggled inhales.

And Lizzy lets her. She says nothing as she doesn't know what this is about particularly. Her life has been utter shit for four years and Lizzy can't fathom what she's seen. Lou needs her. She's going to need a lot of her. Lizzy won't falter with that task. Not for a second.

Sam comes to the doorway when he'd heard Lou's crying. With a concerned look he meets Lizzy eyes. She waves him off silently, letting him know she's got this one, and painfully he leaves. Sam knows that Lizzy is everything to Lou, that Lizzy will be her rock right now as she's been her rock since they were children. He'd love for that position to be his though, or at least share it. With time they'll get there he hopes but right now he has to let it go and let Lizzy do her job.

"It's ok now, Louie," Lizzy whispers as Tom Petty sings on in the background. "We're all here for you. I'm here for you." Lou cries even harder at this and Lizzy just holds her closer. "I'm right here. Honey, I'm right here and I'll be damned if I don't stay right here."

* * *

 


	7. False Awakening

* * *

After a more composed dinner making and complete devouring of the home cooked meal by the group of five adults around the table, everyone settled into the living room. As they all took turns holding, feeding, and generally caring for Sammy before he went down for his longest nap of the day (his nighttime four hour at a go nap!), everyone separated.

"So, um…" Sam starts as he stands in the doorway of the bedroom that used to be Dean and Lizzy's and has turned into his with Sammy's birth, he gets nervous. "I know you're still… adjusting or whatever. And I know you might want some time alone… you've been with people all day…"

Lou just stares at him with a confused look as she strips down to the tight maroon t-shirt she borrowed from Lizzy and the plain, basic black underwear Sam picked up on his clothing run for her that morning.

"Look, I'm just saying that I won't be offended if you want me to sleep downstairs," Sam blurts out as she looks at him with impatience. "I get it. I hugged you earlier and freaked you out. I can, I can see how weird this has to all be…."

"Sam," Lou says his name as she pulls back the sheets and hops into bed.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up, take off the jeans, and get in."

She looks at him as she waits and Sam relaxes a little. It's an odd balance they have to find right now.

"If you want me out you'll say it?" Sam adds a stipulation in.

"Sure… but I was fine last night so like I said, zip it and unzip."

Smiling slightly, Sam steps into the room and shuts the door behind him. He then sheds his flannel and jeans and walks to the other side of the bed. As easy as it's been to see himself with her again, to act almost as if they never parted really, there are moments like this when the usual Sam Winchester awkward grace shows up.

And Lou's missed that. She just smirks at him as he nervously gets in.

Laying down on the mattress, head on a pillow and back sinking into the sheets, Sam looks to his side. He sees her looking right back, a soft grin on her lips.

"Could you please tell that overworked brain of yours to shut the hell up?" She can see the second guessing and the worry and the over-done thought process so easily.

"I would love to," Sam huffs a laugh and at just the perfect timing he can hear Lucifer off in the distance. He's just laughing something purely evil and the sound makes him remember that he's still got his issues. It was better today but he still saw Lucifer in the living room when he was bouncing Sammy and trying to get him to calm. And he hears him now.

The second Sam's face screws up in that telltale expression, his brow furrowed and eyes slammed shut, Lou knows. Lucifer is there. It isn't just the two of them despite it being just the two of them. She hasn't seen it happen too often but she can tell quickly when Sam's falling apart from the inside just from his expression and body language.

There's nothing she can say to make Lucifer stop harassing his former chew toy, Lou's well aware of this. But maybe she can make him shut the fuck up for just the time being.

_I'm gonna get her Sam._

From the second Lou came back this has been Lucifer's biggest threat on him. Taking Lou away.

_You think you're suddenly this lucky, buddy? Hell no. She's gonna be gone soon. I'm gonna take her, see how she feels about logging some time on my rack. Sammy-boy, I'm gonna make sure she screams…_

And suddenly Lucifer stops talking. His voice is completely gone, not a hint of a threat to be found, when he can feel Lou's lips press to his as her body climbs on top of him under the covers of the bed.

She takes her time, remembering slowly but surely what it was to be not just involved in a sex act again but how to be sensual and sexy. Lou used to have a lot of that as part of her personality before everything happened and through her time with Sam she plans to rediscover it all. Her body being pressed against him as she leans over him, her hands on his jaw, she starts to remember what it is to feel sexy… even with the scarred up body she's in.

With desperate need to keep his fears away Sam grabs the sides of her face and deepens the kiss, making sure Lucifer stays away and Lou stays right where she is.

A moment later Lou slowly pulls away, her eyes opening to find a much more relaxed and happy expression her Sam's face.

"He still talking or did I shut his ass up for you?" Lou questions playfully as she runs her fingers through his hair soothingly.

Sam grins just a little at what she's trying to do for him, and successfully at that. Lucifer's taunting voice is long gone and as he runs his hands up and down her back underneath her shirt. He thinks that Lou is exactly the change he's been desperately needing for a long while now.

"No. He's still talking," Sam lies completely as he pulls her back down into him, kissing her again and planning on thanking her for her ingenious plan to get the Devil to pipe down.

* * *

It's the middle of the night when Sam stirs from his sleep for the first time. He's been so peacefully out since Lou properly banished his Cage mate and put him to bed more than satisfied that it's a shame he wakes at all. Reaching out to his side for the woman that has undoubtedly changed his life already he finds her side cold.

She's not there.

Sam opens his eyes and sees no one sharing his bed with him. Confusion settles in as she sits up, curious as to where she might have gone. It's just a small, barely perceptible movement that Sam's hunter trained eyes catches from the corner of the room on Lou's side. He looks sharply to the side and wasn't ready at all for what he sees there.

"Lou?" he questions when he can just make out the form of the woman in the darkened room. She's crouched low to the floor, her back against the corner of the room so that she can see everything and nothing can sneak up on her. The small amount of moonlight from the window catches the steel of the blade in her tight grip, making it shine.

Staring at him with something feral and dark in her eyes she doesn't respond. Instead she stays there, ready to launch at any second as her face remains serious and firmly determined.

"Lou… hey, hey, hey," Sam holds his hands out in surrender and she aims the blade at him for a moment. "Lou,  _stop_. It's me."

She just stares at him with confused and angered eyes.

"What are you doing?" he tries again.

The sound of an infant crying starts up, loud and piercing right away. Lou's eyes whip in the direction of the shared wall between the bedrooms.

"Lou, relax. It's just Sammy…"

But she's off on her feet in a flash.

"No! Lou!" Sam shouts as he jumps out of bed, following Lou in just his boxer briefs as she sprints through the door and disappears in the hallway.

"Uh," Lizzy complains when Sammy starts crying, giving no warning this time before belting out his voice as loud as his little lungs could handle. "Damn it."

Dean pushes her once lightly within his sleep.

"Asshole," she name calls quickly when he's too knocked out to get up like he'd promised earlier.

She's up and out of bed quickly, knowing that the last thing she wants to do is wake the entire house when it's been quite busy and tiring lately. Everyone needs their sleep right now, even her, but she and Dean are the only ones that decided to have a child so they should be the only ones dealing with that.

"Alright, baby. I know," Lizzy coos, her eyes half lidded still as she reaches into the crib.

The bedroom door bursts open, slamming into the wall behind it with a huge boom. Before Lizzy can turn to look at what exactly is happening an arm is tightly wound around her shoulders. She's put into an upright head lock and she has no time to react before the cold metal of a knife is put up to her throat.

"Don't you fucking touch him," the low, evil, and frightening voice nearly growls into her ear.

"Lou!?" Lizzy shouts with recognition as Dean gets out of bed, standing quickly. "The hell…?"

"Lou, drop the knife," Dean says to her and immediately the blade is pointed at him. He puts his hands out palms first to show he means no harm.

"Back off!" Lou shouts, not seeing the faces of the familiar people around her. She can only hear the distress of the baby, her nephew, crying and that's what matters.

"Louie, stop it," Lizzy says in a scared voice. "It's me. Lou, it's me."

She blinks and Lizzy can feel her shaking behind her.

Dean then takes a step towards the crib in order to put himself between Lou and his son, not sure what's happening in her head enough to trust her right now.

"Don't!" Lou booms out as she sees someone head for Sammy.

"Lou, take it down," Lizzy tries again, the knife instantly back at her throat when she does. "Sammy's just hungry. I need to feed him."

It clicks suddenly for Lou. "Lizard?" she asks when the voice of the woman in her hold starts to sound recognizable. She loosens her grip.

With her guard down Sam can see the chance she makes for him from the doorway and dives for her.

Sam grabs her wrist with the blade in it hard and yanks her away from Lizzy. He then turns her and pins her to the bedroom wall, her arm with the weapon held out to her side and pressed to the drywall.

"Drop it," Sam sternly says to her and Lou's anger grows. She sees red when attacked like this and her instincts, the new ones she's gain within her time in Purgatory, kick into overdrive.

Sam doesn't give up. "Lou, I don't want to hurt you. Drop it."

She doesn't. Instead her knuckles turn white with her extreme grip.

So Sam fights the urge to not do so and he slams her hand into the wall, making her drop the knife. He regrets having to do that, knowing her wrist must hurt, but what choice did she give him.

"Get off of me," Lou fires out in a deep, threatening voice. She's not looking at the man she fell asleep next to. Her mind is flashing back to the Leviathan that cornered her last year. It tried to kill her, eat her, and she got separated from her crew in that moment. That ruined what little good she had in her Purgatory life and she can feel the ire building.

"Lou?" Sam questions as her eyes never soften up, never returning to the way she normally looks at him.

"Get him out of here," Dean says quietly to Lizzy and hands over their crying son to her. He then pushes her lightly towards the door before getting ready to help Sam any way he can. Lizzy runs out, Sammy in her tight hold, and heads downstairs. If it weren't for her son she'd have stayed and helped her clearly in need sister but she couldn't. She can fully trust Sam and Dean to deal with it though.

"Lou, you know it's me, right?" Sam questions her, getting the distinct feeling that her mind is split in two right now.

As her brow lowers and she huffs a couple hard breaths Lou fires out an amount of strength that neither male hunter could have ever seen coming from the petite woman.

Lou shoves Sam away from her, making him back up a couple steps. When Dean steps in, trying to help out, Lou quickly throws a fist. She connects with his left eye instantly and he grabs his face with shock.

She then springs for Sam, jumping onto him and making him fall back onto Dean and Lizzy's bed. She cocks another fist, ready to attack, when she's grabbed from behind.

Dean hauls her off of Sam before Sam's face starts to feel just as pummeled as his own and holds her back by the arms. Lou kicks and yells, attempting to get free.

"Fuck you!" she shouts as Bobby stands in the doorway, confused as all hell when he sees what's happening. "Let me go!"

"Not until you take it down a notch," Dean stands his ground as Sam gets back up on his feet and heads for her.

"Lou!" Sam shouts her name in her face as he holds her head in his hands, making her look at him. "Damn it, look at me!"

Her eyes focus on his finally, her internal fire still roaring.

"You gotta come back, Lou," Sam says to her sternly. "Who am I?"

"Fuck you," Lou fights against Dean's hold again, making him work harder to keep her from flying off again. "You Leviathan piece of fucking shit!"

"Leviathan?" Dean questions over Lou's head and Sam just glances at his brother. He gets what's happening suddenly.

"Lou, you're not in Purgatory," Sam reminds her. "You're not. You're at Bobby's. You're with me. Who am I?"

Lou stares at him with still running madness but she stops struggling against Dean.

"Come on, who am I?" Sam tries again.

Lou huffs with disbelieving embarrassment when it all clicks finally. "Sam."

He smiles slightly at her. "You gonna play nice now?"

"Only if you want me to," she slickly returns when her entire body relaxes as she sees he's right. She's here, not in Purgatory. He's telling the truth.

"A joke about sex," Dean comments as he lets her go. "I think she's back."

"I'd say," Sam agrees and they all just stand there for a moment. "Lou, what the hell?"

She sighs and shakes her head. "I woke up and… forgot."

"How?" Dean questions.

"I dreamed about Purgatory and when I came to… it was all jumbled." She glances at Dean. "I'm sorry."

Dean just shakes his head. "When you come back it isn't always clear cut. It's fine."

"Dean, I went after your wife while she tried to feed your infant son," Lou reminds him as she sees what really just happened. "That's not at all fine."

"True," Dean says to her, looking at her without anger. "Alright. Fuck you, then."

"Dick," she name calls when he responds in a more appropriate way even if just joking. She then looks around, realizing Lizzy must have taken Sammy away from the mess she created. The room starts to feel too confining for her to manage. "I'm really sorry, Dean. I never meant… fuck."

With that she leaves the room and heads down the stairs, aiming for the side door and the freedom of open air and the great outdoors.

* * *

It's cold. It's windy. It's not really all that comfortable. But for Lou this is the only safe haven she's got right now so she sits here quietly, her hands gripping tight to the wheel, as she tries to compose herself after the freak out she just had.

She can't live here.

That's all Lou can think about. She can't live here, in this house,  _Bobby's_  house, with her shit all jacked up. She's putting her family at risk, her sister and her nephew especially. Lizzy's been pregnant for a long time and she isn't in hunter shape anymore. She's in doting mother shape, the kind of shape that will get her killed if she's around a killer like Lou.

Because that's what Lou's become. She's a killer through and through and she fears that that's all there is left to her now.

"Lou!?" she can hear Bobby's voice call out in the night and she ducks down instantly, cramming herself under the driver's side seat and the steering wheel. She's doesn't want to talk to anyone. She doesn't want to see anyone like this. Not after she attacked her very own sister.

"Lou!" Sam shouts, the nervousness clear in his voice as he does. "Lou, come on! Don't freak us out like this!"

She already knew she's freaking him out by disappearing but she doesn't give a shit right now. She clocked him good out of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or whatever the fuck she's got going on, and she needs more time before facing them all.

Or she needs more time before she just up and flees for good. She hasn't decided yet.

"You guys head out back," she can hear Dean say. "I'm gonna go around front."

"She's on edge at best," Bobby reminds him. "You watch your ass."

"I'm fine, Bobby. Just go," Dean complains, Lou ducking lower in the car.

If they're that close by then she's afraid they'll find her. She can hear Dean open the squeaky car door of the Impala and she knows she might be screwed here. Gripping the keys in her hand harder she decides then and there that the second they sound far enough away she's spinning her tires out of here so fast….

And the passenger side door opens. In a couple seconds flat Dean's sitting next to her, yanking the door shut behind him and looking down at her balled up form on the car floor.

"You really think a person like me wouldn't just assume you were in here?" he challenges with an arched eyebrow.

"Leave me alone, Dean," Lou complain to him.

"Get your ass up here," Dean tells her quickly as he pulls her arm like she's a child in trouble. Lou gets up and sits properly in her seat. "What the fuck were you thinking running off like that?"

"I tried to kill your wife…"

"But you didn't," he strongly responds, cutting her off. "Cut the shit, Lou. And I know you're not all good and it won't be just fine so don't even think about starting that shit with me either."

"I wasn't gonna say anything is fine, you dick. My last name isn't Winchester."

Dean glares at her for a second. "Touché," he concedes to her good point. He looks forward through the windshield at the dirt driveway. "So… you gonna fire her up or what?"

Lou looks to him with shock. "You want me to just drive away?"

"You and me are either gonna hash this out sitting here or on the road," Dean tells her. "Either way… I'm not leaving and you're gonna talk. It's up to you how."

She clenches her jaw. He's taking this dad thing way too far. "You do realize that just because you're a father now that doesn't mean you're everyone's father."

"Shut up and drive, would you?"

Teeth grinding, Lou turns the key. The engine starts and she peels out of the driveway.

Knowing he's got her in a better place already, Dean discretely takes out his phone and texts Sam what's going on, promising they'd be back in a while and for him to tell Lizzy to relax. Then he pulls the item he stole out of his car before getting into Lou's. He pops the Crosby, Stills and Nash tape into the old tape deck, already knowing how much Lou loves them according to Lizzy.

He doesn't miss the way Lou's shoulder lower the instant she hears it.

Five minutes out, the highway flying by the windows at an impressive speed while calming music plays, Dean gets tired of waiting.

"You know, you're not all that different from L," Dean starts, hoping he can get through to her by using his wife.

"Oh no, Freud?" she asks and Dean huff a laugh at this. He'd have said the same thing.

"Nope. You and L are… emotional."

"In comparison to you and Sam or in general?"

"In comparison," Dean answers quickly, ignoring the attempt at an insult. "You two grew up normal and you always talked shit out when you were with your family. But now you're stuck with us and I know how different that is. We're not easy people, I get that. And Sam might understand where you're coming from somewhat but I don't think you wanna spill the beans to him on who you've been through these past few years. He might not like it. He might look at you different after."

Lou glances at him with confused shock. "How the fuck did you know that?"

"When I got back from Hell it was the same thing," Dean says to her. "I… I was… different in Hell. I did some things I regret and will regret the rest of my life. I did shit that makes me know without a doubt that I don't deserve the good things I now have in my life because if life was fair I'd still be in the Pit paying my dues."

Lou bites her tongue as the iron vault that is Dean Winchester starts to actually talk.

"When I came back I was… ha, you think  _you're_  a mess but I was…." He stops there. "I held it all in for a long time. I only told L the bare minimum because if she knew what I did, the… monster I was… I was sure she'd never talk to me again. I was horrified to lose her. And I dealt with it all wrong. I drank for the record. I lied to everyone, even myself. I went on a hunting spree that should have killed me from exhaustion or just dumbass carelessness but nothing made it better. Nothing…" He looks at Lou seriously. "Except for telling the truth."

"What do you mean?"

"I broke. I told Sam everything. It sucked and it… was painful. And ugly. And Sam had a hard time dealing with me for a little bit after that. I mean, he never put me down and he never, you know, ditched me or anything… but I could see it." Dean recalls that when Sam knew for the first time what a monster Dean has become. "He was horrified."

Lou can feel the tug in her chest over everything Dean tells her. She knows this feeling, this fear and constant nagging terror just around the corner. And if Lizzy or Sam ever knew the hell she lived and the things she did back there…

"But I didn't have anyone that could understand," Dean keeps going. "Back then… no one had seen anything like what I saw. No one around me had to do what I had to do to survive. You aren't in that same boat, Lou. Sam doesn't get it because he never gave up and never was given the choice to be that monster I was in his Hell. And Lizzy… she's never seen anything like this. Not even close. But… I have."

Lou nods a little, seeing the common ground they have. It's a bloody, terrible common ground but it's common all the same.

"You got me. I know I'm not your favorite person and everything… but I'm here and I know what you're dealing with. I could never look at you differently," Dean assures her. "I'd be a total hypocrite if I did. I've done a hell of a lot worse than you could ever think up so trust me…"

"It was a fucking nightmare," Lou says, eyes glued hard to the road, refusing eye contact with him.

Dean doesn't finish his sentence. He just threw a lot at her and now it's his turn to shut it and listen.

"It was like… imagine being tossed head first into an endless amount of woods filled with shit from your worst nightmares behind every bend. There's no roads to find, no civilization out there to look for, no friendly faces or hope… no weapons… no nothing. Just the clothes on your back that you died in and unanswered prayers.

"And I knew I died. And I knew I was a vampire still. I remember the last thing I saw was Lizzy, standing there looking at me with such a sad expression… and then… I was _there_."

A deep breath in and out before she continues on, Dean still stays quiet for her, thankfully.

"I mean, I did alright. I knew what I knew. I was a survivor way before I was shoved into that. But… it's totally different there. Everything is out to get you. Everything wants to kill you, eat you, or cut you down right where you stand out of sheer self-preservation."

Lou pulls the car over to the side of the highway at a random rest stop. There're no buildings, just a small pull off of dirt and she stops the Mustang in the middle of it.

Looking at the wheel in her grip she keeps talking now that she's not driving. That responsibility became too much as she rehashes everything.

"There was no resting, no stopping, no…" She pauses and exhales hard. "I was alone for months, always afraid to sleep or even just sit for a second. I was attacked… so many times. Sometimes one, sometimes too many for me to count but, fuck man, I always walked away. I always got the fuck back up and kept walking.

"But the worst part was… I didn't know why I bothered. For the longest time I had no idea why it was that I even tried to keep going. It was bleak and hopeless. I knew deep down in my heart that there was no getting out. I would never see Lizzy again. I wouldn't get to talk to Sam on the phone. I wouldn't go to Bobby's when I was too exhausted to go on."

Dean knows this feeling. He knows it well and if it weren't for this exact desperation he wouldn't ever have said yes to Alistair. That lack of faith is crippling and even the toughest of people can't withstand it.

"It wasn't until I found a group… that there was hope. They saved my life."

This makes Dean look at her, surprised that there was anything resembling good in the Purgatory she's been speaking of.

"I was surrounded by Leviathan," she closes her eyes and recalls. "At least six had me cornered and they weren't walking away without a snack. I remember my back against a giant, beautiful sycamore. I'd been asleep. When I woke up they had me surrounded. I knew it was over right then and there. I just closed my eyes and thought about my family… how I hoped I'd get to see them… how I prayed that there was a Heaven for my soul, if I still had one, to actually go to from where I was… and then nothing."

"Nothing?" Dean questions with surprise.

"I heard the sound of a body hit the forest floor, a sound I'd know anywhere at that point, and when I opened my eyes there were a bunch of vamps lopping heads off of the Leviathan with makeshift weapons. I was shocked. I had run into vampires, a few at a time, but none of them would have come to my rescue. It was all for me and me for I. It was anarchy."

Lou looks to him, her eyes pained and so sad it hurt him to see.

"One of them shouted for me to run. So we ran," she explains. "I was done for. I was so tired, so hungry… and one of them saw it right away. Benny. My fucking savior. He hauled me onto his back and ran with me for miles after my knees gave out completely. I passed out and when I came to we were by a stream. Benny had carried me so fucking far all on his own and was trying to clean my face with a tattered old handkerchief. He told me they were a group, they worked together to survive. And, I don't know why, but they took me in.

"But even with a group we had to do things that… I'm not proud of. I had to kill members at times, when they'd become detrimental to the group. I had to kill others of my own kind when they'd attack us or… to steal their intended prey in order to feed. The guilt used to weigh on me and I don't really know why. As a vamp I shouldn't have cared but Purgatory… there's something about being there that makes you more like… you. I remembered Sam suddenly. While I was there I remembered how much I loved him once, even though topside I'd wanted to turn him. And stealing meals and killing my kind… God, it was awful."

She looks away with shame.

"And at one point I got separated. I lost my group and I had to resort to…." She stops there. "I hate to think about what I had to become…and what I was doing until just yesterday. And now that I'm back… I don't know how to be the old me anymore. I get glimpses…. I remember how much I wanted to live a good life. I remember how much I loved Lizard and how we were best friends. How we talked so easily and were just… happy. And I absolutely remember how much I always wanted Sam, how I thought of him all the time and how simple it was to be near him and be touched by him.

"But I can't be like I was before. I can't love them the right way. They're normal and they know how to be around people but all day I was faking it. I lost my shit when Sam came up behind me in the kitchen and when Lizzy put on Petty…"

"It's gonna be ok, Lou," Dean jumps in as her voice changes from far off recollection to jagged with emotion. "You need time…"

"Time isn't gonna erase this!" she yells right into his face. "Time can't change the shit I've done! Purgatory turned me into a fucking beast, a true monster… and I can't ignore that! It took everything from me. It took my personality, everything I loved, my life… everything. Dean, I can't…. I don't know how… I'm not human. I don't know how to be _human_  anymore."

Lou starts to sob, her body wracked with panicky sorrow.

"I was a monster for four years… how do I change that?" she asks in a choked voice with sadness so thick it could strangle her.

Instantly Dean is out of the car. He jogs around the bumper quickly before yanking the door open on Lou's side. He couldn't see her like this, so scared and lost. He remembers feeling everything she is right now like it just happened yesterday. He can't have her alone for this.

Dean takes a knee by the open car doorway and reaches across her to unbuckle her seat belt. He then gracelessly pulls her tiny form out of her seat. Unexpectedly for Lou he just hugs her in hard. He knows how unlike him this is but fuck it. Dean knows, he knows it all perfectly, and he'll be damned if she deals with this on her own like he did.

"Stop it," Lou weakly sobs out and tries to push him away from her. So what if they've had one nice day together? He's still Dean and she's still unsure about him in the long run. And she's still not completely comfortable being touched at all.

But Dean doesn't let her go. Instead he holds tighter as she struggles against him.

"Dean, get the fuck off of me," Lou cries, the start of the demand strong but by the time she finishes it she's just simply crumbling and falling straight into the most pitiful weeping she's ever done. "Stop."

"You're not alone in this, Lou," Dean tells her as she falls against him, her face pressed into the lapel of his leather coat. "I know all about this. You're not the only one that's ever become a monster. I'm right there with you." He presses a hand to the back of her head, keeping her close and letting her ride this out.

"Stop," Lou cries out, her hands now grasping to his thick coat with desperation of a new kind. "Stop it. Please, just stop… I don't want this…."

He knows she's not talking about him. She talking about her mind and all it keeps assaulting her with.

"I don't want to hurt anyone." It's the simplest way to explain her biggest fear right now. She almost offed Lizzy tonight. What else is she capable of? "Fuck. I could have killed someone. I don't want to hurt them."

"You're not going to. We'll figure it out," Dean promises. "You're gonna make it through this. Lou, you won't hurt anyone on my watch. I'll make sure of it."

"I will…."

" _No you won't_ ," he swears to her.

Over a year of lonely fighting, trudging on without a single person to have her back, it feels odd to finally have that. Dean's there. The guy she tried to drain the second she saw him, the man she wanted to murder on the spot and harbored hatred for since she's been away… he's the one holding her up right now.

"I'm not letting this shit get you," Dean decides right then and there within his vow to her. "You're gonna make it past this. You listen to what I'm telling you, Lou. We'll get you past this."

And for once she actually does believe that she'll be ok… even if she doesn't know that later that night Dean sat vigil outside her bedroom and forewent a night of seriously needed, new-father-catching-up sleep just to keep his promise to her.

* * *

 


	8. Catch Me Daddy

* * *

"The hell are you doing?" Lizzy nearly whispers at eight in the morning when she leaves her bedroom, Sammy in her arms. She finds her husband sitting against the hallway floor opposite Sam and Lou's room, his knees bent up and head slumped over. She's crouched down next to him, hand on his shoulder lightly.

"Hm?" Dean questions, his head popping up and eyes darting around until they fall on Lizzy. "What?"

"Why are you asleep in the hallway?"

"Oh, uh…" Dean starts to think as he comes out of his sleep. He washes a hand down his face as he shakes his extreme exhaustion off. "Lou… she, uh… she was afraid she'd wake up confused again. I told her she'd be fine, that it wouldn't happen again."

And Lizzy's heart leaps in her chest, once more completely falling in love with her man all over again. "So you sat watch to make sure?"

"Uh, yeah," Dean nods, stretching out his body after sitting in the same position for far too long.

"Was she ok for the rest of the night?" her worry comes through clearly.

"Yeah, yeah," Dean promises. "Never heard another noise from the room even. Or at least while I was awake."

The soft smile she gives him lets him know she's adoring him right about now.

Lizzy stands up, her hand out to him. He takes it and she pulls him onto his feet before she brings a hand to his cheek. "I always told you that you were a good man, Dean Winchester." She then pulls him down and kisses him in thanks for watching out for her best friend.

"Get myself some brownie points with this one?" Dean questions as she pulls away, his eyes glancing at Sammy against her chest.

"Yeah, and that piggy bank is getting awfully full lately," Lizzy jokes, grabbing his hand and pulling him with her as she heads for the stairs. "Been saving up?"

"I can spend them?" Dean questions with surprise.

"Definitely."

"So this is like Plucky's or something?" he questions her, following along. "I earn points and redeem them?"

"Huh," Lizzy considers this system. "That's interesting. Uh, yeah. That's how it works."

"How many points for sex after having a baby?" Dean pushes her as they make it to the kitchen, sitting at the table.

"A thousand," Lizzy sets an amount.

"Damn!" Dean awes at the high amount with a half-smile. "Better be some damn good sex."

Lizzy just lifts and eyebrow and smiles. "The best and you know it."

He watches her put Sammy into his carrier on the table. "I do," he nods, remembering vaguely how damn fun and insanely enjoyable sex with this one woman can be. "And how much do I have saved up in the bank?"

"Somewhere around eight hundred fifty," Lizzy plays right along.

"So close," Dean complains. "Fine, how much for a solid blow job?"

"Six hundred."

"Perfect!"

"You'd rather waste the points on a blow job than just save up?" she says with surprise.

"When you got a mouth like a friggin' Hoover?" Dean answers back and she puts on coffee for the house.

Lizzy laughs hard at this one. "Fine."

"Seriously!?" Dean gets far too excited with the prospect of any kind of action.

"Yeah," Lizzy shrugs. "I mean, I was gonna make you breakfast…"

"Can't I just… defer the blow job until after we eat then?" Dean smiles wide, knowing he's being cute.

"It's your points," Lizzy reminds him. "Spend them when you want to."

Dean just looks on with awe when she takes out a frying pan and heats it up. "Awesome. You are fucking awesome."

"Language."

"You are freakin' awesome," he fixes in a lighter voice as he looks Sammy in the eyes, a silly smile in place as he takes ahold of his much smaller hand.

"Much better," she giggles a bit and pulls out an egg carton from the refrigerator. "By the way, how many have I racked up?"

"You!?"

"Yeah, me!" Lizzy says with slight offense. "You think you're the only one that can earn brownie points?"

"Huh, I guess not," Dean answers. He then looks back to Sammy. "Seems only fair, right?" The baby just yawns in return.

"So… what's my account looking like?" Lizzy wonders as she moves about the kitchen, making breakfast without being asked to.

Dean glances at his son, already having clearly ate and been changed that morning since he's sitting contently and quietly while looking around the room. He then peeks back at his wife looking to feed the other man in her life.

"All of them."

"Huh?" Lizzy asks, peering over her shoulder at him with his response.

"You get all of them," Dean repeats, waving his hands once. "All the brownie points. You got 'em."

"So… correct me if I'm wrong here… but I have an unlimited supply of I-get-what-I-want brownie points?"

"Absolutely."

She turns around and grins. "So if I said I wanted to redeem some points for, say, an afternoon of unlimited sex and only the sex that I want…"

"My tongue would be cramped by dinner time," Dean smirks, not needing points to give her that.

"Interesting," Lizzy comments, turning back to her work. "I'll have to keep that in mind."

"Oh, please do that…"

* * *

Finally, after weeks of scraping together moments of free time to get out back and work on his car that was totaled, he's got his Baby to a place in which her engine is running again and at the very least his seats are all in place once more. Thank God for Bobby's salvage yard. Everything he could ever need is there.

Walking around his beloved car to grab a wrench, he pauses when he can see someone walking towards him through the open garage door.

He grins wide when he sees who it is.

"All alone?" he asks, slightly disappointed to not see a certain little boy in her hold.

"He's asleep," Lizzy says, stepping into the garage with her hands in her jacket pockets. "Bobby's got the monitor on his desk and I wanted to take a break from reading, see how the old girl's looking these days."

"She's looking good," Dean answers, eyeing her over purposefully and lingering on her body. "Car looks pretty decent, too."

Lizzy grins wide with the flirtation. "Smooth."

"I try," he flirts some more.

"You have a second to take a break?" she questions him, her face set in a small and hopeful smile as she walks to the IPod dock Dean had set up. She pauses the music on her iPod he borrowed and selects something else.

"I can," Dean nods as he leans against the side of the Impala and looks at her, not sure what's happening but with two messed up brains in the house, a dead angel ally, new monsters loose in the water supply, and a new baby he's sure it must be something. "What's going on?"

"Well," she puts on Zeppelin II and then steps up right in front of him, hands landing on his chest over the blue jumpsuit he's wearing to protect his clothing. "I wanted to see if you were still interested in redeeming your brownie points."

His face instantly drops with surprise. He never saw this coming, especially with how their lives have been for a long time now. With her pregnancy making her so uncomfortable that sex was no longer exciting to her for the last month and then adjusting to the tiring life of new parents… it's been a while.

"You sure you're ready for that?" Dean questions her, his wrench placed on the nearby workbench as his hands land on her hips that are now wider from pregnancy. She's curvier now. He loves it.

"I'm all healed up, Dean. Angel meds and all," Lizzy says with true assurance, her hands on the sides of his neck now as she eyes him with  _that_  look. "Plus, you only have enough for a blow job anyways and my mouth is just fine."

Dean huffs one solid laugh and shakes his head. "Man, did I marry the right fucking chick."

"Damn straight you did," she agrees completely and pulls him down to her. She kisses him, really kisses him, for what feels like the first time in far too long. It's been a wonderful few weeks since Sammy arrived, all be it tiring and frustrating at times, but overall Dean's been insanely loving and affectionate through it all, to a point that he was nearly unrecognizable sometimes. Some say that a new baby can be a wedge between a new mom and dad but they've become closer instead. And with how good he's been with Sammy, being able to get him alone at this moment is a Godsend. He's been a constant turn on for her.

When she slips her tongue into his mouth quickly just once, Dean tries not to smile mid-kiss. She's perfect. He knows it.

"So…" Lizzy starts, kissing him once more before asking him, "What do you say?" She arches an eyebrow up at him.

Without looking away, eyes locked on hers the whole time, Dean reaches into a pocket of his coveralls and pulls out a clicker. He smirks as he presses the button on it, the garage door lowering to give them privacy. She knows his answer loud and clear now.

She grins wide up at him while taking ahold of the collar of his blue jumpsuit, eyes still never leaving his. They keep that contact as she starts to open the buttons one at a time, far too excited for this. She missed him terribly.

"Shame I have to get rid of this," she tells him, nearly done getting the protective clothing open. "You look good in blue. You're like my sexy little mechanic."

"You got a thing for me wearing different stuff, don't you?" he asks, his fingers weaving into her long hair at the back of her head. "Like the Sunrise getup. You practically tore it all off me the second you saw it."

"Not the cowboy hat," she slickly reminds, eyes bright and driven, fingers working away.

"No, not the hat," Dean echoes her comment as he lets her push the jumpsuit down his shoulders and free his arms. "You made me keep that on."

"And fuck did you look good like that. Mm," she reminds him, pulling him down to kiss her again. She grins and whispers against his lips, "I kept it, you know? The hat? For a rainy day maybe."

She's awesome.

Dean picks her up by the hips and places her on the side of his car's trunk. "And I'm the one with the fetish?"

"Never said I didn't have a few of my own," Lizzy laughs a little as 'Lemon Song' starts playing, a nice little smirk on her face. "But then again, anything you wear makes me want to take it off you. You're better naked."

"Most would say the same about you," Dean says right back to her, loving her birthday suit far better than any other outfit she's ever worn.

"Yeah… once upon a time," she comments as her hands drag lower down his body,

"The hell are you talking about?" Dean asks with a furrowed brow and stern tone, his mood slightly upset as he watches her push the jumpsuit down his torso and start in on his jeans.

"Honestly, Dean?" she peers up at him with a look of disbelief. The changes in her are making her self-conscious since she's always been a very fit person before now. The pregnancy has definitely changed that.

"Seriously, the hell does that mean… 'once upon a time'?" he keeps prying, not at all happy with the comment, while he takes her wrists in his hands and stops her.

"Ok, if you're gonna go the lying-to-make-my-wife-happy route right now then I want a divorce," she lays it all out for him. "I don't look the same. Sammy did a little bit of damage on me, which is fine since I only assumed he would and he's far more than worth it. But don't stand there and pretend that I'm still the same old me. Old me was a hottie. New me… still hot-ish, I guess, but just… not so much. And I'd prefer honesty from you."

He looks at her like she's completely insane. "When have I ever lied to you?"

"Let me count the times!" she laughs aloud, knowing he's done it frequently enough in the past. Always for her own wellbeing of course but still, he's lied.

"No, no. Don't be a smart ass. I mean it. When have I ever lied to you about how I see you?"

Lizzy sighs with frustration. "Never."

"Your God damned right," Dean says without any punch to his voice whatsoever as he places her hands on his hips, away from the fly of his jeans so that she won't continue on. Instead she'll pause and listen. "L, if you think for even a second that you're not just fucking perfect… then I don't know what the hell is wrong with you." He brings his hands up and knots his fingers into her hair again, his eyes glued to hers and filled with sincerity. "You really think a couple extra pounds is gonna make a difference to me?"

"It does to me!" she says with an awkward smile, not so much comfortable in her skin, not like she used to be.

"It doesn't to me," he returns right back. "You… L, you just gave me a son. You gave me the freakin'  _world_  and you looked hot the entire time. I have never,  _never_  stopped wanting you. I'll  _always_  look at you and see how insanely hot you are."

"Even now?" she challenges without any stubbornness. She's starting to believe him despite her own misgivings about her new body.

"Didn't I tell you how much I like me a good curvy chick?" he smirks.

"You did…"

"And yes," he cuts her off before she can further put herself down. "Even now I see a seriously hot chick when I look at you. Hell, especially now. I don't think I could ever stop wanting you so badly it could send me to the nut house."

Soft brown eyes look up at him with sheer love. "You're trying to make me cry, aren't you?"

"No," Dean shakes his head just slightly as her eyes water up. "I never  _try_  to make you cry. You're just a cry baby."

"Shut up," she lightly pushes Dean and looks away as her tears fall down her cheeks. It's rare that Dean is this open and sweet and Lizzy is ok with that. She knows who she married and she understands who Dean is. But when he does get this kind and heartfelt it always hits her square in the heart, especially with her still evening out hormones post-pregnancy.

"Not gonna shut up until you believe me," he denies her, moving his face in front of her again and forcing her to once more look at him. "With everything you've done for this family, with everything you've ever done for me and are gonna do for Sammy… you're it for me. And I've known it since the first time I ever saw you in that tight little Led Zeppelin t-shirt with a beer in your hand."

Lizzy laughs through her tears at the thought, remembering the second she first saw him herself. He was bleeding pretty profusely and bitching about it as he walked through Bobby's living room but damn was he just unbelievably sexy even while acting like a jackass. He was damn near the hottest man she'd ever seen. He still is.

"And now you're mine," he keeps right on going. "And I'm all yours, baby. And I want to be yours. You know why?"

"Because I'm hot?" Lizzy rolls her eyes.

"Because you're hot as fucking hell," Dean drives his point home when he pulls her into himself and kisses her. But he doesn't just kiss her. He gives her everything he's got, leaving her lips smoldering with the slow, meaningful way his mouth moves against hers. He was always better with actions than words. When he gently pulls away, dragging out the kiss as long as he can, he opens his eyes to see her looking at him with almost star-struck surprise. "What do I gotta do to make you understand that?"

Her thumb running across his bottom lip, her hands on either side of his face, her state goes from self-conscious to completely and totally turned on in no time flat. She easily answers while staring at her personal kryptonite. His lips. "More of that might just do it."

He smiles at her for that response before diving right back into all that is  _her_. It's truly shocking to him how much she could change over the years yet nothing about her has changed at all when he looks at her. Sure, she's grown up, that's for sure. She's more responsible now and she's honestly become the most levelheaded person in his small group. She's become a mother and has gracefully taken the role and all its accountability with ease. She's gotten her emotions under control (aside from the pregnancy hormones), her drinking under control, her life under control as much as she can within their situation. But she's still silly at times. She can still make him laugh even on the worst of days. He can still look at her during the most boring and mundane of times and get that feeling, that pull deep in his chest that assures him he'll never stop loving her. She can still make even the toughest of life's trials much easier to get through just by being at his side.

And Lizzy can still give him a boner like an overly horny teenager just by bending over to grab something from the floor. How could she think he'd ever not be attracted to her?

Kissing her, his mouth remembering just how much fun and how good it felt to do this after their long hiatus, Dean quickly reaches to her waist, wanting nothing more than to feel her skin. He lets his fingers slide under her shirt and trace the top of her pants, her warm body everything he craves on a second to second basis.

"What are you doing?" Lizzy asks, grinning against his mouth. Her hands return to the front of his pants and lower his zipper.

"What do you think I'm doing?" he returns with, attacking her lips the second he finished the question.

“Mm, this…” she gets cut off when he kisses her again, his hunger for the woman he hasn’t had in far too long growing steadily.  She presses the fingertips of her right hand onto his lips to stop him for just a moment, her face smiling at him when she does.  “I thought this was about you redeeming some brownie points?”  She’s quickly getting the feeling that the tide has turned on that.

“Not anymore,” Dean says very quickly.  He then picks her up swiftly, his hands grabbing under her thighs until she’s got her legs wrapped around him.  He them moves to the back driver’s side door of his car, opening it almost blindly as he stares at her.  He kisses her some more, his lips embracing her with a sweet fire, one that doesn’t burn too fast or engulf all of her in one roaring swoop.  “Need you… to know…” he attempts to explain through kissing her with total want.

“Know….  Oh, God,” Lizzy sighs out when Dean ducks his head and brings his mouth softly onto her neck, his lips landing on her in just the right place under her ear.  Her skin tingles all over with just that as Dean opens himself up to her completely.  He’s vulnerable and truthful… and irresistibly gorgeous because of it.  “Know what?” she finally gets out as his tongue makes a trail down the side of her neck while he lowers them into the car.

Dean lays her across the backseat of his Baby, a place they haven’t been in alone together in about a year at this point.  It feels like the good old days suddenly, despite Baby’s disheveled state. 

But it’s comfortable for Lizzy, the smell of the leather and feel of the slightly uncomfortable seat under her a reminder of the good things in life.  And as Dean moves, his actions so shockingly tender as he places her with great care onto her back, he grips her to her core.  She loves this man so much it literally hurts sometimes.

Once she’s settled there, looking comfortable as Dean leans over her, he pulls her legs up around either side of his waist.  His lips curl up slightly as he looks down at her, recalling the first night they spent together.  At one point he’d gotten her here, under him as he looked down on the face of the (back then) brand new woman, and he remembers getting a surprising thought as he did.  He couldn’t help but think that he wouldn’t mind more of her.  Six years ago he was a free man, sowing his oats, so to say, all across the country.  With all the women he’d come across, all the different types of partners he’d experienced, right in the middle of that first encounter with Lizzy he grew scared for just a brief second.

He knew he wanted her… and only her.  It was the most frightening moment in his very frightening life.

But now, Lizzy’s bright brown eyes looking up at him with a mix of sheer desire and total nervous self-consciousness, there isn’t an ounce of fear within him anywhere.  Instead what he feels is unabashed love and a real, strong need to make sure she understands just what she is to him, just what he sees every damn time he looks at her, and that she is absolutely sexy.

“You need to know how much I want you,” Dean tells her.  “And you need to understand that I will always want you.  Just you.  Because you’re fucking perfect… even when you get all in your head and start thinking you’re not.”

She smiles something completely unstoppable as she peers up at him, her hands on his jaw as she realizes just what her very closed off husband has become over time.  He’s different now and in every possible good way.  He can say these things without having to mask his meaning in rough wording.  He can look right at her and speak his heart, something that was damn near impossible when they’d first met. 

“God, I love you,” Lizzy blurts out, unable to hold back at all.

“Save the big fucking declarations until after,” Dean winks, toeing out of his boots as his feet hang out of the open car door.  “You can tell me how much you love me after I make you _feel_ like you’re as fucking beautiful as I know you are and have always been.”

With that she gets needier than she’s been since before her son was born.  She grabs his head and yanks him down onto her, crashing her lips against his with hunger.  Devouring his mouth after the words that just came from it made her feel so desired that holding back is no longer an option, she can feel Dean testing his own patience.  The two of them, with the kind of lives they’ve led through most of their relationship, have been fueled by hunger and lack of time.  They always had Sam around, always had to wait and pray for time alone and once it was there it was never long.  They used to tear into one another with abandon and true young lust… but that’s not who they are anymore.

Dean and Lizzy are older now.  They’re married.  They’re parents.  They don’t fuck in bar alleyways and motel bathrooms while drunk on far too much whiskey and sheer desperate sexual need.

They can afford a little time.  They can afford to open up to each other.  They both know the other in and out, physically and emotionally, and use that to remind each other of what they are.

Lizzy suddenly can’t wait to get Dean’s work clothes off.  As much as she adored a little something different on him in the moment she’s preferring a whole lot of nothing instead.  She hastily pushes the blue jumpsuit down his legs.

“Hey,” Dean calls quietly to her, ‘Houses of the Holy’ playing in the background.  She stops and look up to him, her eyes questioning.  “Slow down a second.  We got time for once.”

“Until Sammy cries,” she reminds him. 

“You don’t have any bottles in the fridge?”

“No,” she says sadly.  “I figured this was just a blow job.  Wouldn’t be out here that long.”

Dean looks at her with offence.  “Well… I mean… it wouldn’t have been _that_ quick…”

Lizzy just laughs a little at that.  “We’ve been celibate for over a month.”

She makes a very good point.

“Ok, well…. get ready, then,” Dean tells her as he kicks the coveralls he has on down and off his legs.  He then settles between her knees and pauses to kiss her while grasping onto the lapels of her tan leather bomber jacket.  “Because after so long without sex I’m about to give you the best minute and a half of your life.”

“Make it a solid two and you have a deal,” Lizzy grins wide, sitting up as he pushes her coat down her shoulders and kisses her some more.  She threads her arms through the sleeves, hastily getting rid of it.

“I can try,” Dean jokes through the building want they’re both feeling.  He presses his lips to hers as he grabs ahold of the bottom of her long sleeved Henley once her arms are free.  The item flies over her head quickly and she seeks his mouth once more the second it’s gone. 

“God damn,” he comments as he sits back just for the time it takes for him to lose the flannel he had on.  He looks her over as he pulls the shirt off his arms, her back pressed to the leather seat of his prized yet still in disarray possession.  “Your boobs gonna stay like that?” he questions with a wide, mischief-laden grin.  Her chest is huge with her breastfeeding and it’s no secret that Dean’s always viewed boobs as the bigger the better.

“Thank God, no!” she laughs a little as she’s not the biggest fan of the solid D’s or larger that she’s been rocking for a while.  “And I hate to tell you but the girls are off limits right now.”

“What?” he questions with surprised disappointment.  “Why?”

“Because they hurt!” she explains loudly.  “Good lord, they’re in no shape for fun.  For now they are function only.”

“Bummer,” Dean laments as he eyes her large breasts framed by the simple black bra she has on, not at all the usually much more fun type of lingerie she prefers.  He couldn’t care less what she’s wearing though.  Basic or not she still looks insanely good. 

“These don’t belong to you anymore, at least not right now,” she says.  “Sorry, daddy.”  There’s something sexy behind her voice as she loosens up with his reassurance.

The way she calls him daddy… he can feel the flash of heat travel across his skin.  He quickly grabs the back collar of his black t-shirt and pulls it over his head before diving back down onto her.  He attacks her neck, growling just slightly and making Lizzy giggle with his antics.  Boy has she missed this guy.

“You like me calling you that too much,” Lizzy tells him, her voice honey coated as his tongue traces circles on her skin.

“Just sounds so fucking sexy coming from you,” Dean explains himself.  “Makes me wanna do things to you.”

“Naughty things?” she grins, Dean’s head lifting up to look at her with the playful question.

“The naughtiest,” he says back, face set before pressing his lips to hers again.

“Mm,” Lizzy buzzes a little when she can feel Dean’s hand slide over her between her denim-clad legs.  Her hips rise into the touch, having forgot how damn good that can feel.  It’s just been too long.  “Touch me,” Lizzy says quietly to him with a burning need clear in her voice.  She reaches between them and opens her pants, not waiting for him to do it.  “I want you touch me so bad.”

“Thought you’d never ask,” Dean relieves as he swiftly sits up and grabs her ankle, pulling her boot off.  Once off he reaches for her other foot, doing the same while she lifts her hips and shoves her jeans down her legs.  They pull her pants off together until she’s left in just a bra and her blue lace trimmed panties. 

For a selfish moment, Dean just sits back on his heels and runs his hands over her mostly bare skin.  He outlines her form, his fingers dragging down her legs and back before roaming up her sides.  He notices her tense up just slightly when he touches down her bare stomach.

“What’s that about?” he questions her, a hand once more making its way between her legs.

Lizzy just shakes her head.  “It’s fine.”

“No… what’s going on?” Dean pushes her, seeing her discomfort.  When a woman isn’t comfortable during sex you might as well ask her to talk about the WWE or jock itch.  It’ll be uninteresting to her and highly one sided and to Dean that’s about as good as a failed hunt.

“Just… I told you already,” Lizzy tries to push it aside, placing her hand atop his and making him rub her through her very little clothing.  “I’m ok.”

“You’re so full of shit you sound like me,” Dean calls her out.

“I just… I don’t really love my stomach right now.”

Dean just stares at her, his face blank.  “You’re kidding me.”

“No,” Lizzy says with annoyance.  “I’m… bigger.  And I have stretch marks, ok?”

Dean sighs and hangs his head as he sits back, hands on his hips.  “You’re so fucking frustrating…”

“I’m not trying to be,” she says, something slightly sad that she’s letting him down.

“I know, but you gotta shut that brain down,” Dean tries again.  “And you gotta believe me.”

“I’m a woman.  Not gonna happen,” Lizzy says, half jesting.  “Plus… I mean, seriously, Dean?”  She runs her hands down his bare torso with still running attraction.  “You still look exactly like you.  You’re so fucking hot it makes my panties melt off.  It’s uneven right now and that sucks for me.”

Looking down at her, her eyes showing her apologetic position as she peers up at him, he’s nearly at a loss with her.  She’s never been like this before.  Lizzy has always been confident while he’s known her.  She’s been self-assured and never anything short of bold when they were alone.  She always moved with sheer sex, her slinky actions and sure moves just stunning, mesmerizing for him.  To see her like this, shy and questioning after giving him a beautiful little boy… he’s shocked.

“Who the fuck are you?” he asks, never having met this stranger beneath him.

“What kind of question is that?”

He just stares ta her.  “Who are you?”

She sighs, hating this tactic.  “Lizzy.”

“Lizzy whooooo?” Dean draws out and jokes a little, shaking her by the grip on her hips. 

Lizzy just gives him a look of warning.  Dean returns it with a cocked eyebrow and a face that says she better answer.

“Right now… Noonan,” she says stubbornly.

“Legally?”

“Winchester,” she sighs.  “Lizzy Winchester.”

“Good.  Now… last I checked…” Dean starts, leaning down over her, his face hovering over her stomach that, yes, isn’t the perfectly defined example of Maxim’s wet dream at this point but is still just as sexy as before to him.  “The Lizzy Winchester I knew…” he says, pausing to run his tongue in a circle around her bellybutton.  “Never let anything get in the way of a good time.”

“Guess I’ve changed,” she tells him, propped up on her elbows to watch him.

“No, you haven’t,” Dean denies her, not accepting that at all.  “You just think you have.  You’re still a nympho in there.”  He kisses lower on her stomach, his lips light and sweet.  “You’re still sexy as hell.”  He lines the top of her panties with his tongue, swiping across her skin as his fingers hook into either side at her hips.  “And…” he looks up at her.  “You’re still the same chick I’ve been crazy about for six years straight.”

He can see her melting through her expression.  She places a loving hand on his cheek as he just smiles at her, his hands lowering her underwear down her legs.  He keeps his eyes on her bright brown ones as he removes her panties completely before sliding his hands back up her smooth, long legs.  “God, how could you think you’re not just fucking unbelievable, huh?”  He settles in, knees on the cement floor of the garage and an arm hooked under each leg.  He pulls her towards him until she’s lying right at the edge of the backseat.  “How could you possibly think that I wouldn’t kill to get to this body if it came down to that?”

Her eyebrows knit together for a second, trusting that he’s telling the complete truth to her.  He’s truly an exceptional person and nothing like the person he pretends he is out there in the world.  He’s her guy, the sweet one with sweet words and even sweeter actions.  Dean Winchester is the husband every good woman prays to find.  Even at her lowest points he can lift her up and make her feel like she’s on top of the damn world.

“I love you,” Dean reminds her as ‘Thank You’ starts filling the air.  “So don’t you ever feel self-conscious or un-hot or anything other than perfect around me.  You hear me?”

She smiles soft, his roughed palms rubbing up and down her thighs as he waits for her response.  “Hear you loud and clear, captain.”

“Captain,” he gives an approving nod.  “I like that.”

“I’ll get you a ship captain’s hat for next time.”

“There you go dressing me right up again,” Dean huffs a quiet laugh.

“I bet Captain Winchester is a very sexy man,” Lizzy jokes a little as she calms down, letting his words of assurance seep in.

“What about just plain old me?” he questions and before she can answer her voice lets out one deep and blissful moan as his tongue slowly glides up her center just once.

“Oh God,” she says within a breathy tone, his mouth already at work and making her weak.  Dean is a man of many talents but this may be at the top of the list.  His skills when concerning sex have always just simply blown her away and the fact that he’s just gotten better over time… so worth being with the broken and burdened man for just that reason alone.  “Dean,” she says within a moan when his tongue circles her clit once.  “Love just plain old you.  My favorite you, oh my God.”

Peering up at her from between her legs Dean watches her eyes close and head drop back.  He can’t see her expression now but he already knows exactly what it looks like anyways.  Lips parted with her heavier breathing, eyes glazed over with pleasure, forehead knotted in concentration… he knows that look as well as he knows his own reflection in the mirror. 

By the time he has her hips moving, grinding against his face with growing need, Dean knows she’s too far gone to be self-conscious anymore.  That’s the wonderful thing about his wife.  Lizzy can lose herself in an act so open and bare to another person that the whole world could crumble around her and she wouldn’t even notice.  All she will recognize is touch and love and desire.  Many women can’t do that and Dean’s worked far too hard in the past to get others to shut off and enjoy themselves without their minds speaking too loudly to them to ruin it.  He never has to work too hard to make Lizzy find that place where nothing else matters beside him and them.

“Dean.”

He smiles against her skin at that.  His name on her lips when he’s got her going this hard is better than any Zeppelin song he’s heard… and he’s heard them all too many times to count.

“Fucking beautiful,” Dean comments with sheer lust in his tone before wrapping his lips around her clit, making her hips rise up sharply with the change.  She moans shamelessly loud, her whole body now reacting to him.  As he works he reaches upward, his hands traveling over her form.  Purposefully, he touches down her stomach not unlike before.  This time she doesn’t hesitate or flinch.  Instead she keeps right on moaning, chasing after that end she so desperately needs. 

Right where he wants her.

Replacing mouth with hand, Dean leans back on his knees between her legs as he massages her, smiling with feral want.  “Seriously.  Everything about you is beautiful.”

Lizzy looks up at her man, his hand making her crazy as she watches him open his jeans.

“Baby, fuck me,” Lizzy impatiently rushes out as she leans up on one hand and helps him out with the other.  “God, I need you.”

“Ask nicely,” Dean tells her, only half-jokingly.

“Please,” she lets fly from her mouth in an instant, letting all stubbornness and pride go.  “Please, fuck me.  Dean, please.”

His mouth is right away in a huge, cheek-breaking smile to hear her say that.  He’s been dying for this for months now.

“You have no idea…” he tells her, toeing off his boots and kicking off his pants.  “How badly I’ve been wanting you.”

“No, I’ve definitely got an idea,” she returns with while grabbing him by the back of the neck and pulling him down over her, now naked.  He crawls over her, kneeling between her open legs and propping himself up with a hand on the backseat at either side of her head.  She wraps a hand around his cock tight and guides him to her entrance.  “ _Please_.”

A spark of something flashes in his eyes before he leans down and kisses her, really kisses her.  For just a moment he lets his lips do the speaking without his voice. 

When he ends the kiss and backs away only enough to look right into her eyes, nose tip pressed to nose tip, he says, “Say that you’re beautiful.”

“Dean…” she complains and turns her head away from him, peering at the back of the driver’s seat instead of at him with the ridiculous request.

“Knock it off,” he softly tells her and leans down on his elbows, moving her head back into place.   When she’s once more looking up at him, his palms pressed lightly to her both of her cheeks and making her focus on him, he requests the same thing.  “Say it.  Say you’re beautiful.”

“You’re being stupid.”

“No, you are if you think any different.  Now say it or I head inside right now.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep.”

“I’d like to see you try that,” he smiles before pressing a quick kiss to her lips.  “Say it, L.  Come on.”

She just stares at him with disbelief. 

“Baby, say it,” Dean eggs her on again. 

“I’m…” she pauses with embarrassment.  “Beautiful.”

“Ok, not bad,” he says, kissing her cheek and then lips one more time.  “But this time I have to believe you.”

“Dean, stop it.”

“No, this is important.”

“No it isn’t,” she fights him back.

“It is to me,” he counters, kissing her again as he reaches down in between the two of them.  “You have to believe it.  Say it again.”

Before she can answer Dean eases almost too slowly into her, making Lizzy’s lids close and mouth hang open with that perfect feeling of him inside her, a feeling she’s missed oh so much.

With his forehead pressed to hers, his own eyes closed when he gets the warmth and comfort of _her_ back, Dean still himself and waits a moment before speaking.  “You’re the most beautiful thing in my damn life.  Now say it.”

When she opens her eyes his green ones are staring right back at her already.  The way he looks at her, the way he speaks to her and moves with her… she believes it. 

“I’m beautiful.”

And there it is.  She says it, means it, and he truly believes her.

“That’s my girl,” he smiles down to her before diving into all that is his honestly beautiful wife.  She’s everything he’s ever needed and everything every guy that’s ever met her wants.  But she’s his and the pride he has over that is too much to describe. 

Kissing her with sheer hunger, Dean moves over her with driven need. 

When the first moan leaves her mouth it’s the music to his ears that he hasn’t heard in far too long.  He loves the hell out of that sound, her voice wordlessly pleading for more and telling him how good she feels without forming a single syllable. 

“Fuck I missed this,” Lizzy says within another moan as she looks up at him, pleasure coating her expression despite the slight smile on her lips.  Her hands come to his back, her smaller body wrapping itself around him and making him feel like he’s her protector, her safe place, her _man_.  That’s a great feeling.

And as Lizzy peers at her man above her, every ounce of his attention spent completely on her and making sure this is good for her, she’s once more reminded of how absolutely selfless he is.  Everything he does is for her, for Sam, for their son… for their family.  She can’t ever recall the last thing he’s done for just himself… if he even has done anything for just himself in the past five years, that is.

“I love you,” she says to him with such ease because that phase is the easiest thing for her to say.  In fact, it isn’t good enough to explain her true emotions towards him but ‘I love you’ is as close as she can come.  “Dean, I love you so much…”

“I know,” he says quickly before pressing his lips firmly to hers.  He knows it all, knows it like he knows nothing else in this world. 

She buzzes against his lips, her body so close, pressing to his with need.  When his lips part from hers, never backing away from hers more than an inch, he lets out his own sigh and moan of pure goodness.  Everything they’re about always comes down to this, their physical intensity.  As he kisses a line to her ear, his arms around her tightly as if he can’t stand any space at all between them, he knows he can only show the depths of his need for her.  He could never really explain it.

“And this is how much I love you,” Dean tells her, hips rolling into her without aggression or haste.  This is that sweet spot, where everything is perfect.  She’s under him, giving herself over to him and baring her _everything_ to him even when she doesn’t have faith in what she is right now.  And he’s over her, blanketing her completely with everything he’s ever had to give her.  Dean’s never had money, security, or prosperity to give to the only woman he loves, but he’s always been able to give her one thing that mattered more than it all.  Him.  All he’s ever had is himself in life and he’s given that over to her completely and without thought. 

“Oh, God,” Lizzy hushes out, her cheek pressed to his until he turns his head to face her.  He kisses her, his lips taking their time as that slow, delicious build truly starts to take root.

“L,” Dean says his nickname for her, the name only he gets to call her.  She lifts her eye lids until she’s looking up at him with wide, bright chestnut brown eyes and he can’t help but smile.  “Almost forgot how good you feel.”

She grins back quickly before grabbing the back of his neck, pulling his lips to hers again.  She just wants to feel him, all of him, in every way possible. 

When she moans into his mouth the way that sets him off every time, Dean speeds up just a bit.  He keeps their lips connected as she moans a little louder than before, giving him that beautiful sound some more. 

“Dean, oh yeah,” she says to him, her forehead once more pressed against his and as she curls her entire form into his.  “Oh, oh my… oh God…”

And he moves faster again, giving her what she needs when she needs it with his perfect knowledge of her.  

“Lizzy,” Dean closes his eyes and falls into her fully. 

“Dean, yes, oh!” she cries out as she pulls him closer, her hands on either side of his neck.  Lizzy gives in and enjoys herself, forgetting the motherly part of her, the best friend and sister part, the hunter part, all of it… except for the part that belongs to Dean.  Right now she’s all his and no one else’s and she’d have it no other way.

She hums with sheer bliss, her stress of the recent, well, _everything_ fading more and more by the second as the warmth and tingle of a perfect orgasm makes its way through her body, up to her head and down to the toes.

She huffs a few breaths as Dean keeps going, moving fast and needy over her.

“Oh God, baby,” Lizzy sighs as she cups his face and kisses his perfect lips before running her tongue over them.  “Ooh, did I need that.”

Dean kisses her again in response, his hips moving into her steadily with how much of a turn on it is to see her come like that, the happiness on her face and in her voice something that’s been hard to come by with the intensity of their lives.  He loves this version of her. 

“Hot Shot,” she smiles up at him while using his nickname she gave him, looking young and refreshed as ever.  When she leans up and kisses him again that’s about all he can take. 

“Mm!” Dean moans out, his mouth against hers before pulling away.  “Oh God damn.  Lizzy.”

His arms coming around her hard, digging under her back and pulling her flush against him, he lets go. 

And Lizzy clings to him through it.  This is what they’ve needed.  This is what they always need through the worst of the worst.  Each other.  The confirmation that they’ve both made it through another day and are still together, happy, and can get through everything in their way as long as they hang on is all they need.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean huffs out with relief once he’s back on Earth again.  “Think I needed that too.”  He grins huge down at her.  “Damn, I feel good now.”

“Better than I have in weeks myself,” Lizzy smiles right back before pressing a sweet kiss to hips.  Quickly, before she can pull away, Dean leans down and deepens it, not wanting this wonderful moment to end.  It’s too good and too rare these days.

“Fuck, I missed you,” he says to her between kisses before parting their lips so he can look at her.  He pulls his arms back from around her before leaning down on his elbows, brushing the hair that came loose from her ponytail out of her face. 

“We gotta make sure we make more time for this,” Lizzy agrees completely.

“Damn straight,” he kisses her cheek.  “I’m still shocked no one walked in…”

“Liz!” they both hear Bobby shout when the side door to the garage opens, the sound of their wailing son filling the space space.

“Bobby, you might wanna stay right there,” Dean fairly wars as they’re both naked in the backseat of a car that’s half-disassembled.  They’re not really hiding all that well.

“Ya damn animals,” Bobby mutters as he turns his back to them and faces the rest of the salvage yard.  “Liz, I hate to do this…”

“Sammy’s hungry, I got it,” Lizzy says to him as her little boy cries for her.  “I’m coming.  Give me one minute.”

“That’s about all I can take of this one,” Bobby says.  “Hurry up.  He’s only getting’ louder.”

“I’m coming, relax,” Lizzy assures as she shifts to get out from under her husband.  The door of the garage shuts and she sighs.  “You were saying?”

“Damn kid,” Dean complains.  “Finally got you where I always want you and he kills the afterglow.”

Lizzy laughs.  “No time for that.  We have a baby now.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, his tone down and out as they both collect their clothing.

“But he’s worth it,” Lizzy reminds him as she pulls her panties on.  “More than, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, that little cock block is alright in the end,” Dean winks at her and grins. 

Lizzy pulls her shirt overhead, Dean zipping up his pants.  “You almost done out here for the night?”

“Yeah, I’m giving up soon.”

“Good,” she says.  “I’d be nice to hang out with you after I feed him and put him down for a nap.”

“Yeah?” Dean cocks and eyebrow.

“Of course,” she says.   “I can never get enough of you, baby.”

He looks at her with surprise as he grabs his shirt.  “That sounded like my line.”

“Guess I’ve been hanging around you a little too much,” she laughs back, retrieving her shoes once her pants are on.  “You’re a terrible influence.”

“Oh am I?” he smiles back at her.

“The worst,” she flirts a bit.  “Our poor son is gonna have a mouth on him.”

“And not because of your swearing but because of me?”

“Yup,” she grins wide as she pulls on her second boot before walking right for him.  She presses one solid, real kiss on his mouth before looking up at the impossibly green eyes.  “You’re a bad boy, Dean.”

And he’s suddenly no longer offended.  “I am, aren’t I?” he asks, grabbing her ass in both hands and pulling her hard against him.  “But you love it.”

She smirks, her stomach fluttering like it always does around him when he gets all cute and young-Dean again.  “More than you know.”  She kisses him one last time, leaving something smoldering on his lips when she pulls away.  “But now I have to go see the other man in my life… show him some love.  And boob.”  She backs away and grabs her breasts lightly, lifting her eyebrows once playfully.

Dean huffs a laugh with her easy and silly ways.  “I’ll come with you.”

* * *

 


	9. I Will Wait, I Will Wait for You

* * *

"I still say we should be at the mall instead of here," Lizzy once more mentions as she and Lou take a seat in the truck bed of the rusted pickup behind Bobby's salvage yard. They haven't been back here together in years and years. It used to be their getaway spot, the place they could talk without interruption and enjoy the huge open area filled with quiet serenity. She may have shared some time out there with Dean too but he was just borrowing it. It was  _their_  spot. Louie and the Lizard.

"Yeah, because I'd be so fucking good with crowds these days," Lou rolls her eyes and hops up onto the back of the truck, the neck of her guitar gripped tight in hand.

"I'd be with you," Lizzy reassures. "You'd be fine and you seriously need clothes. You've been living in my shirts and jeans that don't fit my fat ass anymore since you got back and even those are too big for you."

"You're not fat," Lou snaps at her sister with her downer comment. "You had a fucking kid so shut up."

"Whatever," Lizzy gets annoyed. "Point is you need some clothes."

"I don't want to go to the mall." Lou sits there, feet dangling as Lizzy jumps up to sit next to her. She tunes up her guitar as Lizzy sets up her IPod dock.

"Fair enough… what about the vintage consignment place?" Lizzy keeps trying. "It's never busy in there and we always find stuff every trip."

"That place is fun.…" Lou trails off, considering it.

"Very fun. And affordable. And I haven't been back without you."

Lou thinks about it for a second. "Yeah, ok. I can do that."

"Nice. We'll go tomorrow." She smiles wide at Lou for the solution, knowing she needs to reacclimatize her to life in general. Being in public is part of life. She then focuses on her IPod. "Ok, so… there hasn't been a ton of good stuff to come out in the past four years. It's been a bit dry but I got some stuff for you that you'll love."

"I'm all ears," Lou smiles, knowing that her sister knows her well and surely will nail finding her some brand new music to listen to after her several year hiatus from all music.

"Ok, well I've kinda fallen in love with this band from London. They're right up your ally," she tells her sister as she presses play. "They're called Mumford and Sons. Very bluegrass, folksy stuff and it's fucking awesome. This last album just came out, like, a month ago and it's been in my ears whenever I can manage ever since."

The music starts up, the guitar hitting hard for an acoustic right off the bat, and Lou's eye goes wide. So much depth, so rich. This was already her kind of music. Talent, style, original… and then the vocals kick in.

"Uh, I  _love_  his voice," Lou says the second she hears it. "And these guys are no joke. They can  _play_ …"

"And with heart," Lizzy grins ear to ear to have hit the nail on the head with this one. "I thought of you every time I've heard them. Just so damn you."

"Oh God, this is so fucking good," she says as she absorbs the beautiful sounds. It's perfect.

Lizzy just smirks at her reaction, watching Lou's eyes rolls back as she audibly devours the new-to-her sound. Along with her proclamation she sounded damn near turned on.

"Would you prefer to listen to this alone?" she jokes to her sister quickly.

"Fuck off," she gripes in return, closing her eyes and letting the sounds flow through her with all the love this band clearly has for music. "And come on, you never heard just utter passion in really good music?"

"Every time I put Zeppelin on and get Dean alone in a room… sure. More than enough passion, actually," Lizzy smile a little to herself.

Lou narrows her eyes at her sister. "Not what I meant."

She laughs in return. "I know, but it's still super true. Sometimes good sex is only complete with a good soundtrack."

"Oh, amen to that," Lou returns with, believing the same as she looks down and positions her fingers just right. When the chorus riff in the song starts up again she strums along with it, getting it right on her first try.

"How the fuck do you do that?" Lizzy asks with still running aw at her abilities. She grew up knowing Lou was overly talented but still it's impressive to witness and hear.

"Do what?" Lou asks, eyes closed again as she listens closely to make sure she's got it.

"Play like that? And pick up on a song like this so quickly?"

"Lizard, there are two things in this world that I understand completely," Lou starts, looking at her friend with something actually playful in her eyes. Lighthearted has been hard for Lou to find since her return. Her anxiety and always alert disposition have had her too on edge for anything easy. "Music and men. The true M & M's of my life."

Shaking her head, Lizzy laughs a little.

"What?" Lou questions with the reaction.

"That sounded like a Dean line," she confesses what's so damn funny. "I swear… you two are two fucking peas in a pod. Obsessed with sex, self-proclaimed masters of the art at that, obsessed with cars and music and… I don't know. I must have a type."

Lou looks at her funny with that comments. "Type? What are we, dating?'

"Shut up, no," Lizzy shakes her question off. "I'm just saying that I think it's funny, you know? I grew up with you and you've always been my best friend. I just think it's funny that the guy I end up marrying is a whole lot like you is all."

"I guess," Lou says, nodding. She then eyes Lizzy in a suspicious way. "You sayin' you're in love with me?"

"Aw, sweetie," Lizzy patronizes right back as her hand drops onto Lou's knee. "I love you… but I'm not  _in_  love with you. I'm sorry."

"Aw, and you still think you're funny."

"I  _am_  funny."

"No… you're not."

"I totally am. I could have been a comedian."

"What!?"

Lizzy laughs a little. "Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating."

"Just a little," Lou sarcastically adds in.

"But I'm still funny," she defends herself. "You're just so used to my sense of humor that you don't really react to it anymore."

"That must be it," Lou comments caustically.

Lizzy just smiles and drops it, letting the music take over for a little bit. Lou had 'Babel' nailed by the end of the song and she stowed her guitar to her side for 'Whispers in the Dark', choosing to lay on her back and look up at the bright blue, wintery sky instead. She watches passing clouds and sighs, finding herself relaxing, completely and totally, for the first time since she left Purgatory. She's with Lizzy, she has music… she's good and really that's all she needs.

"How you been sleeping?" Lizzy asks her sister as she pulls her feet up into the truck bed and into Lou's lap, Lou's legs still dangling off the edge.

"Alright," Lou admits, watching as a cloud morphs from a rabbit into a tree, the kind you draw as a kid with a circular squiggly line for leaves. "Haven't woken up confused again."

"That's good!" Lizzy encourages.

"It's not bad," she agrees, nodding slightly. She's been sleeping ok enough, in spurts of three to four hours at a time. She was never allowed more than that in Purgatory and her body hasn't been able to adjust to human, Earth-bound sleep schedules quite yet.

"You seem better than when you first arrived."

"I feel better."

Lizzy grins wide to hear this. "And you know I'm gonna ask…"

"So don't," Lou preemptively cuts her off, not knowing for sure what she wants to pry about but has a good feeling.

"How are you and Sam doing?"

"Just peachy."

Rolling her eyes, Lizzy knew she'd get this kind of avoiding response. "Fuck you."

"Fuck yourself."

"How are you guys doing?" she persistently asks again.

"We're good, Lizard. You can relax."

"I wasn't worried…"

With the excuse Lou's head shoots up, staring at her sister like she's insane. "All you ever do is worry. That's who you are."

"Touché," Lizzy nods with a grin.

"But don't," Lou tells her, propping up on her elbows. "We're good. Shockingly good, actually."

"Yeah?" Lizzy asks, unstoppable smile of pure excitement on her lips.

"Yeah," Lou echoes. "Considering how fucked up I am, how broken his brain is, and how scared shitless of an actual relationship I am… we're really good."

Lizzy just stares at her friend with a syrupy-sweet look of pure lovey-dovey enjoyment and Lou groans with utter annoyance.

"And that's why I didn't want to talk to you about this," Lou says, falling onto her back again to avoid having to look at the stupid expression her Lizzy's face.

"I'm excited."

"No shit."

"And Sam needed this," Lizzy explains. "I know you and how you are, always have, but nowadays I know Sam just as well. He's a damn good person that deserves… God, everything. And he's needed a break to come his way. I mean, Rina was the closest I'd seen him come to happiness in fucking years but of course that didn't pan out…"

"Rina?" Lou questions, ears perking up a bit at the mention of another woman.

"Yeah, uh… Well, over a year ago we met this gypsy working in Louisiana when I was cursed. She saved my life and then proceeded to help Sam out too."

"She help him with his dick?" Lou laughs.

"Well, kinda… but mostly she helped him get past you," Lizzy explains, making Lou's eyes go wide. "He was still stuck on you, was for a long ass time, and she got him to let go a little. They ended up really liking each other and I really thought something was gonna come out of it… but then Sam had to go and save the world by diving into Lucifer's Cage and all so they never worked out."

"Damn," Lou says, nodding. She wasn't exactly alone the entire time she was away either and as much as it slightly stings to hear it she's grateful that Sam had at least one person trying to get through that highly guarded wall Sam's built around him.

"I really liked her," Lizzy admits. "She was a hottie and she was so good to him. I'm just glad that now that she's out of the picture he's still found himself some happiness. I didn't think it'd be  _this_ …" she gestures to her sister. "But it's the best break he could have gotten. With all he's been through he deserves to be happy somehow."

"Oh, don't worry, Lizard. I make him happy," Lou shoots her a serious and mischievous look. " _Very_ happy."

"Thank God!" Lizzy lets out one big laugh at that. "I was getting tired of monk-Sam moping around while seriously needing to get laid."

"Fuck me, I so don't get that," Lou says, sitting up and leaning against the opposite side of the truck bed, facing Lizzy with her sister's feet still in her lap. "How? How could someone so fucking good at what he does in bed be such a fucking prude?"

"It's truly one of the great mysteries of our time," Lizzy agrees easily. "But that's just the thing, I think. Sam doesn't let go easily. He's tightly wound and has a hard time trusting outsiders in any aspect. Being that open and exposed to a person he doesn't know isn't something he can just do, not like some of us." Lizzy nudges Lou with her foot, meaning her.

"Yeah… well, that was the old me," Lou admits. "I'm not so easily trusting these days."

"You still trust Sam though."

"And I always will."

Lizzy just grins with that, feeling far too happy for two of her favorite people. "I like hearing that, especially since the two of you mean the fucking world to me."

"Ok, enough of the sappy crap," Lou decides right then and there. Enough is enough.

"Ok, fine… how's the sex?" Lizzy asks. When Lou looks at her she has a slightly surprised expression on her face. "You knew I was gonna ask."

"Uh, no… I didn't, actually," Lou admits.

"Have we met!?"

"Yeah, it's just… you and Sam are kinda close now."

"Well, yeah," Lizzy huffs a laugh. "We've been together for, like, four years almost nonstop. Of course we're friends."

"But you're, like, more than that. You're like brother and sister."

"So?"

"So, isn't it weird to talk about him like that?"

Lizzy gives an incredulous look to her sister. "Are you fucking serious?  _We_  talk like that all the fucking time! And we're sisters!"

"True," Lou nods, understanding better but for the first time ever she isn't chomping at the bit to spill details of her sex life.

"So…?" Lizzy smiles wide at her and waits.

"So… it's good.  _Really_  good," Lou says as a smile turns up in the corners of her mouth unstoppably.

"And?"

"And… it's good. I don't know."

Lizzy notices the difference in her immediately. "Shiiiiit."

"What?"

"You're either speechless or you're not really you," Lizzy points out, grinning wide. "You're vaulting up on me."

"I'm not  _vaulting_ …"

"You're vaulting!" Lizzy repeats, pointing accusingly at her sister. "You're not gonna talk!"

"Dude, why do you have to suck so fucking much?" Lou questions in a whiny voice. "What's the big fucking deal?"

"I'm curious… but clearly you aren't in a sharing mood for the very first time ever." Lizzy sighs as she thinks about this. "So what… he's gone downhill in skills? Because I can have a talk with him…"

"Don't you dare!" Lou denies Lizzy quickly as her sister laughs. "And you're wrong. His skills… he's doing just fine. Hell, far better than fine. Still the best sex I've ever had."

"Reigning champ, huh?" Lou nods yes. "Quite a feat."

"Asshole," Lou mumbles and pushes her sister's feet off of her lap before bringing her knees up and leaning her elbows on them. "Listen, Sam and I are good so far in  _every_ aspect. It's just… I don't know. For the first time it's not about how kinky he is or how many times we did it… or how fucking crazy we got. It's different than before."

"Because you love him?"

Lou peers at Lizzy and doesn't see the patronizing expression she assumed she would. Instead it's a knowing look, one that says Lizzy understands her.

"Well… yeah. And way to make this super cheesy," Lou complains, shifting awkwardly with discomfort. "This whole relationship shit is new to me. And worst of all it's so easy for him and I'm an awkward ass all the fucking time. It sucks."

"It doesn't suck, you moron," Lizzy kicks her first lightly. "It's great. It's really great that you guys found each other again and everything is good."

"Well, as good as it can be."

"Isn't that the name of our game?" Lizzy sighs a little.

Just then 'I Will Wait' starts up and Lou's eyes go wide when she gets into the lyrics of it all. She sits up tall and grabs her guitar.

"You like this one I take it?" Lizzy asks, clearly knowing she does.

Lou nods, placing her fingers correctly and figuring the song out without another word. Something about this one, the words, the feel of need and devotion, the very core of the song… it's perfect. It's everything. It's her.

Without another word Lou listens to the whole song, figuring the basics out easily enough. When the song ends she just sits there for just second and looks at her sister. "Can you put that one on again?"

"Um… sure," Lizzy says, a little taken aback by her reaction to the song. As she presses the back button and the song starts over, Lou drops her guitar to her side and this time just sits there, eyes closed and absorbs it all.

It shocks Lizzy completely when Lou lifts her lids halfway through the song and looks off into the clearing, quickly wiping her eyes before the tears could even drop. It takes a lot, a whole lot, to get Lou to become so emotional but something in this song it touching her deep.

"You ok?" Lizzy questions her friend and Lou just nods, keeping her sights out into the distance.

She didn't want to answer verbally right now because the lump in her throat wouldn't let her anyways.

"Just… really like this song," Lou says in a very quiet, near whisper.

The two of them sit there for a bit, listening without speaking. Once she recovered, Lou and Lizzy spoke about all different things, from Sammy to music to sports to their families long lost. They spent hours together out on Bobby's property before Lizzy went back in to care for her son. It felt like the good old days, the best days when the two of them were just simply the best of friends and adored every second of time they could spend together.

But Lou stayed outside once Lizzy was gone. She listened to that one song several more times, memorizing it and crafting it to her own personal ways in her mind. She didn't leave until the sun had set and she was sure she had it right.

* * *

"Alright," Sam says happily, his nephew tucked into his arm as he walks alone into the nursery. "Dinner time. Just the Sam's."

He takes a seat into the wooden rocking chair and settles in, burp cloth over his shoulder and ready with a warmed bottle in his other hand.

"As I see it, your parents need a damn break from you now and then," Sam says lightly, holding the bottle to the little boy's lips as he quietly fusses with hunger. "Not to say they don't like you or anything. You're just tiring."

Sammy starts to eat like the hungry son of Dean that he is. It's all too easy for him when he knows what he wants and he's already contented once he's going, legs kicking away in his footie pajamas.

"So now we get to hang out, which is just find by me," Sam tells him, smiling a bit.

They sit in the near silent room, hearing the people on the bottom floor talking and moving about with dish washing and research. Sam hasn't had a lot of time with his nephew just the two of them so he's very okay with this moment. Granted the little guy can't talk yet but it's just nice to be wordlessly comfortable with one of his truly loved ones.

And as he sits and watches the infant he realizes just how much this child already is his brother. He's an eater, he flirts mercilessly when he wants attention, only sits still for his father as if he's already the perfect little obeying son, and damn it all if the boy wasn't already a spitting image of the man.

"Not sure I'm ready for two of you…"

"Two of who?"

Sam looks up to see Lou walking into the nursery, bright blue eyes on him as she moves to the bed Lizzy and Dean have been sharing since Sammy's birth.

"Two Dean's," Sam says with a grin, happy to see her. Yes he wanted his alone time with Sammy but adding in Lou was still just as good, if not better.

"I don't think the  _world_  is ready for that," Lou comments dryly as she pulls the comforter over the bed and takes a seat, propping her guitar against the side of the mattress. She then looks at Sam with a grin. "He does look a hell of a lot like his dad, though, doesn't he?"

"Damn near clone," Sam huffs. "Dad kept a picture of him holding Dean when he was just born in his journal and I swear he's the exact same."

"Except for that nose," Lou says with an unstoppable smile as she looks down at Sammy from her seat. "There's no denying that there's a little bit of the Giant in that cute little peanut."

"Yeah…" Sam trails off as he looks down at the serene face of the little boy, knowing it's true. The pride he has in that fact, that there's something unmistakably him in Sammy, is just huge. It makes him happier than he could have thought. The  _child_  has made him happier than he could have thought. Yes, he's Dean's boy and that alone makes Sammy so important but considering he's not his actual father Sam's pretty sure this is as close as it comes to feeling like one. He's protective of him to a very serious point and to say Sammy's not his top priority in life would be an utter lie. And Sam knows this is probably as close as he'll ever get to being a father himself so he takes it for what it is.

"When the fuck did Bobby's house become one big walking, talking chick flick?" Lou complains when she witnesses the moment between Sam and Sammy. "Even your brother's getting a little… soft."

Sam ignores her and just shrugs, not giving a shit if he's being sappy or not.

"Um, so… it's kinda hard to get you alone lately," Lou starts as she picks up her guitar and puts it in her Indian-style lap. "And I saw an opportunity and decided to take it."

"You're gonna play me a song?" Sam asks with surprise and Lou just looks at him, saying a silent no-kidding. "And you think the rest of us are chick flick?"

"You want me to play or not?" Lou says with impatience and a clear defensive tone. He makes a good point and she hates it.

Sam just laughs a little. "Play away. Sammy and I are good listeners."

Lou nods, peering at him with just a hint of hesitance before she looks down and prepares herself. She always gets this quick flash of fright when playing for anyone other than Lizzy or her mother. But this is Sam so she pushes past it and sucks it up. When ready she closes her eyes and sighs, brain focusing in.

Immediately her fingers start to deftly fly over the strings and it's instant awe from Sam. She hasn't played in four years, hasn't even listened to a single song or note for that matter… yet she's still got every ounce of talent she's ever had. And he recognizes the song. Lizzy's been listening to it a lot lately and he'd found himself actually liking it. The two of them agree on some music and Mumford happened to be one of those examples.

"Well I came home. Like a stone," Lou starts, her pace slower than the song she'd listened to and learned. She puts her spin on it, making it something filled with truth and depth. Her version is thicker and stylized but the song is still clear. "And I fell heavy into your arms. These days of dust. Which we've known. Will blow away with this new sun."

And then Sam remembers what it was that made him truly see Lou as the exceptional person she is in the first place. It wasn't when she got him to open up about Madison when they first met. It wasn't her uncanny ability to get him wasted without thought or get his pants off with far too much ease. It wasn't her soulful blue eyes, her sarcastic bite, her deep down sweet disposition, or her refreshing and at times brutal honesty. It was her singing and the truth behind it.

"But I'll kneel down, wait for now. But I'll kneel down, know my ground."

Her voice is something he dreamed about. He could hear her singing some nights, her voice always the same and always as beautiful as when he first heard it.

"And I will wait, I will wait for you," Lou sings without the help of her guitar for the chorus, her voice perfect in his ears. "And I will wait, I will wait for you."

She plays on, eyes closed the entire time as Sam stares at her, starting to get why it is she picked this song to learn.

"So break my step. And relent. Well, you forgave and I won't forget. Know what we've seen. And I with less. Now in some way shake the excess."

It's them. It's their story. All those years, all that time apart thinking the other was gone and forever out of reach yet neither fully believing it was over. It just couldn't be over so soon. Neither forgot.

"'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you. I will wait, I will wait for you." And Lou opens her eyes for the first time while playing, something Sam's never actually seen her do before. Her nerves over performing for people other than Lizzy never let her have the courage to do so. But she's looking right at him, right into his eyes. "I will wait, I will wait for you. I will wait I will wait for you."

Sam waited for Lou. He was never aware that he was doing just that and yes, he tried to move on enough to live and find any form of happiness after her but he never could. Not even with Rina. Now he knows why. He was waiting for her to come back to him. She was always supposed to come back to him.

"So I'll be bold. As well as strong," Lou sings on, eyes once more closed as she focuses on what she's doing. This song, its meaning and importance, is too big for mistakes. "And use my head alongside my heart. So tame my flesh. And fix my eyes. A tethered mind freed from the lies. And I'll kneel down, wait for now. And I'll kneel down, know my ground."

And then it hits him. Lou's giving in. The woman afraid of anything more committed than a two night stand is telling him the only way she knows how that she's done. She's not looking elsewhere, she's not going to get scared and run from this, and she's giving herself to him fully and without fear.

"'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you. I will wait, I will wait for you," Lou slows her timing and ends the song softly with just her voice. "I will wait, I will wait for you. I will wait, I will wait for you."

And then silence descends upon the room. Lou just sits there, almost afraid to see Sam's reaction. It isn't that she thinks he'll dislike what she just did. She knows that even if it sucks majorly that he'd lie and tell her it was great. That's who Sam is. What she's worried about is the message and if he got it.

Being brave Lou lifts her eyelids and peers over at Sam a few feet away in the rocking chair. The bottle he was feeding Sammy with is now empty and sitting on the floor by his foot. The baby is still snug as a bug in his hold, his arms reaching out and eyes searching the room. And Sam is looking right at her.

His eyes, glazed over and a little watery in a way he'd deny later if asked, let her know he heard her. Loud and clear.

"That was… ha, you're, you're  _really_  good, Lou," Sam says quietly, a hand coming up and roughly wiping at his eyes before he could officially cry. "Ah, you haven't lost it."

"It's like riding a bike," Lou stays modest, never good at accepting compliments.

"I, uh, I," Sam tries to talk but doesn't really know what to say. Instead he takes a second to compose himself by keeping busy, lifting Sammy to rest his head on his shoulder as he pats his back after his first dinner of the night. "I guess I don't really know what to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything," she assures him and shifts slightly in her seat.

"That's good then. I just…." He doesn't finish.

"Then I guess you got why I did it then," Lou says, breathing out in relief. He understood her. She can relax now.

"Oh, I got it," Sam assure her. "And, you know, I'm right there with you. I feel the same."

"Good."

"Good," he repeats, locking eyes with her. They both smile with the moment, feeling just simply happy to have the other. He knows she's no good at speaking her feeling to him just yet with the strength of their bond and her fear of the new territory for her, but he says it anyways. "Lou, I lo…."

Burp.

Sammy lets go for one very large, post dinner belch at the worst moment possible.

"Oh my God!" Lou bursts out laughing with the horrifically loud and insanely timed burp.

"Jesus," Sam laughs right along with her.

"I'm not even mad," Lou keeps on going, not over the hilarity at all. "That was fucking impressive as hell."

"And so beautifully timed," Sam comments, getting up with Sammy in his arms to walk around the room with him and get him ready for his hundredth nap of the day.

"I know what you were gonna say. It's ok." She gets up with him and Sam moves to stand right in front of her.

"Thank you," he says sincerely as he can before bending down to her, kissing her. It was a perfect moment in an incredibly imperfect life and Sam will not let those few and far between gems go unrecognized. "It was great."

She just looks up at him speechlessly with pink cheeks.

"And any time you wanna play something for me I'd be happy to hear it."

"Ok," Lou rolls her eyes and grabs her guitar. "I'm gonna go get back at it." She moves to leave, picking up her guitar before it gets too lame in the room. "Come join me after he's out. I'll be the one sitting with Bobby, nose in a big dusty as shit book."

"Will do."

Lou leaves and Sam's left standing in the nursery, once more just nephew and uncle. Sam walks around the room, lightly bouncing Sammy as he's noticed the kid likes.

"Not bad, right?" Sam asks the baby. "She's pretty good, that aunt of yours."

He thinks about it more and let's himself enjoy the wonder that is the woman he's lucky enough to have in his life.

"Yeah… she's pretty good…"

The smile on his lips never dissipates for the rest of the night.

* * *

 


	10. Hunger

* * *

It's been a week since Lou's first middle of the night outburst of Purgatory confusion. Sadly, it wasn't the last.

Four days after the first time it happened Lou woke up in a panic, sure that a Leviathan was after her again, and she sprang out of bed. Sam had been smart, locking the door each night before falling asleep so that Lou would at least be slowed down enough that he could keep up with her. No matter how slick or stealthy she may be, it still takes a few seconds to turn a lock. He grabbed her fast before she could leave the room and get to anyone else. Of course she wouldn't get too far since everyone was locking their own doors from the inside every night now, so for the most part everyone was safe.

Getting Lou pinned to the floor after she put up one hell of a fight, Sam talked her out of her confusion. She was embarrassed and highly shameful that she let it all get to her again but Sam was calm and kind, making sure she understood that not one of them blamed her for these reactions, especially not him, and no one got hurt.

And now, at a little past 2 o'clock in the morning, Lou once again wakes up.

She sits up with a start and goes immediately still. In her head she's after something, after  _someone_  to feed off of. She still dreamed in vampire now and then, her mind fully baffled by the change back after four years, and in her dream it was dinner time and there had been a shifter in her crosshairs.

Lou quietly makes her way to the door with her bare feet and, even though the idea of doors and households should give away that she's not in Purgatory anymore, she doesn't snap out of it. She quickly realizes the door is locked and quietly turns the deadbolt Sam put in open, reaching for the knob. She makes no sound in doing so and she near silently leaves the room.

Sneaking down the hallway she comes to another door. She can hear the snoring coming from the other side, a sure fire sign that a live human is inside. Perfect. She's starving and she can nearly smell how good he will taste.

Lou tries the door but it's locked, the heavy wooden slab in the old house not budging with just a turn of the knob on it. She knows what she has to do now.

Bobby flies out of his sleep when the loud crashing noise of his bedroom door bursting open rocks him jarringly from it. In a split second he has an animal on him, clawing and attacking him.

"Lou!" Bobby yells at her when he can see it's her through the little bit of moonlight that illuminates the dark room. "Lou! Get yer head on right!" He grabs her around the neck and holds her away from himself as she bares her teeth, gnashing them at him.

With a growl Lou shoves Bobby's hands away with a strength he wasn't aware she had and she leans down over him, aiming for his neck. She bites down hard.

Bobby yells out with the instant pain just as Sam finally catches up with what's happening. He stands in the doorway for the fraction of a second it takes for him to realize that Lou is biting Bobby in the middle of her confusion.

"Lou! Damn it!" he shouts to her and runs to the bed, pulling her quickly off. He once more has to tackle her onto the ground and push her into the floor to keep her there. "Lou! Look at me!"

She lays there under him, looking up with a blank stare that chills him to his bones. It's so empty and animalistic that she no longer even looks like Lou.

"Lou, you're just confused, ok?" Sam tells her, his voice already softening as he's forced to look at her like this, her mouth and chin smeared with Bobby's blood. Without looking at the older man, he asks, "Bobby, you alright?"

"Could be better… but I'll make it," Bobby grumbles with a hand pressed to the open skin on the juncture of his neck and shoulder.

"Shit," Sam sighs, his eyes closed as he deals with this yet again. It kills him a little more every time he has to see her go through this. He then looks down at the crazed woman beneath him. "You with me?" he questions.

She is but she doesn't answer. The excruciating embarrassment won't let her as her voice gets caught up in her throat.

"Lou?" Sam tries again, letting her wrists go as he can see the calm make its way through her.

"Get off me," Lou says without bite or anger. The tone she uses is one of defeat.

So Sam steps back, knowing how sad and ashamed she already is.

Once free from the enormous person holding her down Lou gets up slowly. She glances at Bobby out of the corner of her eye, seeing the blood on his neck and the fear in his eyes, and she makes a decision. She makes her way out of the room and into what has become her own. She has very little belongings so this will be fairly easy.

"You sure you're alright, Bobby?" Sam checks on the man before leaving. He must have been taken so off guard with this attack. The poor guy was asleep and then he was getting bitten. Not good.

"I'm fine," Bobby says as he jumps out of bed and heads for his closet when he keeps emergency items like weapons and medical equipment. "You go make sure Lou's alright. She's gotta be pretty fucked up about this one."

He nods to the older hunter and heads towards their room. Sam stops short when Lou heads across the hallway and cuts him off, a bundle of clothing, a blanket, and a pillow in her hands.

"What are you doing?" Sam asks her, confused already.

"Moving out," Lou's short answer comes, her determination clear. She grabs her toothbrush and a hair brush from the bathroom sink counter and heads out the door and towards the stairs.

"Moving? What the hell?" Sam follows her to the first floor. "Where to?"

"The back warehouse," Lou answers, having thought about this already. She knew her family wasn't safe in the same house as her and she's thought long and hard about this for days now.

"There's no heat…"

"The smaller one," she says to him. "It has heat and running water. That's all I need."

He's dumbfounded as she walks right out the side door and heads for the warehouse, the cold winter air clearly not affecting her even if in just a t-shirt and sweatpants. It's more important to focus on her loved one's safety then feel cozy right now. She couldn't spend another night risking everyone's health and lives, especially that nephew of hers.

"Lou!" Sam calls to her as she marches back there. "Lou!"

She doesn't answer him. Instead she disappears into the salvage yard with her armful and Sam's left there confused and more worried than he has been yet about her.

Once in the warehouse Lou flips a switch and lights it up. It's a decent size and a bit uncomfortable but at least this one doesn't have old junk cars parked everywhere with grease and oil coating every surface. This one has become a bit of a storage area for Bobby so it has potential. She can dust everything off tomorrow.

Dropping everything onto the cleared workbench, she pulls a sweatshirt out of the pile and puts it on. Then she takes a good look around. It's barebones and uncomplicated. She can live here easily. Hell, she's used to not even having a roof over her head so this is damn near a luxury suite in her eyes.

Against the far wall she spies an old couch that's seen far better days. She pulls the pillow and blanket from her pile of belongings, turns off the overhead lights, and heads for the worn furniture. She plops down with a huge sigh, the cushions giving way a little too much for the couch to be considered truly comfortable but it'll be fine enough.

It's not like she's going to be able to sleep anyways. After what she just did, hurting Bobby like that… the guilt is crushing her. She doesn't even know how she'll face him after that. And what's worse is that she can still taste the copper on her tongue. It's awful. Her own family can't trust her anymore and she can't even trust herself. She needs to get a lock to put on the outside of the small warehouse door, maybe Sam can lock her in each night to keep her from going off the rails and hurting anyone else…

Through her thoughts she hears the big, heavy door open. She lifts her head and through the darkness she watches Sam come into the large open room.

"No, Sam…" she starts to complain.

"I don't want to hear it," he tells her, already against any protests she might put up. He locks the door with the old iron padlock he brought with him from Bobby's cluttered basement and then pockets the key. Lou can't help but commend his brilliance in her mind as she watches him drop three packed up duffels onto the floor. Sam walks to the small bathroom, the one with just an old, never-cleaned-for-years toilet and tiny sink. He sets up some toothpaste and places his own toothbrush next to the faucet in a glass he swiped from the kitchen, putting hers next to his right away.

"The hell are you doing?" Lou sharply asks.

"You said you were moving out… so am I," Sam says to her easily as he heads for the thermostat and turns it way up. The place is near freezing right now and it'll take time for the heat to kick in inside the old building.

"This is too dangerous."

"That's not true," Sam easily denies as he goes about setting himself up for the night.

"I don't want to attack you, Sam," Lou reminds him the point of her moving out here. "You should be in the house, away from me and safe."

"No way," Sam denies her as he returns to his bags. He pulls out a pillow and two more heavy blankets as he talks. "I told you I was sticking with you. Good, bad, I don't care. I lost you once and I'm not losing you again to whatever this shit is that's going on with you. You shouldn't be alone."

"I could kill you," Lou points out uncomfortably as Sam squeezes himself behind her on the old floral patterned couch.

"I'm a better hunter than you are monster these days," Sam jokes, pulling the two blankets over them tightly, hoping to keep each other warm until the heat can. "I'll be just fine."

"This is stupid of you." Lou sighs as she turns over onto her back and looks at him when he brings an arm around her middle. He scoots in right next to her, curling up against her side with a slight smile.

"I've done much dumber things," he promises. Sam leans into her and settles in for the night, tucking her head under his chin. "I'm staying with you. You move, I move."

"You're an idiot."

"Yeah…" Sam smirks at her quickly. "Now go to sleep. At least Sammy won't wake us up every damn hour out here."

"Don't silver line my serious mental disorder."

"Shh," Sam jokes, covering over her mouth with the palm of his hand. He's over her negativity.

"Mm-mm," Lou tries to say to him but he's stopping her words from being decipherable.

Sam huffs a small laugh and removes his hand. "Try again."

"Thank you," Lou says with something sincere and shaky. "Most people would be too scared to stay with me by now."

"Most people sound like assholes."

"I…ugh…" Lou grimaces and tries again when she fails the first time. "I… love you."

"Aw, you tried so hard to say that," Sam patronizes lightly and Lou's face drops immediately. To make up for it he kisses her lips quickly once before getting comfortable in the terrible couch. "I love you, too. Let's catch some sleep."

* * *

"Morning," Lizzy greets, the bags under her eyes just as deep as ever with the terrible schedule she's keeping with Sammy.

"Morning, Lizard," Lou returns, walking through the side door after eight in the morning. "You look destroyed."

"Sammy didn't exactly sleep well last night," Lizzy grumbles. "So therefore neither did I."

"Uh," Lou complains with her as she heads for the coffee maker. "Sorry to hear."

"It's fine," Lizzy nods once from her seat at the kitchen table. She watches Lou open the coffee canister and inhale deep.

"Damn it, I missed coffee," she comments before setting up a pot to brew.

"I didn't know you could live without it ever," Lizzy tries to joke through a yawn.

"It wasn't easy," Lou jokes right back.

Lizzy stays quiet while Lou puts everything together.

"So I hear that you moved out," Lizzy broaches the subject once the coffee is brewing.

"Just at night," Lou explains, leaning back on the counter to face Lizzy at the table. "I was a threat to you all and if I ever hurt anyone again, especially Sammy, I couldn't forgive myself."

"I understand… but you know you don't have to do that, right?" Lizzy checks with her. "I still trust you."

"You shouldn't," Lou denies. " _I_  don't even trust me."

Lizzy sighs when she knows she can't rebut that. "You wanna talk about it?"

Lou stares at her for a minute. "No. I really don't. Not now at least." She already told Dean enough.

"Ok," Lizzy nods, being as supportive as she can.

"I just have to figure out how to apologize to Bobby," Lou sadly says, hating what she's done. "I can't believe I fucking bit him."

"Me neither," they both here a gruff voice respond as their father figure walks into the room. "Imagine my surprise."

He silently heads for the cabinets next to Lou, reaching into one and grabbing an old mug with  _World's Best Daughter_  printed on it. He then realizes the coffee isn't ready and waits as Lou looks at him with a sad and scared face.

"You just gonna make eyes at me or you gonna start talking?" Bobby challenges her as she eyes the white bandage just peeking out of his crew neck t-shirt.

"I bit you. The hell do you want me to say?" Lou responds with unsure worry.

"You know, a sorry would go a hell of a far way," he says with a little bit of a smile in his eyes.

"It wouldn't be nearly enough," she rebuts.

"Why don't you give it a try anyways? Couldn't hurt, right?"

Lou sighs with her still running humiliation and regret as she picks up the now finished brewing coffee pot. As she pour some into the mug in his grip she says, "I'm really sorry, Bobby. You know I didn't meant to do that to you."

"It's fine, kid," Bobby assures her.

"Just like that?" Her eyebrows are at her hairline.

"You know, it's a funny thing I discovered about kids and having them… whether they're mine or not," Bobby starts as he turns to look at her, leaning a hip against the counter. "They fuck up and the only real thing I can figure to do about it is forgive them. Seems that forgiveness is usually the one thing they ever really need anyways. Lou, hon… it wasn't your fault. If you could'a stopped yourself then you would'a. I doubt I was purposefully meant to be a midnight snack."

Lou shakes her head. "You're nuts."

"No, you're nuts for wantin' to live out in that excuse for a shed," Bobby rebuts her worries. "You gotta have a screw loose."

"Well that's just proven fact now," Lou rolls her eyes. "But if I'm gonna be here... I need to be away from people when I sleep. Seems to be the only time I have zero control."

Bobby just looks at her with disappointment at her decision. "Well, if that's what you want then you go for it. There's no shower out there… or kitchen. At least I know that you'll be back in here pretty often 'cause you'll have to be. Don't want you disappearin' just yet. I was liking having you back."

Lou just melts a little with that statement. She huffs something thankful before Bobby pats her shoulder a few times.

"You just do what you think you gotta," Bobby says as he walks away towards the study.

"What're you up to in there today?" Lizzy calls in to him.

"Well, if there's Leviathan out there then I guess I better learn more about 'em."

"Bobby, I know all about those fucking assholes," Lou pipes in, pouring her own coffee. "Lemme help you out there."

"Done," Bobby says happily, shocked to have an easy lead for once. He winks at her and walks for the study, Lou ready to follow.

"Louie, before you do that…" Lizzy says as she rubs her eyes one more time, her tired state not getting better. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Shoot," Lou says easily once her coffee is poured. She sits opposite Lizzy and looks right at her.

"Well, I was thinking about something and I didn't know how you'd feel about it," Lizzy starts gently. "You've been back for over a week and I thought… should you call, or maybe go see, Derek?"

She'd be lying if she said she hadn't been thinking about her brother, her biological one. They've had a pretty rough relationship for years, her disappearing into the hunting life being the reason for that, and when she died she hadn't even heard his voice in over a year's time.

"I mean, I know things weren't good with you guys…" Lizzy starts but Lou cuts her off.

"No," Lou denies her. "Derek made his decision. He told me he couldn't support me. He was the one who decided he didn't want me in his life over my choice to help people. I'm just respecting that decision."

"Louie, come on. He might have changed his mind."

"You know Derek as well as I do. You think he suddenly decided to go against his original thoughts?"

Lizzy sighs. "No. He's a stubborn ass."

"Exactly. It's fine, Lizard. You've always been there for me. I don't need him if he's going to be that negative and that final about his last remaining family."

"But that's just it," Lizzy points out. "I wouldn't know how to give up on my last remaining family like you did."

"Well… technically if I'm your half-sister then Derek's your half-brother. He's some of your last remaining family too. Did you give up on him?"

Lizzy thinks for just a second. "Yes. I gave up on him after you died."

"Why then?" Lou questions, not understanding.

"I called him when you…" Lizzy shakes her head and doesn't finish her sentence. "I told him. I said you were trying to save a town from something bad and that something bad got to you first. I didn't go into it too hard. He told me that you wanted that fate so it was your fault. I buried you next to Jan and Brian back home and he didn't even show. I mean he'd probably not get the whole burning a dead body thing so it might have been good he wasn't there but… he was angry still. He wasn't happy with your decision to hunt and he… he was a fucking dick." Lizzy now realizes that Lou's completely right here. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's fine," Lou answers despite the heartache over hearing how terrible her brother had acted. "He's always been stubborn beyond anything. It is what it is." Lou gets out of her chair. "But I'm not going to try if he's not going to. It's not worth it. I know him too well."

"Fair enough," Lizzy brushes it off and lets it go as Lou heads for the study.

"Lizard, go back to bed," Lou tells her sister, patting her hand as she stands up. "You look wrecked."

"Sammy," Lizzy places the blame. "He kept waking up and not going back down. I just hope he's not sick or something because he never acts like this."

"You think he's sick?" Bobby asks from his desk with a hint of serious panic in the back of his voice.

"Easy, gramps," Lizzy nearly laughs. "He's probably not. It might have just been one night of weirdness. He doesn't have a fever or anything…"

"You keep a close eye on that," Bobby warns her.

"Hey, I'm his mother," Lizzy reminds. "I got this."

"Lizzy, get some sleep," Lou strongly says to her as she takes a seat in a chair opposite Bobby at his desk.

"I am," she yawns and heads for the stairs. "I just wanted to catch you first."

"I'm ok. Go sleep."

"Going, going…"

And she gives up. Lizzy knows that when both Bobby and Lou are trying to make her do something she needs to do it.

When Lizzy makes it to the second floor and walks into the nursery she holds back her laughter. She finds Dean in the rocking chair, Sammy in his arm. He has a bottle that's nearly finished in his other hand that's now slack in his lap and his head tilted back, mouth wide open and passed out cold. He's snoring slightly as Sammy's just lying there in his arms, looking around at the cause of the odd noise. Dean's not much of a snorer… unless he's fallen asleep with his neck bent funny of course.

"Guess I'm not the only one," Lizzy says with a smirk. She heads over to the rocking chair and slowly, not to scare Dean, she tries to pry the infant out of his hold.

"Mm," Dean twitches when he feels movement and his head pops up quick. He sees Lizzy in front of him and calms right down before wincing with the pain in his neck. "Uh," he complains and brings his hand to the back of his neck, the bottle in it going with him. "Ow."

Lizzy just laughs at him and picks up Sammy. The second she does his little legs are moving and he squirms in her hold as usual. "Why are you still awake, you little shit?" she asks him in a light and happy tone when he looks not at all ready to catch some sleep. She shifts him in her hold until he has his head on her shoulder.

"Don't call him that," Dean weakly says to her with the cursing. "Swearing."

"Relax, I love my little shit," she jokes but he doesn't laugh.

"Between you and Lou he's gonna have a gutter mouth worse than any trucker out there."

"Sorry, daddy," she says with guilt despite the patronizing tone in her voice.

"Don't try and suck up now by calling me that." He smiles a little anyways. "What the hell is going on with him today?" Dean bitches sleepily. "Dude is not playing nice."

"Not at all," Lizzy agrees. "But I figure if he's gonna stay up this long then he's gonna crash awfully hard at the end, right?"

"One can only hope," he responds, looking up at her and seeing her face looking just as weary as his own must. "Why are  _you_  up?"

"I wanted to talk to Lou," Lizzy answers while bouncing Sammy lightly and pacing the room, hoping movement will get him to sleep. "Wanted to ask her about calling her brother."

"And?"

"No dice," she responds sadly. "She's as stubborn as he is. And he's been pretty awful to her so I get it."

Dean nods. He can't imagine that someone would cut his family off like that so hard. Family is his everything. But then again that's exactly what Sam did the second he was old enough to. Maybe it's just his older brother disposition that makes him think differently.

"Lou moved out, by the way," Lizzy lets him in on her morning discovery.

"What!?"

"She got all confused again last night and went trolling the house for a vamp snack," Lizzy explains. "She bit Bobby."

"Bit!?" Dean asks, hoping to have heard her wrong.

"Yep, she bit him on the neck."

"Fuck," Dean says with sheer disappointment in himself. "I promised her I would watch after her."

"She's had a good week though…"

"But I told her she wouldn't hurt anyone else if I had anything to do with it," he explains further.

"I think she understands," Lizzy smiles slightly. "You can't have eyes on her all night while getting your own rest and caring for an infant. And it's not your fault that she's getting her ass handed to her by her dreams."

"I guess. Dreams can totally screw with reality. I would know."

Lizzy shoots her eyes right at him. "Would you now?"

He knows his misstep immediately. "Yeah, I mean… I never woke up and tried to kill people but… I know how she feels."

"I'm fully aware that you still have nightmares, Dean," Lizzy tells him, knowing he wasn't aware. The way he looks at her lets her know she's shocked by this. "I've talked you out of a ton since you got back from… down under."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" Dean wonders, wishing he's known what he was doing to her.

"Why bother?" Lizzy challenges. "I mean, I figured out how to stop them before you'd wake up so why drop that shit on you?"

His mind is blown that she's been doing this for a solid four years without him knowing. "How?"

She shrugs. "I talk you down, give you a familiar voice. You just kinda drift right back off most times. I mean, I haven't had to do that in a while… since Sammy was conceived actually…"

"What the hell do you say?"

"Well… uh…" she smiles a little. "I tell you I'm here, that you're not in Hell. That I love you and you need to come back… and if you're really gone, like really buried into a dream, I tend to… ha, well I talk dirty sometimes and it seems to work."

"Are you serious?" Dean asks with still running disbelief.

"Dead," Lizzy laughs a little. "Any time I say filthy things it's a surefire way to get you back. Once you hear me you just kinda smile in your sleep and stop sounding pained. Instead you sound… happy.  _Very_  happy."

Dean shakes his head at his own ridiculousness. "What a perv…."

"I resent that," she says to him with jesting offense.

"I was talking about me but I think that label applies quite nicely to you too." He looks at her with wide eyes. "Guess it's a damn good thing I married such a dirty chick."

"F'in A," she laughs a little before yawning yet again.

"Nice job censoring yourself."

"Thanks."

"And what the hell does it say about me that my worst nightmares are only cured by dirty talk?" Dean has to wonder. He's always been a very sex driven person but seriously?

"It says just enough," Lizzy jokes before yawning yet again. "Uh. Sweetie, you have  _got_  to fall asleep." She leans her head down until her cheek is against Sammy's head.

"I have no idea what's up with him but it better stop," Dean comments as he stands up. "I'm toast."

"Me too."

"So where's Lou moving to?" Dean wonders with sheer concern as he walks over to her.

"The small storage house out back."

"What kinda decision is that?" he questions with disbelief.

"I know, I know," Lizzy sadly says. "But she's determined to keep us all safe, especially this guy, so what can I say really?" She nods at Sammy and Dean can fully understand.

"I appreciate the extra mile she's going but she can't live back there. It's cluttered with car parts and dusty as hell… there's no real bathroom, no stove…."

"Well, go talk to your brother," Lizzy suggests. "Apparently he decided that if Lou's gonna live out back then so is he."

Dean shakes his head. "Figures. Alright." He washes a hand down his face to wake himself up a little more despite his utter exhaustion. "I'm gonna go try and talk some sense into those dumbasses. You try and get him to sleep and then catch some yourself."

"I can try," she says with disappointment, knowing Sammy doesn't even look the least bit tired. "Coffee's ready so make sure you get some."

"Awesome." Dean leans down and kisses her once, pausing as he pulls away. He gives her a look that she hasn't seen in a week, one of recognition of that spark they have between them. He moves in again and kisses her a little longer this time.

When done he looks at her with a slight smirk. "Pretty soon I might have another nightmare, you know. Maybe when Sammy's sleeping is back in order."

"Oh yeah?" Lizzy playfully questions.

"Yup," he answers and heads for the door. "Might need you to talk me down."

"Any time," Lizzy grins right back, letting him know she understands that he's not talking about not having nightmares in a while and that she's on his level.

He just winks at her and leaves, making Lizzy grin like a school girl that just talked to the quarterback in the hallway. It's far too easy for him to do that to her still.

She then looks down at Sammy, his eyes wide open. "You better get back onto a schedule, dude," Lizzy jokes as she walks him around the room. "Need to get some time in with your father. We deserve it."

As she paces the room something on the subject dawns on her. Her smile fades quickly with the thought.

"Oh God, I hope you're nothing like your dad in this department," she worries aloud. "You're a good boy, right? You're not gonna hit on everything with boobs and be a total whore, are you?"

When she looks down at him, his eyes meeting hers, he scrunches his face adorably and leans his face into her shoulder. The display would have gotten any female in the world to let out a huge 'aw'.

"Fuck, you're just like him," Lizzy complains with what she views as early stages of flirting. "You're gonna give me a heart attack when you're a teen, aren't you?"

* * *

 


	11. Home is Wherever I'm with You

* * *

"Hey," Sam announces his presence as he steps through the side door of Bobby's house. He peeks in through the kitchen and can see Lou and Bobby in the study. "Lou, can I steal you for a second?"

"What for?" Lou questions, pulling her eyes away from the Satanic Bible page she was on to look at him.

"I want to show you something. Take a break," he answers, nodding his head out the door.

"This have something to do with you and the other idjit disappearing all day?" Bobby questions, having been very curious as to what the hell it was they were up to. They didn't leave the property for more than an hour but they weren't in the house even while home. "I'm sure Liz would love an explanation as to why she was on Sammy duty all day when he's been sleeping weird. She's exhausted."

"She knows what's up," Sam assures. "Dean called her hours ago. Lou… let's go."

She glances at Bobby with wide and baffled eyes.

"Don't look at me. I don't know what those kids've been doing either."

Lou has no other choice but to stand up and follow Sam out the door.

"The hell's going on?" she questions him and Sam just smiles at her, grabbing her hand as they walk. He silently rejoices when she doesn't flinch at the contact. She's getting better.

"You'll see," is all he gives her.

They head for the small warehouse Lou's made her new home out of and when they get there Sam reaches for the door, the heavy metal scraping loudly as he pulls it open.

"Check it out," he says and waits for her to go inside.

Slowly she steps through the doorway and is shocked at what she sees.

"Holy shit," she awes as she looks all over the room. Dean stands in the middle of it, watching her take it all in after all the work he and Sam put into the place.

"What'd you think?" Dean questions brightly, a slight grin on his lips as her eyes scan around the room.

There's a bed in the room is the first thought she has… or really just a mattress and box spring. There's no frame and it all sits on the concrete floor but she couldn't care. It's where the old, uncomfortable couch had been, the piece moved to the opposite wall now. The bed is covered in the sheets and comforter from the room she'd been sleeping in inside the house but she knows it's not the same mattress. She'd have noticed Sam and Dean hauling a mattress through Bobby's.

There's a table and chairs set up by the window that now has curtains (curtains!) on it. In the center of the small table sized for two is a glass vase with bright, cheery flowers. Every car part and work tool is now gone and all the shelving is cleared off. And best of all… it's clean. It looks dust free and smells fresh.

And her guitar sits in the corner happily. It has a home now and she loves that. Out of habit she beelines right for it and picks it up. As she sits down at the chair by the table she tunes it without really thinking. "Damn I missed this thing." She then looks around while working. "So this is what you two were doing all day while we were in the house?"

"Yeah," Sam grins with pride. "We figured that if you were willing to move out here to keep everyone safe then it's the least we could do."

"Well, Sam figured that," Dean jumps in. "I just thought what the hell, I needed to get out of the house."

Lou knows he's just joking but lets it go. She enjoys a second to look around, taking in the effort they clearly put forth. She peeks into the bathroom to her side and notices something right away.

"You scrubbed a toilet!?" she asks them with wide eyes bouncing between the two of them.

"We've dealt with much grosser," Sam brushes it away. "So… livable?"

Lou huffs a laugh. "I thought the old version was livable. This is… wow. Fuck. I can't remember the last time anyone ever did anything this nice for me. I… I kind of don't know what to say." She drops her guitar for now, knowing it isn't the time to get wrapped up in the instrument because if she starts now she'll never put it down for the rest of the day.

"How about you say thanks so much guys… Dean, why don't I watch Sammy for you while I give you and Lizzy a night off?" His eyes light up charmingly with the idea as he stares her down once her guitar is back in its stand in the corner.

"So you had an agenda this whole time?" Lou wonders as she evil-eyes him.

"Not until right this very second," Dean admits. "I'm too tired to think that far ahead. Actually, I'm kinda surprised I was able to think of it at all."

Lou gives him a look of sheer sympathy. She's had time to see what that little baby has done to them. They're just so exhausted and they get no time to themselves at all.

"You name the day and I promise not to fall asleep while watching him."

Dean just nods, half ready for a night off and half not at all ready to leave his son for a night. The idea seems so exciting and so horrifying.

But right this moment Dean's more than ready to catch some Z's.

"Guys, seriously? This is great," Lou says to them, looking over her small amount of clothing all hung and organized on a pipe running across one wall. "You thought of everything."

"There's no shower still," Sam points out. "And you still need to come to the house to eat but… we can make this work now. I know you don't feel right in the house so this needed to happen."

"And now that I know you're cool with everything… I'm going to crash," Dean announces to the two of them, his weary eyes giving him away as he heads for the door.

"Lizzy's already passed out upstairs. Sammy went down hard this time so if you hurry you can probably get a few hours."

Dean sighs with excitement, a smile on his face before he immediately frowns. "You know I used to get this excited over much better things, like drinking and bacon and… and big Asian tits. Now… it's sleep."

"Welcome to fatherhood," Sam smiles and pats his brother's shoulder.

"Yeah…" Dean then leaves and drags his feet to the house for a solid and much needed nap.

"So, how's your head today?" Lou questions after not seeing so much of Sam during the day.

"Alright," he nods, closing the heavy door behind his brother.

"How many times you see the Devil today?"

"Ah, twice," Sam explains as if it's normal because, quite sadly, it is. "He filled the toilet with blood while I was scrubbing and then stabbed me in the back through the car seat while we were out driving to get a mattress in here."

"Yikes," Lou makes a sad face.

"Yeah, but twice is pretty good," Sam reminds her. "It's not near my record six."

Lou walks right up to him and smiles something soft yet very sexy. "Is he here now?"

Sam knows exactly what she's up to. "No… but I think he'll be here soon." He reaches for the hem of her shirt and pulls, taking the long sleeved thermal off quickly. "We should probably head him off at the pass while we break in the new bed, huh?"

"Love the way your mind thinks, Giant," Lou grins and bites her lip.

Quickly Sam picks her up by the hips and tosses her onto the mattress before pulling his own jacket off and throwing it on a chair. He watches as Lou pulls her legs free from her jeans, not an ounce of insecurity in her.

"Strip," Lou says to him, impatiently unhooking her bra. "Let's go."

"So bossy," Sam jokes right back, doing as she says. He then nods to the small table to the side of the bed. "I stocked up by the way."

With a wrinkled face of confusion, Lou opens the drawer on the makeshift nightstand. She then laughs. "Holy economy sized box," she says while looking at the mass of condoms tucked away in there. "How lucky do you think you're about to get?"

"I was just looking to see how fast we can use 'em all," Sam challenges.

"How many are in there?"

"Fifty-four."

"Oh, you are  _so_  supposed to be with me, honey," Lou says and lays back, watching him move as he takes his clothing piece by piece off and enjoying the show thoroughly.

* * *

“Ah, fuck me!” Lou shouts out her sheer enjoyment with her hands balled up into the blankets under her and her cheek pressed to the mattress.  “Yes!  Sam, God!  Fuck!”

Ok, so Sam’s immediately seeing the advantages to cleaning up the back warehouse for Lou and him to stay in for the time being.  They have a space of their own, one in which Lou’s loud voice and penchant for sex wouldn’t be hindered by their family.

This is perfect.

“Oh, oh shit!” Lou keeps going as Sam holds onto her hips hard, her ass in the air as she reaches back to him and grabs his forearm.  It makes him look her right in the eye as she peers up at him.  “Ooh, Sam.  Sam, I’m gonna come.”

And if there’s a more wonderful thing that’s ever been said to him in his life he certainly doesn’t remember what it was.  Lou, his Lou that he never thought he’d see, hear, _feel_ again, is telling him that he’s completely satisfying her.  There is no bigger turn on or better compliment that he could ever get.

When Lou right after damn near shrieks, her nails digging into his arm as her eyes slam shut, he can feel her undo around him.  Her entire body tightens up, riding through the wave with extreme enthusiasm as she nearly chants his name… which has never actually sounded better coming from any other person in any other situation.

“Oh, oh, oh fuck,” she pants hard, her body melting into their new bed, Sam just watching keenly to her reactions.  It’s beyond a fascination he has with her and seeing her like this… it’s an addiction.  He remembers Dean once saying that yes, he’s well aware that he’s an alcoholic and a glutton and a masochist in so many ways it’s sad, but in the end his true addiction is a healthy one.  It’s Lizzy.  He needs her, craves her more than any whiskey, gun, chick, or car out there.

Sam gets that now.  He’s had a week to reacquaint with Louise Becker and he knows that feeling that Dean once drunkenly tried to explain.  And he knows why his brother failed so horribly at doing so too.  This isn’t exactly something one can verbalize. 

This is addiction in the rawest form but even that isn’t quite the right way to say it. 

“Fuck, Giant,” Lou says as she lies down on the comforter, her body on its side and nearly spent after that.  “I’ll do four more years of hard time to keep _that_ in my life.”

He stares at her, carnal need still flowing through his veins, and doesn’t let her take a moment.  He can’t.  He needs more.

Grabbing her legs he flips her onto her back.

“Mm, you just keep on going, don’t you?” Lou says, knowing full well that if Sam wants to go the distance he damn well can make that happen.

Sam doesn’t even answer her playful questioning.  Instead he straddles one leg while lifting the other and placing it on his shoulder.  Not wasting a second he grabs himself with impatience and pushes right back into her.

Lou lets out another loud sound of sheer pleasure as her head falls back.  “You are _fucking_ amazing.  Oh my God.”

A smirk plays at the corner of his mouth, quirking it up just slightly before he continues on.  He knows himself well, knows his flaws, and the egomaniac he has tucked away in him just loves Lou.  She always had a way to inflate his self-worth to quite epic places, especially in times like this.

And Lou, now able to see him clearly above her, thanks her fucking _insane_ luck.  She’s back, she gets to see her sister and her loved ones again, she can drive her car and listen to Petty and play her guitar and know her handsome little nephew… and she gets Sam.  She gets to spend her days with the kindest man she’s ever met that just also happens to be head over heels for her, insanely hot, and the best lay of her life.

Screw luck.  Maybe this is payback for all the shit they’ve _both_ had to slog through in their lives.  She does feel like they’ve earned it.

“Oh fuck, I hope you’re ready to make me come again, big boy,” she says before biting her bottom lip with need.  “If you’re gonna keep going I’m gonna need another one, Giant.”

Sam, being the stoic person of the two of them, simply looks at her as he makes sure he does just as she asks of him.  She arches her back when he lowers a hand onto her lower abdomen, his thumb working her clit just as she needed to get herself there one more time.

Her moans become dangerously loud with this change and Sam starts to realize that separating her from the rest of the house was the only option for them in the long run.  Keeping her in the house would surely lead to very awkward and embarrassing mornings at the breakfast table.

“Sam,” her pleading voice says to him as it all very quickly builds.  “Fuck.  _Fuck_.  Fuck!”

She gives in again and in record time.  And this time Sam doesn’t have it in him to hold off any longer.  He says her name just once before he joins her, not physically capable of stopping the sight and feel of her orgasm from making his hit hard and fast. 

“Lou,” Sam growls easily, holding tighter to her leg that’s against his torso as he feels the absolute pleasure of being with her again.  Never has Sam had this much action since Jess… and even then it was less than this.  Lou is always hungry for more and the way she lusts after him is something he just hasn’t quite figured out how to deny.  Maybe he never will.

When Lou’s entire body shivers once from sheer bliss Sam lets her leg go.  It drops heavily onto the mattress next to where he’s kneeling as Lou lays flat on her back bonelessly.

“Holy shit,” Sam sighs with his hands on his knees and head angled down before peering up at her through his disheveled hair.  She just smiles once at him with a completely satisfied face.

“Amen,” she giggles through the last of the intensity much like she always did.  It was Sam’s way of knowing when he did his job well.  Lou would always giggle when truly fucked right and when the overwhelming sensations where nearly too much to handle.  “Oh my God!” she awes loudly, her hand on her sweat coated forehead and she laughs a little more.  “This is it.”

“What’s it?” Sam questions, still recuperating himself.

“This.  Life,” she breezily says.  “This is all I’m ever doing from now on.  Fuck hunting and jobs and money and demons and angels and everything else.  I’m just staying in this bed with you forever.  Never leaving.”

Sam huffs a solid laugh at the declaration as he pulls off the used condom.  He tosses it in the small trashcan by the nightstand before laying down next to her, enjoying the comfort and afterglow.

Lou turns her head and looks him over.  “Have I told you how insane you’re looking these days?”

"Might've," Sam simply answers as he turns to look back at her.

"It's true," she confirms. "My fucking God. You are… uh. No words."

"Ok, easy. You'll give me an ego the size of Dean's."

"Not possible," Lou laughs a little. "But this is so unfair to you."

"Nothing's unfair…"

"You're stuck with this mess," Lou says as she gestures to her own body. "And I get that." She then points to him. "That seems unfair."

"Hey, I'm not complaining," Sam reminds her, turning onto his side to run a hand over her bare stomach.

"Please," Lou rolls her eyes. "I'm a mangled disaster."

Giving her a quick look of disbelief, Sam leans forward and presses a sweet kiss to her lips. "Scars have never turned me off. If they did I wouldn't be able to be a hunter."

Lou sighs. "I'm past hunter, sweetheart. I'm… war victim. Times ten." Her disastrous state truly is something that might horrify and disgust the average, non-hunting person. It's bad. Very bad.

"And you're not your scars, Lou. They don't make up who you are."

"And that's exactly what a good guy would say," she rolls her eyes.

"Lou, you've always been gorgeous and all this doesn't change that." Yes, she's marred and worn, but she's still her with her petite, hard body that hooked him years back. Looking her over, his eyes picking out ever visible scar, he points out the one that runs down her side from ribs to hip. "What happened here?" he questions while running a light fingertip down the length of it. This is the one that disturbed him the most when he'd first seen it. Quite scary looking.

"Ghoul," Lou answers easily. "The fucker caught me off guard. He tried to stab me while I was sleeping but I woke up in time. Instead of getting gutted I rolled out of the way and took a makeshift knife to the side instead. Clearly he tried to open me up and he did a pretty good job… not enough to stop me from lopping his ugly ass head off after a quick fight but he got me none the less. Had to pull a thread from my shirt to sew it closed and make sure nothing could smell my blood. I was down and out for a bit after that. Could have gotten attacked so easily but hey… guess there's even a little bit of luck in the shittiest of places."

"Jesus," Sam says with shocked horror. "That's what Purgatory was like? Just… every monster for themselves?"

"Pretty much," Lou answers quietly and shortly. Sam understands immediately that she's already said too much and is feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," she tells him.

Shifting to sit, Sam ducks down and kisses along the line of the scar they just discusses. "You shouldn't worry about that crap." He then moves on to the marred skin on her lower stomach, kissing it sweetly to prove just how much it doesn't bother him. "I love your scars. And I love your little ass," he adds in, turning her to the side by her hip to press his lips to her right cheek.

"What are you doing?" Lou laughs quietly with his antics.

He returns her onto the bed on her back and moves on. "I love your bellybutton." Sam dips his tongue into her bellybutton and she squirms a little. "And your boobs, of course."

" _Of course_ ," Lou repeats exaggeratedly as he runs his tongue over her, her skin getting goose bumps immediately.

"And you're neck," Sam says, shifting so that he's on top of her as he kisses her neck over an old bite mark just once. "And you're tiny nose," he laughs through, having already had a conversation with her once about how her nose is quite little and quite adorable. "You're lips," he adds next, moving slow and kissing her with something deeply rooted and severely sensual.

"Well God damn," Lou says low and huskily as she stares up at his hazel eyes, seeing this older, more confident, and somehow more brain-numbingly sexy than his younger years version of Sam as nothing short of absolutely mesmerizing. She knows him well but she never knew this side of him. She's not sure many ever have. "I sure wish I hadn't missed seeing this transformation you've made."

"What transformation?" he questions as he presses one more kiss to her lips.

Lou brings her arms around his neck. "The one from adorably nerdy kid to insanely sexy man. I really like this newer you."

"And the point is that I like this newer you too," Sam explains while getting off of her and laying on his back. He pulls her onto him until she's lying on her stomach on top of him, the size difference between them obvious and perfect to him. He holds her jaw and pulls her into one more perfectly sweet kiss. "Just because you look a little different and have some issues now, just like the rest of us, doesn't mean I couldn't be absolutely crazy about you  _and_  your body."

Lou sighs while trying her damnedest not to grin like a fucking girl. "I had no idea you were such a damn romance novel, Giant."

"Bite me," Sam returns with and pulls her in for a quick peck before Lou drops her mouth down and playfully bites his shoulder.

"Ow," Sam sharply says with the sting. "Mean."

"Wimp," she laughs out as she turns her head and lays completely on him, her cheek to his chest. "You ever have a feeling like something is so damn good that the floor is gonna drop out from under your feet at any moment?" Lou asks him as she reaches for the covers and pulls them comfortably over them both. "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"With us?" Sam questions her.

"With my whole situation right now," Lou clarifies and snuggles into him, tucking her head under his chin. "I should be fighting for my life… not enjoying a lovely evening of Sam Winchester for dinner before heading in to see my nephew. With what I just escaped this seems…"

"Impossible," Sam finishes for her.

"Right on."

With the early darkness of the winter day, Sam closes his eyes with sleepiness from his evening. "Yeah, I feel that way too. Every second that we aren't torn apart or someone doesn't die seems like borrowed time."

"Yes!" Lou says, her head popping up to look at him. "God, exactly. I feel like the shit will hit the fan…"

"And separate us," Sam finishes for her, his arms around her tightening with the very idea. "But that won't happen again."

"I'm not so sure you can promise that…" Lou rolls her eyes and lays back down on top of him, her temple pressed to his collar bone.

Sam sighs and knows she's right. Anything could still happen in their lives. Granted they haven't left the property in over a week now and they haven't hunted anything in that time… when will it all start up again?

"Retirement."

Lou looks up at him and waits. "Was there more to that statement or…"

"I think that's what we should do. All of us," Sam tells her, his hopes most likely getting themselves up. "We should just retire and leave it all behind. We're tired and damaged and Sammy needs a better life than all this shit."

"But what makes you think we can just do that?" Lou questions Sam, leaning harder into his chest with the long, far away idea.

"Why can't we?" Sam challenges quickly right back. "What makes you think we  _can't_?"

"Leviathan for one," she answers. "They're out there and they're fucking nasty. We can't leave the world to deal with Purgatory's very worst on its own and just ditch."

"What makes them so awful and worse than any other monster?"

"They're death proof for one."

"What!?" Sam asks, picking up his head to look down at her.

"Can't kill them," she says easily enough, used to the monster of all monsters by now. "No one knows how. They'll just keep coming at you no matter what you do. Even lopping their heads off doesn't work."

"How does that  _not_  work!?" Sam questions, the idea of that last resort move not working being concerning.

"It'll reattach itself."

"That's possible?" Sam wonders.

"Seen it myself. And they never forget a face. They saw Dean and they saw Bobby. And I know a few that've come across me in Purgatory that would love to find me again. We're all on the list. And they're smart. They probably know all about you and Lizard and Sammy by now too."

Looking at her, her face business like and factual, he thinks for a second. "Were you ever gonna share this information?"

"I told Bobby already," she explains. "We did a lot of work today while you and Dean were busy. He's seriously concerned as am I. I think he'll be talking to you guys about it soon once he finds what he finds."

Sam sighs heavily and drops a hand over his eyes. "Great."

"We can handle this…"

"Yeah, because Sammy's really great with a double barrel," Sam airs his true concerns over a new and seemingly indestructible monster. "How do we keep him safe from that?"

Lou smiles small, a hand running down the side of his face.

"Odd reaction," Sam mentions.

"I just like that the first thing you think of is Sammy," Lou lets him know. "It's kinda shocking how good you and Dean are with a baby around."

"We're not degenerates," Sam says, slight grin on his lips.

"No… but you've never really been around babies before now," Lou explains further. "I'm surprised at what father-material you two are."

Eyes wide for a second with the observation, Sam asks, "You think I'm father material?"

"At least uncle material," Lou tries to laugh it off. "But I think you'd be a really good dad. I've seen you with Sammy. You're so good with him."

"Not sure what to say to that," Sam says, looking at her funny.

Lou just rolls her eyes. "My biological clock isn't ticking, asshat. Calm down."

And she read him so right. "Good to know because, unlike Dean and Lizzy, I'm not letting a kid into this family when shit is this bad."

"Oh God, me neither," Lou quickly concurs. "I mean, I know it was an accident and they had been careful… but that's too damn scary."

"I agree," Sam nods quickly. "It sucks but that's not something we can have."

"Do you want to have that, though?" Lou asks, never having thought one way or the other about Sam's desire for a family. "A family and all that?"

"What I want doesn't matter," Sam says with a light laugh.

"Of course it matters," Lou argues instantly. "Sam, it always matters what you want in life."

"Lou, I'll never have what I want so it really doesn't," he rebuts.

"You're  _that_  sure you'll never get out?" Lou wonders but knows he believes just that already.

"There  _is_  no out, Lou," Sam emphasizes. "I said retirement before, said it like I meant it… but it's a pine dream. There isn't an escape hatch. There never will be."

"But I've heard you say we could leave it all to Dean and Lizzy…"

"For their benefit," Sam admits sadly. "I think… honestly,  _I know_  Sammy will grow up just like us. He'll have to. I mean, I want to retire and I think it could last for a while if we tried. At least until Sammy's older and no longer a baby. But we thought we were out when we killed Yellow Eyes. And once more we thought we were out when I killed Lilith… and then again when I got my soul back and killed the Mother of All. And guess what? There's yet another thing that wants us gone. If the Leviathan are really out there and want us all dead then… we're still in it and Sammy is more vulnerable than ever. I want him out while he's this fragile and small but he'll probably never be out for good."

"Fair enough," Lou nods. "But I still hold out hope that there's an answer to this problem. I can't deal with Sammy growing up like you did. I have hope that he won't."

"How could you?"

"For one, I'm not in Purgatory anymore," she figures. "And two, you're out of the Cage. We're here right now when logic says we should be completely damned. I've seen crazier things happen than hunters finding a way to get out of the game."

He thinks that over for a second. "Good point you make," Sam gives in a little.

"Don't give up hope ever, Sam," Lou says, leaning her cheek against his chest again, Sam's chin on top of her head. "That's when this life eats you alive. Lizzy and I always fought to keep our sanity when we hunted. Now that I'm back I'm going to keep that fucking hope alive because why wouldn't I?"

Sam just sighs with her outlook.

"I'm just asking for you to give it a try," Lou keeps trying, her hand running up and down his bare chest. "Please. Because… I want out someday. I want it with you. I don't need a big house or anything. I don't even need to ever get married or do the whole family thing. I like my last name and I have Lizzy and Sammy and Bobby... and shockingly I even have your brother. That's enough family. I just want peace and safety and to spend my time just fucking being. And being with you."

Sam actually smiles with that idea.

"I wouldn't mind that so much," Sam agrees without being too excitable… like a Winchester would.

"Like I didn't already know that," Lou slickly returns, knowing Sam enough as it is to know he'd love that easy kind of life.

Maybe he won't be a lawyer one day like he wanted to be once. Maybe they'll never have the affluent home and big family they both had once envisioned for themselves far before they even met each other. But there is a good life out there somewhere, one for them that has a modicum of safety and calm and is just… good.

"If it's possible… we'll find it, Giant," Lou snuggles closer. "I'll find it for us all."

* * *

 


	12. Hallucinations, Groceries, and Backdoors

* * *

"How long's he been like this?" Dean questions yet again as he stands over the bed, arms crossed and face set in a scowl with concern.

"Too long," Lou answers while sitting on the edge of the bed she shares with the sleeping man in it out in their warehouse.

"And how long is too long?"

"About… fourteen hours," Lou rips off that bandage, knowing his reaction will be awful to this.

"And you're just now telling me!?" Dean near yells, Sam not flinching once in is sleep.

"The guy barely sleeps as it is," she explains herself. "I figured it was him playing catch up but… this is more than catch up."

"You think!?" Dean fires back at her with anger.

"It's been getting worse," Lou finally tells Dean. "He didn't want me to tell you so I kept his trust in me… until now. He's been seeing things more often… seeing Lucifer."

" _Lucifer_?" Dean has to repeat out of sheer concern.

"Yeah," Lou answers shamefully, knowing now that she should have broken Sam's trust far before now with how bad it's gotten. "He sees that dickbag a lot, actually."

Taking a deep breath, Dean closes his eyes and counts to three to keep his worsening anger at bay. "Did he see him last night before passing out?"

"Yeah. The guy damn near tackled me when he did."

"He tackled you!?" Dean bursts out with shock, wondering how Sam could let it get so bad that he'd go after Lou.

"Oh, no," Lou pushed the idea away when she sees the fault in her wording. "Not, like…  _tackled_  me. Not in a bad sense at least." She forgets sometimes that Sam's best coping mechanism of fucking Lucifer away is only a known fact between the two of them.

"Ok…" Dean trails off, not getting it at first. Then it clicks after a moment. "Oh…  _Oh_." He looks to Lou with a nod of impressed acceptance. "Guess that's one way to beat the devil."

"Seems to work well enough," Lou says with a still worried tone before looking back at Sam. "Can't fight this though… whatever this is."

"What have you done to wake him?" Dean keeps the grilling going, looking for answers.

"Everything," Lou answers. "Not even a hand in the boxers was making him move."

"Gross," Dean brushes away and steps up to the foot of the bed. "Sam!" He smacks his foot through the blankets. "Sammy! Come on! Get your lazy ass up!" Sam sniffs in his sleep and Dean keeps going, using a tone their father used to use to get his teenaged sons out of bed when they'd be too lazy. "Hey, wake…

"…up, sunshine. Up and at 'em, man."

Sam's eyes fly open with the sound of Lucifer's voice. He feels a thump on his blanket-covered foot and he jumps, turning sharply with fear towards whatever touched him.

"Whoa!" Dean holds out his hands as Lou touches Sam's arm with comforting love.

"Easy, Giant," she says to him, Sam's eyes switching back and forth between the two of them with alarm. "You're safe, Sam. It's just us."

"Yeah, Sammy," a third voice adds in from the small table by the door. Sitting at it is Lucifer, showing up at just another perfect time. "It's just us gals in here. You're perfectly safe… and sane." He smirks sarcastically.

Sam sighs and rubs his eyes hard with one hand as he leans on his other elbow.

"How long was I out?" Sam questions, blinking away the sleep and looking at his brother. "I'm guessing it was a while. You're here."

"About fourteen hours," Lou answers, brushing his wily and sleep-mussed hair out of his face. "I couldn't wake you so I called for some back up."

"I would have, too," Sam nods.

Dean sighs and takes the bottle of water and protein bar he brought in with him off the table. As he does, Sam watches Lucifer pull a long and gleaming knife from behind him. He tests it's sharpness with his thumb, cutting it a bit before popping the digit into his mouth.

"Ouch," Lucifer says with a light tone and sucks the blood off his thumb. "Sharp." He then winks at Sam and when Dean turns around, his back to the hallucination, Lucifer stabs him straight through.

Sam flinches and closes his eyes with the sight, unable to handle seeing such unnecessary carnage.

"You ok in there?" Lou quietly asks, her voice full of concern and quiet for the question to remain only between them.

"I don't know," Sam admits as Dean walks over.

"Here," Dean holds out his offerings and Sam sits up, bare chested, to take it. "Hydrate… and, uh, protein-ate."

"Ok," Sam simply answers and drops the items in his blanket covered lap, just glad that the knife point is no longer sticking through his brother's chest. He then smiles very small. "Breakfast in bed."

"Don't get used to that," Dean warns fairly as he eyes Sam's bandaged hand. After cutting it wide open with glass while his marbles were spilling as Cass opened Purgatory back up Dean sewed it up but hasn't kept tabs on it. "Let me see that hand."

Dean reaches out a palm and Sam easily submits. With Lucifer already in the room first thing in the morning compounded by sleeping for way too long… he needs his family's help. Might as well start here since he's been able to suck it up and recognize his need.

"Eh, you'll live," Dean says, not seeing any sign of infections or poor healing. He eyes the Jack Daniel's bottle on the nightstand, knowing it was Lou's, and picks it up while holding Sam's hand over the edge of the bed. "Here."

He pours the liquor over the wound to keep it clean, Sam hissing with the sting immediately but never pulling his hand away. He trusts Dean fully.

"So, ooze invasion," Sam starts right away, looking at Lou after she spilled what she knew about Leviathan last night. "Any leads?"

"Bobby has his feelers out but these guys are no joke. They're intelligent and planning," Lou says sadly after catching up with Bobby earlier. "They'll eventually turn up but they'll be big about it. And smart."

"Perfect," Sam answers, glancing to Lucifer as he smirks at him casually from the table some more.

Dean doesn't miss the concentrated look he has on something in the room that he himself can't see.

"Dude, put a shirt on and get inside," Dean suggests under the guise of research. "Come check in with Bobby."

"Yeah, ok," Sam nods and Dean leaves the warehouse. Sam just looks right at Lou knowing what's up. "He means talk about my head, doesn't he?"

Lou just smiles and reaches to the floor to toss Sam his t-shirt. "I suggest putting on some pants too before heading into Bobby's. Don't wanna make the other men in the house get size envy." She winks.

* * *

"So basically…" Sam sums up while sitting in a wooden chair in the study after hearing Bobby give him no new news on the Leviathans. "We got nothing."

"As of now, no," Bobby confirms. "But if those Levi do decide to surface, we'll hear. I got my guys on it and I got my sources."

"So we sit on our thumbs until then. That's comfortable," Sam complains a bit.

"But that's fine because we need time to figure some other stuff out first," Dean cuts in and looks hard at his brother. "No bullshitting me. How're you doing and  _do not_  say ok."

"I'm not ok." It's the most simple and honest answer he can give.

"You think!?" Dean starts to get upset instantly.

"Dean," Lizzy warns strongly from the cot by the window with Sammy sitting calmly and awake in the carrier next to her. Sam's surrounded by what's left of his family but this time it doesn't exactly feel comfortable.

"Go easy," Bobby adds in, looking to not kick the poor kid while he's already more than down.

"No. There's nothing easy about this, Bobby… ok?" Dean keeps his fire going. "We acted like he had everything under control all this time."

"Because I wanted you to think that while I gave it a try on my own," Sam tells his brother but without an ounce of fight in his tone. "But I get it. I should have said more. I'm sorry. Look, I didn't exactly want to crack up, you know?"

"Sam-I-Am, what's happening in there?" Lizzy softly asks, her usually caring and loving personality coming right through her voice. "We want to help so we gotta know how bad it is."

Sam nods slightly at her, knowing he has to fess up. He doesn't want to with everything going on… Lou just returning, Sammy being born, the Leviathan on the loose, Cass dying… it's all too much.

"It's not just flashbacks anymore… of the Cage."

"Well then… what?" Dean pushes, needing the truth.

"It's kinda like… I'm seeing through the cracks."

"Meaning what, Sam?" Lou gently asks, gentle not really being her usual thing. She's seriously concerned here.

"I'm having a difficult time figuring out what's real." He looks at the floor for a second with the shame he's feeling for being just so broken.

"What's that mean?" Bobby asks

But Dean already knows. "Hallucinations."

"For starters," Sam sighs in answer.

"Well for starters, if you're tripping Hell's Bells, why didn't you say something?" Dean gets fired up all over again. He could have helped, or at least tried to, all this time and Sam kept it from him. That's beyond frustrating for the older brother.

"I wasn't hiding it, Dean, I… I was just not talking about it," Sam starts to explain his silence. "I mean it seemed like you all had enough going on as it was. Look, I, I just figured, try to hold onto the safety bar and ride it out, you know? But it isn't ending… it's getting more specific."

Lou just stares at him with knowledge. She knows about Lucifer's residence in his mind. She knows he also has to tell them.

"Giant," she says to him and stands next to him, a hand on his shoulder. "Just be honest. Get it over with."

He nods at her, agreeing. "I see him," Sam says, looking back to his brother.

"Him?" Lizzy questions.

"Lucifer."

"You see Lucifer?" Lizzy repeats, unsure what that could mean.

"Yeah, I see him," Sam shrugs. "He looks like that guy Nick he was riding when I said yes. He just kind of shows up and… fucks with my life."

"What does he do?" Lizzy questions him, rocking the carrier Sammy's in to keep him calm as he's due to eat.

"Mostly talks, or kills the people around me…. Sometimes goes back to some torture. He… he always tells me that everything I'm living isn't real. That I'm still in his little sandbox and this is just a really big sand castle this time around. He wants me to understand that I never left the Cage, for me to be sure of it."

No one speaks for a moment when the reality of what Sam's living hits hard. Lou just stands by him, her arm around his shoulders as she smiles slightly and with anguish, a silent conveyance of her support.

"What the hell, Sam?" Dean asks, with sheer shock and terror behind his tone.

"I told you…"

"No, seriously, what the hell? How do I argue with that?"

"I know. It's a problem," Sam responds, glancing at Lizzy's overly sad expression as she stares at the hardwood floor of the study. She always takes hearing that something is seriously wrong with her loved ones especially hard and he hates doing this to her right now.

"Well now, wait. I got it," Dean tries to reason. "Why would the Devil Holodeck you a new life when he could just kick your ass all over the Cage."

Sam looks away to see Lucifer sitting on the cot on the other side of Sammy's carrier, smirking at him with something playful.

"'Cause, as he says…" Sam starts but Lucifer finishes in unison with him. "You can't torture someone who has nothing left to take away."

"Very good, Sam," Lucifer praises.

"But this is the dream life he gave you?" Lizzy challenges, Sam peering between her and Lucifer as the Devil makes goofy faces at his infant nephew. "I mean, come on. Wouldn't he just give you the perfect life and not this fucked up, post-apocalyptic excuse for a shit life?"

"It had to be a mess, Sam," Lucifer says, grabbing ahold of Sammy's hand as he explains, the boy gripping to his index finger. "Or you wouldn't believe it was really your life."

Sam's jaw clenches when the Devil touches his nephew, his shoulder rising.

"Sam-I-Am… are you seeing him right now?" Lizzy questions when she can see his reaction and odd posture. She knows Sam's fear and anger when she sees it and through that she gets the sense that Lucifer might just be in the room.

Sam nods a simple yes.

"You know he's not real, right?" Dean reminds him.

Sam just looks at his brother, eyes silently asking him for help like he's done for years now when verbally he just couldn't. "He says the same exact thing about you, Dean."

Dean can actually feel his heart icing over with horror.

"He says that about all of you."

"Jesus," Bobby lets out quietly. He's at a loss. After these past few years and all he's been through with these kids this is his tipping point. There's only so much a father, blood related or not, can hear before they just can't take any more. He needs to step away. He still cares, boy does he ever, but this is just far too much for him right now. He needs to get out. "I'm gonna get back to work."

As Bobby heads out of the room at a completely loss Lizzy does all she can to keep from crying. Her poor Sam-I-Am. He finally gets the one missing piece in his life back, his Lou, and now this. He's losing it from the inside out.

"No," Lizzy declares without realizing she even said anything.

When Sam looks at her questioningly she repeats the thought.

"No. No, Sam. I don't accept that this is happening."

"I don't think you have much of a choice, Lizzy," Sam sadly returns,

"Fuck that." She stands up and looks at him hard. Sam does his best to ignore the patronizing look on Lucifer's face as he crosses his legs and looks to her interested. "You're not losing it. I'm not letting the fucking Cage win after you've managed to crawl your ass out of it. And neither are you. And you wanna know why?"

Lizzy turns towards her son as he sits quietly in his seat. She picks him up, the fire and anxiety of Sam's situation killing her. She needs to get through to him and do it right.

"Because of him," she tells him, walking over to Sam and making him look at his nephew. "He needs you. We all need you but nothing like he does. You always think that protecting is Dean's thing, and maybe it always has been… but now it's all for one here. Sammy is vulnerable and he needs you to help him and have his back always. Especially with the fate God gave him."

Lizzy then places Sammy in Sam's arms, the baby easily finding comfort there with his uncle.

"We named him after the best person we know," Lizzy keeps it up, the pep talk all she has to offer. "You are  _stronger_  than this. You are better than Lucifer and his tricks. You're gonna hold it together and you will be there for Sammy every fucking step of the way, you hear me?"

Sam bites the inside of his cheek and just peers down at Sammy, the baby's blue-green eyes looking right up at him as he kicks his feet happily. He would do anything for his little guy, this nephew he never thought would ever exist in their situation. He loves this child more than he thought possible and he knows immediately he would do anything to help be there for him… but he doesn't know if he can beat the Devil still.

"You hear me?" Lizzy tries again, louder this time.

"I hear you," Sam quietly answers. "And I'll try. I swear."

"Don't try," Dean punches out. "This one… you gotta just do it. No overthinking, no give it your best shot. Just hold it together, Sam."

"It's not that easy but… I'll do whatever I can."

"And you need to ask for help when you can't," Lou gently says to him, her hand running over his hair as she leans her weight into him. "None of us are as big and strong as we think we are. We all need help right now because we are all in places that aren't good. But you need to stop pretending and be honest with those that love you. We all love you. Please… don't be a fucking Winchester. Let us help you."

Sam's mouth lifts in an almost miss-able smile before dropping again. "That's fair."

"Thank you," Lou says honestly, leaning down to kiss his lips once. She leans into his ear to whisper, "And I need you even more than Sammy. Don't you dare let this take you when I need you this bad. I'll kill you first."

Looking at her for a second, shocked that she'd actually admit this when she normally keeps everything closer to the vest than that, Sam reaches up with a hand to the back of her head. He pulls her in and kisses her lips with sheer promise that he would never stop fighting, not for her and not for them.

While the two have a moment Dean sees an opportunity and takes it. Sam left his phone on Bobby's desk when he came into the house for this chat. He takes it and turns his back to the room, silently turning on the GPS. He has a feeling he'll need it given Sam's serious mental condition. He's not losing his brother, not after everything they've been through.

* * *

After having enough time to think and talk about just how fucked up Sam is, Dean needed to get away. It was his usual move when shit got so heavy it wasn't feeling like he could lift it up any more. Dean just disappears.

He has a few usual places he runs to. The bar is a big one, whichever is nearest. He also tends to like to just drive aimlessly but right now Baby's not in driving condition after that hoard of demon smoke flipped her. He hasn't had as much time as he'd appreciate to get her back to mint so there it is.

Time to work on his Baby.

He's not too sure how long he's been outside at this point, could be an hour yet it could be several, but when he hears footsteps making their way towards him he looks up to the sky and sees it darkening. It's been a long time.

"Hey," Dean greets as he looks back down into the hood of the car, finishing up so that he can shut it down for the night. He smiles as he knows who would come and check on him out there. "You missed me, baby?" he smirks and closes the hood.

"Like you wouldn't believe," the rough and time worn voice of his adoptive father answers, the beard and old trucker hat coming into view when Dean looks over the Impala to see his visitor.

"Damn, I thought you were a hot chick," Dean complains, wiping his hands on a rag as Bobby makes his way over, a snow-suit bundled little boy in his arm.

"Sorry to disappoint," Bobby says. "But this guy needed to stretch his legs and his momma fell asleep on the couch."

"Sounds about right. Hey, dude," Dean grins wide, seeing his son being the only thing that can make him smile at all these days. "You being good? Making Bobby go even grayer?"

"No such luck," Bobby huffs a quick laugh. "Unlike you he's been a little saint so far."

"Hopefully not too much of one," Dean comments, over the religious labels altogether.

"She's looking pretty damn good," Bobby mentions, shifting Sammy in his arm a bit and holding him out for Dean to take as he knows the father is already itching to get him… whether he shows it or not.

"Better and better," Dean answers as he takes Sammy. "Been slow going but I'll get her back to turning heads soon enough, especially if Lou keeps lending a hand when not locked up with Sam somewhere."

"Ah, young love…" Bobby jests with Lou and Sam's behavior as of late.

"Yeah, it's grand alright," Dean rolls his eyes, not looking to think about all that.

"Well, I'm impressed," Bobby crosses his arms as he watches Dean hold Sammy, supporting his head while holding him out straight to get a good look at him. The older man's certain that if it wasn't for this child that has instantly become the honest-to-God true meaning and love of the toughest and most closed off man he's ever met's life, Dean would be drunk and in a holding cell by now. Or a ditch somewhere. "She looks like she's doing better." He nods to the Impala.

"I should do this professionally," Dean comments, kissing Sammy on his rosy-with-the-cold cheek before tucking him into his arm. As the baby looks up at him on his back Dean zips his snow suit up higher to make sure he's warm enough for the evening that's getting colder by the second. A calmer look washes over Dean's face as Sammy just stares at his father, the sense of warmth and serenity he can find in this little boy being everything he needs right now. Sammy's body goes still as he sees his father's face and hears his voice, knowing he's safe and loved by this person.

"And you?" Bobby asks cautiously, getting down to the real reason he came outside.

"What about me?" Dean questions looking up at Bobby with a furrowed brow.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"Why don't you try that again," Bobby challenges with a little friendly and nonthreatening spark in his voice, knowing how full of absolute shit the younger man is.

"Seriously Bobby," Dean drops the act quickly this time and rubs his eyes with his free hand. "It ain't like he's hexed, you know? I mean, what if it's the kind of crazy you can't fix?"

"Yeah, I'm… I'm worried too," Bobby answers, not at all surprised that when he asks Dean he he's doing he answers with how Sam's doing. Sam's wellbeing has always been directly corresponding to his older brother's wellness. "But humor me for a second. How are you?"

"Who cares?" Dean instantly rebuts, not seeing the importance of his own self right now. "Don't you think our mailbox is a little full right now?" He lifts his arm just slightly to gesture towards his son. "I'm fine."

"Right…" Bobby disbelieves his son's hypocrisy. "And weren't you pissed at Sam when he said the same thing just a couple hours before he spilled his marbles all over the floor?"

"Yeah, well…" Dean starts, knowing he's been called out properly. He looks back down at Sammy and lets the little boy grab onto his finger as he speaks. "I'm not Sam, okay? I keep my marbles in a lead friggin' box. I'm fine." He smiles down at his son. "Really."

And Bobby isn't taking that excuse. "Of course. Yeah. You just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brother's in the bell jar, you're suddenly a father for the first time, your wife's sister and your brother's girl just came back to life and Purgatory's most wanted are surfing the sewer lines… but yeah, yeah, I get it. You're… you're  _fine_."

Dean looks at Bobby with a face full of don't-fuck-with-me. "Good. Glad you understand." He then returns his focus to Sammy and moves him about, getting the tired looking boy's head on his shoulder so that if he wanted to pass out he could do it comfortably, in the way Sammy seems to like best.

"Course, if at any time you want to decide that's utter horse shit..." Bobby keeps pushing for his kid's sake. "Well, I'll be where I always am. Right here."

Dean rolls his eyes. "What, you want to do couples' yoga, or you wanna shut the fuck up and go find me some Leviathan to kill?"

Bobby smiles as Dean marches right past him, knowing this is as about as fuzzy and warm a bonding moment as a Winchester and a Singer are ever going to find. And the older man is fine with that. Dean's insulting words are always signs of endearment and he gets enough sappy from Lizzy anyways. "Shut up… idjit."

* * *

"I think we're good," Lizzy jokes as she and Dean stand by an open and extremely full Impala trunk. This time it's not weapons it's full of though.

"I think we're good for at least a month," he returns with, shutting the grocery bag stuffed trunk and looking towards his wife.

"Yeah right," Lizzy laughs as he steps up to him, loving the fact that they were able to get away from everyone else at least long enough to get a full blown food trip done and spend some time just the three of them… as task-oriented as it was. "We'll kill this food in no time."

"And Sammy'll run through that entire supply of diapers in a damn blink," he jokes as Lizzy's arms come around his middle. Dean circles his around her neck and they take a second to themselves out in the grocery store parking lot, Sammy sleeping in his carrier in the shopping cart to their side.

"You ok up there?" Lizzy asks him honestly, checking on her husband.

"You know how I am," Dean keeps it simple. She does know. Lizzy's only ever had to take one look at him and she always knew exactly how Dean is doing. He used to hate that but over time he's embraced it. It can save him a lot of speaking out loud about himself in a way that makes him very uncomfortable.

"Yeah," Lizzy nods, pushing up on her toes. He knows what that means and he meets her half way, pressing one perfectly stress relieving kiss onto her lips.

"Mm, I miss that," Dean says to her before diving in for a second, pushing his luck and making the next kiss last a little bit longer.

"So do I," Lizzy smiles like a love-sick teen when just kissing him randomly in public. It makes her weak in the knees all over again. "And maybe if we're nice to our family soon enough we can get ourselves a couple babysitters and a night off."

"You think that's wise?" Dean airs his worries about that idea.

"Why not?'

"Well, Sam's bats aren't even in his belfry anymore and when Lou falls asleep she becomes a Purgatory resident all over again."

"Not every night though," Lizzy points out. "And it's hasn't happened in days."

"But Sam sees the Devil every day," Dean reminds her and she sighs. He hugs her in a little tighter. "L, we'll figure it out but right now…"

"Don't say it takes the back burner," Lizzy cuts him off and presses a cheek to his chest, her eyes locking onto Sammy right next to her in the metal cart. "New son, family problems, monster bullshit, whatever… we're still together and we need our time. I don't care what else happens around us." She looks up at him, eyes squinting a little in the midday sun. "I love you. And I need to fuck my husband from time to time."

"You didn't hear that," Dean jokes as he points to his son sitting innocently by. Lizzy giggles slightly and Dean leans down for one more kiss, really going for it this time. He cups her face, lets his tongue play against hers a little, and sighs with contentment as he pulls away from her. "But I did. I hear you loud and clear. We'll get on this, ok?"

"Thank you!" Lizzy cheers. "I know that with everything going on… getting laid will do us both some very serious good!"

"Amen!" Dean rolls his eyes as she steps away from him. He watches as she picks up Sammy's carrier and moves to lock it into place in the back seat. She leans over the seat, her ass to him, and he smirks. Even after carrying their child for months she's looking damn good, her body returning to its old form. But that ass never stopped looking God damn perfect to him.

"Hey!" Lizzy shouts when her ass cheek suddenly stings as she clips Sammy into the car seat.

"Hey yourself," he returns with as he walks to the driver's side and gets in with a little skip in his step.

* * *

"Ha! You're just hilarious, Hot Shot!" Lizzy patronizes a bit as she opens the side kitchen door, Sammy in his carrier in her hold as Dean follows with an armful of bags.

"It's true!" Dean tries to tell her as she just thinks he's bullshitting her. "Look it up."

"You're just saying that so I'll agree," Lizzy calls him out instantly. "And… I don't have a degree."

"But you went to college…"

"And dropped out!" she laughs out right back.

"The hell are you two yelling about?" Sam questions from his spot at the kitchen table. Sure, he has news, but this looked like he could give it a couple seconds of attention.

"Nothing… Dean's just trying to stick it in my ass again."

"Dude!" Sam yells when he points to Sammy as she places his carrier on the table by Sam. "Use earmuffs or something when you talk like that." He blocks the baby's ears with his fingertips. "Don't listen to your disgusting parents."

"Having an open dialogue about sex is not disgusting," Lizzy points out. "It's healthy."

"Not in front of your kid it's not," Sam shakes his head with a light smile.

"Like he understands," Dean brushes it all off. "And I'm not saying anything bad. I'm just pointing out the fact that nearly fifty percent of all white women with a college degree have had experience with anal. Just saying…"

"And I said I don't have a degree," Lizzy remind him, not looking to deal with his lame efforts yet again. The whole ride home they discussed what they missed sexually within their relationship and of course Dean had to go to this one place once more.

"And I still say that you might like it so don't knock it 'til you try it."

"Try what?" Lou wonders as she enters the room, a packed duffel over her shoulder.

"L's still an ass virgin," Dean says with a smirk, starting to pull food items out of plastic bags.

"No she's not," Lou nearly scoffs as she walks to the side door and plops the bag onto the ground.

"What!?" Dean asks her, not sure he could have heard her right.

"Lizard popped her backdoor cherry  _years_  ago," Lou says and catches a glimpse of Lizzy's face, one that says she's going to kill her, as she turns around. "Was that the wrong thing to say?"

"You lied!?" Dean nearly shouts, pointing at his dishonest wife.

"I may have… bent the truth a tad," she rolls her eyes with getting caught.

"What the fuck!?" Dean shouts, Sam once more covering Sammy's ears with the volume.

"Dean, relax," Lou laughs at him. "It was only a few times…"

"A few? More than one!?" Dean looks at his wife with shock. She just shrugs in return. "You told me you never did that before."

"And if I told you the truth you would have never left me alone."

"I haven't left you alone anyways!"

"And why the fuck do you want to get in through the exit so badly?" Lizzy laughs at him. "That's not exactly the most appealing place on the human anatomy."

"Don't turn this around on me! You lied!"

"Wouldn't be the first time," she smiles lightly as she pats him on the cheek and gets to work on putting groceries away.

"What else have you lied about?" Dean questions her.

Lizzy pauses, a box of cereal in her hands, and thinks. "Oh, ah, remember when you wanted me to…"

"Wait! Hold on!" Sam tries to stop them there. "We don't need to hear this."

"Like hell we don't, Giant. Speak for yourself," Lou grins with mischief and leans into the doorway to the living room listening on. "What did he want you to do?" she questions Lizzy.

Lizzy laughs a little. "We were in Michigan, right near the Michigan State campus, and Dean, never having gone to college before, wanted to go do in the library."

"Casa Erotica Five… The Co-Ed Collegiate Ass-perience." He smirks hard at his brother with the name of one of his old favorite pornos, Sam just giving him a face to explain how lame he is.

"Right," Lizzy rolls her eyes. "So I figured what the hell. We snuck in one night when there were just the serious students left and… the first semester freshman may have earned herself a grade boost from her ethics professor the good old fashioned hard way."

"That was a good time," Dean smiles with turned on nostalgia.

"And it wasn't the first time you fucked a guy in a college library!" Lou's eyes widen and she points at her best friend when she recalls it. "The fucking hot guy, the smart one who was a med student at UMass."

"Jacob… ah, Jakie," Lizzy grins with her own recollection. "My  _God_  that man had a fucking tongue of gold."

Dean just looks at her with shock. She never really says much about her past encounters, especially the really good ones, in front of him.

"And I'm pretty sure that a few guys studying in cubicles nearby had a lovely show…" Lizzy laughs. "Or  _heard_  a lovely show."

Lou just laughs and walks by Lizzy at the counter. "That's my girl," she prides and smacks her sister on the butt.

"I remember you being proud of me with that one…"

"So… wait, when we did it in the library that was the second time you'd done that?" Dean cuts her off.

"Yup," Lizzy smiles.

"Then why tell me it was your first time?" Dean asks with curiosity.

"I was in character," she explains away. "I'm method. I don't break for shit."

"Lying little bitch," Dean smirks, not at all upset by now. Just impressed with her.

"You guys done talking about fucking like some rude heathens in my house?" Bobby asks as he comes into the kitchen from the study, looking at Dean. "Because it's time to buck up, Gunga Din. Somethin's a'foot."

"So it looks like we got some bad news for a change," Sam starts up as he pulls Sammy out of his carrier. "Stockville, North Kansas. Most of a high school swim team got mangled to death in their locker room."

"Jesus," Lizzy reacts, stopping her putting away of their haul to pay attention.

"Cop talk on the wire's kind of garbled, saying it looks like some kind of wild animal attack," Bobby keeps explaining. "They're saying that whatever attacked them's about the size of a linebacker."

"It's a lead," Sam says while looking at the baby, his face in faux surprise for the child before pulling him in closer and out of his seat. "It's a lead, Dean."

"Alright…" Dean responds hesitantly with eyes narrowed at him. He walks to the refrigerator to retrieve a bottle before Sammy goes ballistic. They missed his usual lunch time by nearly a half hour. "But if you think you're going out on a hunt..."

"No, I know. I'm not," Sam assures him. "But you are."

"What?" Dean questions as he walks to the sink, running the bottle under warm water to heat it up a bit. He doesn't miss the look of sudden fear and uncomfortable panic on his wife's face when it's said.

"We know you don't want to go… or maybe you just feel like you shouldn't with Sammy and all," Lou steps in. "But Bobby's running the hub, the Giant's 5150'd, Lizzy needs to be here with Sammy-boy… which leaves you and me to follow this thing up."

Dean just looks at Lou for a beat before turning to Sam, his son starting to squirm in his arm with hunger. "Sam… you're in the middle of a psychotic break…"

"It's only a couple hours' drive," Sam reminds him as he grabs the warmer bottle from Dean. "And it could be a Leviathan thing. Lou says this is hallmark of them, how they feed."

"Damn straight it is," Lou adds in to bolster Sam's argument. "They eat like rabid dogs, only leaving few scraps and a sure mess behind. It's never pretty."

Looking back and forth between Lou and Sam, Dean has that old familiar itch to jump into the car and get to it. But then he looks to Lizzy by his side, the worry and alarm in her eyes at the simple idea of his getting back to it all. He can't. "Nah, if you think I'm leaving here, my son and wife alone…"

"Hey," Bobby immediately says with offence. "What am I, chopped brains on toast? I can eyeball the kid… the big one and the little one. And I got Liz here too. Go. Work off some of these nerves you got running on high on something useful. You're boy will be ok."

"This isn't you getting back into the life, Dean," Lou brushes aside his fears. "This is you helping to look into the biggest damn threat on this world right now since Lucifer and Michael. This is you getting the world back to where it needs to be so that Sammy can grow up without fear and without a fucking shotgun in his hand." She takes a step towards him. "And I promise to be nice." She smiles with a wide grin that sucks up to him the right way.

Dean takes a second to look at Lizzy again. He can see her heart softening with Lou's words, much like his own just did. She makes a solid argument. Dean then glances at Sammy as he's being fed happily in his broken brained brother's arms. "Fine," he relents and walks off to get himself packed for a couple days at most.

* * *

 


	13. The Unforgettable Fire

_**This is my take on the episode 'Hello, Cruel World'.** _

* * *

 

"Shit, shit, shit," Lou complains as she leaves the high school, shoving open the door to the parking lot and Dean jogging after her. "They were here."

"No kidding," Dean relents, upset by the amount of sheer blood and macabre brutality. And black on the walls. "Black goo. The newest bad piece of shit on the block came by for a midday snack."

"Why bother doing it like this, though?" Lou stops and turns around, letting Dean catch up as she talks it out. "I mean, what's the fucking message here?"

"Why do you assume there's a message?" Dean challenges.

"Because they're not gonna  _not_  leave a message. They're smart. Smarter than your average bear… or monster in this case," Lou points out. "In Purgatory, sure… they'd make a massive mess of their meals. Leave bits and pieces everywhere without a fucking care but back there it didn't matter. There was no real plan. Purgatory is just… seek and eat."

"But you think there's a plan topside?" Dean asks, walking next to Lou now as they approach the Impala.

"Absolutely," Lou answers. "Those fuckers are too good, too critical and calculating. They won't just reek carnage. They'd settle in now that they're here, make it all work for them right fucking proper."

"Sounds like you've had a chance to really get to know these guys."

Lou pauses a second. She then turns to look right at Dean. "Get in the car."

She marches ahead and drops harshly into the passenger side of Dean's newly-rehabbed Baby before yanking the door shut with a slam. He then stands there a second not really understanding what just happened. With no other choice he joins her, getting into the driver's seat.

After sitting silently for a second, Lou saying nothing as Dean plays with his car key in his right hand while waiting for her, he turns to look at her when done waiting. "You mind telling me why you're ordering me around like that? You know something you care to share with the class?"

"I told you a good amount about what I saw of the Leviathan during my time there," Lou starts, looking off at the school through the side window. "But I didn't tell you all of it. And I'm not about to cry a fucking river over it either but… you have to trust me." She then turns towards Dean. "This is nothing. A drop in the bucket. You want to live, Dean? Have a house and a home for Lizzy and Sammy? You want Sammy to go to school, go to college, live happily without knowing anything about what this fucked up world really is? You need to get back into it."

He looks at her shocked. "No. I need to be home…" Dean starts to deny her but she stops him abruptly.

"No,  _Lizzy_  needs to be home," Lou corrects him. "She needs to be with Sammy, to watch him and care for him like a good mom. You need to be a good dad, Dean. You need to get back on the road and take care of this shit before it implodes the fucking world. You have no idea right now how bad, conniving, and serious these fucking assholes are. You want a chance at Sammy being happy? You start back at it."

Dean huffs a sad laugh. "L will chop my balls off…"

"No she won't," Lou assures him. "She won't because I'll back you up on this."

"What about Sam?"

"What about him?" Lou asks, her hardened side coming through sharply now. "He's a mess, Dean. A bigger mess than any of us. I put on a brave face because I love him but I know exactly what he is. He's broken beyond broken and I'm not at all convinced there's a cure for him. He's sidelined completely."

"So what… you're saying you're my new Sam?" Dean asks with shock, the so small woman sitting in his incredibly tall brother's usual place.

"If I have to be… fuck yes," Lou answers, eyes set and angry. "We can't let this go. Someone needs to step up before these fuckers take over… and they will. Mark my words. And Sammy, you, Lizzy… you'll have no life worth living."

Dean doesn't respond to that. He just sits there, contemplating how serious Lou is about this one. She's so sure. It scares him.

"I need to think about this." Dean looks at her with sheer uncertainty despite how much he trusts her and what she tells him.

"That's only fair but don't take too long," Lou warns as she understands. "And as much as we're still in new friend territory… I'd trust you to have my back completely, Dean. I was… fuck it. I was wrong about you. Ok?" she spits out before she can think twice and not say it at all. "We can do this together if we have to. I'd be more than cool with working with you in order to make a life for my Sammy-boy."

Dean just looks at her with shock and pleasant surprise. "You'd deal with me for the safety of our family… of my son?"

"You bet that tight little ass of yours on it," Lou says seriously despite the joke. "My nephew will have a fucking beautiful life… even if it kills me."

* * *

"Yeah?" Sam simply answers as he puts his phone to his ear, already knowing from the I.D. that it's his brother.

"Well, we are positive for ick," Dean reports Lou and his findings. "Same kind of stuff that came out of Cass. Oh, and, uh, two of the swim kids were missing. They stole one of their parents' cars."

As Sam is about to answer Lucifer speaks from his place in a chair across from him at Bobby's kitchen table. "You know, I really think Price William has found the right girl," he thumbs casually through the pop culture magazine. "What do you think?"

Sam simply evil eyes the hallucination that he prays is just a hallucination. "So you think these, um, these Leviathan things just jump into people? Like Eve did?"

"I don't know…" Dean starts but Lou cuts in as the phone is on speaker mode.

"They do," Lou nods. "Most definitely."

"Good to know," Sam answers back, nodding to himself as Lizzy half listens to one side of the conversation, a blanket draped over her as she feeds Sammy while sitting next to Sam.

"State trooper's got surveillance cam footage on the kids about six hours old," Dean keeps explaining. "It's of them gassing up just south of Dakota line so I'm headed back your way. We'll just track them from Bobby's."

"Yeah, sounds good," Sam easily agrees, ready for both of them to get back to home base.

"Hey, uh," he glances at Lou quickly before going on. "How are you doing?"

"You know, uh," Sam starts to excuse while staring Lucifer himself down across the table. "Ok."

"Well hang in there, alright?" Dean says and gets ready to end the call.

"Dean, wait!" Sam calls out, hoping to catch his brother before he hung up.

"What?"

"Come meet me," Sam says quietly, getting up from the table with Lizzy. "We should talk this through… without anyone else needing to hear or worry too damn much."

Dean gets that he means Lizzy. "Ok…"

"I can meet you at Phillip's?"

"One hour." Dean ends the call.

"Where we meeting him?" Lou questions.

"Phillip's Diner."

She nods and sits for a second. "He's a mess," Lou states as fact, having heard it in Sam's voice.

"You think he's lying?" Dean challenges.

"He's always lying," Lou lets Dean know. "Every second of every day he spends lying to make sure no one worries about him while Sammy's around. He's ninety percent bullshit."

Dean just smiles as he fires up the Impala. "Glad you see him the same way as me then."

* * *

"Coffee?" Lou questions with the nighttime beverage of choice.

"If I don't you'll have to drag me back to the car to get me home," Dean promises and takes a sip of his shit-grade, black has hell coffee. "Running on God damned empty."

"Shouldn't have had a fucking kid," Lou says, lifting one eyebrow in jest.

"Never planned on it, sweetheart," Dean says in his joking tone as he takes another sip, happy to joke with the girl that used to hate him for a change. It's nice.

"Fuck planning," Lou laughs a little, picking at the label on her beer bottle at the booth they're in. "If you planned that little bundle of pooping joy wouldn't exist. And what the hell would I do with my free time then?"

"Not feed and change my boy."

"Exactly!" Lou answers, loving doing anything for her little guy.

"Hey, it's cool. I got over it pretty fast anyways. I've learned to truly embrace the mistakes I make in life… especially with how many I've made in my day."

"Good man," Lou smirks.

"The hell is Sam?" Dean asks as he looks around, his brother now being a good ten minutes late in meeting them. "The house is only five miles away."

"Coulda gotten sidetracked with Sammy," Lou offers but checks her phone for the time. Sam's never this late.

"Yeah…" Dean trails off, not believing that for a second. He takes out this phone. "I'm trying L."

"You want me to give Bobby a try?"

"Yeah. Do that," Dean answers while holding his phone to his ear. He waits and waits as the line rings, eventually going to Lizzy's voicemail. "Shit. The hell is going on?"

"Bobby's home phone isn't even ringing," Lou says with a confused voice as she gets only a beeping sound from Bobby's line. "Why the fuck would that happen?"

"Don't know," Dean responds, already checking where exactly Sam's phone is at on his GPS tracker. "But Lizzy didn't answer so whatever is happening… it's freaking me out."

"Shit," Lou says, dialing Lizzy's number again out of fear.

"What the…" Dean says to himself when the GPS shows Sam's location.

"What is it?" Lou demands, dropping phone away from her ear.

"He's at some old building… Morning Star Endeavors. An old, abandoned place out in the boonies," Dean tells Lou, looking up at her with confusion. "Why would he be there?"

"Shell out some bucks and let's find out," Lou says, already out of the booth and headed for the door.

This isn't settling with either of them.

* * *

"Where the hell are we?" Sam asks his brother, looking around what he thought was an upscale office building and seeing it's actually an abandoned warehouse. His brain, thoroughly confused, tries to catch up and decipher everything but just can't.

"Oh, you think I'm Dean," laughs the image in front of Sam, the green eyes familiar and smile just right with the laugh it expels. "Right…"

Before Sam's eyes Dean morphs from the form he knows too well to that of his torture master in the Cage.

"You poor clueless son of a bitch," Lucifer falsely laments on Sam's behalf with a nefarious grin in place.

"Stay the hell away from me," Sam warns as he turns to walk away.

"Your world is whatever I want it to be, understand?"

Sam sharply turns back around, this time his gun drawn, and fires three times at the air while he yells from deep within, "Leave me alone!"

"Now we're getting there," Lucifer says, suddenly standing behind Sam. "Pinocchio's seeing his strings."

"Shut up," Sam tries to punch out with not too much luck. The fear of whatever the fuck is happening taking over quite strongly now.

"It's the big crescendo," his hallucinatory ultimate fear chides.

"I said shut up!" Sam shouts out as loudly as he possibly can while firing two more rounds into the empty warehouse.

"Want to point that gun at someone useful?" Lucifer taunts, once more behind him as he keeps suddenly shifting to new locations. "Try your face."

Sam can hear his heart pounding hard with icy fright with what Lucifer suggests to him.

"Want to know the truth?" Lucifer keeps right on going, aiming for the jugular. "Want to skip to the last page of the book? You know where to aim." He makes a gun with his hand and pulls the fake trigger while it's against the underside of his chin, telling Sam all he needs to know.

If he wants out of the nut house that is his brain he's going to have to kill himself.

"Just do it, Sam," Lucifer chides on. "Lou's not back with you, Sammy doesn't really exist… what the hell are you still breathing for? Why do you even bother?"

Sam wishes he could fight these words being spewed at him harshly but he just can't.

"Sam!?" Dean calls out loudly as he rushes into the warehouse from the same door Sam came in when he arrived.

"Oh look," Lucifer smirks, once more wearing an exact replica of Dean to further confuse the life out of Sam. "Another me."

"Sam, what are you doing?" Dean asks, approaching quickly and with high concern.

With sheer terror and completely confused bafflement over the two Deans standing in front of him, Sam raises his gun once more and aims it at the newest to arrive Dean's forehead.

"Whoa! Whoa!" Dean calls out, hands out in surrender to show he means his own little brother no harm.

"I was with you, Dean!" Sam says with true panic in his voice, seeing now just how serious and bad his condition is. Before he could deny it. Now… now he's just fearful.

"Okay… well…" Dean tries to think, understanding for the first time the depth of which Sam's fallen wall is effecting him. "Here I am."

"No. No," Sam laments while alarmed, looking back and forth between the Dean that just got there and the Dean he came to the warehouse with, the two perfectly identical as they stand there looking at him. "I don't, I... I can't know that for sure," he tries to explain himself through his panic. He doesn't know who is real at this point, which Dean he can trust. "You understand me?"

"Okay," Dean's face goes pale with utter fright. He has to think quickly, he has to find a way to prove himself as real. "Now… we're gonna have to start small."

"I don't remember driving here," Sam admits, recognizing that if the real Dean is the one that just came into the warehouse then that means he drove himself here, not Dean.

"Well that's because I drove," Lucifer answers, back into the guise of Nick. He glances to Dean. "Sam is very suggestible."

His anger rears again and Sam fires once more into the image of Lucifer that keeps right on provoking him thoroughly.

"Whoa, whoa! Sam!" Dean yells out over the echoing gun fire as he tries some more to reign Sam in. "This discussion does not require a weapons discharge!"

"Sam!" a voice is suddenly heard yelling out. Both hunters turn to look at the doorway of the warehouse as Lou bursts through it after hearing yet more shots being fired. "Giant! What…." She finally spots him. "Oh, thank God!" she nearly cries with thankfulness to see two standing and unharmed brothers. She sprints to Sam. "Sam, you asshole. You scared the fucking shit outta us."

"Lou?" Sam says with desperation as the small woman makes her very quick way to him. He's too afraid to even begin to think that it might actually, really be her. But it looks like her, sounds like her. He lowers his gun, his arms hanging by his sides.

"Ah, my masterpiece has arrived," Lucifer smiles with pride as he crosses his arms over his chest and reminds Sam of what he's always tried to convince him of. "Still feels so much like the real, dead thing, don't it?"

"Are you ok?" Lou questions when she comes up to him, her hands grabbing his biceps as she searches his face. "Talk to me. What's going on inside there?" She nudges her head in the direction of his own and waits for an answer.

"I… I, uh… Lou?" Sam says her name in a question.

"Yeah," she warmly as she can while panicking answers him.

"You're not real?" he asks, starting to crumble.

"What!?" Lou asks with panic. "Shit, Sam, don't go back to this. I'm real. I'm real!" Lou promises, grabbing his hand and placing it on her cheek. "See? Feel that?" She presses his palm into the side of her face to emphasize it, the stitched wound on it flaring up with the pressure. When he feels the sting the image of Lucifer flickers.

Sam's eyes dart back to Lucifer, then to Dean, and once more to Lou. She asks again, " _Do you feel that_?"

His heart swells when he sees how hard she's trying.

"Please tell me you do… because I sure do," Lou says with hope and sadness in her eyes. She leans into his hand a little harder and closes her eyes. "I never thought I'd feel this again… but I do right now and every time I'm with you I feel it even more. Please, Sam. Please hold on to this. Don't you dare think that this,  _this_ , isn't real."

"You think Lucifer would bring her back and keep her with you this long?" Dean counters, knowing the tricks and evil ways of Hell already. He knows this game that Lucifer is playing on Sam, he's felt it and seen it. "He would have taken her down in blood by now, right in front of your eyes. But she's here. And so am I." Dean steps forward and stands next to Lou. She pulls Sam's hand away from her cheek and looks at the older brother with hope that he can help. "Sam, you don't know what's real? Look man, I've been to Hell. Okay, I know a thing or two about torture. Enough to know that it  _feels different_. The pain of this… this regular, stupid, crappy…  _this_."

"How can you know that for sure?" Sam asks, begging while right on the brink of losing it for proof that's undeniable so that Sam can hang on and get by.

"You telling me you don't know Lou when you feel her?" Dean challenges, grabbing the wrist of the hand Sam just had on the woman's cheek. "Because, I gotta tell you,  _that_  is something that feels different. There' a huge fucking difference between real and torture on that one."

Sam glances at Lou and realizes how true Dean's words are. He saw Lou in the Cage, saw a lot of her. And every time she felt real… or so he thought. Down there when Lou would come to him he could convince himself that it was her, that she was there, that her lips felt right. But now that he's back and so is she… the Cage Lou was off. She wasn't as warm, as soul shakingly affecting. She is different. Dean's right.

"Hey," Dean calls Sam's attention back, his grip on his wrist tightening to almost painful places. "This is real. Not a year ago, not in Hell…  _now_. I've been with you since you got back. I've been dealing with your annoying ass every day since. I was with you when you cut this hand. I sewed it up! Look!"

As his voice raises to keep giving further proof to Sam that he isn't losing it and he is out of Hell, Dean takes his thumb and drives it down into the stitched up wound on Sam's palm. Sam winces with the pain but watches as Lucifer's image flickers a bit, the pain and realness of it working to bring him home to reality.

"We've done a lot more with pain," Lucifer chides with a smirk, knowing this was a drop in the bucket in comparison.

" _This_  is different, right?" Dean keeps trying, Lou to his side watching with hopeful eyes that this, whatever common Hell ground the brother understand that no one else can, will work. "Different than the crap that's tearing at your walnut? I'm different. Right?"

Sam takes his hand back, Dean swiping the gun in his other quickly before he could use it again. "Yeah, I think so," he answers, starting to actually feel the slight change of the pain in the Cage to now.

"You sure about that, bunk buddy?" Lucifer smirks, still doing his best.

"Sam?" Lou jumps in when she watches his eyes go off and stare at thin air for yet another uncountable time since she's be out of Purgatory. " _Sam_."

Glancing at her when he hears her, Sam then takes his own hand and continues where Dean left off. He presses a thumb into the bandaged wound, tearing skin and stitches with the pressure needed to make this work for him. As blood pools around the deep cut Lucifer flickers some more.

"Doesn't mean anything," Lucifer brushes off but Sam can feel that it does.

"Hey," Dean keeps it up, knowing assuring words in a fairly steady stream tend to work for Sam. "I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I'm the only one who can legitimately kick your ass in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy."

Sam continues to push his thumb hard against his wound.

"Sammy, I'm the only one who can..." Lucifer starts, his voice cutting out completely when Lou pulls his head down. She brings his face and inch from hers and locks eyes with him hard.

"And I got out too. I'm here, Sam," Lou promises him as she slowly presses her lips to his, moving with assured confidence that if this can't get him back then nothing can. She uses this embrace to share her feelings for him. All the love, faith, need, want, adoration, and desperation she feels towards him is given over to him in that moment. She needs him and he has to feel that and feel how different that is than if it weren't.

As her lips pull away, Lou taking her time, Sam feels it. His heart skips a beat at the reminder and the proof. This is different.

"Believe in that," Lou whispers to him, her eyes once more open and locked on his. He can see the blue color of her eyes as she nearly pleads for him to understand and to have faith in her and his family. At the same time he can sense that Lucifer is gone from the room.

"Believe us, okay?" Dean picks up where Lou leaves off when she backs away just a bit. "You gotta believe us. You gotta make it stone, number one, and build on it. You understand?"

"Yeah," Sam nods and starts to see it all the way he's supposed to. "Yeah, okay."

"You with us?" Dean asks, brow lowered with worry still fully in his eyes.

"I am," Sam nods and looks between the two of them. They have to be real. They got Lucifer to back off and disappear. They got through to him. The pain is different here. The feel of love is different here. He can hang onto those things if it means keeping it together.

Right then Sam's phone rings. It's the perfect distraction from all that just happened so he easily reaches into his pocket and looks at the screen. Nice. It's time to focus on work again and that's a beautiful way to keep his mind on one thing and sane. He answers the call. "Bobby, hey."

"The Sheriff was right," he tells Sam right away after checking on Jodie Mills in the hospital after getting a very concerning and panicked call from her. "The hospital thing's definitely our kind of thing. I double-barreled one of them in the morgue. Silver buckshot. No effect. Bled black ooze."

"Leviathan?" Sam asks, noting the stiffening posture on Lou as she hears the word. She's frightened.

"I'm falling back. I'll meet you at the house. We can regroup."

"Ok… oh, ah. Wait. Where's Lizzy and Sammy?" Sam thinks to ask, making sure they're safe as he knows Dean will want to know.

"Where are they always these days?"

"Panic room?"

"Of course," Bobby answers and Sam nods at Dean to assure their safety. He watches Dean exhale with relief at that. "I'm almost there. Get going."

"Bobby's got a live one," Sam explains while pocketing his phone. "We need to meet back at the house and figure out what we're doing."

"Shit," Lou says, sprinting for the door.

"Am I missing something here?" Dean asks with her scared reaction.

"They know me," she says when she gets to the door, pausing only to explain the true panic she's in. "And they know you. And Bobby. They know us all by now and there's no fucking way them being in Sioux Falls is a fucking coincidence."

As Lou runs out the door Dean only takes a split second to glance at Sam, the fear clear as day all over both of them, before running for the Impala.

* * *

After driving most of the way back to their homestead Dean needs to speak up. Things could get hairy if the Leviathan are after them and he need all hands on deck.

"Look, when we get back to Bobby's…" Dean sighs and looks to his brother in the passenger seat. "I need you in once piece."

"It's okay, Dean," Sam assures. "I'm good. No white rabbits." He huffs a laugh. "I'm not seeing anything."

"Okay," Dean nods. "Baby steps."

"Right," Sam answers, a small smile on his face with the help he's just received. He glances back at Lou in the backseat, her face a kind and reassuring one. He thanks whoever silently for letting him have so many people he can depend on and trust in a situation such as this one.

As they look to one another with slight relief Dean cuts into it and ruins the one second of calm and good.

"Oh, no," his fear coated and icy tone lets out as they pull up the Singer Salvage. "What the hell..."

The three take in the horrific sight they could not have been prepared for. Bobby's house, their home for all intents and purposes, is torched. The fire that had clearly very quickly consumed it is now smoldering, the frame of the house just barely standing. Smoke rises into the air and it's clear that whatever was inside,  _whoever_  was inside, didn't make it. It's a disaster.

"Oh God, no," Lou starts, her brain ceasing with terror. "Oh… fuck. Oh, no." She opens the car door before Dean can put it in park and gets out, eyes glued to the carnage.

"No, no, no, no," Dean follows suit, Sam joining them as they have to process what this could mean.

"Dean," Sam says over the top of the Impala, getting his brother to look at them. "Bobby said… panic room. They were in there." His serious and fear coated face tells how scared his is.

"Fuck," Dean presses his hands to his head, his eyes glazing over as he knows that Bobby would have locked them into the room tightly from the outside  _and_  in, not letting anything get to them while he was out checking the hospital. If that's true then Lizzy wouldn't have been able to get out. She and Sammy would have been down there when…. "No… Lizzy!" Dean shouts as he takes off, running for the burned structure. "L!"

* * *

 


	14. Burning Down the House

_**This is my take on the episode 'Hello, Cruel World'.** _

* * *

 

"No… Lizzy!" Dean shouts as he takes off, running for the burned structure that was once Bobby's longtime home. "L!"

"Dean, wait!" Sam calls out, worried about the integrity of the damaged structure, as Lou joins his brother, rushing past him in an all-out sprint. "Lou, stop! You don't know…."

"Lizard!" Lou immediately starts calling out as she follows Dean's frantic and unthinking path into the barely-standing framework. "Bobby! Lizzy!"

They rush through the smoking remains of the side entrance they've all walked through numerous times and head for where the basement door used to be, ducking and climbing over the wreckage as they go. The house is destroyed from the fire.

"Shit! L! Lizzy, say something!" Dean keeps shouting her name as he peers down into the cavern that used to have a wooden staircase down to the basement floor. Now it's just a first floor gaping hole, the steps a pile of ash below them. He can't get down there now, the way blocked by debris. "Bobby!? Somebody answer me!"

"Lizzy, fuck!" Lou yells with him. "Say something! We need to know if you're down there! Come on!"

"L!" Dean yells again, dropping to his knees and leaning over the edge to shout down to her. "Lizzy, please…!"

"Shh!" Lou harshly says to him and clamps a hand onto his shoulder. They hold their breath together, waiting and praying for an answer from Lizzy. It may be supernaturally sealed but the panic room isn't soundproof. If she was in there right now, and alive, she could hear them and she could respond.

As the seconds tick by and they hear no voices respond, Dean squeezes his eyes shut and lowers his head with the fear and panic taking him over.

"Fuck… no way. No, no. She's here. They're alive," Lou refuses as she starts to walk away, looking elsewhere in the house out of sheer alarm and anxiety as Sam catches up to them. "Bobby! Lizzy! Where are you guys!?"

"Lizzy," Dean grits his teeth as he talks mostly to himself, kneeling at the basement doorway still. Sam comes up behind him but Dean doesn't notice. "You gotta be here somewhere. L… you gotta be. You just, you gotta be here."

"Dean, come on," Sam says to him, knowing it's a lost cause. If Lizzy isn't answering then one of two things has happened. One, Lizzy and Bobby got out, taking Sammy somewhere safe. Two… he's not allowing himself to realistically think about possibility two. "Bobby probably got them out…"

"You don't know that," Dean answers, looking down into the gaping hole to the destroyed basement.

"I believe it though," Sam says, patting Dean's shoulder. "You just gave me the whole speech on believing… don't make me repeat that whole thing right back."

Sam pulls his brother's elbow until he hauls him to his feet. They can hear Lou trying to get to the second floor by way of the crumbling staircase as she shouts out her family's names.

"Get your phone," Sam says gently to his dazed and near devastated brother. Dean doesn't move, just looks around him at the carnage, eyes falling on the baby carrier Sammy is almost always in. It's partially melted and covered in black soot and Dean can't stop the way his lower lids start to brim with the sight. "Dean!"

The older man's hollow eyes look up at Sam finally.

"Get your phone out," Sam says in a direct tone.

Dean, once more closing his eyes to block out the surrounding horror, pulls his phone from his back pocket. He holds it up towards Sam.

"Call her," Sam directs. "Call Lizzy right now and see where she is while I get Lou. And I'll call Bobby. One of them can tell us where they went." He prays he got the situation right and that they're hiding out somewhere away from the destruction.

Inhaling once, the action difficult to even do, Dean exhales shakily. Looking at the blackened floor he musters what little strength he can through the utter fright. He then nods as he grits his teeth.

"Good… good," Sam says through his own shoved-down-deep panic. "I'm calling Bobby right now.  _Call her_."

Sam starts walking for the stairs, finding Lou halfway up them with her whole body in flight mode.

"Lizard! You get down here with my nephew right now and stop fucking around!"

"Lou!" Sam calls to her as he presses send on Bobby's contact information in his phone. Holding it to his ear he looks back up at her. "Lou! Stop it! They're not here!" He has to believe that.

"Where are they then, Sam!? Huh!?" Lou worries with big eyes and a pale face when she looks down to him from halfway to the second floor landing.

"I'm finding out right now," Sam explains, gesturing to his phone in his hold.

The line doesn't even ring. It goes straight to his voicemail.

 _This is Bobby Singer's direct hotline. You should not have this number._  
The line beeps and Sam can't even come up with a thing to say besides. "You need to call us. Now!"

He hangs up and just looks at Lou, the woman already knowing Bobby didn't answer.

"Bobby!" she shouts at the highest her voice can go and she keeps climbing.

"Lou! Stop!" Sam calls out as he starts after her.

And Dean listens in to the whole thing. Bobby didn't answer and his whole body breaks out in a cold, clammy sweat.

Needing answers but fearing the ones he might get, Dean focuses and makes the call to his wife's cell phone.

The first good sign is that it rings. The millionth bad sign is that she doesn't pick up.

_You've reached Lizzy and because of that I'm gonna assume you know what to do._

The line beeps, indicating for him to start talking, but nothing comes out. Chin quivering, Dean clenches his jaw before forcing himself to speak. "You're not here. You're not home and I don't know what happened and I can't…can't get to the panic room. If you're in there… L, I swear if you're in there with Sammy… I'm done. I'm done with it all. You call me the second you get this and I'll come find you both. But if you don't call me back, if you can't…" he pauses and washes a hand down his jaw. "Either way… I'll see you soon."

With that cryptic yet clear message he ends the call. Looking around, seeing the ruined kitchen table they've spent hours sitting at researching or feeding their son, just the framework of the couch they've watched numerous movie on, the desk that Bobby practically lived at now charred, Dean can't wait. He calls Bobby himself.

_This is Bobby Singer's direct hotline. You should not have this number._

After the beep Dean leaves a better constructed message.

"You cannot be in this crater I am standing in right now. You and L and my boy had to have gotten out of here in time. I can't... If you're gone, I swear… I am going to strap my Beautiful Mind brother into the car and I'm gonna drive us off the pier. You asked me how I was doing? Well,  _not good_! Now you said you'd be here for all of us.  _Where are you_?"

* * *

"That place is torched," Sam says as he keeps one eye on Lou that he had to drag kicking and screaming out of the burnt building after the second floor started to collapse on them and one eye on Dean as he stands shockingly still and completely dazed. "Somebody knew what they were doing."

"Who?" Dean asks, at a loss.

"Leviathan," Lou says with assured confidence. "I know it."

"How do you know it?" Sam questions her.

"Bobby said they were in town. Why would they be here if it wasn't for us!? They're smart and they probably did their research."

"Aren't these things ancient… like pre-humans?" Sam points out.

"So the fuck what!?" Lou yells back at him. "They're smart. They learn fast and if they want something… they get it."

It's silent for a beat as they think this through.

"Maybe they made it out here," Lou takes a desperate guess, eyes darting around the car lot out back where they reconvened safely. She's not willing to admit that her family is dead. Not without proof. "Maybe… Lizzy!? Bobby!?"

"Winchesters," a voice calls out to them all they turn sharply to see a man walk out from the nearest pile of stacked cars. He stands there, looking human and normal, but smiles with something devious. "And my, my. Look at you," He eyes the woman with them. "Lou. It's been a very long time."

"Shit," Lou says and takes a step back. He may look different, in a vessel she's never seen before, but she knows him. She knows the tone and she can feel it in her who that man really is. "Edgar?"

He just grins wide at her recognition. "I get my second chance."

She just shudders in fear.

"Well… congratulations, everyone. Apparently you are competent enough to warrant annihilating. I'd take it as a compliment."

Dean, going on pure instinct, aims the sawed off shotgun that he took from the burnt study and shoots Edgar right in the side of the face. His body recoils from the hit but then he straightens up as if it were just a scratch. With shock they all watch him turn slowly to eye Dean before his true mouth opens up. As the sound of sheer animalistic growling comes from him they see the sharp rows of vicious teeth and the two-pronged tongue.

Edgar marches for Dean and knocks away his shotgun with a simple swipe of his arm. He then picks Dean up with too much ease and tosses him aside. As he hits the nearest junkyard car his leg flares up in pain and he screams out with it. He crumples to the ground in a hurting heap, grabbing his thigh.

Lou then runs up to Edgar, her heart pounding a mile a minute with sheer terror but not enough to stop her from trying to defend her family, and she punches him square in the face. Edgar takes a step back and Lou looks up, glancing at Sam behind her to get them on the same page. When Sam eyes the industrial magnet that has an old junk car hoisted up in the air he nods and runs for the controls. Lou once more attacks Edgar, landing another punch and making him back up a step more and falter a little, stumbling to the ground.

"Sam, now!" Lou shouts.

As Sam presses the release button on the magnet controls, Edgar stands and tosses a crowbar at Sam. It collides with the side of his head and he falls to the ground, completely out cold.

The car crashes atop Edgar, black goo splattering everywhere, and Lou dives out of the way just in time.

After a quick moment of silence, the only sound that of Dean grunting as he drags himself over to check on his blacked out brother, Lou peers at the magnet. The black slime everywhere, she knows they got Edgar good. He'll be down for a while… just not long enough.

"Shit," Lou groans as she tries to stand, the arm she pushes off the ground with flaring in pain radiating from her shoulder. She drops to the ground and rolls on her back a bit, willing the pain to disappear. She can handle a separated shoulder now that she knows what it is but she has to wait out this current agony.

"Sam!" Dean shouts into his brother's face once he reaches him, shaking him to wake him. "Sammy? Hey, come on now. Come on, I'm the one with the broken leg,  _you_  got to carry  _me_. Sam!"

"Dean?" Lou calls over to the one voice that's being used.

"He's out cold," Dean reports back to her. "You?"

"My shoulder's fucked," she explains, peeling herself off the pavement without putting pressure on her left shoulder this time. "You?"

"Pretty sure my leg's broken." Dean watches her head their way. "Who's Edgar?"

"An old dickbag friend," Lou answers, pulling out her phone and dialing 911.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"He's useless and my arm and your leg can't drag his ass to the car," Lou tells him. "We don't have a choice, especially when Edgar'll come back sooner or later. We need to haul ass outta here."

Dean nods, lying back down onto the pavement and letting the pain wash over him now that the situation is handled. Well, handled as much as it can be. Lizzy and Sammy are missing. They could be… nope. Not doing that.

He looks up at the stars as Lou's voice fades a little off from his ears, her reporting to the 911 operator quick and efficient. The stars. He thinks of the first time he met Lizzy right here at Bobby's. They took a night to themselves out back, watching the stars and talking about their lives. He remembers speaking freely that night for the first time in longer than he can remember. He told her about his mother, his father passing just months before, his life with Sam and his fears about everything ahead of them. She told him her own story, her parents being killed and her life with her best friend as they ventured out and saved lives.

He fell in love with her that night, he knows it. He's sure.

And now this place that means so much to both of them is gone. Lizzy's gone. The child that came from their love is gone. And he's lost.

Never more in his life has we wished Cass was still around. If he was he wouldn't be so worried about his family's lives. He'd know they'd be safe with him somewhere far from this carnage. But that fucking idiot had to go and get himself killed.

When the stars start to feel too much like better times he lowers his lids and whispers to whoever will listen.

"Let them be alive," he begs as Lou speaks in the background. "I'm not going on without them. Please… they have to be alive…."

* * *

"Sam, stay with me, you hear?" Dean calls out to his brother as the lay in side-by-side stretchers in the ambulance that arrived at Bobby's to help them. He never woke up the entire time.

"Male, late twenties, head trauma," the paramedic in the back calls out as he observes Sam, checking his pupils with his penlight. "Signs of increasing intracranial pressure."

"Giant, come on," Lou says with pain as she watches him get checked over. She's growing more and more worried about him as she sits there, arm in a sling she was given. "Wake up, honey. Please? You're fucking worrying us."

And right then Sam's eyes slit open just a little, his vision burry as he looks for the source of that voice saying his name. He knows it's her.

Sam's mouth turns up into a small smile when the blond hair and blue eyes start to come into focus. When the sight becomes clearer he has a second of relief, but only a second because he then hears  _that_  voice instead of hers.

"Hey, so maybe I'm not real," Sam's face drops as he looks to Lou's side where Lucifer sits and smiles. The devil shrugs smugly. "Nobody's perfect. And I'm not going anywhere, Sam."

As his anxiety hits hard he can feel his consciousness fading fast.

"Sam?" Lou calls out as his eyes slip closed and his head drops back down. A second later his entire body is going ridged as he starts to seize.

"Sammy!?" Dean calls out next to him when he watches the attack happen, Sam's form twitching harshly and horrifyingly.

"Yeah, he's seizing," the paramedic reports to the hospital they're headed for. "Copy that. We're just pulling into Sioux Falls."

"Sioux Falls!?" Lou asks, her eyes panicked and focused on Dean with fear.

"Sioux Falls  _General_!?" Dean repeats for clarification from the paramedic.

"Yes," he quickly responds before heading back into treating Sam.

"No, no, no," Dean denies instantly, remembering what Bobby told them over the phone about the Leviathan having made it to Sioux Falls General. "No, you gotta take us somewhere else, anywhere."

"Please," Lou pleads with him. "We can't go there…"

"Yeah, okay," the paramedic dismisses them both and they share seriously fearful glances. They know where the Leviathan are and now they're down for the count and headed right for them after knocking one down for the short count.

Shit.

* * *

 


	15. Back Where You Belong

_**This is my take on the episode 'The Girl Next Door'.** _

* * *

 

Waking up slowly, his consciousness taking its time in returning fully, Dean lifts his lids with a bit of struggle. He feels hazy and out of it completely but he fights to come back. He shouldn't be asleep, he knows this much, but the reason why that is can't seem to come to the surface for him.

The blinding overhead light combined with the odd feeling bed under him makes his senses snap into focus. He's in a hospital. When he looks to his left he sees a sign through the window to the hallway. Sioux Falls General. He's in  _Sioux Falls General._

"Oh, no, no, no," Dean instantly remembers why he can't be there as he sits up in bed. The Leviathan are there. It's not even a question. They know they are. The pieces start to fall into place. The Levi… Edgar, he showed up at Bobby's. He torched the place…

"Lizzy," Dean punches out in a groggy voice. "Oh, fuck. Sammy. No."

He starts to breathe heavy with panic as he looks over himself. A hospital gown, the blankets up to his waist, the IV line in his arm… he's got to get outta here.

He quickly yanks a drip out of his arm and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He attempts to get up but falls to the floor in a heap. He drops with a thud and a yell of surprise and pain. Grabbing his stiff and hurting right leg he finds that the entire length of it is in a cast.

"Shit," he says with frustration, just wanting to get Sam and Lou and ditch to figure out where the rest of their family is... because they just have to be somewhere.  _Alive_. He tries fruitlessly to pull himself up while grasping the edge of the mattress but he falls again, punching out a ' _fuck'_  of anger when he does.

And then there's a knock at the door.

"What!?" Dean asks out with ire at his situation.

"You ok?" a far too familiar voice asks of him and when Dean looks up he sees someone he wasn't sure he'd ever see again standing there in a cheap suit and slick combed hair, sans trucker hat.

"Bobby!?" Dean questions with wide, shocked eyes from the floor. "You… you're alive!?"

"'Course I am," Bobby answers back like it shouldn't even have been a question.

"Sammy? And Lizzy?" Dean's eyes remain large and trained on Bobby as he waits for an answer.

"Got them stashed away somewhere safe," Bobby explains quickly. "We need to get the fuck outta here fast so we can go pick them up."

Dean exhales a breath he's been holding onto since he found the smoking ruins of Bobby's place. They're ok. His family… his L and his Sammy… they're alive and ok. He clamps a hand over his mouth and take a quick second to relax with the knowledge.

"What? You thought I'd ever let anything happen to them?" Bobby questions, pure disbelief in his voice.

"I, I… I didn't know what to think, Bobby."

"Well, start thinking exit strategy," Bobby tells him as he reaches for the crutches leaning on the wall by the door. "Why're you on the floor?"

"They gave me morphine," Dean says as he shakily gets up off the floor and sits on the edge of the bed. "A lot." Dean sits there with his hands in his lap looking at the only father figure and trustworthy elder he's got left. "Bobby… I, I… we thought you were dead, maybe, and…"

"Well, I ain't," Bobby snaps as he peers out the hallway window. "Not yet at least. But we got to run. This place ain't safe. Where's Sam?"

"Uh..." he thinks back and starts to recall through the haze of morphine. "Head scan, I think."

"Meet me at the ambulance dock, stat. I'll find Sam." Bobby nudges the crutches to make sure he gets going.

"What about Lou?" Dean asks, not sure where the hell she might be right now.

"Already got her covered. Just head out to the dock." The panic stricken face tinged with relief and still running fear mix up in the eyes of his son as he just peers at Bobby after all that has just happened and he hates seeing that. "Hey," he says while patting Dean's cheek a couple times, silently promising for a good outcome to this mess before he gets out of the room.

Dean eyes the pile of clothing on the dresser once Bobby leaves and wonders how the hell he's about to get his jeans over his thick, full leg cast.

* * *

Rushing through the hallways of the hospital, Bobby finally comes upon the MRI section of the big building. He walks swiftly through door after door but seems to be coming up short until he pushes through a set of double doors just in time to see a nurse wheeling a still passed out Sam out of a room.

"Hold the phone there, son," he calls out and jogs to them. "Who's this?"

"Uh, he's…" the nurse starts but Bobby cuts him off when he pretends to read the chart on Sam's bed.

"Yeah, this is the guy," Bobby pretends to be disappointed and moves to take the stretcher himself. "Coverage lapsed," he lies. "We're shipping him to County."

Before the nurse can respond Bobby starts wheeling, getting Sam as far away from this place as possible and as quickly as he can. "Come on, sicko. Let's get you healed up some place a little safer."

After taking another solid ten minutes to find the dock he finally sees the ambulance he's supposed to be coming for. He rushed over to it and yanks open the back door.

"About fucking time!" Lou shouts from the back cabin as she stands up to help pull Sam's stretcher into the ambulance.

"Watch yer tone!" Bobby rebuts as they get Sam inside with some struggle and Bobby pulls the doors shut. "I went as fast as I can and that's still faster than your busted ass could have so don't ya complain to me."

"Just get up front," Lou rolls her eyes as she starts safely strapping Sam's stretcher into place. "He still hasn't woken up?"

"No idea."

"Damn, Giant," Lou worries, working away to make sure he doesn't move in the rush out of there. "Always gotta freak me the fuck out, don't you?"

"Come on, Dean," Bobby mumbles to himself while he fires up the engine and looks through the side mirror at the exit he just came from. He then sees Dr. Gaines and two nurses come flying through the door instead. "Balls!"

"What!?" Lou asks, her work still frantic as she doesn't know how anything in an ambulance actually works.

"We got Levis," Bobby tells her and she keeps right on swearing with fear. "Come on, Dean. Come on, Dean!"

Just as he says that the passenger side door opens swiftly.

"Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!" Dean shouts as he hauls himself painfully into the seat, crutches and all, and yanks the door shut behind him.

Bobby floors it, pedal to the ground, and the ambulance speeds out of the hospital bay as fast as the bulky vehicle can go.

"What the hell took you so long?" Bobby complains as they take to the streets of Sioux Falls at attention grabbing speeds.

Dean looks at him with disbelief. "I'm a fucking gimp, Bobby! I'm not exactly at Usain speeds these days."

"Excuses, excuses," Bobby comments, turning sharply onto the highway ramp and making everyone in the ambulance lean hard to the left.

"Easy, Bobby!" Lou asks while they turn. "I don't know how to get this shit right. Don't need Sam ping ponging all over the fucking place."

"He up!?" Dean questions loudly and with hope.

"No… not yet," Lou says, sitting down next to her still out cold man. She grabs his hand with her unharmed one and just looks at him, the gash on his temple patched preliminarily but the blood seeping through the gauze.

"So where we going?" Dean asks, his hopes of it being towards his wife and child driving his questioning.

"Motel just outside of Mitchell," Bobby explains. "We got a pick up to make." He winks at Dean to calm his nerves and Dean nods with sheer calm.

"Thanks," Dean meekly says, this one time being very easy to say such a thing. Bobby saved his family's lives and he has no problem saying his gratitude. "Seriously, Bobby."

Bobby just smiles back.

* * *

Just under an hour later Bobby pulls the Ambulance into the parking lot of the Coachlight Inn. They park in front of room 13, the room number Lizzy and Lou would always book if they were separated and needed to reconnect at the nearest motel, and before the engine is even cut Dean's door is open. He jumps down, his leg protesting and making him regret the movement immediately upon hitting the pavement, before grabbing his crutches.

"L!" he shouts loudly, just needing so desperately to see her as he settles the crutches under his arms and starts for the door nowhere near fast enough for him. "Lizzy! L!"

The motel door opens sharply after she hears his voice clearly through the walls and there she is in perfect view. Lizzy. Harm free and just perfect.

"Dean!" she says with a half-smile, half-sob as she runs to him. She doesn't realize he's so hurt when she reaches him and collides hard, her body pressed against his immediately as she hugs him around his neck like a vice.

"Ah!" Dean hisses quickly when he falls into the side of the ambulance with his back as he can't support his weight and hers right now with one good leg. The pain flairs up again but he truly couldn't care about that.

"Oh God! I'm sorry!" she immediately apologizes and steps back, looking him over. "You're leg! Jesus!"

"I'm fine," Dean promises and drops his crutches as the ambulance props him up. He reaches for her again and pulls her in hard, completely enveloping her into his arms. "I'm fine," he repeats as he sighs and absorbs that warmth she gives him when he needs it the most. He smells the cherry and vanilla of her shampoo and the tight circling of her arms around his torso and  _feels_  home again.

"Thankfully," she whispers nearly to herself but he catches it. Her face buries into his neck as she tries to get a grip on her emotions. There's no time for crying right now despite the intense relief she's feeling to have him there, to have her arms around him. He's alive and back with her.

"Hey, I'm like a cat. I always land on my feet," he tries to joke.

"And then you break one of them," she points out sadly. "I'm just happy to see you breathing. You scared the shit outta me."

"Right back 'atcha," Dean responds and holds the sides of her face. He kisses her just one time as if to make sure she's real. His heart beats faster when he can feel it. Oh, she's real.

Lizzy just grins a little at him and hugs him once more when done. "Is everybody with you?" she asks into his neck as she keeps holding onto him, unable to let go of him just yet after such a terrible ordeal finally comes to an end.

"Lizard!" Lou shouts right then when she comes around the back of the ambulance. "Thank fucking God you're alive!"

"Louie," Lizzy says as her face falls and she starts to actually cry. She leaves Dean to give her sister a similar greeting of happiness, being careful once she spots the sling her arm is in.

"I thought you were dead!" Lou near shouts as she shakes in Lizzy's hold.

"No fucking way," Lizzy smiles over her shoulder, her eyes spilling over. "And I thought you were leaving me again."

"Fucking never," Lou promises. "I dare a mother fucker to take me away from my nephew."

"And Sam?"

Lou pauses and backs away to look at Lizzy. She'd rather not even tell him. "He's in the back…"

"L, get my crutches?" Dean asks with near impatience. He makes an impatient gesture with his hand to her and she knows why. He wants to see his son.

"Yeah," Lizzy wipes her face while smiling wide. Everyone is there and safe. What more could she ever ask for? "Just get in the car," Lizzy points to the Impala down a few spots. "I'll get Sammy and drive."

"You have to," Dean angrily points out as it's his right leg he broke.

"Lou, you come with me in the van," Bobby nods to a white utility van parked on the other side of the lot. "We can load Sam in there on the stretcher and get the fuck outta dodge."

"You found us a van?" Dean questions quickly.

Bobby just glances at her funny. "Yeah. Just now. See? There's van right over there. Now get moving." He opens the back door and starts to get Sam out, looking around for people that might catch the very shady scene they're making while transferring a comatose patient on a stretcher from an ambulance to a white van mid-day in a motel parking lot.

"Oh my God," Lizzy worries instantly but Dean cuts her off. "Sam… what!?"

"He's ok," Dean lies completely, knowing how important time is. They aren't that far from Sioux Falls as of yet. "Go get our boy so we can get on the road. Gotta keep him safe, right?"

"Yeah, uh… yeah," she answers unconvincingly as she eyes Sam with deep concern. She then turns to Dean, giving him a look to assure him that he will be telling her all about what happened and the truth about Sam once on the road before she disappears into the motel.

Dean hobbles over to the Impala as Lou and Bobby wheel Sam across the lot before picking the Van doors open. They secure him with straps the stole out of the ambulance before shutting the back door, Sam now out of sight. Dean can feel the itch of panic deep in him when he can't see his brother any longer.

Lou then looks over to him and nods once, giving a troubled smile of promise to him before she jumps into the passenger side.

Lou will be with Sam. He can trust that and for the first time in his life he can truly say that he will have faith in another with his own brother's wellbeing. Lou's proved herself completely to him by now.

And just when he needs a distraction he hears the motel door shut and he turns to the sound.

Lizzy rushes out to him, baby carrier and one baby bag in hand, and Dean's fear finally calms a bit. It's like slow motion, the sight she creates as she makes her way to the car. She's never looked more beautiful to him than right now, with her face concerned, tired and disheveled. Her eyes give away the toll this has taken on her. Her hair is a mess, her clothes are stained with sweat and soot… but none of that matters because she's here.

She's alive.

She's carrying his Sammy with her. She kept him safe.

"Get in!" Lizzy calls to Dean when she sees his distant look. "We're ok, daddy, but only if we get the fuck outta here!"

Dean smiles slightly and hobbles his way to the passenger side. He tosses his crutches onto the floor of the back seat and gets in.

Lizzy doesn't comment on his choice in place inside the car, picking the backseat instead of up front with her. And she doesn't say a word while Dean hardly takes his eyes off of his son nearly the entire ride. She even lets it slide when she catches him washing a heavy hand down his face as he looks out at the passing scenery when the relief grows to be too much for him to keep in and the rarely shed tears fall briefly. He never takes his hand off his son the entire ride, his palm resting on the boy's belly gently. In fact it takes everything in her to not follow him in that emotional release. As much as she knew his finding the burnt to a crisp house without her and Sammy in it must have torn him up, it nearly ruined her not knowing where he was once she fled.

Instead she focuses on the road and gets them safely tucked away. She can cry out her fears and anxieties later.

* * *

 


	16. Wonder Woman

* * *

The stolen van finally pulls up to an old, ramshackle cabin deep in the Montana woods hours later, coming to a slow and easy stop to ensure the safety of those inside it. Their cargo is in pretty bad shape and Bobby's not looking to make it any worse, popped shoulders and broken brains and all.

The Impala parks just behind it and the driver's side door flies open instantly.

"The hell is this place?" Lizzy asks while quickly getting out to help Bobby and Lou out with safely unloading Sam from it. He's in terrible shape she can only imagine after hearing what Dean had to tell her about all that happened on the way. While jogging over, Dean still in the car finishing up feeding the last bottle Lizzy had left to Sammy, her heart pounds with her medical knowledge and fear over all she knows about brain injuries.

"It's Rufus'," Bobby answers with some difficulty, jumping down from his driver's seat and walking around to the van's back doors. He's barely spoken of the man since he passed on at his own evilly-controlled hands and it still hurts to do so. "One of his safe houses. He has a few, only this on he's told me about."

"Wow," Lizzy awes with the idea, standing by the back doors for the van. "Where'd he get the money?"

"Rufus came from wealth," Bobby tells her as he opens the doors to reveal Lou sitting by Sam, her face still rife with concern and worry. "His father was a well off investment banker, one of the first black men to do the job even. Why you think he only drank the good whiskey? He grew up on the good life."

"No fucking shit," Lizzy says mostly to herself as she jumps in to help, all three freeing the makeshift tie-downs Lou made so they can get Sam inside. "Where'd the rest of his money go once he passed?"

"Mostly it went to hunting before that… amulets, weapons, and whatnot. And a chunk went to his Temple after he… passed." Bobby looks to Lou, ready to end this conversation. "How's he doing?"

"Been out the whole time," Lou says with serious fear. "I don't know if we have the knowhow or supplies to treat a concussion like this. Lizard?" She looks to her sister, the only one with any kind of medical background, for some answers and some possible hope.

"Let's get him in the house and I'll give him the once over. A good one," Lizzy tries to assure, even if she worries that she might not be able to do much. "We can come up with a plan from there but not until I check him out."

Lou nods, but her eyes flit right back to Sam's unmoving form. Her body language screams of insecurity and fear.

"Louie… we'll figure it out," Lizzy tries again, pulsing the stretcher outwards so get the show on the road as quickly as possible. They wasted enough time on the road.

"Right. Ok." She sighs heavily and grabs onto the stretcher to help. "Let's just fucking get him inside. It's cold out here," Lou's sad tone says without much enthusiasm. She's sounds defeated by seeing Sam this way… and she is. Her barometer of tough and stronger than most is shattered. That's not comforting nor is it easy. "It's ok, Giant," she says to them, pushing the stretcher over rocks and dirt to the front door. "You'll be fine. We'll figure it out. Lizzy can help."

* * *

"I can't feel any fractures," Lizzy tells the group of onlookers surrounding the stretcher positioned in the kitchen area of the wide open first floor of the cabin. She pulls her hands out of the long mop of brown hair when she's satisfied that Sam's skull is in one, uncracked piece. "He just has the wound on his temple where the crowbar hit him."

She once more picks up the pen light and lifts one eyelid at a time as she looks for pupil dilation.

"So what the hell is going on with him?" Lou questions quickly and with anxiety ruling her system as she stands just a foot away wringing her hands with nervousness.

"Aside from him being out for hours on end, he's just concussed," Lizzy sums it all up as she sees it. "It's like any other concussion any of us has gotten but he's just not waking up from it. All the classic signs are there…"

"Cliff Notes," Dean asks for, his form standing opposite Lou and Lizzy at Sam's stretcher. Now and then he glances to the couch the couch where Bobby holds Sammy while he spends his attention on his brother.

"I don't think he's out because of the hit to the head," Lizzy tells them, taking out the med kit to stitch Sam's temple closed and clean him up. "I think it's his… whatever-the-fuck, with the wall coming down… just made worse by the hit in the head."

"It's the fucking Cage," Lou rolls her eyes with a sigh. Her heart aches for him as she grabs Sam's limp hand tightly to give over some form of support despite knowing he probably isn't getting it.

"That's my best guess." Lizzy nods slowly but doesn't give into her own fears and frights for Sam. Instead she chooses to maintain an air of control and togetherness as Dean and Lou are certainly not about to.

Dean washes a hand down his face and with anger and frustration. "Fucking son of a bitch." He uses his crutches to get himself into the kitchen, needing to get away from the sight of his knocked out brother for a second.

"I know you tell me he was a good guy and all… but, Lizard… that angel friend of yours..." She pauses and looks at Sam and the damage done to him. "Let's just say he's probably lucky that he's already dead."

Lizzy says nothing in return. She can't ever explain to Lou what Cass meant to her and it make sense with what he's shown her sister. Castiel never gave her a view of his goodness in the long run, of all the good he tried to do and, very rarely, actually did. At the center of it Castiel has a heart, a big one, but telling Lou that right now wouldn't be good. It's be in one ear and out the other right away.

So instead Lizzy starts to clean out the gash in Sam's head while he's out and ignore the comment. She'd rather he wake up with this already done instead of deal with it while awake. While working she glances at Dean rummaging through cabinets.

"I doubt you'll find much," Lizzy says. "I took a quick look and it's bare bones at very best. We'll need to go food and supply shopping if we're gonna be here for a while."

"Yeah, but I know Rufus," Dean denies the thought as he keeps searching, pulling open a cabinet up high above the refrigerator and sighing with relief when he finds what he needed. He pulls the Johnny Walker Black bottle down and grips it tight. "And he'll always have the essentials in stock."

She bites her tongue as he cracks the bottle open and takes a big couple swigs straight from it. And right when he'd been drinking less, smiling more, and making some true progress. It never lasts and she should have known.

"Once I'm done with this I'll go out and stock us up," Lizzy offers as she looks around the room. One broken and soon to be drunk-ish hunter, a sister in serious disarray, one busted-headed brother-in-law knocked out cold, a grandfather trying his best to keep it together, and a baby in need of the basics as everything he'd had is now gone and burned. Nothing around her is right. And everyone around her is going to need someone to take control. She can do that is she has to. "We should stay here and lay low while everyone heals up for a while if we can. I can clean up the place when I get back, make it livable. Bobby, can you watch Sammy for a while?"

The real question she asks is can he not drink until she returns.

"I can do that," Bobby promises her as he holds the sleeping child in his arms on the couch.

"I'll feed him before I leave, hold him over for a bit."

"What am I, unfit because of a broken fucking leg?" Dean angrily questions her plan making from the kitchen, a now poured and nearly full glass in his hand. "I can watch after my own son."

Lizzy just shoots him a look of warning. "Put the glass down and I'll agree," she challenges, her voice dead serious.

The glare she gets in return is nothing short of dangerous and scary.

"That's what I thought," Lizzy gripes when the glass remains in his unmoving hand.

Knowing she's more than right Dean takes one last, very impressive, sip and drops the glass down heavily onto the counter space. He hates when she's right, especially when shit around him is crumbling and he'd love nothing more than to disappear in the comfort of booze and denial… but he's a father and when she's right, she's right.

"Thank you," Lizzy says to her husband when he actually listens to her. A deep breath of relief for his drinking hiatus and she's a little less nervous. She preps a needle to close up Sam's wound, it likely only needing a couple stitches, and gets to work on what is to be a very long day.

"What if he doesn't wake up?" Lou finally asks her biggest fear while looking at her sister for help.

"He will," Dean answers sharply, limping his way to the chair next to the couch with Bobby.

"You don't know that."

"He always pulls through, Louie," Lizzy promises, numbing Sam's skin in order to make sure the pain is not what wakes him. She'll likely get slugged in the face if it does. "Always. You should never, ever second guess Sam, ok? Ever. I've learned not to."

Lou gives a deeply rooted look of sorrow to her best friend, knowing she would never lie to her, but her words don't make anything better. The sigh she lets go of is heavy and heart breaking. As Lizzy pauses what she's doing she looks to her sister. "I just got him back," Lou whispers so quietly Lizzy has to think before being sure what she just said.

"And he's still here," Lizzy promises. "This is Sam we're talking about.  _Sam_. The toughest mother fucker I've ever met. He'll be fine. Just be patient."

"But what if…"

"Shut up, Louie," Lizzy says harshly, not wanting the downer talk at this point. "He's fine. He has to be fine so he'll be just fine."

Lou understands right then. Lizzy is on the brink. No one would be able to see it, not even Dean, but Lou always could tell when Lizzy was hanging by a thread. So, Lou shuts up. None of them are in a good place right now so she refuses to make it worse for the one holding it all in place as best she can.

* * *

Dinner cooked and barely eaten, the night descended quickly enough. Bobby was able to get the electricity going thankfully and the gas line was still in solid working order. Heat and hot water. That is more than enough for a group of hunters to get by.

"Your leg bothering you?" Lizzy asks her husband as she settles into the bed designated to them once Sammy is in his new crib and fast asleep. Lizzy and Dean had taken the bigger room on the second floor for the three of them, though bigger doesn't exactly mean much. It's a small space and very packed with the amount of people in it.

"Hurts," Dean answers as he lies back, head resting deeply into a pillow with his eyes closed. He reaches blindly out to his side for her, sighing lightly when she moves right into his side like always. Her head on his shoulder and hand on his chest, her pulls his arm around her frame and smiles a little. "I'll survive."

"You will," she confirms, breathing out easily for the first time since everything started and she lays there with him, her eye line falling on the crib containing the most amazing thing they've ever done together.

She feels Dean's lip press into her temple once, the kiss promising her he's still feeling the aftereffects of almost losing her.

"You alright otherwise?" she asks, lifting her head enough to look him in the eyes.

He stares back a second before answering. "Better than I thought I would be at this point."

"Scared you good, huh?" she asks, knowing already that she and Sammy gave him one hell of a fright.

"All I can say…." He drops his head back again and closes his lids, his arm around her shoulders tightening and pulling her even harder into him. "I've never known real fear until now. You two… you scared the shit out of me."

The hand on his chest slides across his front and ends up on his side, Lizzy hugging him tight right back. "When it all happened… I thought we were done." She admits the heavy truth to him after holding it in all this time. "Dean… I thought Sammy and I… I thought his life was already over."

She immediately goes silent and he knows why. She's finally letting go of everything that just happened and the immense emotional toll it took on her. When he can feel her shake and the wetness against his t-shirt appear he knows he's right.

"You're here, though," Dean says to her, a hand to the side of her face as he presses his cheek into the top of her head. "And so is Sammy. You're both alright…."

"We could have died," Lizzy cries into his chest, her breathing labored as she sobs it all out. "Our boy… our perfect little boy that never did anything wrong except have us as parents could be fucking gone…."

"Stop," he strongly yet somehow softly says to her, her fears killing him.

"That can't happen," she says in a sob. "We were in the panic room. I heard them come in the house… and Sammy started crying. He was hungry. His timing was terrible but there's nothing I could have done about that and… they fucking heard us." She sniffles as her body completely curls into Dean's side, now clinging desperately to him.

Dean just lets her go now. He couldn't let her bare this on her own. It was too damn much.

"I could smell the smoke," she says, her eyes leaking continually. "Baby, I thought that was it. I thought it was over. I got low against the back wall with Sammy… stayed low… it didn't matter. If Bobby hadn't gotten that door open from the outside when he did… Oh my God, Dean! He could have died!"

"He didn't," Dean reminds her, blinking away the tears filling his eyes to stay strong for her. "L, he's here and everything worked out…"

"He's fucking two months old!" she shouts at him, sitting up when the fury returns. "He almost died and he's two months old! What kind of life is this for our son!?"

"Stop it," Dean says to her, sitting up next to her and facing her directly, cupping her face and grabbing her attention. "He's ok. He's alive. You and Bobby… you saved his life."

"What happens the next time when I can't?" she closes her eyes and sobs out, her defeat clear and strong. Her back hunches over and her head drops, the fear crushing her spirit by the second. "What if I can't one day? What if we can't get out and he never even sees the age of five?"

"Hey!" Dean sternly says, hating this talk from her. "Don't you dare say that."

"But what if it happens," she cries on, pushing him for an answer. "You can't say it won't because it could. He's in a family of fucking hunters…"

"I will never let that happen." He's said this so many times now.

"Broken record," she tells him, wiping her eyes as she looks over at the crib. "I can't live without him, Dean. I can't. I won't. And if he… fuck. I just can't imagine that."

"It's not gonna happen," Dean says to her in a promise, hugging her tightly again as she wraps her arms around his neck and cries more. "With all of us always watching his little ass he's not going anywhere. He's the most protected kid on the planet."

"I wish Cass was here," Lizzy cuts him off as this would be the only way she could ever truly be confident that Sammy's safe. "This would never've happened if he was still around."

"You're right," Dean nods. "You're definitely right… but Cass fucked up. He screwed up hard and he's gone but we'll be ok without him. We will."

"Yeah… because we have to be," she sadly responds.

"Exactly. We have to be. We have to be ok without the ace up our sleeve because he's gone. He promised us he'd be there but hey, we've dealt with disappointment before. We can do it again."

"And our boy will never know that disappointment… not from us at least," Lizzy tacks on. She knows she'll never let him down, never.

"No fucking way will that happen," he agrees, easily promising that kind of loyalty and protection to his son. "Never. Sammy will have us always and we will never let him down."

Lizzy sits back on the bed and covers her face with her hands for a moment. She sighs deeply, trying to regain her composure now that she got some of her fears and anxiety of the past twenty-four hours out. She wipes down her tears and looks to the crib. "How much of a wimp am I that he seems so far away right now."

Dean huffs a quietly laugh at her. "He's, like, three feet away."

"It could be three miles after today," Lizzy rebuts, the sentiment fully true.

Dean nods, getting it completely. "Go get him then."

Lizzy smiles very small and gets up right away. She walks the one step to the crib and reaches in, looking over her beautiful and peacefully sleeping son. Her heart nearly explodes in times like this, when she just gets to look at him, hold him,  _be_  with him. He's her everything.

"Hi, baby," she soothingly and quietly says when his eyes open just a little with his sudden movement. She rests him across her forearm and he leans into her, eyes heavy again when he knows he's with his mother. Lizzy slowly climbs back into bed and lays him between herself and Dean, both parents settling in.

Dean's hand once more comes to the child's tiny belly, resting there and feeling the very slight rise and fall of his breathing. It's comforting to feel that, the movement so small yet so important to proving this is real. They're safe again.

"I love him so much," Lizzy says, her eyes watering over one more time as she lays next to Sammy, watching him closely and tracing his sleeping face with her index finger. "I mean it. I can't live without him."

"I know the feeling," Dean responds as he leans over Sammy to kiss Lizzy once. "The three of us. It'll always be the three of us. You count on that."

She doesn't know how to though. As Dean lies back and eventually drifts off Lizzy's left awake still. She can't help but think about what an empty promise that is. Count on it? How can she? She'd love to take every bold promise Dean makes with truly confidence… but in the world they live… how can she not think about all that could go wrong?

* * *

And now it's dark. And eerily quiet. The woods are lonesome and they are quite isolated this deep in. This is the kind of silence that Lizzy always found deafening to a point. It's too much. Even as a kid she needed sound. The TV was always on or her headphones blasting into her ears. Quiet makes her itch and feel uncomfortable and considering the circumstances this isn't a good place to be in at all.

So now she wanders the cabin with jitters. Earlier she rebought a lot of baby items out of sheer necessity, including a crib that she and Dean put together hastily. They needed so much for their son now that the fire took all they had that it's overwhelming. She decided to make a list in the morning of all she forgot on the fly.

Dean sleeping, the taxing past twenty-four hours paired with morphine doses doing a well enough job of knocking him out, she slipped out of the room without waking he or Sammy as they adorably sleep side by side. She checked out the basement first during her midnight wander and felt comfort in the amount of equipment, supplies, and weaponry she found. They'll be safe here for the time being for sure. She then decided she might as well make a few bottles for Sammy since she has no reserves. Luckily she was clear minded enough in her rushed shopping trip to buy a new breast pump.

Grabbing the unopened box left in a heap of items by the door, the mound containing everything from toiletries to clothing to supernatural defense supplies to diapers, Lizzy plans to keep the house quiet for everyone and go to the car for this. With Lou on the couch refusing to stray far from Sam she knows she'll wake her up and Lou needs her sleep right now. Her emotions have taken a serious toll on her.

Just as she reaches out to grab the knob of the front door she hears a slight inhale loud enough to catch her attention. She whips her head around to see Sam's head lift just a little off his pillow before a quiet groan escapes his throat.

Lizzy's heart leaps with happy relief. She drops the pump for now and heads his way silently in sock-clad feet.

"Sam-I-Am," Lizzy whispers to him and takes a seat in Lou's abandoned kitchen chair by his side. His head drops heavily back onto the thin and cheap pillow under it when the agony is too much. "Hey, welcome back."

"Where'd I go?" he whispers in return as the confusion hits and even if he doesn't use his full voice Lizzy can feel the pain in his tone.

"Good question," she jokes as she grabs her penlight. "Head hurting?"

"Yes," he answers without thinking and keeps his eyes closed. "Where are we?"

"A Rufus Turner hideaway. Montana to be exact," she smirks and lifts his lids one at a time, seeing his eyes dilating normally this time. "You remember what happened?"

"Uh… kind of," Sam answers, concentrating hard to figure it out. "Lou and Dean left to… check out some swim team that turned into dinner and…."

It starts to get hazy.

"Take your time," Lizzy hushes, not looking to wake Lou just yet.

"Uh, oh… shit, uh," Sam complains as he recalls something terrible. "Bobby's house…"

"Burned down."

"I thought you were dead!" he whisper-shouts at her, eyes wide suddenly even in the dark. "And Sammy and Bobby…"

"We're all here," Lizzy smiles out, loving giving good news as it's been a rarity to do so. She goes into default sister mode and drops a reassuring hand on his cheek. "Everyone's safe. We all got out alive somehow."

"And Edgar?"

"Not dead… just temporarily crushed."

"Damn it," Sam sighs.

"Considering they can't be killed I'd say slowing him down was a win. Scale of one to ten?" Lizzy wonders as she grabs for the black medical bag she was never without. It had been in the Impala luckily.

"Pain? About… a five?" Sam takes a wild guess.

"So a normal person's nine," Lizzy sums up lightly and takes out a bottle of Vicodin.

"Was I at a hospital?" he wonders, looking down at his strapped-in self on a stretcher.

"What gave it away?" she laughs in return as she starts working on releasing him from the binds. "Bobby sprung you guys from Sioux Falls General when you got brought in there. Then we hightailed it out to the safety of the deep woods of Whitefish."

"Montana?" Sam repeats.

"Yep," Lizzy tells him. "You might not want to sit up right away just because I freed you." She unhooks the last strap. "You'll probably fall over or puke."

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse, probably," Lizzy answers. She then pauses. "You were down for a really long time, Sam. Were you really out or was it… you know, something else?"

Sam doesn't answer at first, just stares at the ceiling. If he closes his eyes he'll see it again so he doesn't want to.

"Sam?"

"Hell," Sam answers with just one word.

Lizzy pauses and tries to process what he's told her. "You're mind went to your Cage memories?"

"No… I went  _to_  the Cage," Sam explains. "I was there."

"Well, no… you weren't, not really," she promises. "You've been with us…"

"Didn't feel that way," Sam tells her.

She can see the wear and tear of this experience in his eyes. It's deeply in there and it hurts like… well, like hell. And what could she possibly do to prove that it's ok and that he's honestly back in the real world after that?

"You know you're back this time though, right?" Lizzy questions and Sam just looks at her, contemplating if she's right or wrong. "Sam?"

"How do I know for sure?"

"Giant!?" they both hear Lou's voice interrupt as she gets up off the couch she's just woken up on to hearing Sam's voice. "You're up!?"

"I'm up," Sam answers, his face softening a bit finally when he hears her, and starts to slowly sit up, faltering with the dizziness and pain in his skull. Lizzy immediately grabs his upper arm and helps him move.

"Go slow, Sam," she directs to him as Lou quickly grabs his other arm and assists. "You got hit damn fucking hard. You move too fast then you'll probably lose… uh, whatever the last meal you ate was."

"Breakfast… maybe today or yesterday," Sam tries to remember but waking up in the darkness of this cabin he has no idea what time it is or what day. "How long was I out?"

"A day," Lou says with serious concern. She stands by his side once he's sitting and doesn't let go of him for a second.

"Damn it," Sam complains and glances at Lizzy. "Felt like months."

Vicodin bottle in hand, she gives him a seriously concerned look. She understands what that means. For the rest of them he was unconscious for one day but for Sam, for Sam he was locked back in the Cage for months. She can't argue with that, make him certain it wasn't real. How could she? How could any of them.

"Well, you're awake now," Lou answers back, her hand rubbing his shoulder as her movements are unsteady with worry for him. "And that's what matters."

Sam just tries his best to give a smile to her to let her relax a little but he can't when the pain flairs up from it.

"Lemme just get you some water," Lizzy tells him when she sees the face of anguish he makes. "And then you need to get into a bed and sleep this off."

"I was sleeping this whole time…"

"No, you were knocked out. There's a difference," she tells him and turns on the sink. She fills a glass and brings it over. "Two now and two whenever you wake up."

"Thanks," Sam says, shaking the pills she hands over in his palm before popping them into his mouth. He swallows them down with water.

"Good, now let's get you up super slow," Lizzy directs, nodding at Lou to help with her. They both take an arm and take a lot of time getting Sam onto his feet. He sways a bit, unsteady and dazed still, but after several minutes they get him to an open bed in the back of the cabin on the first floor.

"You're staying here I hope?" Lizzy questions her sister as they get Sam into bed.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Lou asks while toeing out of her boots that she fell asleep on the couch in. "Not leaving his fucking side when he's like this."

"Should've assumed," Lizzy smirks at her as she gets ready to leave. "You know where I'll be if you need me, Sam. Don't hesitate. Seriously, wake me up and don't think twice about it."

"K," Sam answers succinctly, eyes already closed and head heavy on the pillow.

"I'll let you know," Lou nods as she takes off her jacket, going carefully and slow with her injured shoulder, ready to get in bed and watch after Sam for the night.

"I know you will," Lizzy jokes slightly. "Goodnight, Louie." She kisses her sister's cheek and heads for the stairs.

When she reaches the room her little family has taken up she smiles. They're here, in one room, and that's her home. She lost her old apartment, her house she grew up in, and even Bobby's but she never lost her home. Sometimes that thought escapes her and gets replaces with fear for the future but eventually she gets that gratefulness back.

Right then she realizes she forgot to make those bottles she planned on but that's ok. She'll take the next few shifts of feeding anyways.

In the quiet room she can hear the breathing of her two beautiful men. Sammy's is small, almost unable to be heard, but she catches it when she gets closer to the bed. Looking down at him, his little eyes closed and his body laid out comfortable next to Dean as if he's completely oblivious to the horrors of the day, she grins slightly. Even if the past day has been miserable and frightening she's moderately happy. They all walked away from it.

Lizzy carefully gets into the bed without disturbing her boys. The cabin is still cold so she gets in fully clothed to keep warm. Instantly, the second he feels the mattress shift in his sleep, Dean is pulling her into himself. He sighs once her body is pressed against his side, feeling complete once she's settled into her usual place. Her head on his shoulder and looking at Sammy on the other side of her husband and Dean presses a cheek to her temple.

"Sam ok?"

"Yeah," Lizzy quickly answers, keeping it simple.

"He up?"

"Not yet," she lies, just wanting him to sleep. If he knew Sam was up he'd be out of bed and halfway down the stairs by now. "He'll be up by tomorrow. You can catch him then."

"Alright."

Eyes not opening once during the brief conversation, Dean's already asleep again by the time he mutters his answer. He doesn't even question her somehow knowing that he'll be out of his blackout by then.

And that's just fine with Lizzy. She lets him rest. She knows she'll be up all night, either with Sammy when he's hungry or worrying about Sam (or all the other people inside the house really), but that doesn't matter. Sometimes it takes a strong-willed woman to hold it all together when no one else around her can. Lizzy used to be one of the people that needed the caring for with her emotional ways but becoming a mother has really made her change. She knows how to be stronger now, how to keep herself in check when it's most important and how to keep a brave face in place for the benefit of her loved ones.

She's going for that Wonder Woman label these days and, even if she's happy to do it all, she feels like she's honestly earning it.

* * *

 


	17. Keeping It Together

* * *

Dean wakes to the familiar sound of crying. It seems to be his alarm clock of sorts lately, Sammy's sounds of hunger and need for attention able to yank him from sleep like pretty much nothing else. He knows that sound means his son needs something and Dean's determined to make sure that his boy never wants for anything ever.

When he opens his eyes in the small bedroom it's just beginning to become light out. Dawn is one of his favorite times to wake up. Not particularly on a hunting day per say but on those freer mornings when Sammy would need to be fed and they could sit together and watch Lizzy catch up on her sleep while the sun rose… that was serenity at its best. And he'll never tell even Lizzy that because of how fucking girly it is.

"Hey, kiddo," he can hear the whispering of his wife as he turns his head towards it. There's his girl reaching into the newly bought and constructed crib. She's dressed in the same clothes as she was yesterday since, at this point, that's all she owns. Everything else burned in the fire.

"Hey," Dean calls out to her in his sleep-coated voice, rolling onto his side to get a good look.

"Hi there, pops," Lizzy smiles, keeping her thick shell of calm and false sense of security in place for those around her. "Go back to sleep."

"What time is it?"

"Just about seven."

"I'd say ten hours is plenty," Dean tells her while sitting up tall and leaning against the headboard. He groans when he tries to bend his knee and is harshly reminded that his leg is broken. "Damn it."

"Forgot?"

"Yeah," Dean answers with pain, shifting to get into a comfortable place. "You want me to feed him."

"Unless your boobs are producing I'd say no," Lizzy huffs a laugh. "I haven't even opened the new pump yet so I have nothing prepared."

"Damn… alright," Dean laments a little as Lizzy shifts Sammy in her arm, the boy only fussing a little now that he's being held.

"You wanna hold my boob for him?" Lizzy asks with a grin.

Dean makes a face as he considers it for a second. "Nah, I think I'll pass."

"Sorry to disappoint then," she returns easily, always happy to see him want to take as big a role as possible in caring for their boy.

Dean just shrugs as she climbs back into bed, sitting up next to him with their arms pressed together.

"I need you to start a list," Lizzy says to him as she moves her clothing around, preparing to get Sammy some breakfast. "Anything we need from weapons and protection to clothes and food and baby stuff. Put down anything you think of and I'll weed through it later. I'm gonna have everyone do that before I make one big trip into the nearest big town."

"Sounds good," Dean comments on the large undertaking. He simply wipes the sleep from his eyes and views his wife as she does her motherly thing. "You see Sam this morning?"

Lizzy pauses and peers at him with a small smile. "Yes."

"And?" he impatiently asks.

"He woke up last night," she comes clean. "I was puttering around because I couldn't sleep and he came to around three."

"And you didn't tell me?" Dean starts to get upset.

"Of course not," she says kindly. "Dean, you were dosed over and over with morphine on top of the fact that you'd been up for over twenty-four and running on pure fear for most of it. You needed to sleep. And besides, with a concussion like his he was only up for a few minutes before passing out all over again. He's probably still sleeping."

"But someone should be looking after him…"

"Yeah, her name's Lou," Lizzy smirks. "You're not the only one worried about him anymore, baby. Sam's got Lou now too. She's just as paranoid and ridiculous as you are so don't worry."

Dean gives her an annoyed look.

"What?"

"You really have to insult my being concerned about my own brother while telling me everything is fine?"

"Of course," she returns lightly and leans over to him, kissing him on the lips. She then smiles wide. "We're ok. All of us. And when Sam wakes up you can talk to him about how he is. Just sit here for a little and not overthink or worry, please. Enjoy five minutes of morning with us, daddy. After yesterday we deserve that much."

"You're fucking annoying," Dean lets her know when her logic is infallible and her request easy and justifiable. He hates when she's right.

"And you're fucking impossible," Lizzy shoots right back at him while leaning her weight into him a little more. "And I thought you weren't swearing around Sammy?"

"Yeah, well…" Dean starts but he has no excuse. He just plain forgot. "Oops."

"He won't remember," she promises.

"He will before we know it," Dean counters, his arm coming around her shoulders.

"And by then we will be better at covering our trucker mouths."

"I hope so."

"Why is this the one thing you're so focused on with him?" Lizzy questions, looking up at him with curious eyes. "You could be more worried about so many other things in his life but you are dead set on the whole swearing thing. Why?"

Dean just sits with the question proposed to him. He nods when he realizes how right she is, that he's been so determined to keep the language cleaner around their infant son.

"Probably because… I  _can_  be on top of that," Dean answers after a moment.

"You can control it?"

"Yeah. I mean, what the hell else about his upbringing can I control right now?"

"Not a whole lot," Lizzy answers sadly, understanding him completely. They can't control much in front of them, like where they live, what Sammy has materialistically, or how safe from the supernatural world he gets to be… but this they have a say in. "I get that."

"And I grew up with a trucker mouth. Not exactly a charming thing on a nine year old."

"No, I guess it's not," Lizzy smiles, picturing a younger, childhood Dean swearing his cute little face off.

"I said I wasn't gonna be dad. This is one way I can actually avoid it since I've already proved in the past that I can't keep him out all the way," Dean tells the truth.

"You're not like him," Lizzy promises, kissing his cheek. "Aside from the fact that you're a total DILF just like him, I mean."

"Fuck you," Dean says but without anger.

"Watch your mouth," she jokes right back, winking at him before cuddling into his side a little more as Sammy stays tucked into her arm, getting his much requested first meal of the new day.

"My leg hurts," Dean bitches as he squeezes a finger into the top of his cast to scratch.

"You did a number on it, Hot Shot," Lizzy reminds him.

"Yeah, but it still hurts… and I can't drive…"

"Here we go," Lizzy sighs and rolls her eyes.

* * *

Sam opens his eyes when he wakes up slowly and peacefully. It's quiet and still. It's even somewhat enjoyable since he can feel Lou's small, warm body behind his, her arm around his middle in protective measure. Life doesn't actually suck… until the head splitting pain flares up with a sheer vengeance.

"Lou?" Sam quietly calls out through his pain, his voice small with lack of use in over a day. He clamps a hand down on her hers as it's pressed into his front to get her attention. "Uh," he groans once with the pain. "Lou?"

"Mm? What? Sam?" Lou starts to come to next to him, her brain immediately turning to worry with the anguish behind his voice. "Sam? You ok?" She leans up on her healthy arm and looks down at him. "Does it hurt? Is it your head?"

Sam just groans again as her hand come to his face, brushing too-long hair out of his eyes and fussing over him instantly.

"Yeah," Sam answers, brushing her hand away gently before sandwiching his head between a couple pillows, putting pressure on his skull to help alleviate the agony of a serious concussion.

"Shit," Lou swears and scrambles quickly out of bed. He never reacts to pain like this so it must be very bad. She jogs to his side and grabs the pill bottle Lizzy gave over last night, fumbling with the cap and spilling a few when she gets it open with jitters and worry. "Fuck me!"

"Hurry," Sam quietly requests without any sharpness, the pain sapping any and everything else from him besides his desperation.

"Sorry. Trying, sorry," Lou says, her voice frantic as she grabs his hand and puts two Vicodin in his palm. "Here. Sorry, Giant." She's not even sure why she's so apologetic but she can't help it. Seeing her Giant, the strongest and toughest man she's ever known, crumble like this is making her a mess.

Without a word and without question Sam pops the pills in his mouth and swallows. He just needs relief, even the smallest amount.

"I'm gonna get Lizard," Lou rushes out and heads for the door.

"No…" Sam tries to deny the idea. There's nothing much she can do for him right now. It's a head injury, simple enough.

"I'll be right back." She doesn't even hear him in her panic with his condition.

"Just… need time… for the pills…." And he gives up. It was no use. She already left and he can hear Lou upstairs talking with alarm. Then he hears Dean respond. Great. Just what he needed. A hovering brother AND a panicky girlfriend all at once.

The sound of feet hobbling uncoordinatedly down old wooden steps makes him sigh and within minutes he's surrounded but he's yet to come out of his pillow cocoon. It hurts too much to even consider the thought.

"Sam?" Dean starts questioning him, his voice far too loud for Sam's comfort along with the heavy dropping of crutches on the old wooden floor. "Sammy? You ok?"

"You stop speaking into a megaphone… yeah, I will be," Sam answers, his eyes squeezed shut.

"Shit, sorry," Dean amends for his mistake, moving to stand in front of where Sam's facing. "It's bad?"

"It's not great," Sam admits without looking up. He can hear that Dean's in front of him, sense he's there, so why bother looking when the early light of day hurts so much to see?

"You take anything yet?"

"Um, yeah…"

"I gave him a couple Vicodin," Lou answers for Sam as she runs in to talk to Dean.

"A couple?" Dean questions her decision. "Isn't it only supposed to be one?"

"It's fine…" Sam starts but gets ignored.

"He was in serious pain," Lou excuses but Dean wants to hear none of it.

"L always says one…"

"Fuck that!" Lou gets angry. "Look at him! He needs help!"

"Guys, it's fine," Sam says, looking to stop the fighting and loud voices before it becomes unbearable.

"Oh, so you're a doctor now?" Dean challenges the woman a solid foot shorter than him as he looks down at her when she gets right in his face.

"And you are?" Lou turns it right around.

"I've been taking care of his sick ass since he was a kid," Dean informs her with a heated tone. "I'm as close to a doctor as he's ever seen."

"Until he met me," Lizzy interrupts them, walking into the room to loud voices and anger. She steps right in between the two of them, at this point nearly chest to chest, and pushes them apart before heading for Sam. "Now shut the fuck up and stop making it worse."

Lou and Dean grow quiet, not having seen how badly their worry for Sam had made them act. They're both panicked over his state and they let it get to them.

Lizzy kneels to the floor in front of the pained man, his head between pillows and his brow furrowed with his eyes closed. "Morning, Sam-I-Am," Lizzy nearly whispers, knowing what loud voices can do to a migraine sufferer. Her father was one and the house was always pin-drop quiet when one would hit him.

When a calming hand presses to his forehead Sam pries his eyes open. He's greeted with the smiling face of his sister-in-law, her eyes sunken with deep circles despite the kindness in her expression.

"You look tired."

"Right back 'atcha," Lizzy laughs lightly and swipes the long hair out of his face. "How bad is it?"

"Pretty bad," Sam tells the truth, knowing she's the one that can help him right now.

"Number?"

"Uh… eight. Maybe nine."

"Jesus. Did you take anything?"

"Lou gave me something."

"Vicodin?" Lizzy asks her sister to the side of her.

"Yeah, two," she answers defiantly while glancing at Dean.

"Whoa, you must have been dying when you woke up," Lizzy comments about the man that doesn't really like taking pills, turning back to Sam. "And that's saying a lot for such a tough mother fucker."

"Oh, I'm the toughest," Sam jokes with his down and out status.

"Those pills should start working soon enough but you took them on a very empty stomach," Lizzy keeps up her doctoring. "You need to eat."

"Uh," Sam complains, the idea of food just awful.

"When was the last time you ate, Sam?" Dean calls over, his voice not nearly as loud this time around.

"Don't know."

"Ok, then we start small," Lizzy keeps up her optimism. "Toast it is. Hopefully you can keep that down."

"I'll try."

"You feel nauseous?"

"A little."

"I'll get that toast right now then, get it in you before the Vicodin breaks down too much and makes you feel even more nauseous," she tells him, her hand to his cheek like she always does with him. The slight smile on his lips that appears for just a flash lets her know how thankful he is. She kisses his cheek and turns to her sister and husband. "Everyone out. He needs quiet and clearly you two still fight like little bratty children around each other."

She pushes Lou lightly by the backs of her shoulders out of the room, Dean following after he thumps Sam on the foot and silently reminds him he'll be just in the next room, to holler if he needs anything.

Once the room grows quiet Sam exhales with thankfulness. His dizzy and clouded mind couldn't handle all the commotion around him. Luckily Lizzy knew how to cut through that all and get control.

She's very quickly becoming the mother he knew she'd be, but not just to Sammy.

* * *

"I thought you two were over this bickering bullshit," Lizzy questions with irritation as she plugs in the toaster she found in a cabinet in the kitchen. "I thought you were past it." She pops in two slices of bread.

"We weren't… bickering…" Dean trails off a bit with his return, knowing halfway through what a lie it was.

"Right," Lizzy rolls her eyes, grabbing butter from the refrigerator. "And you were just  _helping_  the man with a severe concussion by yelling at each other by his bed?"

Lou and Dean both stand there, side by side, with long faces of guilt.

"Look," Lizzy sighs, talking as she heads for the breast pump by the doorway that she forewent last night. "Sam is seriously injured. This concussion is… fuck, it's bad. I'm not going to sugar coat it. We need to put aside everything while he gets better, even disagreements." She places the box on the kitchen table, opening the tape with a kitchen knife. "You wanna bitch and bicker? Be my fucking guest but take it outside so he can't hear you."

"Ok," Lou nods with a small tone. She isn't used to Lizzy laying down the law. That used to be her own job when Lizzy got too rowdy but her sister has certainly grown up since then.

Lizzy unpacks the box and starts to assemble the small machine while speaking. "He's gonna be in pain off and on for a while so get used to it. He might puke, he might not remember things or get really confused, he might snap at you guys… but be patient and keep yourself positive around him.  _No more crap_."

"We're not children, L," Dean reminds her, starting to feel like a kid with the way she speaks to them.

"Then don't act like it," her voice answers, harsh and sharp while eyeing at him. "We have a man down for the count, a baby that needs to be cared for, a temporary home with nothing it in, and a whole bunch of evil bitches after us that can't be offed. Suck it up and contribute instead of panic or waste time fighting with each other." She glares at them as the toaster pops up and she heads for it. "And leave Sam alone for a little while. The way you guys fuss over him makes him stressed the fuck out. You make it worse, not better."

"We make it worse by giving a shit?" Dean disbelieve what she tells him.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Lizzy glares at him as she opens the butter and grabs a knife. "It blows my fucking mind how little you actually know about the guy you've spent your entire life being around."

"The fuck are you talking about?" Dean asks with sheer confusion.

"You make him nuts, Dean!" Lizzy shouts at her husbands while buttering bread. "You hover and pester and I know you think you're being helpful… but he hates it! You're overbearing as hell when the people you love are either sick or in trouble. Add in the hallucinations plus the concussion… he doesn't need anything more on his damned plate."

Lizzy quickly turns to Lou who looks ready to speak her mind.

"And don't  _you_  say anything either," Lizzy stops her, pointing the dinner knife at her. "You're no better than he is. I never saw it coming but… fuck! You two are the fucking worst. And you're exactly alike."

"Ouch," Lou says with anger.

"Tough love, sweetheart," Lizzy says back, picking up the plate of ready toast. "You can talk to him and be kind, you can check on him a small amount of times throughout the day… other than that leave him alone. Sam hates when you don't give him time. Or ask too much. Just… don't be too fucking much. It's really not that hard!"

With that she walks away, ready to give Sam something to eat and the quiet rest he needs afterwards. Lou and Dean glance at each other quickly, then stubbornly look away.

"You should seriously calm down," Lou tells him with anger and defensiveness.

"Me!?" Dean asks with shock at her accusatory ways.

"You always get so fucking overprotective of him," she tells him with annoyance. "If you had calmed down we wouldn't have gotten…" She meant to say in trouble but the rest falls short of coming out of her mouth. It sounded so juvenile.

"At least I didn't freak out," Dean rebuts quickly. "You must be a  _gem_  in a tight spot with that performance you just put on."

"Fuck you," Lou pushes him and he almost falls over, not at all used to the crutches he's using.

"Hey, easy," Dean gets angry with her. "No pushing the cripple."

"Watch your mouth or else you'll become a double cripple."

"You're a real bitch sometimes, you know that?" Dean asks her.

Lou opens her mouth to tell him just how wrong he is but gets stopped.

"Shut up, the both of you!" Bobby yells from the other room as he messes with the antenna of the crappy, cable-less TV. "Didn't you listen to a thing that girl just said to you? You sound like fucking children just like she said. Shut up."

Bobby's grumpy attitude finally gets them both to stop.

"Now, instead of bitch and be loud why don't you get useful. Do something productive. We got plenty to do around here."

"Like get the shitty TV working?" Dean challenges with anger.

Bobby looks over to him with sour annoyance. "Or maybe read up on Leviathan. Or your son's destiny. Or how about clean up this dump since we're all stuck here together and it's been abandoned for who knows how long."

Lou just glances at Dean one last time before asking Bobby, "How we gonna research stuff if you entire collection of everything on Earth about supernatural shit is fucking destroyed?"

"You're coming with me to Sioux Falls to fix that," he says to her, still figuring out the best position for the antenna in order to get any reception whatsoever. Lizzy is going to have to live here after all. Better have at least one channel that works! "We're going to pick up your car and then head out in separate directions."

"Towards?" Lou questions, not getting it yet.

"Towards my stashes," Bobby tells her. "You think I only got one copy of all those priceless books? What do I look like, a sane person?"

Lou then huffs an impressed laugh. "Well… alright. Paranoid but smart…. Wait! I can't leave Sam right now."

Bobby just looks at her and blinks once. "Lizzy's got it. And Dean will hover enough for the two for you."

"And you plan on taking  _what_  exactly to get to Sioux Falls?" Dean cuts in.

Bobby just grins wide at him.

"She comes back with even a scratch on her…"

"Yeah, yeah," Bobby waves off the man's empty threats. "You'll string me up six ways… whatever. The Impala will be fine. I  _do_  know how to drive."

Dean clenches his jaw and sighs, knowing there's nothing he can do about his Baby being taken on an errand while he's sidelined with a seriously bum leg.

"She'll be fine, Dean," Lou promises in a lower tone because even if they do disagree and bicker she can understand a love for a car that's beyond reason.

"Yeah… and you gotta get yours. Just be careful."

"Lemme just tell Sam and Lizzy where we're going… uh, and say bye to Sammy. I guess." Lou drags her feet away and sucks it up. She wants to stay. She wants to be with Sam when he's hurt and Sammy when he's still a needy infant. But they do need to get going on figuring out what the hell is going on with the Leviathans and she does want to get her car. She can't live with it abandoned at Bobby's burnt down place. They'll probably assume Bobby's dead once the authorities get there and then deal with the property and everything on it from there. She's not letting that happen to her car!

She trudges unhappily into the back room to find Sam sitting up with a pain-wrinkled forehead, a plate in his lap and a piece of half-eaten toast in his hand.

"He bitched all morning." Lizzy grins wide as she talks behind Dean's back while sitting on the bed facing Sam, sharing the space as it's common for them to do so.

"Not surprised," Sam tries to smile through the pain in his skull as he takes another bite.

"Oh yeah," Lizzy laughs quietly to keep the volume down. "He was ok for a little bit, like when he first woke up, but then the pain kicked in and he remembered how bad it was. My God! You'd think his leg was amputated, not just broken."

"But isn't it his right leg?" Sam questions.

"Yep."

"Now I get it," Sam says, eyes heavily lidded with the throbbing in his head.

Lizzy laughs again. "Yeah. No driving. Now he's legit stuck here with all of us. If he disagrees with someone he can't just say 'I'm going out' and drive off."

Sam tries to laugh but immediately stops when it hurts. "Ok, that might have just made my day feel a little better."

"Well, that's what I'm here for. Painkiller dispensing and Dean bashing."

"Hey," Lou smiles and makes her presence known. She's quickly learned since she came back how close Lizzy and Sam have become. They remind her a lot of the relationship she and Lizzy have. They talk shit, laugh, and relate in ways that others just can't. Dean warned her at one point that they'd become like siblings, maybe closer since they just don't fight or bicker ever. Whatever it is, it's a good, solid thing and Lou's thankful for that.

"Hey, Louie," Lizzy smiles from her spot sitting at the foot of Sam's bed.

"How you feeling?" she asks Sam as she walks to stand next to him.

"Better now that the painkillers are working," he promises, dropping the rest of the second piece of toast that his stomach just doesn't want.

"That's good," she smiles despite her sadness over leaving. "Lizzy's taking good care of you then."

"Always," Sam brushes off and Lou takes his plate for him.

"Good… because Bobby and I have to head out."

"Where?" Lizzy asks, eyes wide with instant worry.

"To get my car and then go collect copies of his library he stashed all over. We have a lot of work to do still."

"And I lost all my research on Sammy," Lizzy tells them, keeping her answer simple enough. She hasn't been able to speak aloud much about his future and destiny since he's been born. It's too painful and far too frightening for her to even attempt.

"So we need to start over on that. You just text me a list of what you need," Lou says to her. Sammy's destiny has been a sore spot for her too, one that she's determined to end for good. "So we'd better get going. Could be a few days for each of us to get back."

"You better watch your back," Lizzy's nervous tone warns. "Those Leviathan are out there. They'll be looking for you."

"Dare them to try and find me," Lou arches an eyebrow with fake confidence. Going out there does scare her but they have to. And she doesn't want her people to worry anymore about it than they already do. "So I just wanted to say bye and all. We're gonna head. Just get it over with."

"Understandable," Sam says, his heart heavy with the idea that she's about to leave without him. He'd gotten used to her being around all day every day and, he'd hate to admit it, but when he feels this terribly it's a total comfort for her to be around."

Lou just looks at him with a reluctant grin. "You know I'm gonna call you like ten times a day to check on you though."

"I wouldn't expect less," Sam jokes right back in his usual even, deadpan tone.

"I'll miss ya, Giant." She leans in and kisses him. "Feel better."

"Just get back in one piece, huh?" Sam requests.

"I'll do what I can," she winks. She then heads for Lizzy. "Kiss that boy for me when he wakes up?"

"As always," Lizzy answers, kissing her sister on the cheek as she leans in for one while pointing to her face.

"Call me if anything happens," Lou whispers in her ear and leaves the room, sucking it up and being the good hunter and family member that she is. She heads for the door. "Alright, old man. Let's get this shit done already."

"I'm coming," Bobby grumps as he heads to follow her. "Guess I can skip packing… since I ain't got nothing to pack these days."

"This might be a good thing in the long run," Lou tells him as she holds the door for him, Bobby putting on his coat on the way. "Your style was a little outdated anyways. We can get you real clothes this time now that the old stuff is destroyed."

Bobby pauses at the doorway to glare at her. "You ever stop insultin' the people around you?"

"What would be the fun in that?" she grins in the most shit-eating way she can muster.

Bobby just walks for the Impala while grumbling what sounds to Lou like 'pain in my ass'. She laughs a little and looks to Dean on the couch to share the moment.

"Seriously… don't fuck with my Baby," he gives her the type of look that means sheer business.

"Dean, I respect awesome cars. Relax."

Lou shuts the door behind her, already sad to leave and missing the people inside, and forces her feet to move towards the car.

* * *

 


	18. Kiss His Boo-Boos

* * *

"The hell are you watching?" Lizzy questions Dean as she finishes up dusting the place. It took a good hour to clean just the thick layer of dust and cobwebs off the very small cabin in an attempt to make the place more livable while they'll be there. She now has the various lists everyone wrote down that morning of all that they'll need to survive and defend themselves as she sits down on the couch.

"The only thing that'll come in on this piece of crap," Dean grumps as the actors on the fuzzy screen speak too quickly for her to catch what it is they are saying. He absently rocks the carrier Sammy is sleeping in next to him on the couch cushion while he concentrates.

"You understand Spanish?" Lizzy asks while glancing at her still asleep son between them, knowing there's no way that he does. She barely remembers the little she learned in school herself and it's not helping in the least with the show he's got on.

"Not at all," Dean says, eyes squinting slightly with concentration on the drama playing out. "But I'm pretty sure that guy, the one with the mustache and Lando Calrissian jerry curl… pretty sure he got that other dude's wife knocked up."

Lizzy's face drops into a completely disbelieving one. "You got all that from just looking at people talking in a language you don't know?"

"It's not that hard. It's all reading body language mostly. And tone."

Lizzy just looks at the screen for a second and concentrates, watching closely to facial expressions, tone of voice, and how the actors carry themselves. He's right. After a minute she's on board with his assumptions.

"What a bastard," Lizzy comments, pulling her legs under her Indian-style as she gets absorbed.

"Right?" Dean asks, engrossed completely.

"He's just gonna look at his brother and tell him he got his wife pregnant and not even care!?" she asks with audacious shock. "Who does that?"

"Apparently Carlos Juarez Jiminez… the tres," Dean answers right back while holding up three fingers.

"That'd be like if Sam got me pregnant and told you about it without giving a single fuck," she tries to relate the situation.

"But I didn't, did I?" a new voice asks for confirmation with jesting certainty from the kitchen. They both look to see a bleary eyed Sam walking into the room, head wrinkled yet face smiling just slightly.

"Um… I don't  _think_  so," Lizzy says with a face full of fake worry.

"Sammy's mine, isn't he?"

Lizzy just smirks quickly. "No way to really be sure."

"Eh, he's probably mine," Sam jests as he goes to the cupboard to grab a glass.

"You any better?" Dean question right away.

"A little, yeah," he explains while filling his glass in the sink. "The painkillers helped."

"Thank God for pharmaceuticals," Lizzy comments. "And they better last because you're not getting any more for another three hours at least."

"I'll live," Sam comments, walking towards the couch they're on and sitting into an old rickety chair facing it. "Speaking of how people are doing…" He nods at Dean's leg.

"Nothing I can't handle," Dean lies completely, hating the cast more than he can properly ever explain in words. "Itches like a bastard though." He begins to wedge a finger into the top and scratch.

"And how's the little man adjusting to cabin life?" Sam says, an actual smile on his lips as he peers at the sleeping boy.

"He's just fine," Dean says with a slight sliver of happiness as he looks at his son. "As long as he has a boob and a place to crash he's fine, generally speaking."

"Huh… like father like son…." Sam trails off as he thinks about that statement. He wanted to mention something along the lines of Sammy being ready for the life of a hunter as he knows his most basic needs well already but he knows neither parent, both wanting to keep Sammy from that, would appreciate hearing it. "Well, that's good at least."

"Most definitely… and now I just have to go through the lists everyone made of shit we need… sorry,  _crap_  we need…" Lizzy winks at Dean and the corner of his mouth quirks up with her efforts. "So I can make a big run and get us settled well enough for the time being."

"You think we'll be here for that long?" Sam questions her with surprise. He hadn't seen any permanence in the place they are right now. It's small, cramped with the six people in it, and it's far out of the way of… well, everything.

"At least until you two and Lou heal up," Lizzy answers. "Plus, Sammy needs a home and I am certainly not taking him out on the road."

"No freakin' way," Dean concurs totally. "Plus, it's not all bad. We got Telemundo."

"Great," Sam sarcastically says back.

"And we're here," Dean reminds him. "Our crazy train didn't derail for once and we all made it out of that mess alive. This place is all we got. Might as well make the best of it."

"Was that just optimism I heard from my brother?" Sam questions Lizzy with disbelief.

"Shut up," Dean fires back without missing a beat.

"Hey man, I'm with you on this one," Sam admits, ignoring the fact that he can hear Lucifer somewhere behind him laughing manically at their sad situation.

_And the hits just keep on coming, eh Sammy-boy?_

Sam sighs, eyes closing, as he presses his thumb into the palm of his hand. He presses hard, the injury freshly reopened from the other day when Dean used that pain to prove he's out of the cage.

Dean doesn't miss this move.

"He's here, isn't he?" Dean questions, not letting it go. Sam's not dealing with this alone if Dean can help it.

Sam doesn't want to admit it but he nods his head yes. He can't really lie to his brother on this one. Dean would know.

Dean sighs and Lizzy's face drops with sympathy that Sam certainly doesn't want.

Instead of go off on an anger trip like Dean normally would, his too tired disposition makes him simply surly.

"Yeah, well, tell that dickbag I said to shove it up his ass. You need your rest," Dean says with a down tone. "Shouldn't you be sleeping or something?"

"Can't stay in bed all day," Sam answers, his body restless despite his sluggish mind.

"And now I can check those stitches," Lizzy mentions as she gets up from the couch, leaving her lists on the couch cushion for now.

"What stitches?" Sam asks with sheer confusion but getting it the second that Lizzy lifts the gauze square he didn't know was taped to his temple.

"Looking good," Lizzy tells him, balling the gauze up and walking for the kitchen. "Lemme just clean that and patch you back up. Minimal scarring guaranteed because I am just that damn good."

Sam huffs a laugh. She is right, though. Lizzy has a way with stitching people back up and leaving barely a mark behind over time. "Practice makes perfect they say."

"And with you two as guinea pigs I'm the best there is," she laughs a little while grabbing her med bag from the table.

"So where exactly were Lou and Bobby going?" Sam questions as the answer is hazy, this curiosity being the real reason for coming out of his cave in the back of the cabin. He needed to gather info on where they were. He's beyond worried about the two of them out there on their own and any conversations in the past day are jumbled.

"To the salvage yard to get the Mustang then heading out on separate paths to some of Bobby's holding spots," Dean explains, rocking Sammy's carrier slightly when he notices the child starting to move in his sleep. He'll be up soon enough but might as well delay it if possible.

"They're gonna separate?" Sam asks with surprise as Lizzy stands next to him, medical supplies at the ready.

"It'll be a day or two max," Lizzy explains. "And no, I don't like it either." She could tell how uncomfortable he was with this.

"They check in yet?" Sam keeps his worries obvious.

"They've been out for less than a half day," Dean tells him. "Haven't even gotten to Bobby's yet. You wanna call her then call her but it's only been, like, four hours."

Lizzy catches the twitch of Sam's fingers, undoubtedly wanting to reach for his phone and do just that.

"She's dealt with Leviathan before," Lizzy starts to logic as she's done inside her own head since they left. "And they'll both be on the move nearly constantly. They have credit cards with aliases they're using. Can't be safer than that. They'll be fine and back before you know it."

"Go team," Sam jokes flatly with her cheerleader ways.

"Fuck me for trying to make you feel better," Lizzy fires right back as she puts more antibiotic ointment on his injury. " _And_  take care of you."

"Thank you, Lizzy," Sam says with faux stubbornness.

"You're welcome, jackass," she answer back. "And trust me, Lou didn't want to go either."

Sam just nods slightly as she tapes new gauze into place.

"So, how about I put together something for lunch for you guys before I head out?"

Dean looks at her with lifted eyebrows, the promise of food always a good thing. "Hell yeah…"

And Sammy starts to fuss.

"Alright, lunchtime all around," Lizzy announces as she presses the last piece of tape in place on Sam's head and packs up her stuff. She then runs to the kitchen and grabs a bottle from the refrigerator.

"Oh, here we go," Dean warns as Sammy's crying starts up full force, making Sam squint with pain. The sound wasn't helping the now receding migraine. Dean unlocks Sammy from his seat and pulls him out. "Alright, man. It's alright. You're fine." He pulls the little boy in close, his head on his shoulder, and rubs his back. "Shh. You got this, Sammy. It's all about what we big guys call patience, dude."

"And you're the perfect example of that," Sam comments despite his attack from Lucifer, all while rubbing his neck with the pain.

"I'm a saint," Dean spits back and he slightly bounces Sammy. The baby quiets with the position change but still keeps squirming with hunger.

"Almost ready, sweetheart," Lizzy calls over to him, bottle warming under the hot water of the faucet in the kitchen. "Come on, tough guy."

_Want me to shut him up for you Sam?_

Sam once more closes his eyes with Lucifer's voice.

_It'd be really easy, you know. Babies are fragile…_

He grits his teeth and presses a thumb to his palm once more, the voice fading. Sam can't help but notice how Lucifer seems to gather strength the second Lou's not around. That thought unnerves him when he knows she'll be away for days, at least two more.

"Ok, buddy," Lizzy smiles as she comes into the room, looking right at her little boy with a grin wider than wide to see him awake. "You look starved."

"When is he not?" Dean comments as he shifts the infant in his arms, resting him on his back. "I got him."

"Wasn't gonna give you a choice," Lizzy smirks and hands over the bottle.

The second he starts eating and quiets Sam relaxes, his shoulders dropping. His head feels better already with the new wave of silence.

"That's my boy," Dean quietly cheers on his son as he eats, glad he could get Sammy to quiet down since he could see the change in Sam with the offending noise. Sammy's a loud one.

"So… what's the plan here?" Sam asks, focused again and starting to think big picture. "Hole up, heal up, and then…?"

"And nothing," Dean says, knowing what he wants to do but not willing to tell Sam quite yet. That talk he had with Lou just days ago after finding that swim team shredded by Leviathan never fell on deaf ears. He's been thinking about it constantly and taking it even more seriously after the evil bitches came to their home and torched it. He needs to heal and head out with Lou. Sammy and Lizzy need to stay away and disappear, remaining as safe as possible, and Sam needs to stay with them. He needs to help protect his family while figuring out how to keep his hallucinations out of harm's way. "We get better and go from there, get a play in place when everyone gets back."

Sam nods quietly, clearly wanting more of an answer than that. Dean can tell it isn't good enough for him.

"Look, you just fix your head and get a grip on those Lucifer sightings. After that we can discuss it."

Sam nods again but this time more emphatically. "Yeah. Ok."

"What do you guys want?" Lizzy calls into them. "I got canned chili, canned soup… canned everything."

"Awesome…"

"Stop bitching," she says to her husband.

"Complaining," he fixes her language.

"Stop  _complaining_ ," Lizzy repeats. "Or I can just make sandwiches."

"Done," Dean says, liking that option far more than the rest.

"Alright, sit tight."

"Where am I going?" Dean points out to her, baby in lap and cast on leg.

She smiles. "Nice. I like you like this."

"Very funny."

She laughs a little and rubs at the back of her neck, right at the base of her head. Her head hurts a bit, the stress of everything getting to her, but she can make this work. She has to. They can make a home here for time the being. They can keep in the shadows and off the grid. They can make sure Sammy's safe and at some point she plans to make them disappear altogether. Sure, the name change would suck and living probably somewhere undesirable like Nebraska… or even Alaska… might be a tough transition but she's not giving up.

She  _will_  have a home. Her son  _will_  have a life. She and Dean  _will_  find happiness.

And Sam sits there watching her move. Her shoulders are tense, her eyes sunken with lack of sleep, and her overall stance is that of a woman with the entire world on her back. He knows she'll hold that world up at all costs but he wonders for how long she can keep this charade up. She's hurting but unlike the rest of them it's not physical.

* * *

"Ah, there she is," Lou sighs with sheer love when she parks the Impala in Bobby's driveway. She spots the blue Mustang right where she left it, untouched and waiting for her.

"Looking just as good as ever," Bobby adds in, getting out of the passenger side. "But let's not admire too much, huh? Grab whatever you can and pack her up. The less we're around here the better."

"I'm gonna check the warehouse and grab what Sam and I left there," Lou lets him know. "You check the house but be careful. The basement is a lost cause so don't even try to get in there. And the stairs to the second floor are in pretty bad shape too."

They separate from there, Bobby heading for the house and Lou heading for her place out back. Her first apartment, really. It was the first time she's lived with a boyfriend. It wasn't much, four walls, a bed, and a toilet really, but it was Sam's and it was hers. It was  _theirs_  and during a time in which her nightmares made her a monster and his hallucinations made him insane to a point, they needed that place. It was where no one looked at them funny or with pitiful worry. It was where the two of them could be alone and be themselves, no lies of being fine dealt and no guilt for being broken felt.

But it's gone now. The warehouse made it out untouched by the fire but they have to leave it anyways. It's sad. And unnerving.

Walking into the small building, Lou heads instantly for a duffel and fills it with every weapon they had stashed out there. It didn't take long, just Sam's favorite pump action sawed-off, the new vintage sawed-off Bobby gave her just a week ago, and a few knives and rosaries. She then packed up what little clothing she had along with Sam's. Once that was done she sweeps the room for one last check.

There in the corner her old acoustic guitar sits, the wood nicked and old Tom Petty sticker peeling just a bit on the corners. Her source of sanity quietly waits, propped in its stand and just knowing she'd remember it being there. With a small smile of fondness, she takes the case off of a shelf on the nearby wall and packs it away.

She can still calm herself with her music. This is exactly what she needs right now. Hell, Dean might need this thing too.

* * *

He should be looking for priceless, one of a kind volumes. He should be trying to get Lizzy's compiled research on Sammy's future. Hell, he should be looking for his rare version of the King James Bible that has the few pictures he's kept from his life through the years tucked in the back of it.

But Bobby doesn't search for any of that. Instead he needs to get his wallet.

He took it out of his back pocket while researching. It was driving him nuts and making his butt ache as it pressed into him while at his usual chair so he placed it in the top drawer of his desk to get it out of the way for the time being. He needs it back.

The house truly is a disaster area. When he left it was all just beginning, the Leviathan breaking in and the flames growing higher. He clearly didn't see the very worst of it.

It's an ashy, black-soot covered shell of a mess. His house, the one he bought from his mother with Karen when they were practically just kids, is now nothing but dust and ruin. Granted he murdered her there in this house and that's not exactly something he's happy to recall but it was theirs. It was the only reason he stayed in the place once she was gone. Her death and how it happened was by far the worst kind of memory that any place could hold… but so many other, much brighter and far more beautiful memories of her and with her also lived there. He couldn't ditch that.

And now that place that Karen personally loved so much and kept up with pride and care is nothing. Granted Bobby knew he let it go to waste years ago, it only getting cleaned when Lizzy and Lou would stop by and the kitchen never again smelling like roasts and pie on Sunday, but still. Even with books piled everywhere and the fireplace used only for rituals nowadays, it still reminded him of Karen.

Climbing over a fallen bookshelf, seeing that every book on it has been charred and become useless, he makes his way to the heavy wood desk that has made it out in structure only. He rushes to the drawers, pulling the top one up hastily. The handle comes right off in his hand. He then resolves to breaking the front of the drawer off and reaching inside.

Bobby's eyes water over as his fist closes around the worn leather of what he knows is his wallet. It made it out.

He pulls the billfold from the desk and immediately opens it. He pulls out the one possession he has left in this world that could honestly mean a damn thing to him. Everything else can burn to nothing and he will go on like normal.

Just not his wedding ring.

He hasn't worn it since the day he buried her aside from the few days she rose from the dead during the Apocalypse. Those where the sweetest and most horrid days he's had since his world crashed down around him with her initial death.

He feels better, like he's whole and set right again, the second he sees the old dented and scratched gold band. Bobby sighs from deep and pushes the ring back into its rightful home within his wallet. He then pockets the wallet and starts to rummage in earnest for anything that could possibly be helpful to him and his remaining family.

* * *

"You get anything good?" Lou questions as she drops her three duffels of clothing and weapons along with her guitar case into a pile by her Mustang.

"A couple books that weren't totally bar-b-qued," Bobby answers, packing up the Impala trunk. "A few herbs from the kitchen. And a couple things from the upstairs closet stash."

"Not bad," Lou nods. "I forgot that I had Lizzy's research in the warehouse," she starts as she opens the passenger door to start tossing her haul into the backseat of her car parked nearby. "I wanted the full picture of Sammy's future and she's been so busy with him that I didn't think they'd notice it being gone for a bit."

"Liz'll be damn happy to hear that," Bobby comments.

"No shit. So where to, Bobby? I don't even know where your holding places are."

"I'm gonna head down south a bit. Got some copies of important books in Nebraska," he explains, shutting the trunk of the Impala. "I need you to head west a bit."

"How far west we talking?" Lou questions.

"All the way. You're goin' to Oregon," he tells her the bad news.

"Fucking Oregon!?" Lou questions through a complaining voice, looking at the scrap of paper he hands her with the address on it.

"Yes ma'am," Bobby nods. "It's a huge stock I got out there. Have to go raid it. You'll find everything we could need there."

Lou just sighs heavily. "I won't be back to Montana for days."

And Bobby understand that. He knows how badly she worries about Sam and how much she just wants to get back to her family in need.

"Kid, I know you just wanna get back but they'll be fine. And you can call  _Giant_  every day if you gotta."

"Fuck you, Bobby," she says with the exaggerated way Bobby patronizes her.

"You know I would go myself but I can hear something rattling in the old girl and I think Dean'd be none too happy about that."

"Yeah…" Lou trails off and looks over at her car, sighing with hatred for what she's about to say. "I'm gonna go grab the exhaust off an old Impala you got out back and toss it in the car. He's gonna need a new one."

"You're probably right," he agrees with her diagnosis.

"And, uh… look, maybe I should take the Impala back and you head out in the Mustang to Oregon. My arm is busted to shit and Dean's gonna need help with his gimp leg installing the new exhaust. And… I'm seriously worried about Sam." She cringes internally with how lame the next sentence will sound. "Generally, he does better when I'm around."

"To kiss his boo boos, you mean?" Bobby jokes and she pushes his shoulder.

"Watch it, old man. I'm not above kicking the elderly's ass."

"Elderly, huh?" he laughs in her face.

"I'm putting your old ass in a fucking home when this is done," she bitches right back.

"I'm sure you are," Bobby gets a good solid chuckle out of her right now. "Alright. Deal. I'll take your car and you take Dean's back. Rest that shoulder and make sure your  _Giant_ is ok."

"Seriously!?" Lou gets overly angry with him. "Fuck you!"

"Oh come on," he patronizes just a little more. "I think it's swell that you care about him so much. It's nice to see you two idjits happy for once."

"You wanna change your tampon before helping me get that exhaust or are you all set?"

Bobby just smiles and starts walking out back into the salvage yard, Lou following him with a pissed attitude.

* * *

Dusk sets in and before Sam's even able to wake from his second nap of the day on his own he can feel the light press of lips on his own. It pulls him out of the very deep sleep he'd been in after a terribly uncomfortable day of pain. His head never stopped throbbing… but right now it doesn't feel so bad.

Because when he feels the sweet and light kiss end he opens his eyes and find the one person he'd missed terribly all day yesterday and today.

"Lou," Sam says so quietly it's just above a whisper.

"Giant," she smiles softly and doesn't wait for an invitation to pull up the corner of the blankets he's under in the cold cabin and get into bed with him. He moves over and lets her curl up right against him.

Sam sighs with happiness as she settles in, getting comfortable in his arms as he once more closes his eyes. A cheek pressed to the top of her head he grins like an idiot. "What time is it?"

"After six," Lou tells him, her arm around his torso tightly.

"Back already?"

"Shocked I didn't get pulled over."

"Shouldn't do that."

"I wanted to get back."

"You missed me," Sam states within a smile. She doesn't answer but he didn't expect her to.

"How're you feeling?" she asks, tilting her head up to look at him. She cards her fingers through his hair and lightly touches the fresh gauze on his head, wondering about his concussion.

"Better. Manageable," he admits, looking at her bright blue eyes and feeling grateful that she's back. He was nervous about her being out there with the Leviathan gunning for them.

"Good," she says back. "You hear from Bobby?"

"He called Lizzy a few hours ago I think. Said he'd be back in a couple nights. He's staying over and catching some sleep."

"Smart."

"Smarter than you… driving through the night," Sam points out his disapproval.

"Hey, you happy I'm here or not?" she smirks. Sam just huffs a quiet laugh and tucks her head back under his chin. Her arm tightens around him a little more. "So this is what it's like?"

"What?"

"Being with one person?" Lou explains. "Just living in constant fear when you're away from each other?"

"Pretty much," Sam answers.

"How the fuck do Lizard and Dean deal with this shit?"

"I have no idea," Sam says, understanding her view of everything. Only his Lou, the girl so scared of relationships and actual love that she's been living in perpetual fright while with him, would look at something like what they have in such a way. "But I can live with it if I have to."

"Oh, you have to," Lou assures, lifting her head up to look at him again. "Because if I'm gonna fight through my commitment-phobia for you then you're not going fucking anywhere."

"I'm a prisoner?"

"Hate to say it… but yeah," Lou breaks the bad new to him, a hand to his cheek. She kisses him once before very lightly slapping his cheek. "Honey, you're not allowed out of this. You're totally screwed."

"I think I'll manage," he responds and kisses her lips one more time.

"Now get up," Lou says to him, "Dinner's done."

"Dinner?" Sam asks, watching her stand up. "Who cooked?"

"Lizzy," she answers, holding her hand out to help him up. "She also cleaned and went shopping."

"Busy lady," Sam says with concern. She did all that and took care of Sammy while Dean and he are down for the count?

"No shit. You even have some new clothes waiting for you. We can all wear something new for the first time in days because of her."

"Jesus… gotta make sure we thank her."

"We're gonna," Lou promises, wrapping an arm around Sam's waist when he stumbles a little with the level change, dizziness a symptom for the concussion. "We're taking care of Sammy tonight and giving her and Dean a night off. With everything going on… they need it."

"Couldn't agree more," Sam answers, steading himself and standing tall. He looks down at her and grins. "You know, you're kinda nice under all that sarcasm."

"And you're a dick under all that kindness. Let's go."

* * *

 


	19. Parenthood

* * *

"Well isn't this nice?" Lizzy smiles as she sits down at the kitchen table across from Dean. She places one of the bowls of chicken chili from her hold on the opposite side of the kitchen table in front of her husband and one in front of herself, the rest of the cabin already done eating and in their own rooms.

"It's not bad," Dean smirks at her, picking up his beer as he looks at her. "Been a while since it's been just us in a room together."

"And for dinner none the less," she responds happily, sitting down and clinking her water with his beer. "It's almost like a date or something."

Dean just huffs a laugh at that and takes up his spoon for a bite, all while eyeing his wife across from him.

"Mm, uninterrupted dinner," Lizzy jokes with a mouthful. "Tastes even better than regular dinner."

"Doesn't it? Our siblings… they're alright," Dean comments on the generous offer from Lou and Sam to watch their son for the night.

"Hey, they're good people. We're lucky to have them," Lizzy laughs a little and reaches a hand across the table. Dean takes it with his spoon-free hand and squeezes.

"How you been feeling?" he questions her with hope. "Besides tired, I mean."

"Uh, really fucking exhausted," Lizzy jests. "But good."

"That's good to hear," Dean says to her, his mind churning toward more physical places. "Because I have missed you." He then lifts his eyebrows once at her, looking a lot like the man she met years ago all of a sudden, the sex hungry one.

"You miss me, huh?" Lizzy asks, her lips curved up. He still wants her. Miracles can happen after all.

"L, you have no idea," Dean confirms for her with a half laugh. "Seriously, it's been one time in two months."

"It can't have been  _that_  bad…" Lizzy tried to rebut as she's slightly appalled by that statistic.

"No, it has. Trust me," he emphatically answers. "It's been a dry spell and… damn, you're looking good these days."

"Why thank you," Lizzy flirts a little. "Stress will do wonders for the waistline."

"I don't necessarily love the reason why but you do look good. You look like your old self again and you seem better than ever after everything you went through getting Sammy here. So I was hoping…"

"You're propositioning me?" Lizzy grins wide at him.

"Hell yeah I'm propositioning you," Dean tells her with certainty. "A man has needs."

"So do infants," Lizzy rebuts lightly. "A different set of needs all together, but… needs nonetheless."

"I know, I know," Dean relents, never wanting to keep Sammy from anything he requires or wants. "I just… you know, I miss… us. I miss sex. I miss  _you_." He looks her over once more, her V-neck shirt showing off her bigger motherhood breasts. His face drops seriously and his eyes darken. "Mm.  _All_  of you."

Lizzy gets the quick little flutter in her stomach. He can still do that to her.

"I miss you too," she tells him honestly and in a kind voice while tightening her grip on his larger hand. "A whole lot." She eyes his mouth, her undoubted favorite feature of his.

"Good because I've been thinking…"

"That's never good," Lizzy smirks slyly.

"And that joke never gets old," he reminds her. "But I was thinking that we could use the night to… reacquaint ourselves." His eyes light up and make him look so young and adorable. And hot.

"You think we can?" Lizzy asks with worry.

"Well, yeah. That  _is_  what most people do when they get babysitters, right?"

"I guess," Lizzy answers back, her voice down a bit. "But most people don't have post-traumatic stress syndrome from Purgatory and mental insanity brought on by the literal devil as babysitters. What if Lou wakes up a mess?"

"She hasn't in a while now."

"What if Sam sees Lucifer again?"

"He barely does when Lou's around and he's got the whole thumb-in-palm thing if old Luci gets mouthy. He's been handling it shockingly well."

Lizzy nods and doesn't look convinced fully.

"If we can't trust them who can we trust? Sam and Lou are good, they can look after each other  _and_  Sammy. You have to trust that they would be honest with us if they thought they'd put our boy in any kind of danger."

She looks at him with a lopsided smile. "You make a good point."

"Good. Because I know how you're nervous about this with how obsessed with Sammy you are but… I'm still kinda obsessed with you."

Lizzy looks at him with wide eyes. "That was really sweet."

"Yeah, well… I meant to say I'm obsessed with your body but… I stopped early."

"Don't backtrack," Lizzy warns him with a grin. "It was really nice and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Yeah, but you always gotta make it weird…"

"How did I make it weird!?" she asks while vice gripping his hand when he tries to pull it away.

"You gotta always point out when I say nice shit. Can't you just let it go? It makes me feel fucking stupid."

"What? Why? It's just me."

Dean just shoots her a dirty look coated in sheer discomfort and pulls his hand back to pick up his beer.

"Oh my God, you're the worst."

"I'm the worst for trying to get in my wife's pants?"

"No, not at all. You're the worst for not being able to own up to the fact that you're a really decent and actually sweet guy deep down. Dean, I know you like to pretend you're this roughed up tough guy that nothing can crack… which is fine for the rest of the world to believe because wimpy hunters are dead hunters. But stop trying to keep the mask on for me, huh? I cracked you a long ass time ago and Sammy finished the job just by being born. Keep it up for Sam and Bobby and the rest of the world… but be honest with us, ok? I know who you are. So does Sammy. Say nice things to us and don't backtrack and feel awkward when you do. We like that kinda stuff."

Dean just stares at her for a moment. "You're a real pain in the ass, you know that?"

"Speaking the truth… what a bitch I am," Lizzy smirks knowingly at him.

"You know what?" Dean starts with a cocked eyebrow.

"What, badass?" she returns with, now fully smiling.

"You think you know me so damn well…"

"Shh!" Lizzy stops him and holds up an index finger when she can hear the sound of an acoustic guitar come through the cabin wall from the room Sam and Lou have been staying in. "Hold on."

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"He's looking pretty done for over there," Sam mentions as he takes a seat on the edge of the thankfully queen sized bed in the room they've claimed in their new home.

"Oh yeah," Lou grins happily, looking down at Sammy in her arms as she sits Indian-style against the old wooden headboard. "We did him in. All that eating and us looking at him wore him out."

"We should put him down for now, let him sleep it off."

"Ok," Lou says, knowing he's right, before shifting the baby in her arms. "Here. Take him."

"Me?" Sam asks with surprise but reaches out anyways. "Don't you usually hog the kid?"

"Dick," Lou calls him for the comment as she hands him over. "But… I was gonna start doing something for him tonight, maybe do it most nights from here on out."

"What's that?" Sam wonders, shifting the child until he's resting with his head on Sam's shoulder.

"Lullaby," Lou smiles while reaching down over the side of the mattress where she left her guitar earlier. "Lizzy told me that she and Dean want to expose him to good music and I'm all aboard. Plus… my mom always did this for Derek and me growing up. Made me love music."

Sam grins at her, something he's just now starting to get accustomed to doing, and Lou takes a seat in the rocking chair once more.

"What are you playing?"

"Well, I was thinking about Blackbird," Lou explains, checking the tuning once more. She's tuned the thing several times within the day but she does it again out of just sheer happiness at being able to do so after Purgatory. "He'll never get to meet Cathy and that sucks. She'd be an awesome grandma and would spoil the shit outta him but at least he can get to know some of her, right? And this was her favorite song I played."

"She made you play it every time you came over to Lizzy's," Sam knowingly says and Lou looks at him with surprise.

"It's a really good memory," Lou says with a far off and reflective voice, a soft smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "God, I haven't played this one in ages."

"You're fine. Just go for it."

Sam looks at her with such confidence that she knows she'll be at least ok, maybe even good. It's nice to have someone actually have faith in her without ulterior motives… or suspicion of ulterior motives… nagging at her brain. It's good to be home.

With a deep breath Lou closes her eyes and gives it a whirl. Before she turned and died she was always so nervous playing in front of anyone but Lizzy but now she's over that. Old fears have nothing on the ones she experienced in Purgatory so she easily starts to play with just Sam and her favorite little guy in the room.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night…"

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly…_

The second the song started Dean knew what was going to happen.

Water works.

Silently, not speaking a single word, Lizzy lays her hand down onto the table palm up. As Dean takes her hand, tears leak from her lids as she hears something she has long since resigned to never hearing again. Once Lou was gone this song was gone for her too. She swore off listening to Blackbird ever again for the rest of her life. It hurt way too damn much to even try… until Dean learned to play it. Granted he didn't sing it with his terrible voice and as touching and kind as the gesture was it just wasn't the same.

But here it is again. Lou's beautiful voice and her talented hands making this particular song come back to life again for her. Lizzy's never been more grateful to hear anything in her life.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"Take these sunken eye and learn to live," Lou keeps singing away, recalling ever chord and melody like no time as even passed.

As Sam stands there, watching intently to Lou play as he holds Sammy's quickly sagging and slipping under form, he's happy. He's not sure this has ever happened before. He remembers thinking he was happy when with Jessica despite his fears for his brother and father out in the monster-filled world alone, and he's familiar with how warm it was when Lizzy would show him true love and comfort like a mother or sister world and that camaraderie he and Dean had as kids, Sammy and Dean versus the scary world, but this… this is happiness. No evil lurking at the very moment, no loneliness of another day without Lou or wondering if Dean and Lizzy would be ok through everything. Everyone is in this one place, all of them together. Sammy is here and well and falling asleep trustingly in his arms. He has a nephew. He has the love of his life. He has all he could ever need.

"You were only waiting for this moment to arrive."

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Lizzy sniffles once when the last chord drifts off into the air, the song over now.

"He'll get to know mom a little," she says very quietly. "He'll have that now."

Dean doesn't respond with anything more than a hand squeeze. He couldn't be happier himself that Lou can give his son this gift. It's hard for all of them to pass much on from their parents, not a father or mother of any of them alive at this point, but at least they've managed to hang onto one piece of Cathy.

* * *

"Wow, just us," Lizzy says as she closes the bedroom door behind her. She smiles wide at Dean as he's stretched out on his bed checking his cell phone before calling it a night.

"It's kinda weird, ain't it?" Dean smirks a little with conflict as he puts his phone on the old wooden night stand. As much as he's more than happy to be alone with her his heart is a bit broken to go to bed without his little guy in the room. This is a first.

"It is," she agrees, seeing his phone and remembering she needs to charge hers up and check it. It's been dead for days now and with everything going on she's forgotten about the device completely. She heads for her duffel in the corner to get what she needs. "Is it lame that I miss him?"

"No!" Dean sighs with relief that she's feeling the same. "Fuck. Thought it was just me being a giant pussy."

"Nah, I hate it too," Lizzy laughs a little and digs deep into her bag for her charger and phone. "Even though he's still in the house and I know it. Maybe  _we're_  the babies."

"And here I was thinking we were gonna be cool parents."

"We  _are_  cool parents," Lizzy rebuts and jumps onto the bed next to Dean, weary of his full leg cast as she does. She leans over him. "Cool parents love their kids so much that being away makes them super fucking lame." She kisses him once before plugging her phone in.

"If you say so," Dean rolls his eyes while scratching into his cast. "I fucking hate this thing."

"I'm sure you do," Lizzy laughs at him as she turns her phone on and listens to the two messages she has, the first one of Bobby coordinating their escape from his burning house.

"I'm just gonna saw this pain in the ass off," Dean comments. "Probably could use the bone saw Bobby found in the basement…."

"Don't you dare!" Lizzy warns, slapping his unharmed leg with the idea as she sits Indian-style next to him on the bed. She erases Bobby's message and moves on to the next one. "You have another two weeks left. For once let yourself heal up right."

"I'll be fine," Dean denies as he's just ready to lose the hindrance and get on with the Leviathan issue instead of being sidelined.

"So fucking stubborn," she says to him, receiving a dirty face in response as Dean's more than over his cast.

" _You_  try having your entire leg in cement…" he keeps whining.

_You're not here. You're not home and I don't know what happened and I can't…can't get to the panic room._

Lizzy's face drops when she hears the message from her husband from days before when he found the burnt house. His voice is so panicked and worried that it kills her.

_If you're in there… L, I swear if you're in there with Sammy… I'm done. I'm done with it all. You call me the second you get this and I'll come find you both. But if you don't call me back, if you can't… either way… I'll see you soon._

The line goes dead and she ends the call, not really sure what to do about what she just heard.

"I'll wait another couple days at the most but I'm hacking this bitch off after that," Dean keeps on his train of thought, not aware of what she's just heard. "I think I can do it myself…." He looks at her and grows concerned. "Hey. What's this?" He can see the worry written all over her expression.

"Why do you have be like this?" Lizzy asks, her face slightly angered as she holds up her phone. "Why?"

"Be like what?" Dean questions but gets no answer from her. Instead she starts to all out cry and tuck herself into his side, curling up around him with an arm around his waist. "L, what is this?"

"I got your message."

"From?"

"From when you couldn't find Sammy and me at Bobby's. From the fire."

His heart drops. What the fuck had he said? He can't remember.

"Dean… it breaks my heart when you say shit like that," Lizzy tells him, her head on his shoulder. He presses a hand to the side of her head and pulls her closer. "If anything ever happens to me or Sammy… just promise me you won't do  _that_."

Right. He said he was done if they were gone for good.

Dean sighs and pulls her in tighter. "What the hell would I do without the two of you?"

"Be a brother," she reminds him. "Be a good man and still help out others."

He doesn't say anything after that.

"Shit happens like that," she tells him as she wipes her face. "People get into accidents going to the grocery store. People are in the wrong place at the wrong time all the time. There's cancer and murderers and… and you can't just give up if anything happens to us. It happens to good people every day. We see it a lot of it in our line of work."

"But it doesn't happen to you two," Dean decides with authority. "That won't happen to you two."

"What if it does?" she looks up at him with watery eyes and fearfulness.

"It can't," Dean answers back, a hand to the side of her face as he wipes her cheek with his thumb. "Because I can't do that. I can't go on knowing you two aren't around. I've lost enough in my life. If I lose you and Sammy… L, what the fuck do you want from me? I can't do that."

With a sad smile Lizzy brings a hand to the back of his head. She holds him there for a moment, searching his eyes and seeing nothing but truth and complete love for his family. As much as it hurts to know how much she and their son have affected Dean and how detrimental that could someday be, it feels pretty great knowing just how much he loves them.

She pulls him down a little and kisses him, not having been able to refrain. "We love you and we don't want you to ever go to that place." She kisses him again. "Please don't do that."

Dean says nothing. He knows without her and his son he's nothing at this point. He could hold on for Sam, sure, but he'd be nothing but a pit of misery and pain until something came and got him.

"Ok," Dean lies completely after a moment.

"I mean it," Lizzy sternly returns with, needing him to see how serious she is about this.

Dean smiles something calming and warm at her as he brushes her hair out of her face, getting a good clear look at her. With his hands cupping her face he kisses her once more. "So do I. You made your point. I hear you, ok?"

"Ok," Lizzy nods.

"Ok, good," Dean says, laying back on the bed and taking her with him. He pulls her in close and gets comfortable, just looking to enjoy a moment of quiet between them. Lizzy moves right into his side, her head on his shoulder and arms tightly around us.

"I wasn't joking, you know," Lizzy says and sniffles. "I promised I wouldn't leave you. I won't."

"I know," Dean huffs a small sigh of wonder. She's come close to not keeping that promise but somehow she always comes through. She'll always come back to him not matter what. "And I will never leave you. Never. I'll fuck up, I'll… upset you and make the wrong choices and shoot first but… I'll always love you and I will never abandon you two. I'll always find my way home, ok?"

"We don't have a home," Lizzy points out, laying in the bed of a dead hunter in the house they are squatting in.

"Yeah we do," he assures her, pulling her hand up from his middle to place it right on his chest. She can feel the thumping of his heart, the warmth of just him, and she gets it.

They are home because they're together. Simple as that.

"I love you," she says, sighing through her moment of breakdown. She's starting to feel like her old self despite the stress she's under but her crying happens too easily, her moods shifting at the drop of a hat… she doesn't like it. She needs to be stronger than this.

"You know I love you, too."

She nods her head and looks up at him.

"We'll always be together, L," Dean promises to her. "I'll do anything to make sure that happens. Never worry about us."

And they both just lay there for a moment, reveling in the mutual need and sure feeling that what they have is completely unbreakable.

* * *

"Ok, ok," Sam says with an exasperated voice. He sits down at the kitchen table and sighs, shifting Sammy to lay on his back across his forearm as he cries with all he has. "Jesus, Lizzy wasn't kidding about being prompt with the feedings, huh?"

"Fuck you, Sam. You were one minute late with getting him that bottle," Lou says lightly to him as she hands the full bottle to him.

"Well, technically…  _you_  were," Sam jokes and starts to work on getting Sammy to eat as Lou pulls yesterday's newspaper in front of her and sits across from him. She reads, coffee cup full and next to her as Sammy quiets and starts to eat. "There we go."

"Huh," Lou suddenly says with clear interest at the front page.

"What's up?" Sam questions, looking up from his busy nephew.

"Been some murders in Bozeman," she tells him. "Some killer on the loose. 'Ice Pick Killer Strikes Again'," she reads the headline to him. "Kinda gruesome…"

"Gimme that," Sam says sharply as he suddenly snatches the paper and pulls it to his side. He starts reading when something sounds far too familiar about that headline.

"Uh, ok weirdo," Lou comments with surprised suspicion. "What's ringing your bell over there?"

Sam just shakes his head and reads on. Men being stabbed in the head by what is assumed to be an ice pick. The wounds left behind that killed them are small, deep, and located just behind the ear, piercing the brain. He knows this profile.

"Giant?" Lou tries again after giving him a good couple minutes of being caught up in his own head.

"I've seen this before," Sam admits when he puts the paper down and rubs at his 5 o'clock shadow with his free hand, mind moving a mile a minute.

"Ok…" Lou says, waiting. "You wanna give me more than just 'this is familiar' because something's itching your brain over there. I can tell."

He looks at her, uncertainty all over his expression. Sam knows this pattern, hell he knows not only  _what_  monster has this pattern but the  _name_  of the monster. He also knows Lou well and knows her stance on evil. A monster is a monster and they kill people… so kill them first. She's black and white, just like Dean is. Telling her about this would be a big challenge for their relationship, he knows that much already.

"Amy," Sam says, ripping off the band aid quite unceremoniously. He has to trust Lou and believe that she can have faith in his decisions and point of view.

"You know who the killer is!?" she fires out with instant shock.

"Yeah, pretty sure."

"What!? Your ex is a serial killer or something!?" Lou laughs a little at what she thinks is a joke but Sam just looks at her with a serious expression. Her face drops. "Wait, seriously? Your ex is a serial killer!?"

"She's not… my ex," Sam gets a little flustered. "She's a kitsune."

Without knowing what to say at first Lou just stares at him. "Well now you need to give me the run down about why you know a kitsune and why it isn't already dead."

Looking down at Sammy as he has nearly half his bottle drained, Sam finds his courage. "I had this… crush, I guess. On a girl. We were in Nebraska hunting a kitsune and I met a girl at the library. Some kids were picking on her outside the building and I… took care of them for her."

"You kicked their asses?"

"Yeah."

"So, you defended her honor?" Lou asks with light fun.

"Yeah… sure."

"You white knight you," she jokes.

He ignores her. "After I went to her house and she was… cool. And really nice. And we got along."

"You get a little ass for saving the damsel?"

"No,  _Dean_ … I didn't," Sam comments with her rudeness. He decides not to mention the fact that Amy was his first kiss and that he really did like her. Seems it'd be a lost cause on her. "But while we were there her mother came home and found me. She tried to kill me and Amy… she, she killed her own mother to save me."

"Shit," Lou lets out with quiet surprise.

"Yeah. She's a good person… or thing but, but… this is definitely her pattern. I know her. She's been off the grid… alone and not killing people since I last saw her when we were sixteen," Sam says, looking down at the paper with sadness. "Something's wrong."

"Yeah, you let a monster go and people are now dying," Lou says without any fire to her tone whatsoever. "Sam, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking she saved my life."

"And then proceeded to take several others."

"Yeah… guilty others," Sam points out and slides the newspaper back over to her, pointing his finger on the paragraph stating who exactly the people where that have been killed. "A drug dealer, two pedophiles, and a well-known criminal with a body count to rival any monster out there."

"Monsters don't get to decide who's guilty, Sam. That's not how the world works."

"You used to think it was," Sam defiantly says, standing up from his seat once Sammy's done eating. He drops the used bottle into the sink before shifting the little boy against his chest to burp him.

"The fuck does that mean?" Lou questions, getting angry with the implication he's trying to make.

"Isn't this exactly what you were doing when you turned vamp?" Sam eyes her harshly, pacing the floor of the cabin's kitchen area while patting Sammy's back. "You had your whole nest feasting on only the guilty. Cleaning up the streets in a new way, you said."

Gritting her teeth, Lou tries to hold back her anger. "I was a fucking monster back then."

"So according to you… I should have killed you," Sam turns it right around.

"Yes! You should have!" Lou responds. "I had no right deciding people's fate based on my personal judgment of them and neither does this Amy chick."

Nodding angrily, Sam responds, "Well, whether you agree with her or not, I have to go find her."

"You're gonna leave!?" Lou asks with wide eyes.

"I have to."

"No you don't!"

"She saved my life, Lou," Sam says with stern anger and absolute decisiveness. "I owe her to go find her and see what's wrong. If she's really off the rails then… I do what I have to do."

"Well, I can tell you right now that she's off the rails…"

"You don't know that."

"I'm pretty sure I do," she comments right back.

Sam lets out a deep breath of sheer frustration with her. "I'm leaving once Sammy goes down for a nap. I'll let Lizzy and Dean know so that you won't be on your own with him."

"Fuck that," Lou says as she stands up out of her chair and starts marching for their temporary bedroom. "I'm coming with you."

"No you're not," Sam denies within a second.

"Yeah, I am," she turns back to him. "You're in no shape to hunt let alone do it by yourself. I'm coming with you."

"No."

"Yes."

" _Lou_ …"

" _Sam_ …" she patronizes right back. "You need backup. Don't be stupid."

Sam eyes her while thinking it through.

"If you come then we do this my way.  _My way_ , Lou," Sam warns with a voice that says not to fuck with him. "And you don't make a single move without me."

Lou looks at him for a second, not liking the lead he's trying to take. But she knows she has no other way to convince him to bring her. It's this or nothing.

"Fine," she relents. "You take the wheel on this one. Just don't tell Dean there's a muffler issue with the car until we get back. We only have the Impala right now and he'll kill us if he knows we didn't fix it up first."

Sam knows she's just trying to change the subject. "Tell me you'll follow my lead on this one so I know you will. You're not gonna kill her until we know what's happening."

"Sam, I promise I'll go with you on this. I promise, ok?" Lou says despite her urge to kill this monster already running on high.

"Ok. I'll go put him down for a nap in Dean and Lizzy's room and I'll help you pack."

Lou nods and heads for the bedroom, cataloguing what silver knives they might have as you can only kill a kitsune with silver.

"Mm," Lizzy hums in her partial sleep as she starts to wake up naturally. She's used to waking every two to three hours with Sammy so it's no surprise that the one morning she had off she's not able to stay asleep for very long. But still, she doesn't have to get up right away so it's still considered a luxurious morning for a new mom.

* * *

Rolling over, Lizzy turns into Dean's side, her arm around his middle and head on his shoulder instantly. Waking just slightly with her movement, Dean brings his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close.

Both settle in once more, reveling in this rare moment of solitude together. The quiet, the calm, the lack of fussing and need… it's beautiful.

Out of old habit Lizzy rubs her hand up and down Dean's side a few times. She does it absently, without purpose or thought, but with it having been so long since they've been so close and alone Dean's feeling something more than just a comforting action.

Especially since they passed out immediately after heading for their bed the night before, ruining any shot they had of getting some loving in while alone. He knew Sammy had them tired but this is ridiculous.

And she's only wearing her underwear and a tank top, just like the good old days before parenthood fell into their laps. He recalls how good she looked in so little when they went to bed last night, her old toned and slinky body quickly returning yet her hips rounder than ever and her breasts fuller. God fucking damn it was she looking just spectacular these days.

Time to take advantage before their babysitting services run out.

Turning onto his side to face her, Dean quickly brings a hand to the side of her face. He watches her lips turn up into a smile with the contact even as her eyes remain closed. Perfect. He lets his fingers tangle into her hair as he leans in and kisses her slowly.

Waking up just like this is more than Lizzy could have asked for. She lets him drag his lips over hers, her heart skipping when she feels it. This is the type of moment she's missed so much. She loves her boy, loves him more than any damn thing on this planet, but she  _needs_  this. She needs her man.

Lizzy's arm pulling tightly around him with her hand pressed to his bare back, they both fall into this moment so fast and so easily it's like they never had to take time away. That was the beautiful thing about their bond. It'll never wane or lessen. It's too damn strong to.

Dean rolls them over, putting her on top of him as they both dissolve into this wonderful moment where they aren't parents. They're just two people that, after years together and more trials than most relationships could weather, are still absolutely crazy about each other.

Lizzy makes that sound deep in her throat, the one that is just simply a buzzing of love and contentment, and Dean slides his tongue along hers. That sound is a green light for Dean. Morning sex is going to happen. It's actually happening. Fuck does he love morning sex.

"You're feeling about as good as a million bucks this fine morning," he smiles up at her before kissing her neck once, his hands running down her sides as she straddles his hips and stays aware of his full leg cast. Lizzy giggles quietly with the move and his smooth, or at least he thinks smooth, words.

"You haven't touched me like this in so long that I'm not even gonna make fun of that terrible line," she answers, her eyes closing as he kisses her neck more, his hands gliding over her stomach. Lizzy grabs the sides of his face and pulls him away from her neck. She looks him in the eyes, that bright green color lit up with the morning sunlight, and for the first time in a long time he looks alert, even rested.

Dean smiles at her when her eyes go dark with want. "Please tell me that look means I'm about to actually get laid."

"The look on my face means that you're about to get…." She pauses to kiss him once, lingering just a little. "Seriously." She kisses him again. "Freakin'." One more for the road. "Laid."

Dean's eyes roll back with gratefulness. "Yesssssss…."

Lizzy begins to devour his lips, the lips she's lusted after for years, and Dean complies with her every whim in the moment. She moans into his mouth with the sheer warmth and love of having him this close to her, touching her and making her swoon like the first time they were together.

Hastily, Lizzy grabs the sides of Dean's boxers and shoves them downward, eliciting his help to get them past the bulky cast. Soon they're lost under the covers of the bed and Dean's reaching for her panties.

"Baby," Lizzy says, her lips touching his at all times while he starts to lower her underwear. "I want you so bad…"

"Ok, time to sleep it off, Sammy…"

Dean and Lizzy both peer over the top of the comforter to see Sam walking into the bedroom with their son tucked comfortably in his arm, whispering calmly to him. He holds onto the little boy's hand with just an index finger and thumb and smiles… that is until he looks up to see two people staring at him with wide eyes.

"Oh, hey. Morning, guys," Sam greets and walks into the room without a care. From where he's standing it just looks like they woke up recently, nothing nefarious happening.

"Morning, Sam-I-Am," Lizzy says as she settles in next to Dean once more, glancing at her husband with a thankful look. Sam's caught them before and it wasn't pleasant. She's happy to avoid that happening again.

"Hey, so… I didn't mean to wake you, but…" Sam starts, pausing to place Sammy in his crib as he's about ready to crash. "It looks like we have to cut the babysitting short."

"Right when we got to the good part…" Dean grumbles and Lizzy smacks him in the gut under the covers.

"What's going on?" Lizzy asks.

"Caught wind of a case and Lou and I are gonna go check it out," he says, hands on his hips as he looks at them both, sitting up under the blankets and listening with confused faces.

"You're gonna hunt?" Dean questions him.

"Yeah."

"You think that's a good idea?"

"I think it's the only idea," Sam tells him. "Pretty sure it's a kitsune and most hunters haven't even heard of those things but we've killed a few. I think it's best I take care of it."

"Can your head handle that?" Dean questions with a lowered brow and sheer disbelief.

"My head is better when Lou's around and she's coming with. I'll be fine."

"You think Lou can handle this right now?" Lizzy questions with sheer worry.

"I think she can more than handle it. Relax, Lizzy. Lou is very capable and I'll be with her. You guys just stay here, read up on Leviathan, and make sure Sammy's a happy baby, huh?" He starts to leave to cut the worrying short if possible. "Have fun, you guys."

"You  _ruined_  my fun, you little bitch," Dean says mostly to himself as he sighs while Sam leaves. His brother just rushed through the rundown for a reason. He's not being completely honest and Dean knows it. He looks over at Lizzy. "I don't like this."

"Me neither but they left us no choice but to go with it," she points out. Just looking at him Lizzy can see the tension in him with being out of this hunt. "You gonna be ok not going on this one?" She rakes her hand through his sleep-disheveled hair as they sit side by side.

"I'll have to learn how to, I guess," he answers right back. "He seems more than cool with Lou backing him up."

"It'll take time," she says in an understanding way. "You're used to going on every hunt with your brother and suddenly Sammy's here and so is Lou. Trust me, it's a weird transition for all of us."

Dean huffs and nods. She's totally right.

"But you're not just some hunter anymore," she reminds and kisses his cheek before getting out of bed, pulling her panties back up as she does. "You're a daddy. And I think that's an even more important job."

If only Lou had been there for that strong as hell argument. He's still trying to figure out who's right… hunting Lou or family Lizzy. They both make great arguments and have seriously confused him. Well, looks like the best thing to do is figure out who's the most right. Both seem spot on.

Dean watches her wink at him before looking over the edge of the crib at their little Sammy. He swears he still doesn't know how any of this happened now and then. He was hitting on chicks at dives just yesterday it feels like and sometimes he still gets the urge to have freedom, open road, and open possibilities as that was the default situation his father gave him his whole life. But then he looks at Lizzy and remembers why his new life is so much better than the old one and why he'd never trade it for the damn world. Those days sucked.

He has his own family. He never thought it was possible, always assumed it was in the realm of never-gonna-fucking-happen for him… but it did. And he's so happy it shocks him that happiness could come in this level of intensity.

Dean gets out of bed and throws on his boxers along with some jeans and a t-shirt. He then slings an arm around Lizzy and looks down at Sammy sleeping away the morning after he must have been fed.

"Yeah, dad doesn't suck too much," he jokes and Lizzy leans into him with a contented sigh.

But everything is changing… and being a family man, with husband and father as titles, isn't ever going to be easy for a Winchester. It's not in the cards.

* * *

 


	20. Amy Pond is a Troublemaker

Sam silently points ahead for Lou to get moving from behind the large oak. They've been silently coordinating their tracking of the Kitsune for the night, now finding themselves in the middle of the Montana woods stalking her like prey.

Lou moves forward without a sound, knowing how to navigate through woods like a professional after her time in Purgatory. She's an expert hunter of other monsters in this particular setting especially.

But that experience isn't all upside. It's also severely debilitating at times. She's caught herself looking over her shoulder, the nerves of not knowing what could be around each turn still with her. It makes her jumpy to the point that when Sam steps on a stick Lou sharply turns to him with her silver knife, ready to attack.

Giving her a face to tell her to calm down, Lou lowers the knife and takes a deep breath before moving on. He knew this could happen and he told her to wait at the car when they reached the wooded area, asking her not to come. He'd discussed a very little bit about Lou's confessions to Dean with his brother. The forest didn't feel like a good idea for Lou right now, not after four years of Purgatory, but she insisted that he needed backup.

When they both spot Amy up ahead, Sam takes over. He leads the soundless way, his boots avoiding all loud debris on the forest ground with Lou hot on his heels. They separate, ready to cover the Kitsune's right and left sides. When they get within ten feet of her Sam watches helplessly as Lou gives up on following him and rushes after Amy.

"Not so fast," Lou says in a low tone into Amy's ear as she grabs her around the neck in a headlock. She holds the silver knife up to her throat and tightens her hold. She glances at the drunken man fruitlessly trying to get into his car about fifty feet ahead of them and out of the tree line. "You looking to get a little tipsy with your meal today?"

"Lou!" Sam shouts in an almost whisper as he comes up behind her, taking Amy out of her grip before pressing the Kitsune to the nearest tree trunk, a hand around her neck. He then focuses on Lou. "The fuck are you doing? You said you'd follow my lead here."

"Sam!?" the Kitsune questions, vaguely recognizing the very tall man in front of her.

"Hi, Amy," Sam grits his teeth and responds.

"Sam. Wow," Amy awes with total shock to see the hunter in front of her. "I just… never thought I'd see you again. What are you doing here?"

"Bitch, you know what we're doing here," Lou pipes in, her grip on her knife tight to near painful places.

"Lou, shut up!" Sam says through a clenched jaw with utter annoyance while still staring at Amy. "You know what I'm doing here, Amy."

With fear in her eyes, Amy just stares up at him for a second. "You got tall, huh?"

"Small talk, really?" Sam asks with disappointment as he eyes the close proximity they are to the man still attempting to unlock his car. "Let's take a walk."

"Sam…"

"I suggest you listen to the man," Lou says to her quietly in a voice so filled with danger that even Sam shivers with. She stands by Amy's side, making it clear that her knife is still in her hand. "Walk. Now."

Once they're away from the drunk man and the road altogether Sam starts in as they march along. "So, same pattern, same victim pool… just like when we were kids."

"No I… it's not what… look, I'm not…" Amy tries several times but the knife at throat isn't really helping. Neither are the two hunters flanking her sides and gripping her around the bicep like an unruly child. She sighs heavily. "I've had the same job for the last six years," she explains and stops walking, making both hunters really look at her. "I, I have a house, two cats, a mortgage. I have a  _normal_  life."

"You call munching brains normal!?" Lou asks with shock that she'd consider herself anything near normal.

Sam glances at her for her lack of decorum but then says, "She makes a good point. You think that's normal?"

"Sam…" she nearly pleads to him. "What I am… I'm managing it."

"No, no, you spiked," Sam points out. "Five men in one week…"

"Pretty damn high," Lou adds in, taking it down to a less insulting place for a moment when she could see the annoyance growing within Sam. "And obvious. You're like a neon sign to any hunters in the area right now, sweetheart."

"No, you don't understand," Amy denies her accusations.

"Then what's it like?" Sam tries again, looking for the honesty he knows she should be fine with giving him after their past.

"You know I'm not like that, Sam. I'm not like that. I'm not just some murderer."

"Then why?" Sam asks, eyes narrowed on her with confusion.

"I just had to. I can't… I just had to. Please believe me, Sam."

Sam shakes his head. "No. I can't."

Amy looks at him with already running regret. "Then so am I."

In a flash she shoves Sam back into a tree, his head hitting the trunk hard and knocking him out immediately.

"Sam!?" Lou calls out as the sheer fury takes over her body. The way she instantly gets beyond angry scares Amy. She begins to run and Lou's having none of that. "No fucking way."

And Lou takes off, the knife gripped hard in her hand. She catches up quickly, diving onto Amy with a pure hatred that can only be described as Purgatory's stake on her. She's still that Lou in there and seeing Sam get hurt like that simply brings it flying out.

Amy hits the forest floor hard, her voice coming out in an oomph when Lou lands on top of her. Amy struggles under the small woman and turns over, looking up at Lou. Quickly she uses her powerful strength to throw a punch, Lou blocking it. When Amy follows up with a left hook she dodges that too but doesn't avoid the arm swiping across to her knife hand. Amy knocks the silver blade out of Lou's hand.

"You bitch!" Lou screams and punches Amy right in the jaw, making her groan with pain, and follows it quickly with another to her opposite eye. Amy starts to claw away from Lou when she can feel the strength this little woman has in her. "No you fucking don't!"

Lou grabs ahold of her hair and pulls, not letting Amy easily get away from her.

"No! Please!" Amy calls out as Lou keeps her there. They struggle on the sticks and leaves of the cold woods, Lou climbing off of Amy to reach out for the knife just a few feet away. She never lets go of her hair but Amy is a strong monster.

"Come… here… you piece… of shit," Lou gets out as she fights to reach her only weapon. When Amy stops fighting back she lunges forward for the knife and pulls Amy with her. By the time she turns back around to face the monster she does so just in time to see a softball sized rock come down on her head, making everything go black.

* * *

"How did you find me?" Amy asks right away when she turns around and finds two people in her living room as she packs up a suitcase in her home. She never expected them to find her so quickly, thinking she had at least an hour to grab what she needs and flee.

"You dropped this," Sam comments as he holds up his hand, the receipt he picked from her jacket pocket before she knocked him unconscious. "Amy Pond. Cute."

"And you sure as shit wasn't kidding about the mortgage," Lou comments, looking around the nice house and feeling a bit jealous for an instant. A fucking monster could find a way out but her sister and nephew can't? Where the fuck is the justice in that?

"Sam, please…"

"Wait," Sam says while stepping up to her, pointing at her hand and arm that's being held out in surrender. There's blood on it. "That's fresh. And that's not mine." He looks to Lou and asks silently if it hers.

"Not mine either," Lou says with pride. "No bleeding."

"So… you killed again?" Sam asks the monster in front of him with audacity. This is not the Amy he remembers and knows.

"You think I wanted to?" Amy tries to defend herself.

"That's what monsters do!" Lou starts to get really angry.

"Shh!" Amy shushes her, glancing behind her at a closed door. "Please, keep it down."

"You better tell me exactly what you're up to… or I have to kill you whether I want to or not," Sam fairly warns, his knife in hand ready to go.

"I can't," Amy says in a near plea. "Sam, you  _know_  me."

"No, I  _knew_  you. But that was a long time ago."

"No, you know me… and you know what kind of person I am."

"You're not a person," Lou informs her. "You're a monster on a fucking killing spree. Don't call yourself one of us."

And this is where Amy looks right at Lou for a second of anger all her own. "How many lives do you take every week in your line of work?"

"Enough to keep actual people safe," Lou spits back.

"And how many actually deserved it," Amy wonders, trying to make a point to the woman so intent on killing her off. She then looks back at Sam. "You know who I am, Sam. You do."

"Then tell me what's going on," Sam requests of her in a calm, caring tone.

"Sam!" Lou shouts out appalled.

"Shut up, Lou! Give her a chance here," Sam reminds her that he's the lead here and she promise that. "Amy, explain."

"Drop the knife and I'll show you," she bargains with Sam.

"Show me and I'll drop the knife."

Amy hesitates while staring at the two very capable hunters in her house. She has no choice here. "Don't move."

Lou gets ready to speak while stepping forward, Sam's arm shooting out to the side to stop her. "We won't," he promises.

Amy grabs the doorknob to the room behind her, pauses with her eyes closed as she knows how dangerous it is to reveal this detail about herself to these particular people. She then slowly turns the knob and pushes the door open.

Sam and Lou get a good look inside. In bed is a child, a boy that is clearly Amy's.

"This is Jacob. My son."

Sam sighs hard and shakes his head with the sudden twist to this whole mess. Lou stays frozen at his side as Amy closes the door again.

"I've built a life here," Amy tells them as she steps forward. "I'm on the PTO. I'm boring."

"But you're still feeding," Lou defiantly reminds her.

"On the dead. I'm a mortician," she explains herself. "I know, not sexy, but you know… health benefits. I quietly take what Jacob and I need. No one gets hurt. But… it can be risky feeding like that, especially for a kid. Jacob got sick."

Sam's posture stiffens at this. The idea of that boy getting sick makes him think of Sammy. He knows that if his nephew was sick he'd do anything to help him get better. Suddenly this story Amy shares isn't so monstrous after all.

"He was dying and the only way to fight it off was…"

"He needed the fresh stuff," Lou answers, understanding completely how detrimental an already dead meal can be to a monster, having been one for years and all.

"It worked," Amy smiles a little with relief. "After the last one his fever finally broke."

Sam sighs heavily. "Amy…"

"It's over," she vows to him.

"You can't promise that," Lou rebuts.

"I give you my word."

"Your word means jack shit to me, sweetie," Lou responds.

"But it means something to you," Amy keeps trying, looking to Sam. "And how is spilling more blood going to help anyone?"

"It would help me sleep at night…"

Sam shoots Lou an utterly furious look when she speaks up one too many times and is so rude it nearly kills him. She gets the message and closes her mouth.

"You can still walk away from this," Amy presses on. "We both can. Sam… after what I did for you…"

The look of sheer desperation on her face hits his heart. She's just a mother, like Lizzy, defending her child and trying to keep him safe. "You're staying here then?"

Amy looks at him funny for a second. "Hunters know where I am…"

"But if we let this slide I wanna know exactly where you are in case this happens again," Sam tells her. "You built a life here. Enjoy it. But if a body count starts up again…"

"You'll be back," Amy finishes for him. "That's fair."

"Are you kidding me?" Lou questions quietly from his side and Sam ignores her.

"I believe you," Sam says, lowering his knife. "And yes. I know you. You find yourself in that kind of trouble again… just call me. We'll figure it out."

"What!?" Lou shocks out as he hands over a business card to Amy.

"Agent Seger?" Amy asks when she reads it, a slight smile on her lips as she feels like she's safe now with him.

Sam just shrugs. "You can always reach me with that phone number. Don't go killing people if this happens again… even if they are low lifes. You call me for help and we'll deal with it. Ok?"

Amy smiles slightly, clearly seeing that sixteen year old boy she remembers fondly within this man somewhere.

"Sam, we can't just let her go…" Lou starts to fight back.

"Yes we can," Sam responds strongly, letting her know he's not changing his mind. "I trust Amy."

"Thank you," Amy says to him, so thankful for his mercy.

" _Sam_ …"

"Lou, let's go," Sam cuts her off as he starts to usher her towards the door of the house. He glances once at Amy on the way out, remembering her and knowing who she is. She's kind, she knows right from wrong, she saved his life once and she gave him his first kiss. Human or not, she's a good person that deserves this second chance.

* * *

"Are you out of your fucking mind!?" Lou asks the second Sam shuts the passenger door behind him after stuffing her into the driver's seat of the Impala parked outside of Amy's house. He had to pull her arm out the door to the car and now he's seen enough of this distrust from her. "She's a monster, Sam!"

"No. She's a good person that happens to be a monster. And she hates it," Sam tells her. "You were way out of line in there."

"Me!?" she fires back.

"You gave your word that you'd follow my lead on this one!"

"Yeah, because I didn't think you'd just let a fucking Kitsune with five kills under her belt,  _five in a fucking week_ , go. She's gonna do it again!"

" _You don't know her_!" Sam yells back at her. "You don't! I do! And it's over. Drive." Sam look out the windshield and waits for Lou to get the car going.

"What are you, my father?" Lou calls him out. "You can't just bark orders at me and expect me to listen."

"Lou…" Sam clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath. "Get us back to the motel. Just drive and shut up for a second."

"Shut up!?"

"Let it go for five minutes!" Sam asks in an angry tone. "Get us back and don't talk for just five freakin' minutes."

Not knowing what else to do and not being used to anyone getting the best of her, Lou sits there defiantly for all of ten seconds before giving in. She lost this one and maybe sitting quietly is a good thing for just a moment.

She fires up the engine and puts the Impala in drive, ready to get back to the motel in silence.

* * *

It's been quiet for a half hour now. Lou won't speak up because she's needed the time to think everything through, to figure out what she's going to do within this situation now. Sam's been silent because, after that fight they just had, he doesn't know what to say. They've never actually fought before. Never. Not once. And yelling at her and being on the receiving end of that level of ire… Sam's feeling pretty shitty about the whole thing.

After sitting behind the laptop Lizzy let her use for the trip, satisfied with her research she chooses to tell Sam nothing about, Lou turns in her chair at the kitchenette table to look at Sam on the king-sized bed as he writes furiously into his father's journal.

"This whole hunt sucked," Lou tells him, making Sam look up at her with surprise that she spoke first. It's not her style.

"It wasn't fun," Sam says, dropping his pen in the center crease of the journal to focus on her.

"And… I know that we're not gonna see eye to eye on everything in life," Lou says to him. "We're really not all that alike… at all."

"You're more like my brother than me," Sam says, huffing one very small laugh.

"I'll take that as a diss."

"It was one," Sam answers back, not getting the levity she tries to interject into the heavy conversation.

"And worst of all, you guys never stop fighting… or hating each other."

"We don't hate each other."

"Sometimes feels like you do."

Sam sighs. "We… have issues. Issues that you and I don't have."

"Until now," Lou sadly responds, knowing the argument was big enough to cause problems for them.

Sam nods his agreement with that statement. "It's just… shit, Lou, you should trust me more."

"I do," she quickly cuts in. "I swear, I trust you. I just… I'm not used to letting monsters go. I spent four years offing every ugly I came across. This mercy thing isn't normal for me."

"I get that," Sam responds, well aware that her Purgatory experience has only further cemented her black and white views of hunting in her mind. "But I don't see it the same way as you. I see our _job_  differently."

"I know that," Lou answers, looking down at the floor. "I just… fuck, Sam. You let her go. Just… walked the fuck away. And… she's gonna do it again."

"You don't know that…"

"I do."

"You don't. You know nothing about her."

"I know she's a monster and that's plenty. All monster fall off the wagon at some point."

"She's a good person and she promised she'd call me if her son gets sick again."

"And when she never calls you and the same kill pattern starts right up again I'm gonna say I told you so right in your fucking face." She says it harshly and she immediately knows what a mistake it was when she sees his face react.

Sam just stares at her, his anger reigniting when he sees that the quiet time didn't help her get over their differing views at all. "So stubborn…"

"No, so smart," Lou turns it around. "I know what's gonna happen."

"No you don't!" Sam says with fire and stands up when he can't take her unflinching stance. He walks over to her with angry strides. "You don't know her! Just because you think you're the world's greatest hunter because you went to Purgatory doesn't mean the rest of us suddenly suck at our job!"

"Did you seriously just say that to me!?" Lou asks, standing as tall as she can despite still being in the shadow of the much taller man before her.

"I know what I'm doing! Amy is…."

"You're little crush from back in the day. I know. Doesn't mean I trust her just because you do, especially when you're wrong about her!"

Sam's eyes grow furious as he looks down at the small woman with balls of steel. "Why can't you just  _trust_  me!?"

"Why can't  _you_  trust  _me_!?"

Nose flared, Sam glares at her. There's no answer here. "You're pissing me off."

"Right back at you!" Lou says with pure madness as she pushes him in the chest to back him away from her.

Sam looks at her with surprise. He never expected her to shove him like that as a result of not seeing eye to eye. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" Lou asks, pushing him again and once more making him step back a few steps.

A few deep breaths and Sam's about to lose it. He's never fought like this with anyone other than Dean and he certainly can't treat this argument the same. He can't punch Lou in the face to get rid of that pure balled up frustration.

With a hand on his hip and a finger pointed her way, he tells her, "Lou… I'm warning you…."

"You gonna hit me, Sam?" she challenges, shades of the girl he used to know before he lost her to Purgatory showing through. Her stubborn ways are now combining with monster-Lou's ability to get angry quickly and he's not sure how to counteract it.

"Just… don't push me," Sam warns fairly enough.

Lou doesn't wait another second before stepping forward into him once more. She pushes him square in the chest for the fourth time but before he can stumble back a bit and she can back away he grabs her wrists.

"Let go!" Lou shouts in his face.

"Calm down!" Sam yells right back.

"Fuck you, Sam!" Lou bellows out when she knows she won't win, the wall of a man way stronger than her.

Sam doesn’t answer this one.  Instead he picks her up and walks to the wall behind her, slamming her back into it as his brain goes on autopilot.  The second he has her pinned to the wall, his palms flat against the old, blue patterned and peeling wallpaper behind her shoulders and his hips pressing hers in place as he has her lifted off the floor, he just looks at her.  They both feel the surprise of the move, even Sam not having seen it coming, and they pause. 

When Lou blinks, her blues eye searching his as she tries to figure out what this reaction is, Sam falls into a different place.  He sees the fear in her, the anger, and somehow he sees purely Lou.  It’s a strange mix he’s in the middle of, wanting nothing more than to shut her up when she’s become this absolutely mind crushingly frustrating, and so he decides to do it in the one way he knows will be effective while at the same time letting out his own pent up fury.

Sam smashes his lips to hers harshly, his lack of manners and any form of restraint further shocking Lou in the moment.  It takes her a second to realize what’s happening. 

But then it dawns on her as Sam’s hips press harder into her to an almost painful place.  He’s pissed off.  He can’t hit her back.  But he goes physical with it anyways in the only way he knows how to.

Angry sex.

“Sam…” Lou gasps out between bruising kisses as her hands come to his face.

“Shut up,” he commands more than asks as he pulls her hands off of his face and presses her wrists to the wall at either side of her head.  He’s not going to listen to reason on this one.  He’s too furious to.

“You sure… you want…” Lou tries just once more before Sam sets her down on her feet.  He then clamps a hand down over her mouth for just a second to get her to stop, the back of her head feeling the solid wall behind her. 

“I said shut up,” Sam tells her, a side of him she’s never seen before coming through strongly.  Whatever happened to him while she was gone, it’s made him very different… and that softer, kinder, doe-eyed boy is no longer in charge.   He only shows up now and then.  This man she’s with right now is a different being, harsh and bruising and everything she’d always hoped was hidden deep in there that beforehand he would never let out.

Lou lets him kiss her again when he removes his hand from her mouth.  She plays right along, falling into this far too easily.  When Sam yanks her long sleeved t-shirt over her head with force enough to pull her ponytail nearly loose she gives in completely.  He wants to play, well then, so can she.

Her hands frantically reach for the button of his jeans, opening it shockingly fast before lowering his zipper. 

And Sam follows suit, getting her jeans open so swiftly she didn’t even realize he’d done it until he turns her sharply around to face the wall.  He presses her palms into the old wallpaper to either side of her head again, speaking into her ear with stern words.  “Don’t move.”

She huffs a few times, the electric shock of how damn hot he is right now shooting through her entire body for a flash as he lowers her pants. 

“Boots,” he says to her, telling her with one word to kick them off.  She listens easily, knowing that she doesn’t want to interrupt this new side of Sam she’s getting to see.  She’s far too curious about how far he’ll go all on his own, to see where his limits are.

He tears the left leg of her jeans down and off before kicking her legs apart, not bothering with the right side.  He then pulls her hips away from the wall, angling her perfectly. 

Without a single word Sam pulls himself out of his jeans, hard and more than ready, and presses into Lou in one very hard thrust.

“Fuck!” Lou shouts with her forehead pressed to the dirty wall, her eyes slammed shut with both a quick flash of shocked pain and the sheer pleasure of it all. 

Without thinking, Sam presses a hand to the wall over her head and clamps down on her hip with the other.  The pace he sets is so hard and fast Lou thinks she might just get torn apart from this man triple her size… and she doesn’t let him know just how much she’d be ok with that.  Instead she takes it, her voice moaning instantly.

Sam lets out a hard grunt, partially a moan and partially a sound of pure effort as he slams into Lou with zero caution and pure animalism.  This isn’t his normal.  In fact he’s never been this way before in his life.  Never once has he used sex to vent his anger on someone he cares about and never before has he wanted to be this way with Lou.  He loves her.  He loves her more than he can say and to treat her like this feels wrong.

But she pissed him off so much with her meddling and opinionated ways that he’s losing his composure completely.  And normally Sam always has a handle on himself aside from Lucifer’s mind tricks.

But there’s something about Lou that got him here.  It scares him a little but he ignores it for now as he fucks her with all he has and tries to win this argument while unleashing his ire.

“Fuck me,” Lou says out of nowhere as she presses her hands into the wall and pushes back into him with her ass, looking for even more and flooring Sam with her reaction to all this. 

As she turns her head to peer at him out of the corner of her eye and gauge his reaction Sam’s face drops with utter surprise.  This was not what he was ready for. 

“Come on, Sam,” she says to him with challenge as her voice rocks with each thrust into her.  “Fuck me harder.  Gimme more.”

He doesn’t need to be told again.

Sam backs away one step, separating them as he reaches for her sports bra.  He yanks it overhead and she lets him handle her without complaint or issue, his movements swift and rough and everything she wants. 

For just a quick moment Sam brings his arms around Lou, grabbing her breasts hard as he tugs her entire body towards him, her nearly naked form pressed to his nearly clothed one. 

She feels used and uneven and his display of sheer power over her is downright intoxicating in the moment.  It’s mesmerizing to see the large man actually using the power and stature he has for something so carnally wonderful.  Maybe he can hold up to her personal predilections better than she’d thought. 

While once more biting her lower lip, a sign to Sam that she’s seriously enjoying herself and that he’s doing everything right, he decides to give her more as she asked.

“Why do you have to make me so fucking angry?” Sam asks her, his voice rumbling low as he grabs her shoulders hard and roughly moves her towards the kitchenette table, walking closely behind her.  “Why couldn’t you just trust me?”

“She’ll kill again.”  Lou refuses to go back on her opinions on the matter as she nearly trips over her clothing trailing from her right leg.  “Our job is to stop evil bitches…”  She pauses when he pushes her back downwards, bending her over the table.  He stops to look her over, his large hands squeezing the flesh of her tight little ass.  “…Not let them go on the honor system,” Lou finishes, one of Sam’s hand leaving her ass cheek to press her head into the hard wood, her right cheek against the cold surface. 

“Unless I tell you we can,” Sam rebuts, his hand still on her ass starting to hurt with the grip he has on her.  “You need to get over your trust bullshit.”

“I trust you!” Lou shouts back, getting frustrated by the fact that he’s using far too many words and far too little dick.

“You don’t,” Sam shakes his head, his hand still on her head to keep her there as he takes ahold of himself, stroking a few times as he’s getting far too much out of this.

“I do!” Lou fights back and tries to turn to look at him but Sam keeps her in place.  “Sam, knock it the fuck off.  You know I trust you.”

“Then drop the Amy shit,” he demands strongly.

“It’s dropped!” Lou easily says in return, finding that lying is the only way she can deal with her guilt.  She’s going Dean with it.  She’s burying it and ignoring it.  “Alright?  It’s done.  I didn’t touch her.  You got your way.  How is that not trusting you?”

Shit, she makes a damn good point.  Sam takes his hand off of her head and she turns to look over her shoulder at him standing over her.

“I fucking trust you,” Lou repeats as she peers at him.  “I have never in my life trusted another man as much as I trust you.  Fuck, I’ve never let a dude shove my head down on a table before fucking me either.  Any guy that’s ever tried that with me has been slugged in the face.  I swear I trust you.”

Sam just peers at her hard, his anger still there. 

“I love you,” she says without hesitation for the first time since she’s been back.  “OK?  I let that monster bitch go…”

“Don’t call her that,” his fired up voice tells her immediately.  “ _Stop_ calling her that.”

The fire in his look is doing nothing but turn her on more.  Angry Sam is fucking hot.  Lou grabs him hard, her hand working him over and making his lids lower.

“I don’t want to fucking talk about this anymore,” Lou says to him, reaching out and tugging his shirt once, telling him to get rid of it without words.  “I don’t want to talk.”  Her hand returns to his dick.  “Fuck me, Sam.  Use that anger, screw words… and _fuck me_.”

Her eyes burn a hole into him as she gives him a look of pure, unabashed desire.  He can see her own anger still boiling away much like his own. 

When he waits too long Lou grabs his cock harder, getting his full attention and making his eyes bug out for a second.

“Fuck me!” she commands from him, her face hard lined and in need.

In a flash Sam’s pushing her head back down, her cheek to the table.  “Stay there,” he says to her as he pulls his shirt overhead.  He shoves his clothing down his legs and kick out of everything until he’s naked.   Once more he grabs her, roughly dragging fingers over her skin and feeling every inch of her that he can.

“Ooh, God yes!” Lou grits out when he pushed hard into her in one harsh thrust.  She lets her eyes close for a moment with the force as she grips onto the table edges for stability.  Sometimes she lets herself forget how strong Sam is and goading him on just made him use every ounce of power he has.  “Fuck me with that big dick, Sam.  Fuck me good and make it all better.” 

Make the fight and the guilt go away is what she’s really asking.  She’s quickly realized through this whole thing that fighting with Sam is not something she ever wants to do again.  It’s uncomfortable and awful.   She loves him too much to feel this way when around him. 

And as much as Sam wants his point made clear, he’s as over the anger and fighting as she is.  He’s in a very similar headspace with a whole lot of fury added into the mix.  At this point he just needs the fire to go out. 

Grabbing her hips hard, Sam moves with drive.  He wants her in a way he’s never wanted her before.  Never have they gotten so rough with it that Sam’s had to worry about the bruises his hands will leave on her or if he’s even hurting her much smaller body as he near violently pounds into her.  Never has she gotten him so mad that he’s felt the need to do this.  The strength of the ire between them right now is too strong for him to stop.

But as Lou looks up at him out of the corners of her eyes, her body rocking fiercely with his efforts, she can’t help but be awed by him.  The fury in his expression, the sharpness of very movement, his stature and build on display as he takes what he needs from her... he’s perfect for her.  This is her perfect man.  Her perfect, carnal, caveman because deep down that’s what she wants.  An intellectual, poignant man by day, animal by night.

“I fucking knew it,” Lou struggles out as her voice jerks with the movement.  “Knew… _fuck_ … knew you weren’t just the good guy… too damn goody-good to fuck like this.”

If he didn’t know better, that’s excitement he sees in her eyes.

“Oh!  Fuck me!” Lou just short of pleads as she clamps down on one of Sam’s forearms for stability. 

As she moans shamelessly he realizes something.  He doesn’t want her like this right now.  He wants to see her, hear her tell him she trusts him and that this won’t happen again.

Sam pulls out of her and swiftly grabs her around the waist.  He pulls her upright and turns her to face him before picking her up by the middle with ease.  Before she can settle in within his arms she’s being tossed onto their motel bed.  She rebounds a bit and before she can blink he’s on top of her, shoving into her again like a man possessed. 

“Do you trust me?” Sam asks once settled between her legs, looking right into her eyes as he starts moving into her again, his pace still sharp and fast.

“Yes,” Lou answers honestly, her voice labored as she tries to breath, his rough ways with her overwhelming.  “Fuck yes.”

“Tell me you trust me,” Sam’s deep, dark voice asks, the sound reverberating within her.

Lou lets out one more solid moan before grabbing his face and staring right at him.  “I trust you, Giant.  I trust you with my fucking life.  Oh, God!  Fuck!  I trust you!”

He believes her.  He does.  Lou would never, not a time like this while doing her favorite thing on the planet to do with her favorite fuck buddy, lie to him.  She does trust him.  And he shouldn’t have second guessed that.  The girl considers him her boyfriend.  She’s horrified of boyfriends.  What was he thinking?

“Love you like this,” Lou says, her eyes still all lit up with excitement and total desire.  “Fuck, Sam.  Love it.”

He can feel one of her hands leave his face and he thinks nothing of it… until he can feel that hand trail downward between them.

As she begins massaging her clit, Sam immediately doesn’t like it.  She does that a lot during sex, needing external stimulation to get her there, but not today.  She’s going to trust him.

Grabbing her wrist, Sam presses it into the mattress next to her ear.  He quickly takes up her left hand and does the same, restraining her hands to either side of her head.

“Sam, come on,” Lou says to him, near begging which is something Lou _does not_ do.

“No, you don’t need it,” Sam promises her, his grip never relenting as he pins her arms in place.  He pauses his movements to make sure she hears him fully.  “You said you trusted me.”

“I do, but…”

“Then relax.  I’ll get you there,” Sam says sternly, making sure she doesn’t question him.  She keeps quiet, bright blue eyes wide and trained on him.

He starts moving again, using _that move_ he does so fucking well, and it’s like she’s put into a trance.  She can’t stop herself.  She can’t.  It’s a massive ego hit and embarrassing as hell but she crumbles for him and the way he rolls his hips just perfectly.

“Please, Sam.  Please,” her needy voice calls up to him above her.  “Make me come, please.  Sam, fuck me.  _Please_.”

Suddenly the anger is gone.  It just dissipates because holy shit, she’s begging.  The tough, stubborn, pigheaded woman that is Lou that is too proud to ever give in under any situation… is begging.  Lou is begging him to give her what she needs. 

Amazing.  He actually has the ability to get through to her.

Sam leans down and kisses her.  He was so mad before he forewent that whole embrace.  Now that his rage is settling a little he’s seeing her again instead of just seeing her actions and spiteful words.  He sees Lou, his Lou, and even if she’s far more difficult to handle than he’d ever imagined in his memories of her while she was gone, he’d never trade this right here for anything.  She’s his and he’s going to remind her why she trusts him, loves him, and can swallow her own pride to follow him.

“Oh, oh yeah,” Lou lets out in a blissed out voice as her eyes roll back a bit before closing when he keeps going, never easing up with his harsh pace.  “Ooh, Giant.  Fuck.”

Hips grinding, Sam studies her.  Her face twisting up with overwhelming enjoyment, her hands balling up under his restraining hold, the way her voice moans out in an almost constant stream that gets louder the closer she gets… perfect.

Never stopping, Sam moves her hands overhead.  He grips both wrists in one of his much bigger hands so he can free the other up.  Starting on her cheek, locking eyes with her, his hand absorbs the feel of her form.  Her smooth skin, the hollow of her throat, her collar bone, her perky breast, everything.  She’s just beautiful.

“Oh, fuck me, fuck me,” Lou starts to ramble, her eyes closing as it builds fast.  “Sam, oh God, yes.  Sam.”

Sam smiles to himself a bit, loving that he can do this to her.  Lou’s body tenses right up under him and as it does he can feel himself coming undone with the sight.

“Oh… fuck… Sam!  Sam!” Lou shout his name out loudly as she gets slammed with a massive orgasm that she wasn’t quite prepared for.  She trusted him and it sure paid off.

When her voice shouts his name so loudly he knows the entire motel is aware of what’s going on in their room, Sam falls apart completely with it all.  He can see stars when it all comes down on him, the feeling damn near euphoric and nothing quite like he’s felt before now.  The intensity that was ever present the entire time just pushed him that much further.

“Lou… fuck…” he struggles out when he starts to get past the strength of it all.  Nothing has come close to that with Lou ever before now.

“Oh… _God_.  Yeah, Giant….”  Panting, Lou lays out under him, Sam’s face pressed to the side of her neck.  He releases his hold on her now that it’s over.   She immediately run her hands through his long hair as she lets out a satisfied giggle from deep within her.  “Oh, fucking hell.  Ha!  Amazing.”

Sam catches his breath after a few minutes, his body lying on top of hers with damn near exhaustion.  The long day, the long drive… followed by _that_?  He’s done for.

Lou pulls his face out of the crook of her neck and shoulder to hold it over her, looking right into his hazel eyes.  She smiles wide with a satisfied look.  “You feel better now?”

“I, uh…  I think so…” Sam swallows hard and gets interrupted when they hear a knock on the door. 

“What the fuck?” Lou questions, looking over to the door.

The knock comes again.  _Management!  Can you please open up?_

Lou looks up at Sam with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Sam's sure he looks much the same.

"Ha!" Lou lets out one good laugh at the situation right away and Sam can't help but smile right back at that. "Oh my God! Were we that loud?"

"No," Sam answers her, getting off of her and pulling her up to stand. " _You_  were."

"Shouldn't have fucked me so good then, huh?" she playfully responds and gives him a good slap on the ass right before he pulls his pants back up. When he starts to respond he realizes she walking for the door.

"Lou… uh, your clothes…." Sam tries to stop her as she reaches for the door knob while completely naked.

She pulls the door wide open. "Hi," she smiles casually as if she was fully clothed and nothing was wrong.

"Um… oh… uh," the manager stutters the second he sees her completely nude. He looks up at nothing in particular to avoid her, and catches the sight of a very tall man zipping up the fly of his pants while shirtless. "I just… we got complaints… about the noise."

"You did?" Lou says with faux surprise as she leans into the doorframe, her arms crossing over her chest and pressing her breasts together.

"Yeah. And I… now I know why, I guess," he nervously laughs as Sam stands behind Lou, shaking his head at her antics as he far less amused.

"Well, we're done now… or at least  _for_   _now_ ," she smiles politely. "We'll try and keep it down later on when I decide to go in for round two, ok?"

"Um, well maybe…"

"Thanks, and sorry about that," Lou grins while shutting the door and locking it. She then turns to Sam with a giddy smile.

"What the hell was that?" Sam asks, his arm gesturing to the door as she stands there sans clothing still.

"I was having fun," Lou shrugs with a massive smile. "Dude, did you see his fucking face?"

"Who  _are_  you?" he has to question, never having seen anything she's showing him right now.

"Sam, relax. I'm just fucking around," she laughs it off and heads for her bag, looking for something to put on for the rest of the night. "Lizard and I used to fuck with people in the road all the time. No big deal. It's amusing."

"Ok, but I've never seen you do anything like that," he rebuts.

"Yeah… and I've never seen you do anything like what we just did," she says, raising her eyebrows once with excitement still in her expression.

"I… I... don't really know where that came from, honestly," Sam admits, looking to the floor to find his shirt and occupy himself when the embarrassment hits.

"I know where it came from," Lou says with ease, looking at him with a smirk as she pulls on a new pair of underwear. "You were pissed and you took it out on me."

San nods. "I guess I did," he says, looking once more around the room as he pulls on his shirt. "I haven't ever really… done that to…"

"Save it, Giant," Lou laughs slightly. "As adorable as you're bring right now… don't bother. It was wicked fun. I think we need to do that more often."

"Yeah?" he asks, eyebrows lowered as he questions her. "I mean, I didn't…  _hurt_  you or anything, right?"

"Pain… hm," Lou thinks while pulling a black tank top over her head. "Pain is not something to be scared of to me. In fact, when it comes to sex… pain isn't exactly a bad thing."

Sam looks at her funny, not having been ready for that. "So… what are you, a masochist?"

"I'm a hunter, aren't I?" she jokes immediately but her grin drops when she sees the serious face Sam is making. He wants a real answer. "Not necessarily. Look, sex is awesome. Really awesome. Like… only thing in this world that can make hunting not suck so much kinda awesome."

Sam internally cringes with how much this makes her sound like his brother.

"And sometimes, when shit gets too real and too, well, shitty, I don't see the harm in pushing sex that extra yard to make it all go away." She waves her fingers in the air to show how the crappy parts of life and float off with a good lay.

"With Pain?"

"Or just force. Or binding. Or anything, really. Aggression and sex are not separate from each other, or they don't have to be. And don't get me wrong, sometimes a good, meaningful, emotional moment is just what hits the spot. But more often than not… I like to make it interesting."

"Huh," Sam says, thinking a moment. "But you've been back for weeks."

"And?"

"And… that's the first time we did anything like that," Sam points out.

Lou just smiles wide. "It had been years since I'd had any kind of sex at all, Sam. What we were doing was more than fine with me."

He blows out a heavy breath. "Hard to believe you took a four year break from sex." He huffs a laughs.

She looks at him with guilt. "Yeah… it wasn't four years."

"What?" he asks with shock.

Lou just shrugs and smiles.

"You had  _sex_  in Purgatory?"

"I was all vamped up. Those bitches are in heat like all day, every single day. What choice did I have?"

Sam shakes his head with a lack of words.

"It wasn't often, trust me," Lou explains as she sits onto their bed. "And it wasn't nearly as good as this either. It's pretty hard to fully enjoy yourself while on the lookout even while fucking."

He's blown away by this. "Damn."

"Look, you already know I love sex…"

"You're underselling it," Sam quips, knowing this about her since the day he'd met her.

"And I like all kinds of sex. There's not a lot you could spring on me that I haven't already tried or wouldn't be will to give a go. Anything you ever want get down with… try me. I'll most likely go with it… especially since you know how much I  _trust_  you and all." She shares a shit-eating grin with her joke.

"Great, got myself my own personal Jenna Haze," Sam comments with uncertainty over this discovery.

"Who's Jenna Haze?"

Sam pauses, his face guilty. Deer in headlights.

"She's, ah," Sam starts, rubbing the back of his neck with embarrassment. "A… a p-porn star. She's in the… porn industry."

Lou's eyes widen. "Seriously?"

Sam realizes the information about himself he lets go of at this point. He simply shrugs and his mouth opens once before closing. He's awkward again. "I… uh… like her, I guess."

"She's your default. You do like her. A lot," Lou informs him. "Which is interesting because I have not had a chance to catch up on my porn stars since I got back. I'm gonna have to look her up."

Sam's face goes red with the idea that she'll see what he's so into.

"Why are you so weird about that?" she questions, reading him easily. "It's me. Don't you wanna, I don't know, explore a little?"

"Yeah… I mean, of course… I just…."

"Lizard was right. I do need to pull that stick outta your ass." She laughs but he doesn't. "We need to liberate you, Sam. We need to get that caveman out of you and into my bed more often."

"Caveman?" Sam asks with surprise.

"Yes," she says while giving him the once over.

"What, you, you want me to club you over the head and drag you back to my cave?" Sam huffs a laugh.

"Drag me by my hair and you got a deal," she smirks, eyes glowing with promise, and Sam finally realizes he might just be in over his head with this woman.

* * *

"So Helena, huh?" Sam asks as he gets into the passenger side of the car, Lou already turning the key in the ignition. The Impala rumbles to life and now that Sam checked them out of the motel and apologized for the awkward moment last night to the desk clerk with a red face they're ready to head out.

"Yeah," Lou answers, pulling out of the parking lot to head on the road towards their next destination. "Looks like a possible haunt. Could take just a day so I figured why the hell not."

"I just assumed you'd be itching to get back," Sam airs his surprise in her. "No Sammy time in a few days already."

"I know," she says with a voice that is far too girly. "I miss that little fucker so much."

"So let's just head back," he suggests easily. "We'll get Bobby to send someone out."

"Nah," Lou immediately denies. "It's on the way so why bother some other guys. We can do this. Like I said, only a day tops. Probably a simple salt and burn." She plops the newspaper in his lap for him to look over.

Sam starts to pick up the paper but then drops it back in his lap. "Eh, I trust you."

Lou grins wide and turns to look at him. "Yeah, I know." She then looks back to the road and rubs her stomach once. "You wanna grab some grub for the ride?" Lou questions while rubbing her stomach.

"What?" Sam asks nervously, the tone of voice she uses far too familiar.

"What? I'm fucking starving. Let's pick up some food."

"Oh my God, I'm dating Dean," Sam complains in quiet panic as he rubs his eyes with his right hand.

"What's that?"

"Nothing," Sam tells her as he sighs. "Uh, yeah. We can grab something to eat."

"Sweet," Lou says as she pulls into a random, roadside diner. It's a usual joint in Sam's life, having seen many of these places when Dean was diving them around.

"Come on, you big, giant herbivore. I'm buying you a salad." She winks and gets out of the driver's side of the Impala.

As the door squeaks closed Sam takes a second to shake his head.

Is he dating a five foot version of his brother? Is this really happening? How did he not see this before now?

"So disturbing," Sam says to himself and gets out of the car to join her as she's already inside the diner.

* * *

"Hey, you check us in and set our shit up," Lou suggests as she pulls her duffel into the front seat of the Impala from the back after parking in front of the motel office in Helena. "I'm gonna head to the police station and jump on this so we can get home tomorrow."

"Alright," Sam nods before getting out and walking to the trunk. He grabs his own bag before making his way to the driver's side, looking into the rolled down window. "I'll text you the room number."

"Sounds good."

"Call if you need me," Sam says to her, ducking his head in to steal a quick kiss before heading for the office.

"Wasn't that just… domestic as fuck," Lou makes fun to which Sam just smile and flips her the bird before disappearing into the office.

Lou smiles to herself, that feeling of puppy love overwhelming her, but that feeling fades quickly. She has work to do and fast. Work that would severely hurt the man she's completely fallen for.

The guilt is already creeping into her soul.

* * *

"Next time you run you should really change your license plate," Lou informs Amy from her seat in the upholstered chair in the corner of the motel room. It wasn't far from the shitty motel she has Sam checked into and she broke into Amy's room an hour ago. Since then she's just been waiting. "Keeping the same tags makes you easy as fuck to track."

"Lou," her face drops instantly to see the woman that has pure hatred for her.

"There's people in Bozeman looking for you," Lou says to her as she stands and starts to slowly walk towards the Kitsune.

"Sam sent you?" she asks with sheer heartache to think that the man she thought was on her side might have betrayed her.

"Sam doesn't know I'm here." Lou then pulls the big silver knife from her black leather jacket.

"But my son…"

"Amy, I know, I do… and maybe now that I'm an aunt this should stop me," Lou says in all honesty. "But you are who you are. No matter how hard you try… sweetie, you're gonna kill again."

"I won't. I swear," Amy starts to plead for her life.

"Trust me, you will. I've been there," Lou explains, standing directly in front of Amy, looking up at her the few inches she has over her. "I've been the monster you are and I know from experience. Maybe you can hold out for a year, maybe a few… but you'll slip. You will. And I can't let that happen."

Without any fanfare, Lou plunges the knife straight through Amy's chest.

"Amy, I'm really sorry," she says, truly meaning. She seemed like a good woman, one that tried hard. But if she ever killed again that would have been on Lou and she can't take that chance, no matter how badly Sam wanted her to.

Lou catches Amy's body as she starts to fall, her real eyes showing as the light fades from them. She lowers her nice and slow onto the bed and by the time she's laying across it she's gone. Lou pulls the knife from her while feeling that small tug of regret in her heart for having to do that.

"I meant it," she tells the dead Kitsune. "I am sorry."

She turns to leave only to find Amy's son in the doorway looking at her. Shit.

"Please tell me you have somewhere you can go," Lou says in a shaky voice, feeling just plain terrible now.

He nods at her in return that he does.

"Good," she answers, reaching into her back pocket for the folded cash she keeps there. "You ever kill anyone?"

He slowly shakes his head no.

"Well, don't," Lou says, making sure her voice steadies for this threat. "Because if I find out that you did… I'll have to come back."

"The only person I'm going to kill is you."

"Look me up when you're older, then," Lou relents as she walks towards him with a hundred dollars in her hand. "That's only fair. But I'll be ready for you."

The boy says nothing, just glares with pure hatred at her.

"Here," Lou takes his hand and wraps his fingers around the money. "Get somewhere safe, huh?"

And she books it out of there. She runs for the Impala, her heart pounding in her chest. When she shuts the driver's side door behind her she sits there for a second before hitting the steering wheel with frustration and pain. What did she just do? Was it the right thing to do? Because if it is then why does she feel like shit about it already?

She then starts up the car and peels out.

Why the fuck did that damn kid have to show up? She knew Amy was a mother, knew it well. It was the only factor that made her weary about offing Amy at all. That boy never did anything wrong. Chances are he will, and she should have killed him, but the second she saw him all she could see was her little Sammy. She put her nephew into his shoes.

She couldn't kill him. She just couldn't.

And now that face of the little boy will haunt her.

A five minute drive and she's back at the motel. After an extra minute of trying to compose herself she enters the room and is greeted brightly.

"Hey," Sam says with a smile from behind his laptop on the bed. "How'd it go?"

"It's a fucking bust," she lies her face off. "It was just a regular homicide."

"Damn," Sam nods as he gets up from his place, abandoning his laptop. "Guess we'll just have to stay put and spend the night here without working."

He smiles with excitement over the thought and makes his way to her. He's thought about what she said last night and she's right. He does need a stick removal and now he's willing to let her work on that with him.

She has no witty retort to give before he's kissing her, his hands in her hair as he clearly wants one thing.

And for the first time ever Lou doesn't want anything to do with it.

"Hey, wait," Lou stops him and steps back awkwardly. Sam looks at her with surprise, never having been stopped by her once. "Why don't we just head out instead?"

"But… we're alone," Sam responds with confusion, knowing she should be giddy about that.

"I know but… I, I miss Sammy," she tells him in a partial lie. "And Lizzy's probably an exhausted mess with Dean half down for the count and Bobby possibly still on his collection trip. We should head back." She forces a smile and walks around him to grab their bags.

"You ok?" Sam asks, getting a strange vibe from her. She's off, her posture too stiff and her overall demeanor jittery.

"Fine, just… ready to get back is all," she says cheerily, both bags in hand as she heads for the door. "You wanna check us out and I'll get the car?"

"Uh, sure," Sam nods as Lou rushes past him.

"Great," Lou answers and leaves the room, Sam left confused and oddly unsettled.

Lou sits alone in the Impala as she waits for Sam to check them out of the motel they just checked into and tries to breath. Her heart is racing with her dishonesty. She knew before it was done that she had to kill Amy and set things right. She had to do what Sam couldn't, but she never expected this guilt to show up. She'd been so righteous before… and once it was done she now just feels lower than low. She feels wrong.

"Shit," she whispers to herself and takes one deep breath. She did the right thing. She did the right thing here. Amy had to die. That's the job.

"All set," Sam says as he drops into the passenger side, making her jump. He shuts the door and looks at her, the startled look on her face still there. "You sure you're ok?"

"I'm good," Lou lies completely and pulls out of the parking lot, shoving that remorse as far back in the depth of her mind as she can.

* * *

_**THE END** _

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment at anytime. I will always reply.


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